I need to get serious

Nov 13, 2010

I sit and write this from my Mom's couch after spending a week in Ohio gorging on fattening foods.  I feel disgusting and disgusted with myself.  Almost three years ago I was well on my way to having gastric bypass and changing my life for the better.  A sudden loss of my job and health insurance stopped this goal and sent me into a downward spiral. Now I am disabled and miserable with my health and my appearance.

I am an emotional eater and I have been since I was a child.  This behavior was learned.  I remember stuff happening as a child..."Grandma I fell down and scraped my knee..." "Here's a cookie baby, It will be ok."  I now recognize that and I am trying not to run to the fridge every time life scrapes my knee.

A very good friend of mine had bariatric surgery almost a year ago.  I am very proud of her success and she looks fabulous.  I want to look and feel good about myself as well.  I want to be able to enjoy our outings and not force myself to keep going when we are out and about.

I leave Ohio tonight with a new and improved attitude.  I am not going to let my roommates influence my eating habits.  I am going to cut back on the junk and start looking to get my bariatric surgery approved so I can become a functioning member of society again.

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