Jennifer F.

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Nine months after my last post and I am still alive and well, plus another baby!  I started my pregnancy that was a horrible accident at the time at the weight of 192 and only 3 months post-op.  I didn't gain a pound and I didn't lose a pound the entire 9 months.  I guess that is a good thing.  My lab results remained consistent.  The baby was healthy, a bit small at 6lbs 2oz -- my smallest ever.  I ended up having a major operation on my abdomen in June when I was 20 weeks pregnant to remove the "mass" along with the omentum, which is the lining of my abdomen.

During my 4th c-section they knocked me out completely so they could check my internal anatomy to make sure nothing was wrong.  The fretted over me for a long time because this pregnancy was very painful due to the "mass" that I was supposed to have removed a week after I found out I was pregnant.  They decided to wait until 20 weeks because the baby would have a better chance of survival if we did it then.  Thankfully she turned out beautiful though.  Ava Chloe Christine was born on Oct. 7th.

I had my tubes tied, so I'm at least 99% sure I'm not having any more kids.  Unless they removed my lady parts I can't be 100% certain.  I don't need more than 4 kids though, I'm quite happy, yet overwhelmed with children at the moment!  My baby is very cranky and she is paying me back for all the narcotics pumped into her system during her 9 month stay in my uterus.... so it's all well deserved!

So anyway, at this point I weigh 162lbs and am actually consulting to have a tummy tuck done by my original surgeon, who does a fantastic job.  I have always had a really bad time with rashes under my abdomen, but now they are even worse.  I'm going to talk about my arms too because those are just horrible.  I'm not as bad off as I thought I would be, but it's gross nonetheless.  I have Anthem Blue Cross out of Georgia and let's hope I get approved but I have a feeling this will be a battle. I never thought in a bagillion years I would ever weigh this little, it's amazing. I feel great and my self-esteem is gradually building.  I don't see my weight loss in my eyes yet though... which I have heard is quite common.  It will take a long time before I'm ever happy with myself, if that ever does happen.

I'm still down and out right now.  I had the "mass" in my abdomen and for the first 3 months post-op I was in pain waiting to have the surgery to remove it, then I accidentally got pregnant and had to wait 5 more months for my surgery, in large amounts of pain until then, then I had to recover from that painful surgery, and then I had my c-section in October.  Recovery was going great until I had an extremely bad fall ice skating at the end of November which just set me back even more.  Now I am finally recovering from that, which I had a muscle tear from, and am already pondering another surgery.  I figure may as well get it all out of the way while I'm recovering, that way hopefully I won't ever have to have another surgery and the road and path to recovery is final.  Several people have agreed that is the best way, though I will get the surgeon's opinion on Tuesday.

I now can probably squeeze into a size 10 pants, down from a 24 at my highest, which is amazing. I amazed myself when I could fit into a regular medium shirt too.  No more 2x's or bigger.  It's difficult for me to still wear form fitting clothes with all the skin, and well just because I'm not used to it. I'm used to wearing tents!!  This is all awesome anyhow.

Will update again soon!

It's been a long time since I have written a blog.  So much has happened.  My WLS has taken a back seat to everything else in my life.  It's just one thing after another and it seems like it will never end.  Thankfully, I am still on track with my weight loss.  I am now down to 185lbs, which by itself is a dream.  I haven't been this weight since I was like 12.  I still want to lose at least 30 more pounds, but now, I find myself in a predicament that may halt my weight loss, at least for the next 6 months, which of course is right smack dab in the middle of our "honeymoon" period.   

I am 3 months pregnant.  Wonderful, not.  I'm still not used to it, but accepting it.  My health is fine, my vitamin levels are perfect, I do see a high risk OB, but they said they have never seen a WLS patient have a bad outcome to a pregnancy because of WLS.  I max out on all the vitamins necessary.  I'm more a high risk patient because of the large abdominal mass complicating things.  I was supposed to have it removed on Feb. 16th, but low and behold, pre-op testing revealed an OOPS.  Ok, and it is NOT my fault.  I was on the Nuvaring, and I was practically abstinent...  my poor husband.  I had ONE night in January where things felt normal and I felt like being loved.  I paid for that.  So EFF the Nuvaring, I'm never using it again.  They say use 2 forms of birth control for 18 months.  My forms of B/C was abstinence (well mostly) and Nuvaring.  It had to be foolproof, or so I thought.  I will survive, the baby will be ok... I'm due 10/26 but as always will have a c-section about 2 weeks early.  This is all so new, I just had a baby last February!  I'm not used to having 2 under 2 for sure!  Right in time for my birthday on 10/24 and my husbands birthday is 10/10.  Everyone is concerned.  I have not returned to my surgeon because the people I see have it all under control, not to mention I feel so ashamed of myself.  I'm not going to be seeing more than one doctor so that way I don't get 2 different versions of what is best.  My high risk practice knows how to deal with WLS patients.  I did not even want a 4th child, at least not for a few years.  Like I said i'm fresh from just having my 3rd.

The good part is i'm still losing weight and that is ok in the docs minds as long as I stay out of ketosis.  I'm managing to do that by making sure i eat plenty of good and bad carbs.  I don't overload on bad carbs, but I try to have a little bit each day.  They check for ketones every 2 weeks, that's how often I go.  They also do ultrasound each visit to monitor growth.  I will get used to this i'm sure, but as you can all imagine, I already had enough on my plate.

Now I have to have surgery on June 2nd, a week after they tell me what I'm having, which could jeopordize everything.  I'm more concerned for the baby in all of this.  I will be 20 weeks then, and I can't even be excited yet because I have the potential to lose this baby because of the damn mass in my abdomen, not even because of WLS.  We have no choice but to take it off because it's causing me severe pain, and it can also get in the way of the uterus coming out of the pelvis.

I feel so ashamed of myself though.  I have support of people, but feel like I can't come out on the OH messageboards for fear of scolding.  I did everything right, but there is no way in hell I would ever terminate a pregnancy.  If my mass turns out to be cancerous, I would put off my life for the baby and wait to have therapy.  I hope it doesn't come to that, but hey I will do what I gotta do.  

Back to WLS stuff... since I got pregnant I'm finding that a lot of foods that didn't make me dump before are starting too now, for no reason.  I'm used to eating cheese and crackers for lunch, now, it causes me sweats and poudning heart along with nausea.  It's mild dumping always but still.  I don't dump on sugar either, I dump on high fats.  I try to avoid it where possible, but I just got back from vacation and eating out at every meal caused me problems.   I always lost weight with all of my other pregnancies, so maybe even for this, I will come out at or near my first goal of 160.  They can't not expect me to lose weight only 6 months after an RNY so it will happen, it will just happen slowly.  

I can eat pretty much anything without trouble.  I eat more chicken now. I was scared of chicken for a long time because of my lapband and not being able to eat it, but I do well.  I only get stuck with certain forms of hamburger.  Like if I have to have mcDonalds, I cannot have an angus burger patty, it gets stuck, but I am good with a regular hamburger patty from there.  Weird!  Steak does ok, but i've only tried tenderloin, no other cuts.  I do good with salad, and I can even have a very small amount of pasta depending on the type of pasta.  I can eat more than I think I should be able too though.  And I do drink the occasional Coke Zero.  Yeah yeah, like I said, i'm no poster child for RNY.  It causes me no pain and I take it as a treat once and a while.  I also occasionally sip with my meals.  I can't help it though, I had a problem doing that with my lapband as well.  I feel like I am gagging on my food if I can't at least rinse it out of the back of my throat.  But, I don't drink much, just a couple sips during a meal.  I am good with my vitamins and ok with my protein though.  I take a scoop of unjury and mix it with s/f apple cider mix and that is so good and you can barely taste the protein.  I do that, s/f hot chocolate, and Chai.  The chai isn't sugar free, but hey, if it's cold out, that does me good!

I have absolutely no energy.  I have no motivation to get out and do anything.  I'm miserable in that regard.  I now have pregnancy to blame for that though.  Like I said, it's one thing after another. I hope that maybe in December i'll be able to get out and get fit.  Maybe i'd lose more weight and tone up some of this flab if I worked out.  Starting this week it's getting in the 70's here in Michigan, so I'm going to be walking to pick my kids up from school, which is a mile round trip.  Unfortunately I can only do that in September/October and April/May/June due to our crazy weather.  

Mentally i'm just all depressed and stressed out due to everything, but once this is all over, I'll be on the mend. I look in the mirror, and I'm like, ewww gross.  I wear a size 14 pants, but could probably do a size 12 easily, my 14's are loose, very lose.  Yet, I still see a size 26/28 in the mirror.  It's all the hanging skin.  When I sit in the bath tub i'm disgustingly grossed out.  I look like a steaming pile of flub.... he he.   Ah well, as long as I'm clothed i'm happy!

Well enough for now, i'll update my progress as time rolls on. 

Where to begin!  I'm doing pretty good so far, but no thanks to the last month!  The weight loss was coming along fine, then I read somewhere on these boards that I should include some healthy fruit in my diet.  Well about a month ago, I started consuming cantaloupe on a daily basis.  So I would eat cantaloupe sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, it was becoming my new favorite healthy snack.  It is sooooo delicious.  People say nice complex carbs are good for you, well they ain't good for this chick.  I didn't lose one pound of weight for an entire month, not an ounce, not a gram of weight.  My calories are always under a 1000 a day, but I just couldn't figure out why I wasn't losing weight.  I was like, great, I'm done losing already what a failure.  

Then it dawned on me that my newest best friend, the cantaloupe, HAD to be the culprit.  Not only was I not losing weight, I found myself craving carbs like crazy this last month.  There is a connection there.  So about 2 weeks ago, I purposely stopped eating fruit.  What happens??  Within a couple days the scale started to drop... and I don't mean just any drop, I have lost my last 10lbs in the last 2 weeks alone.  I started making sure I drink 4 - 25oz glasses of water per day and I eliminated the fruits.  The carb cravings have stopped.   Now, instead of having complex carbs every single day, I will have them sporadically.  I just think I was overdoing it.  But, the weird thing is, I can eat simple carbs and not get carb cravings.  Every day I eat 1oz of cheddar with a serving of reduced fat Wheat Thins (about 16 crackers) for lunch.  This gives me no problems.  So its a major role reversal here.  What should be good for me, is absolutely not.  Perhaps when I get into maintenance mode someday I will reintroduce fruits, but until then, it's detrimental to my weight loss.

I find that now I can pretty much eat anything I want.  I don't have full blown dumping syndrome though.  The other day I had a few chicken wings, the bbq variety, not fried.  After I ate them, I got sweaty, nauseated, and my nose gets real runny.  This is how I dump.  This lasts for like 1.5 hours or so then i'm fine.  It's weird though because I can eat sugar and this doesn't happen, it only happens when I eat something that MIGHT be too high in fat or a mixture of that and too much sugar.  This also happens if I eat a little too much.  I don't indulge in sweets often though, maybe once every couple weeks.  I'm a pretty good girl when it comes to this RNY thing.  The weirdest thing is this runny nose.  When I get full, my nose runs like crazy.  

So anyway, as of now i'm down 55lbs, and that's after 3 1/2 months so it's pretty darn good.  My first real goal is 45lbs away though, so I have some work to do.  That will put me at 150.  But, at least the scale is moving again!

I have to have my abdominal mass removed in 3 weeks, so I'm not hitting the gym anytime soon.  I will wait until i'm recovered from that surgery to start back at the gym.  For me, it's just not worth getting into a routine right now and then having to quit for 2 months.  It makes it harder to start back up, in my opinion.

I feel pretty good.  I had my labs drawn, and my vitamin D was deficient, so I'm not taking 50,000 IU's of it once a week to hopefully bump that back up.  Everything else was looking good though.  My hair is falling out by handfuls now, I'm sure i'll be bald by time it's over, but it does grow back.  I will suffer with that worse than everyone else probably because i've had so many surgeries in the last year and still have one to go.  Hair loss is not only cause by not enough protein, but also the effects of anesthesia and surgery on the body.

I still can't look in the mirror and tell i'm any different.  The only thing that reassures me I'm doing good is the pictures I take on a monthly basis.  I take a picture in the same one piece skirtless bathing suit.  Now, the bathing suit is starting to fall off of me, but I will continue to do my shots in that suit every month.  It's the only way I know I'm doing good!  Plus you can really tell and see the details of where I'm losing weight at.

Well that's all for now.... hopefully when I update again the scale will still be moving!

You know, I'm thrilled to death with my RNY really... I have issues, just pesky ones though.  It just seems like since I've had the RNY the problems keep coming.  I'm not bothered by them too much, though the mass in my pelvis has me naturally worried.  I went to my oncologist and he cannot get me in to surgery until February 17th, yeah.... like 3 months away.  He's 90% sure it is not cancer, thankfully!  But he can't actually see inside me so only testing will tell.  My surgery is right smack dab in between my daughters 1st birthday and my sons 5th birthday.  It makes celebrating a bit more difficult, but I'm sure all will be good.

Only 12 pounds to go until my first goal of 199!  My personal goal date is Christmas day... that would be a great Christmas present for me!  I haven't been that weight since I was like 12 years old.  THat would just totally open up my new year in a whole new way.  I kind of had a small wow moment today.  My neighbor was outside and she's like, "You look so small now".  Yeah I bet I do, since I used to be 319 just a few years ago.  But she was like, "Are you done losing yet?" I"m like, hellllloooo no!  I have at least 70lbs to lose before I'm at my final goal.  I told her my weight and she was like, wow you don't look it.  I wish my face would hurry up and lose.  I used to lose first in my face, everyone always knew I was on a diet because my face would change.  Now it's like one of the last places.  Judging from my pictures and measurements, i've lost most of my weight from the butt and the boobs.  I'm sure I will even out at some point.

I had to put in a call to the surgeons office today.  I had to reschedule my 2 month post-op appointment until next Thursday because I have a parent-teacher conference that I cannot reschedule for the same time.  So I have an extra week to lose a pound or two more.  

BUT, I also have a NEW problem!!!   My left incision, the one that is usually the worst pain right after surgery, all of a sudden decided to open up on me!  I split right open and green stuff is oozing out and it's magically infected... all this overnight.  I don't get it... how does something like this happen 2 months after surgery? I thought it was healed up!!  Although, anyone who has been operated on by Dr. Kole, whoever closes up the wounds for him does a crappy job and I have a feeling this has a lot to do with it.  Of the 3 times i've been operated on by Dr. Kole, whoever closes me up leaves threads hanging out of the incision and they aren't cut down any.  Where these threads are, the skin has a hard time healing up around it.  So on two of the incisions I had to cut them, and in one case, one pulled out easily.  I didn't think I had any threads on the left incision, but I didn't pay too much attention to it.  So anyway, this morning I noticed my stomach had some pain when I rubbed up against something.  So I lifted up my shirt to find a pinhole sized opening in my incision, where I could see all the way down it.  I was really grossed out.  I put some neosporin on it, dressed it, and put a call in.  They told me to call back at noon if it's not better... like it would magically get better in 3 hours anyway.  So at noon I took my dressing off, and OMG talk about being slimed.... a bucket came out, green, and it was so gross. Also, my incision had opened up more.    So I called, and they called me back and now i'm on antibiotics. If it doesn't get better in a couple days to call them back.  I have heard horror stories about incisions having to be left open and packing them with gauze, I just hope mine heals up!  So now I have a gauze on it with some more neosporin.  I hope it gets better!

So I have wonderful luck right!? I really hope 2010 is a wonderful year for me and all of my fellow WLS buddies.  I am optimisitc that things will work out, and that 2/17/10 will be the last of my surgeries.  It will be #6 in a 12 month period.  Please let it be the last!

I went to my PCP who was gracious enough to call the hospital and get an exact copy of my CT scan results.  This is what it said:

"There is an approximately 13.2 x 6.6 x 8.4 cm well defined, predominantly fat density mass with some soft tissue attenuations internally in the left hemipelvis projecting above the urinary bladder and anterior to the uterus.  Neoplastic processes such as liposarcoma versus teratoma should be considered.  Mesenteritis is another possible consideration."

Ok, so the one I don't want it to be is a liposarcoma, which is malignant.  A teratoma is like horrific things you see on Discovery Health which is almost like a calcified fetus...aka fetus in fetu.  It's a tumor with bones, hair, limbs, teeth, etc.  I would be kind of horrified if it was that.  It is possible though, I had a miscarriage that nobody supposedly ever located.  But, I just had a baby in February, you would think something like that would have shown up on the 10 ultrasounds I had during that pregnancy.... or would have been seen during my c-section!   It is pretty big, about 5 inches x 2.6 inches x 3.3 inches.  That's just crazy to think about something that big in me.

My question is... why now!  Why this pain all of a sudden since surgery #2?  I have no idea and it's a big mystery to all.  My PCP intially thought, 'Hmm, maybe they left a sponge inside me" or something, but then she read my CT scan results.  She was trying to be as reassuring as she possibly could, but I'm still very worried.  She told me her gut instinct didn't think it was anything cancerous.  Well, I hope so.   I have an appointment on the 24th of Nov with the gyn oncology doctor, and probably will have another surgery shortly thereafter to remove the mass.  Thank god, I can't take the pain anymore.  I now know why it felt like I had a UTI or bladder infection, the thing is sitting on my bladder so it hurts to pee.

In other news, I have reached a mini-milestone with my weight.  I'm now below my lowest weight since I was in the 8th or 9th grade.  That's been a long time now!  I weighed in a 213.5.  Only a little more until onederland for me, and I haven't seen that number since I was like 11 or 12.

I can now drink large volumes of water easier, so I get down my water super fast.  I don't know what changed in the last 2 weeks but I can take regular sized calcium pills now too.  I was nervous when trying the regular sized ones considering it was the petite ones that sent me for my 2nd surgery!  It goes ok though!  I drink a 20oz bottle of water in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening.  Works out well and it only takes me about 10 minutes to drink a bottle, so I don't dwell on water intake all day long now.  Yes, I gulp it.  It takes about 4 gulps per 20oz bottle.  I don't get that nausea anymore that used to happen when I drank too much.  Before it felt like all I was doing was drinking all day and no time for food.  I now feel just a little bit more normal now.

If I could just stop having problems with other things I think t would be so much happier!!  One thing after another it seems!

I can't take it anymore.  One thing after another.  Thank god I went to the ER to get some sort of 2nd opinion on the supposed "hernia" which I don't really have.  I had a CT scan that revealed an "acute pelvic mass".  That is all they would tell me and sent me home with a referral to a gyn cancer specialist.  I'm scared out of my mind now.  This is too coincidental.  What the hell happened to me that since my 2nd surgery on 10/9 I have developed this pain in my abdomen.  Hearing cancer really scares the life out of you.  After all I have been through this year, I would hate to end 2009 on a bad note like that.  Please pray for me, and pray that if it is anything, it's my PCOS acting up.  The hospital would not reveal any details to me, so I leave that up to my specialist to tell me on 11/24.  What this means is most likely I will end up having to have another surgery anyway.

I'm so frustrated with everything.  On top of it all, my damn scale won't move.  I have been at the same weight for 3 weeks now and it's really pissing me off.  I have been getting in 500-700 calories per day, and almost all the fluid.  Any normal non-RNY patient would be considered anorexic and losing weight like crazy.  Maybe it's all connected to whatever this problem I'm having is.

I'm in quite a bit of abdominal pain.  It all started off feeling like it was a UTI or bladder infection right after my 2nd surgery.  Every single day the pain got a little worse.  I went to the docs and they did a urinalysis which revealed no infection.  They gave me some antibiotics and diflucan just in case it was a yeast infection or something else.  I took that course of antibiotics and it did nothing.  Finally I went to the hospital and they did a CT scan and it revealed the mass.  Had I have let Dr. Kole do the hernia repair I would have been pissed to still have the pain.  I always trust my gut instinct, and I'm glad I did this time.  It's all too coincidental though.  I am thinking perhaps all the anesthesia I have had, has messed up my hormones and caused cysts to grow larger or something crazy. I keep trying to justify why this is happening right now.  I had not one pinch of abdominal pain before my RNY.  What gives!?

I could use all the good luck and prayers right now.  I'm just very scared! 

I just can't handle the thought of having another surgery right now.  I called Dr. Kole's office and told them to cancel it, and I will wait until my 2 month post-op visit (Dec. 3rd) to decided what to get done.  I'm not comfortable that he knew exactly what was wrong with me.  There are tests and other things that should be done to diagnose me, rather than just a brief feel of my upper abdomen.  I found out this through research.  I will go to my PCP on the 19th, and get a second opinion before I jump the gun on surgery.   I left there feeling like maybe only part of the problem was a small hernia.  I know I'm a good money maker for the surgeon so far, but let's not rush to an open surgery.  I have a bit of discomfort in my abdomen right now, but nothing that isn't manageable until I see my PCP.  I honestly want a 2nd opinion though.  He was too quick to rush a diagnosis with no tests and very little physical inspection.

I feel so good today, that is part of my justification. I feel almost "normal" for once.  I walked to pick up my son from school with the baby and it felt good, and that's a mile round-trip. The prospect of me being down for weeks again after surgery does not sit well with me unless I really have too.

Am I crazy or am I justified?

I didn't get the 3 week stall, instead I got the 4 week stall.  The scale has been floating between 221-222.5 for over a week now and it sucks.  I know not to freak out because stalls happen, but you still can't help but think, "am I the only one who could possibly fail?" lol.  I lost at least 25lbs my first month, so I'm doing good. 

I got back to the gym a couple days ago and walked a couple miles both then, and yesterday.  My legs are sore, but it's worth it. I have been a bump on a log for the last month and I feel gross.  It really sucks that you know, once I start feeling better and getting to the gym I have to be brought down for another surgery next week.  The anesthesia just knocks me out for a couple weeks at least.  I hate feeling like I'm a burden on everyone.  My husband is in training to be a pilot fo the civil air patrol (auxillary airforce), and he cannot miss any Tuesday's in November, and if I have surgery on Tuesday, I don't know what to do.  They were supposed to call me on Friday to tell me if it would be Tues. or Wednesday, but they didn't, so I will have like one days notice.  Not only that but I have boy scout pack meetings on Tuesdays, so I will have to have someone else take my son.  Someone will have to pick up my kids from school.   My family doesn't act like I'm burdoning them, but you know, I hate having people do stuff for me, I like to be independent! 

Food wise, I'm doing ok.  I was forced to eat out tonight at a Mexican restaurant.  I shared my meal because of course I can't eat much.  I ordered flaming cheese (queso flameado).  It comes with tortillas, so I had one small tortilla and about 2 tablespoons of cheese.  I was shocked the tortilla went down ok.  I tore it into itty bitty pieces and spread little bits of cheese on each and chewed to a paste.  I bought some low-carb tortillas that I have in my fridge and it's nice to know that I might actually be able to use them.  Remember, I'm about everything in moderation and I keep track of my carb intake well.  The other day I had some salad with turkey and cheese and did good on that.  What still doesn't work well is dense protein like a chicken breast.  I had problems with that when I had a band, so I naturally expect the same now.  Hopefully that will get easier.

I would love to see that scale start moving next week.  I really need to get better at my water and calcium intake.  For some reason I forget to drink my water and I forget to take the calcium.  I know in the short term (a couple weeks) it's not going to harm me (the calcium), but for long term, it's really really important.  Thankfully I do an excellent job getting the rest of my supplements in.  My goal for this week is the make sure I take my darn calcium 3 times per day as required.  I know the first month the only thing that matters is fluids and protein, so now that I am in my 2nd month, it's time to get that rolling and do it well.  I have 21lbs to go before onederland... I haven't been this close in 15 years... at least.  I want to be there before Christmas, and I know that I can, and that it is possible with my new tool.

I need to take my one month post-op pics and measurements.  I forgot!  It makes it nice so that when a year is up or 18 months, I can do my timeline with pictures. I always take pics wearing the same thing.  For me I have this one piece black bathing suit that shows every lump and pit, so it will work well for my pics.  I'm too humiliated to post those pics now, but when the weight starts coming off, I will be happy to post them!  I did it for my lapband and let me tell you, even today looking at that lifts my spirits.  Right now I feel like there is no way I will look good in one year, but I know I can.

Another day, another post.  I love to write write write and it makes me feel better to write and let it all out.  I keep all of my postings, even non-WLS related ones on my website @ http://www.flavells.com .  I have been writing for years!

OK I'm really angry.  I went to my one month post-op visit today, with a nagging abdominal pain, that was getting worse by the day.  Dr. Kole says it's purely coincidental, but he thinks my c-section incision from over 5 years ago (not even my new one from February!) has torn open and therefore I have an incisional hernia that I have to now have repaired, OPEN, next week.  What the hell am I ever going to get better.  This will be my 3rd surgery in one month.  Is it coincidental that it started hurting immediately after my last surgery?  Honestly, in my opinion, I hope he is right, but something tells me it's something else, or worse than he thinks it is.  He only felt the top of my abdomen and was like, "oh, you know what,  I do feel a hernia" but he did not feel the rest of my abdomen.  Some of my pain is lower down too.  I don't have a UTI or bladder infection, I was tested a couple days ago.  AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I don't want to have this surgery next week, and then my pain still be there and say, "Oh, lets do an exploratory one" after that.  

"Officially" I'm down 25lbs, but my scales show closer to 30.  They admitted today that their scale is about 3lbs off there.  The curiousness inside me tends to think it's done that way on purpose, but who really knows!

I had salad for lunch today and it worked ok.  I ordered a half salad and only managed to eat 1/3 of it, so I have at least two meals left out of it.  It was a chef salad so it had plenty of meats, egg, and cheese on there and of course I ate that stuff first, and only had about 6 pieces of lettuce.   In other eating news, I've had a couple of stuck incidences, nothing i'm not used too, and probably my own fault for not chewing enough.  

Oh well, one day I will be better and healthier.  It just sucks that today was my first day back to the gym and walking a couple miles.  It was a painful walk, but I walked through the pain.  Now I have to be down again for a few more weeks.  Agh.

I was helping my husband bake a cake for my son's cub scout Halloween party.  I had a tub of whipped buttercream frosting.  After he was done frosting the cake, I have no freaking idea what the heck happened, I completely lost my mind and didn't even realize until after I did it, that, OMG, I just ate a huge spoonful of frosting.  Honestly, I had a moment where I completely forgot that I had a gastric bypass.  It's like the moment was so real and so typical of me pre-bypass, that I completely lost sense of the fact that I had surgery.  So anyway, after I swallowed it, I sat there and instantly obviously remembered, wow, WTH did I just do.  I was waiting and waiting and panicking that I just ruined my night... convinced I was going to dump dump dump.  

Well, 6 hours later, I'm still fine.  Is this a sign that I may not be a dumper? I read online that only 30% of RNY patients are dumpers.  Of course spending so much time on OH, you'd think the percentage would be more, but this is a concentrated amount of people on here, so it seems like everybody dumps.  Could I actually be in the group that doesn't?  I can say, that may be a nice thing, but also a curse at the same time.  It's not like I'll be testing the waters too much, at least for the first 18 months.  Before I had this surgery, I told myself it would be nice to live the life of "everything in moderation".  Which means, if I want to have a sweet someday, I can without physical reprecussions.  I'm sooo early out though that it could all change.  Some people start dumping a few months out spontaneously.... that could be me I guess.  I don't really know how much sugar was in my giant scoop of frosting, but I'm sure it's a lot.

For my birthday I had a very small scoop fo Breyer's no sugar added ice cream.  It has 4g of sugar and 5g of sugar alcohols.  I did fine on that.  I did have a small lick of frosting on my finger off of my birthday cake.  I was still fine.  

Aside from all this dumping talk, I am having a hard time adjusting to soft foods.  I did ok on some chicken, and today I made an egg rosette from Cleopatra_Nik's profile and it was good.  I have gotten stuck twice though now.  It's not a pleasant thing to have happen, but I am a pro at getting stuck because when I had the lapband, even though I chewed to mush I still got stuck all the time, especially on stuff that was really thick going down.  So anyway, I'm afraid to try new foods.  I tend to go back to my mushies or liquids instead of trying a new food.  It's really hard for me to move on to a new food though.  I hope I snap out of it someday.  Yesterday for dinner I successfully had a slice of turkey, a couple tablespoons of mashed potatoes and one stalk of cauliflower and had no problems though so that is promising.

I'm tired of yogurt (as good as it is), and I'm tired of cottage cheese.  I need to get creative!