Jennifer Nice
Please go to my support page and let me know that you have stopped by... I enjoy every one of you that leave a message. Thank you for your support. I don't know what I would do without all of you.
I am 31, 397 pounds, and I am 5'10".
My kids and husband are my life. Our oldest is 9 years old and our youngest is almost 2 years old.
November 14, 2005 I called Dr. Konings office today and was told that I would need to go through most of my testing again, since it has been about two years since I finished testing before when I was looking into WLS. Our insurance pays for the surgery now, so I am going forth on this journey. The thought of dying on the operating table scares me, but so does the thought of dying from being fat. I am a little more than 200 lbs overweight and my body is starting to feel it. I hurt every day, and take Ibu every day for the pain. Once in a while the pain gets so bad I need to take a vicodin for it. I am hoping that the surgery will help stop this. I have a couple of follow up appointments in December. It is going to be a pain in the tush, literally, to drive for 4 hours to get there.
December 3, 2005 Well, Dr. Konings office told me that I had to go elsewhere because I live so far away. When I did my testing before Dr. Koning sent a letter to our insurance company requesting that I get WLS. He told me I was ready to go. Now that it has been two years since I did all of my testing the office is trying to tell me that I never was ready to get it. Dan, the person I talked to told me that the man who did my psyc eval said I wasn’t ready for the surgery. Well, I tried to tell him that I didn’t see a man for the psyc eval, I saw a woman. Not only that he tried to tell me that I was none compliant on my cpap after the sleep Dr. told me I didn’t really need to use it. I’m so mad at Dr. Konings office; I don’t recommend anyone go there unless you want to be treated like an idiot.
December 21, 2005
Today I got an information packet in the mail from Dr. Heap's office. The Mini Switch is the surgery I want to get after further research. I don’t have an appointment with Dr. Heap as of yet. I will need to wait until I have the money in my hand to pay him cash, even though our insurance will pay for obesity surgery.
February 14, 2006 Things are moving pretty quickly for me now. I went in to Dr. Heap’s office just to see what it was like and to meet his secretary. Dr. Heap met with me right then. I was so surprised that he had time to see me, but one of his patients couldn’t make it to her appointment. That was a blessing from God. Dr. Heap is very nice I think. He is British so he is direct and to the point. But I like that. My next appointment with him will be for surgery. I am hoping to get it at the end of April. There wont be a battle with the insurance company since they pay for this surgery.
February 25, 2006 Ever since I found out that I am going to have surgery I have been having a hard time sleeping. I can't seem to shut my brain down at night at find myself staring at this page at 1 or 2 in the morning. Sometimes I take melatonin to help myself sleep. However, sometimes my brain overpowers the melatonin and I stay awake. I wonder how long it will take for me to recover from surgery? I wonder how I am going to keep our 2 year old off of my stomach after surgery? Hmmm?...
March 1, 2006
I"VE GOT A DATE!!! April 28, 2006.
March 2, 2006
My husband took some extreme before pictures of me tonight. I knew I was big... But I honestly didn’t think I was as big as those pictures show. Ugh! Talk about depressing, but that’s all going to change in a few months, eh. I can't wait to feel healthier.
March 3, 2006 Time is marching at a very slow pace for me right now. Since I got scheduled it feels like a week, but I can see it has only been a couple of days. Our 2 year old has been sick with some kind of virus. It has high temperatures and there is nothing the Dr. can do for her except let it take its course. So I haven’t gotten more than about 2 hours of sleep each night since she has been sick. Last night her temp was 104.3. Since we had been in the ER with her a couple nights before with 104.5 I decided just to call and see what they said. "Just give her a dose of Ibu and a dose of Tylenol, then take her temp in 30 minutes." I wish there was something else I could do for her:( On a lighter note, today was Whoville hair day at my 9 year olds school. I took the advice of a woman from chat on here and it her hair turned out wonderful. She is going to be the envy of her class.
March 4, 2006
Ok folks, I measured myself tonight. I had to know and this way everyone knows how big I really am in my before picture.
Crown of head-24"
Around head from chin to top- 27"
Neck-17 1/2"
Chest-60"
Stomach-60"
Hips-70"
Thighs-36"
Calfs-19 1/2"
Ankles-12"
Around top of foot-11 1/2"
Upper arms-19 1/2"
Forearms-11 1/2"
Wrists-8"
Around middle of hands-8 1/2"
Left ring finger around-3"
March 5, 2006
Today I realized that my, "Oh Crud, what have I done?" anxiety is gone.
March 6, 2006
Oh, how the time doesn't fly. Since the 1st, it has felt like about 6 weeks has gone by. Ugh! Wish I could do something to take my mind off of it.
March 10, 2006
Well, four days has gone by since I posted on her. I must have found something to take my mind off of this site and surgery. LOL However, tonight I am feeling pretty depressed. I just want to break down and bawl. My 9-year-old daughter is giving me so much trouble. I just want to throw her out of the house. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to handle her treating me like a pill of crap. I'm so fat, that I just want to die. But I keep telling myself only another "few" days until surgery. Things are going to get better after I lose all this fat
I will be going to a support group up in Yakima tomorrow. It will be the first time I have gone there. I am looking forward to going, but not looking forward to the two-hour trip by myself.
March 14, 2006
Well, it has been a few days since I updated my profile. LOL So much on not having anything to do while I wait for my date to get here. So I forced my husband to go to support group with me, and everything went well. The women at the group are all wonderful people. They had a lot of information for me and answered all of my questions and even ones that I didn’t have. I wish we were going to be here next month for the group, but we are going to be in California on our first family vacation ever.
March 19, 2006
I haven’t had much time to think about surgery... My husband’s grandmother died and we are heading off to the funeral in the morning. She is being buried next to her husband somewhere close to Albany, so that is quite the trip for us. I hope we make it there on time.
March 22, 2006
Well the funeral went as funerals go. It wasn’t like I thought it should have been, but I am only the in-law so there wasn’t much I could have done. But we made it home safely.
Now my little brown poodle is missing. She has been gone since last night. My husband went out to look for her today and the good news is someone saw her this morning, so at least we know she made it through the night. If you are reading this today, please pray that we find her soon.
March 23, 2006
Our brown poodle is home! That’s two nights now that she has been away from the house. My daughter and I went and put lost signs all over the place and this morning we got a phone call about her. The lady said, "I’m pretty sure I have your dog." She brought her home and I started to cry I was so happy. Thank you for your prayers.
March 26, 2006
Well, here I sit and it is 3 in the morning. I'm thinking about pulling my cpap machine out and using even though my old Dr. told me I only needed it for snoring. I feel as though I have been fighting death in my sleep. I can't move and I have a hard time breathing when I am fighting... The only thing I can do to stop it is to tell myself over and over to breath, breath, and breath. Finally I can move and I start to breath normal. However, I swear it feels like my heart has to start back up. Am I crazy? Or is this how it feels to have apnea?
March 26, 2006
It is 8:41pm; I went out to the garage today and found my CPAP machine. I hope I can keep it on. I don’t want to die until I have a chance to live.
March 27, 2006
Give me a HORAH! I slept with my CPAP the whole night. I feel much better today. I actually fell like I can do something without having to worry about a nap. I wonder if this is going to last the whole day.
March 28, 2006
Well, the Dr. put me on blood pressure pills yesterday. I can already tell the difference with how I feel. I cant wait until I am off of all this stinkin’ medicine. Now I am taking Feldine for arthritis, Vicodin for chronic back pain, Nexium for reflux, the blood pressure pill, and an allergy pill. That is a lot of medicine for me. I don’t think I have ever taken this much medicine in my whole like.
March 29, 2006
I threw my CPAP off last night. I guess my hope for using it until surgery is gone. I am going to keep trying to use it though. Oh, yeah… My insurance quit covering Nexium. So, now I have to take Zantac instead, I don’t know how well that will work.
March 30, 2006
My surgery date has been moved up to April 14th. I’m so excited. Only two weeks until I am a real loser.
I went and read some of the memorials on OH. I don’t know if it helped or made things worse. But I guess the thing that keeps coming to my mind is, "If I die during or after surgery it isn’t going to make much difference to me... Because I am already dead if I don’t at least try." Ugh! I haven’t been going into this lightly. The risks of surgery come into my mind every day. But also the risks of now having surgery are all right here on my body. I’m not really sure what the numbers are, but I have heard 1 of 100 people die. That’s the number I keep in my mind to keep things real.
April 1, 2006
I got a phone call from my great-aunt in Arizona today. I haven’t talked to her since 1999. She called me up to tell me that I shouldn’t have surgery. Because her sister had it 20 years ago and she has been through a lot of pain because of it. I wasn’t rude to her; I listened to everything she had to say. But I told her that I wasn’t going to change my mind about surgery. My mother is the one that is funding the part of surgery that my insurance wont pay for. So I called my mother up, because she is going to visit this aunt next week for a few days. I told her that aunty was going to try and talk her out of funding surgery. Then I explained the surgery to her again. My mother started to worry about surgery then. I told my mom that I would get a loan on our SUV if I had to pay the part that insurance wont. I told my mother that this is something that I am not going into lightly. I drew up a last will, just in case. But I also said I was pretty sure that God wasn’t finished with me yet. I also said that it didn’t matter if I were to die in surgery, because I will die in my sleep sometime, due to the sleep apnea. I didn’t tell her this because she already knows, but I am 400 pounds, I have sleep apnea, I have high blood pressure, I have edema in my ankles and feet, I am on the way to diabetes, and I am miserable. I am doing this surgery because I want to live a healthier life and enjoy my girls. I want to be around when they have babies. My mother asked me how they were supposed to feed me if a famine came along. My husband said, "You'll be the easiest one to feed." Probably out of everyone, I am the most stressed about surgery. I mean I am the one that is going under the knife.
April 2, 2006
I can't seem to kick this depression; all I want to do it sleep, sleep, sleep. I hope this is normal.
I started getting some swelling in my feet and legs. I am going to call Dr. Heap tomorrow morning and see if I can get in to see him. I probably wouldn’t be too worried about it, but they hurt.
Time is starting to move really slow again. Just last night and today has felt like a week or two. But before you know it I’m sure I will be saying, "Where did the time go?"
April 5, 2006
I went to see Dr. Heap yesterday... I have been having some swelling in my legs and feet. He put me on a water pill. Needless to say I have been running to the bathroom quite a bit. I am still having a little pain in my right foot, but we'll see what happens. He told me if the pain doesn’t subside by Tuesday that he was going to order an ultra sound to make sure I don’t have a blood clot. I hope it isn’t a blood clot. That would mean postponing surgery, I’m sure. I don’t think I could handle having to wait any longer than I already am.
I haven’t been able to talk to my mother since Sunday. I did talk to my dad on the phone last night to see if they were going to be here by the 13th. All I heard in the background was my mother yelling, "Don’t worry, we'll be there!" I have to tell you though; it is pretty hard not to worry, since they are still in Arizona at this time visiting family for a few days. Than they say they are going to take 5 or 6 days to get home. Ugh! Let me tell you only have 9 days until surgery. A couple days at relatives plus 5 or 6 days coming home... 2+6=8 that is cutting it awful close don’t ya think? I don’t know if my mom totally understands the stress I am under right now.
April 8, 2006
It's been three days since I posted. I have been through much emotion. There was one evening that I thought I had lost all support from my mother. I even thought that she was going to back out on financing surgery. However, Dr. Heap called and talked to my mother about surgery. I don't know what he told her, but my mother is back on board and she is even talking about having surgery now too. My mother told me that she would pay for the whole surgery now. We would worry about finances later. I am so happy, "Thank you Lord God all Mighty."
I went to support group today... I am so glad that I got to go to group before surgery. Because of the way the way this month started out I thought for sure I was going to miss it. But guess what, it was just the first of the month that I missed. LOL This is the second Saturday of the month. I got more info and so much support from everyone. One of the women stayed afterwards for about an hour or so. I am so thankful, because that is something that I really needed. I'm not sure she even knows how much of a Godsend she was/is for me.
Another thing that has been on my mind today is the things my husband and I talk about. We have talked about how I am going to look after I lose all of the weight and reconstructive surgery. But I can't help but think, "What will he think of all of these conversations we have had if something happens to me?" I would imagine that it would all be pretty meaningless for him. However, I guess if I were to pass during surgery I would look and feel even better than I do here on my earthly home. I don't know if this is something that is normal to think about. I keep telling myself that I dont really care what I look like after I have had surgery, however, that is a lie to myself... Because I want to look good too.
April 9, 2006
I just wanted to share how God has been working in my life this last week. It didnt all pull together until today.
I found out how much my brother does love me yesterday... I was worrying about the money for surgery and he kind of got angry with me and told me to quite worrying about the money and get the surgery. He said money is nothing because we are talking about your life here. Later I talked to my mother on the phone and told her that I was going to have to pay for surgery before getting it. She informed me that she was going to pay for the whole surgery and would worry about getting reimbursed by the insurance company later.
God does work in mysterious ways doesn’t He?
Wonderful Catharine a lady from our church has been sending me cards of encouragement all week. Somehow they end up hitting the mail the days that I most need it.
Yesterday when I went to support group beautiful, Nan, stayed a little over an hour afterwards to talk with just my husband and me. I really needed this. She is a sister in God, and a great encouragement.
Friday I was feeling like I had been abandoned by God and the man (Henry) who sold us our extended warranty on our car emailed me with this message...
Be encouraged. The Lord your God is with you. He promised to never leave us nor forsake us. He promised to be with us in the time of trouble. David said, in the time of trouble. I will trust in you. “Trust him” He loves you.
Henry had no idea what I was going through at that very moment, yet God worked through him to remind me of HIS eternal love for each and every one of us.
God is so great! I can now see how much He is and has been working in my life. Only He has made it possible for things to come together as they should.
Today in church Pastor Joe was talking about how God our Heavenly Father takes care of us.
Psalm 4
Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me when I was in distress;
Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.
How long, O you sons of men, will you turn my glory to shame?
How long will you love worthlessness and seek falsehood?
But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly;
The Lord will hear when I call to Him.
Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.
There are many who say, “Who will show us any good?”
Lord, lift up the light of Your Light of Your countenance upon us.
You have put gladness in my heart, more than in the season that their grain and wine increased.
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety.
Amen
Thank God I am saved by His Blood. Thank God He loves me no matter what I do or think. Thank God, I am a part of the family of God. Thank God.
I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God
I’ve been washed in the fountain
And cleansed by His blood
Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod
For I’m a part of the family
The family of God
April 11, 2006
THREE more DAYS!!!! I know I was calm on Sunday, but I have to say I have some butterflies in my tummy right now. I have to go in for my glucose test tomorrow... So I have to fast. So not thinking my husband asked me to fix his lunch for work. Ugh! I wanted to eat everything in site. After he realized what he did he was very apologetic. It’s going to be very hard to fast for surgery.
I am official a part of a diabetic blood study. It has something to do with the proteins in the blood before and after surgery. I have no idea; I just know that my blood will have had a little part in searching for a cure to diabetes.
Well all, I have another 10 days until surgery. Dr. Heap wants to spend the weekend with his family for Easter. Plus, he is sending me in for an ultra sound to make sure I don’t have any blood clots. He is also making me go in for an upper GI. Yee haw. LOL Oh well, I know there is a reason for all of this. I’m still a little sad though.
April 12, 2006
ARGH!!! ARGH!!! I'm so tired of waiting, I'm so tired of waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting... It seems to be life right now. I keep telling myself, "It's all for the better... Better safe than sorry." Ugh! Still the waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Blah, blah, blah. I guess I will stop typing now.
April 14, 2006
I went to my support group in Pendleton last night. There was a physical therapist there and he talked about how the weight destroys our joints. Other than that I have to say I am starting to feel a little more like I belong to this group. It has taken some time to feel this way compared to my group in Yakima.
April 15, 2006
Today I went to Kennewick to have brunch and do some shopping with the women from my Yakima support group. We had a lovely surprise when we sat down for brunch. Joetta, Dr. Heaps wonderful secritary came and ate with us. We all sat around and cought up on gossip. I feel special when I am with my Yakima group. I love you guys.
When I was on my way home I called my husband to let him know that I was on the way home. Well, come to find out he fell asleep. Just so everyone knows this whole story wasnt just his fault. Because I was the doodoo who left the pills out in the first place, but he fell a sleep. So I guess that makes it both our faults. Our two year old got into my morning meds, that I hadnt taken this morning because of the lasix. (I wasnt about to pee the whole time I was in town.) Anyway, she took a vicodin 500, a lasix, and part of a zantac. I have never drove so fast for so far in all of my life. I flew home at about 90mph. When I got home I called poison control to find out what I should do. Well, they told us to watch her and make sure she didnt act too sleepy or drunk. They also told us to keep her well hydrated because of the lasix. So she got to eat a lot of popcicles. As far as the vicodin goes, she was a very happy baby for most of the day. But she didnt have any of the side affects that they told me she could have. Thank God, He answers prayer.
April 18, 2006
My neighbor and I went to Hood River this weekend. We stayed Sunday night. It was a nice trip. We stayed in a nice motel with a great view. I have to say, I was happy to get out of the house and away from the stresses of family life. LOL Its nice to have a break from the kids sometimes. I have been totally emotional since I got home tho...
April 19,2006
Today, tomorrow, surgery... Thankfully my mom came today.
I went and had my big meal. April 20, 2006
22 hours to go. Stomach flippin and floppin. Cant wait to get it over with!
16 hours to go and I am miserable. My stomach is talking to me like crazy, I am running to the bathroom like crazy, and I am shaking like crazy... I drank a protein shake to see if that will help my shakiness. Not to worry, I am drinking plenty of clear liquids. Joetta said it would be just fine to have a shake.
6 hours to go... Im pretty peaceful right now. Thank God for all the people who are praying for me.
April 25, 2006
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me. I’m 32 years old today.
Things were quite uneventful. Surgery went just fine. Dr. Heap said I was a little difficult to work on due to my size and that I have an enlarged liver. He took samples while he had me open. When I woke up the tub was just as bad as I thought it was going to be... Thankfully they restrained my arms to the bed, because I know I would have been ripping the thing out and then I would have hurt something. I didn’t feel a whole lot of pain until the second day out, because I had a light spinal tap. I can tell you that the pain from gas is the worst of all. I am having pain from gas even now and I am 4 days out. I just want to fart fart fart, but am unable to as of yet. I’m going to lay down for now. I do feel a little ripped off because no one got any pictures of me with all of my tubes on after surgery. Oh well, I guess God had a reason for that. This is the only picture of me in the hospital, then my incision after that.
April 29, 2006
This is a small small plate of what I can eat now. One side is cottage cheese and one side is rice pudding. As you can tell by my cell phone this is a very small amount of food. I am sure as I heal I will be able to eat a little more than this.
April 30, 2006
I really haven’t posted a whole lot on here since I came home from the hospital. I just haven’t felt like sitting at the computer for too long at one time. I feel pretty good right now and will say a few things. I have had some pretty bad trouble with gas and Joetta told me to take M.O.M. (milk of magnesia) I refused to do it for a couple days, but finally was so desperate that I just took it. Now the gas fly’s out as it pleases and it feels I am having a BM at least twice a day. I WISH I HAD TAKEN THE M.O.M. EARLIER!
Also, a few days ago I was having some difficulty breathing. I thought for sure it was something awful, because of the chance of blood clots after surgery. So Dr. Heap told me to go to the E.R. in Kennewick. I went on in and everyone was on alert and waiting for me. How wonderful to not have to wait for a couple of hours before being seen. They did at least a million tests on me and do you know what the finally decision was?... I was having an asthma attack. I guess it had just been so many years since I had an attack that I forgot what it felt like. But, Praise God on the Highest that that’s all it was. Thank you Lord.
Ok, I had a WOW moment today and I feel kind of strange sharing it, but hey... I’m not really sure as to how much weight I have lost and at this point I don’t think it matters too much to me, since talking to some of you on the phone. Anyway, WOW, coming up. I finally took a really stand up shower since surgery. I was washing away and was about to call my mother in to help with the genitals. However, I thought, "What the heck, I may as well give it a shot." I am now officially able to reach in between, under my legs. Yeah! I’m so glad. That means wiping isn’t too far away.
May 2, 2006
Ok, not that everyone wants to hear this, but I am going to share it anyway. It seems that every time I go to the bathroom I am having a BM... I have to tell you it is getting very tiresome. Fortunately for me, today was the first day I was able to wipe my own bottom by myself. I still have pain when I twist around to do it, but I can do it, I can do it=)
May 5, 2006
I went to see Dr. Heap yesterday. I had the rest of my stitches taken out and ooooh, it feels so good to have them out. I am down 34 pounds, but am not well enough from surgery to tell if I feel better with the weight gone. I walked somewhere between 1/8 and 1/4 of a mile today. My mother once again had to come rescue me with the car. But I am slowly getting better. I’m not ready to walk just half way and then back because there is a small slope on the way back to the house. I'm not ready for any amount of slope yet. So, I guess I will keep getting rescued with the car until I am ready to defeat that slope. LOL
May 7, 2006
Today is the fist day I went back to church since surgery. We showed up late and our Sunday school teacher was so excited to see us he told the whole class to turn around and wave at Jennifer. LOL It was cute. I didn’t really get to give anyone an update as he was in the middle of teaching, and when class was over I was ready to go home. I mean REALLY ready. I am totally unaware if my mother gave an update during service or not. I guess sitting in Sunday school, being around all those people took more energy than I thought it would. I was pretty sure that I would be able to stay for the service before we got there... How wrong could a person be? So Wade brought me home and I slept for three hours. The short time I was there was nice. I miss the fellowship with other Christians in a group.
May 8, 2006
Here is what my incision looks like today. Looks much better, but still has some more healing to go. I find it interesting that the hard spots in my scar are where Doc started the incision and then ended it. Also, these are the most sensitive areas with the most pain.
May 10, 2006
I am having a horrible, but normal panic attack right now as I type. I believe doing too much today and not laying down enough and taking a little too much pain meds triggered it. The pain meds made me feel stoned. (No, I’m not a pot smoker for 5 years.) I feel like I am trapped, but I am not really trapped, I am just trapped in my own body. I just want to get out and feel normal. My gut hurts, my head aches, I worry that there might be something else wrong, but am trying to think logically that it is just part of the healing process. I haven’t been able to hold my legs still, continually moving. I feel like screaming, but don’t want to because I know it will hurt so I don’t. I feel like I cant breath, I have to try to control my breathing so I don't hyperventilate. I didn’t want to take Xanex to calm me down, but my mother finally talked me into taking one. It should take about another 15 or 20 minutes. This is the first time I have had to take a Xanex in three days I really hate taking pills. I want to move my head around to try and pop my neck, but it isn't happening. I think the Xanex is starting to help, I am feeling calmer... It may also be that the typing is helping. My mother said that panic attacks are normal for most people after major surgeries. These become further and further apart, until they go away.
I know that this is the subject that no one likes to talk about but I am the poop talker. LOL So, I have to say that I feel like I need to go, but I don't go as often as I use to. I keep thinking that this is not normal… However, I am not eating as much as I use to so this is pretty normal. The less you eat, the less you go. (I know this is just a duh for most of you, but some people don't get it right away. Don't feel stupid if your one of those people, the Dr. says that most people don't get it right away.)
On a happier note I have lost 5 more pounds, which means I have lost 40 all together.
I have to share with you all, when I go to the bathroom I can now wipe front and back without the wooden spoon. I'm so happy, happy, happy.
May 11, 2006
Today I have support group in Pendleton. I can't wait to go because I have been having a little depression about the weight I am losing. Ugh! As stupid as it sounds I don’t feel like I am losing the weight fast enough. I know how dumb, I mean I have lost 40 pounds in the last three weeks. Ugh! How much faster do I need to lose it? LOL That is an average of 13.3 pounds per week. For a lot of people that have WLS 40 pounds down means they are just about half way there. I still weigh 375 pounds. I’m only a fourth of the way there. Pray that this depression goes away, I should be happy about the weight lost.
Hello all, my mom and I went to my Pendleton support group. There was a dietitian there tonight. She answered a few questions that I had. Afterwards my mother and I went to Wendy's and had a bowl of chili. I had about 4 bites and was puking. The chili was awful. Talk about a miserable ride back home. Ugh! I threw up all the way home. I will never have their chili again... From now on only stuff I eat at home because chili has been a very good friend to me since surgery.
May 12, 2006
Today is a sad day for us. Our cat that has been missing for two weeks now was just found by my husband. Apparently she just laid down in the back yard and died. Ugh! Our 9 year old is taking it very, very hard.
May 13, 2006
Had a wonderful time at support group in Yakima today. My mother and the girls went with me this time. Today was a huge group of people.
After group today I went to the hospital to meet Susan. She looks great for just getting out of surgery.
May 15, 2006
We had a wonderful mothers day. Started it out by going to lunch at this wonderful Mexican restaurant. All I ate was a few bites of beans and avocado from my mother’s plate. Then we went and looked at homes. Then we went to the park and the girls got to wade in the river. Then we went out for ice cream. I just drank ice tea and watched them eat the ice cream. LOL All in all it was a very nice day though.
Today we went and looked at more homes. I am getting antsy to buy a home again. I’m ready to quit renting. I’m ready to get away from our druggie neighbors. I just want out of this neighborhood. I want to live in the country again.
May 17, 2006
Just a note to let everyone know that I am going to be away for a while. Im not quite ready to stay alone yet and my mother is going home, so the girls and I will be heading out today.
May 22, 2006
These are pictures of my fist skin infection. There is some nudety, but are for education only. Im not trying to grose anyone out, but it is something people may not know about.
June 10, 2006
I am finally home from my mothers place. Let me tell you it was nice to get away from the house. When I got there all I wanted to do is sleep. I must have slept 75% of the time I was there. I didnt have to worry about the girls since I knew my mother was watching them. And just being at my parents place I guess makes me feel safe and able to sleep lots. I did have some problems while I was there. I go so constipated that when I finally did go it cloged the toilet. TMI sorry, but it is true. I couldnt eat without getting a sore stomach. Then I had a couple of days that I felt like I had the stomach flu or something because all I was doing is running to the bathroom. My incision is totally healed now, but I still have some pain right on the scar. I dont know if this sounds strange or not, but sometimes I can feel the scar tissue deep inside too.
Ok, I know the big quiestion is how much weight have I lost. I am down to 356.7 now. I have posted some more pictures.
I will fix the spelling when I get Word again. LOL
June 11, 2006
Tessa's recital went great. She did a wonderful job. I was about to die by the time it was over tho. These arent pictures of the recital, but at the studio.
I am pretty depressed right now. As stupid as it sounds I have lost 58 pounds and only feels like 10. I am also going through a phase where I dont feel like anyone likes me even though I know people love me. Maybe it is time for some meds. I just want to lay down and sleep the rest of my stupid life away. My house is such a mess I dont even want to live here. I still dont really have the big energy I need to clean the house. I mean it looks like a tornado hit it. Not to mention it still hurts to bend over. Listen to me whine whine whine. Im such a whiner. Whiner out.
June 14th
These are the messurments from June 4th so you can compair with the ones from today.
Crown of head-24"
Around head from chin to top- 27"
Neck-17 1/2"
Chest-60"
Stomach-60"
Hips-70"
Thighs-36"
Calfs-19 1/2"
Ankles-12"
Around top of foot-11 1/2"
Upper arms-19 1/2"
Forearms-11 1/2"
Wrists-8"
Around middle of hands-8 1/2"
Left ring finger around-3"
These are from today.
Crown of head-23
Around head from chin to top-26
Neck-17
Chest-56 1/2
Stomach-57
Hips-65
Thighs-29
Calfs-20
Ankles-11 1/2
Around top of foot-10 1/2
Upper arms-18 1/2
Forearms-11 1/2
Wrists-7
Around middle of hands-8
Left ring finger around-2 3/4
363.25
24.75 inches lost
June 15, 2006
I am still a little depressed. I dont know when I am going to kick this?... My house looks like a war zone and I dont know how I am suppose to keep up with it and the three kids. (One which is my husband) LOL I feel a lot better than I did right after surgery, but I am not up to parr yet. Ugh! I know the messy house is not helping with the depression. I have inlaws coming to visit us on July 1, and the house isnt going to be ready. Argh! I guess I am going to have to hire someone again. More money. Yuck!
June 20, 2006
I am feeling much better with the new meds for depression. I can stay awake the whole day now. Im glad that I am past that for now.
Today I wore myself out. I had to go to Kennewick for the last of the study that Dr. Heap is doing. While I was there I didnt drink anything and I was there for 4 hours. Then came home and rushed to the river with the girls. Then went for a walk to the park and at the park I started to feel sick. I relized that I had gone almost the whole day with only a few sips of something to drink. So with this new stomach comes the struggle to drink enough. Im going to have to work harder on it.
June 26, 2006
Last night I had the worst stomach ache I have had yet... I think, LOL. I felt like I was going to throw up and my husband told me that I looked a little green. I have been having some trouble with constipation. I think because I was backed up my stomach was hurting me.
July 1, 2006
Boy was I backed up. I had to go to the hospital and they had to give me a fleets enema, when that didnt work, they gave me a suds enema. I have to tell you it isnt a fun thing to blow the commode up with the nurse in the same room. LOL
July 8, 2006
I had to put my buddy of 15 years down this morning. He couldnt walk or get up anylonger. His eyes shifted back and forth so fast he couldnt rest his eyelids. He had some small seizers this morning. He wouldnt eat or drink. While we waited in the waiting room, Jake-O, wet himself. The vet agreed that is was probably a stroke. While we waited in the small room I brushed his hair and told him how much I loved him. I told him it was ok to go, because I would be ok. Jake-O's breathing became heavier the longer we waited. When the vet came in with the syringe of death, they shaved part of his hair off to reach the vein. As Jake-O lay in my arms waiting for the liquid death to reach his heart it became aparent that he was no longer struggling to breath. His head gently colapsed into my arm. I told him it was going to be ok. When his final breath was drawn I screamed in agony for my best friend in the world was gone. We buried him in back with our fish and our cat. I guess he wont be alone when we go to find a new home. Im writing this memorial because I miss him so. Thank you all for listening. Now I must go. He was a good old dog.
July 15, 2006
I have been on a platue for two weeks now. I am begining to feel like I waisted my money on surgery. Same weight right down to the ounce. Ugh! I just want to die.
July 26, 2006
This is one of my postings at my Drs. site, "Howdy all, I thought I would post since it has been a while. I can honestly tell you all that I have no idea if I have broke my stall or not... However, I can tell you I am begining to feel like I paid a whole lot of money just so I could start eating like a stupid pig again. I can eat a whole hotdog with the bun... Is that not a pig?... My primary doc put me on some new meds that seem to be helping with the depression. However, it seems when I get angry I just blow up at the world. Does all of this sound like you when you were three months out? I hate to keep bothering you with my stupid life, but I enquiering minds want to know."
No one answered back so I am feeling like no one else has had or is having the same problem as me. I am still on a platue. I hate my life. I really waisted $14,000. on the surgery.
October 22, 2006
It has been six months since I had surgery now. I still have 14 more pounds to go to be at 100 pounds lost.
