jodi_b

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Over the past 3 weeks I have gained 15 lbs in water weight.  I have visited my PCP and GB Surgeon and they cannot agree on how to deal with this.  My surgeon wants me on a blood pressure medication that contains a water pill and then take a potassium supplement.  My PCP will not put me on a water pill, did put me on a potassium sup and is referring me to a kidney specialist.  I am just concerned about the water weight, my swollen calves and the fatigue that I have been feeling since I had my surgery.  I went to the ER at the end of June about the swelling and mentioned in to my PCP in early July at my annual physical.  I have had an ultrasound done and their is no sign of blood clots.  I just wish that I could find a doctor that would be a little proactive about my health.  My PCP dismisses pretty much every concern that I have, and ends up blaming everything on my weight.  I need to find a new PCP but I want one that my Surgeon recommends and the one that he did is not accepting new patients until next year and that is with a referral.

The scale moving in the wrong direction and the possibility of more health problems gets me thinking that I made a mistake having my surgery.  But I am happy with what weight I have lost, I just want to get on losing again.  Hopefully I will see some movement in the right direction soon.  I gotta get back under 300 again!  I was down to 296, I am back up to 309 as of this morning.

As of this morning I am officially down 100 lbs from surgery.  I had been hoping to hit this goal at 3 months but I guess being a few weeks late isn't that big of a deal.

From a little over 3 weeks out until 10 1/2 weeks out I had major difficulty eating and drinking which resulted in 3 trips back to the hospital to have and upper endoscopy and dilatation.  Since my last visit on July 20th I have been able to eat "normally" and I have enjoyed a steady weight loss since then. 

I know that I am still not eating enough.  Food scares me.  I threw up so many times over a 2 month period that I am afraid to retry those foods again.  Thankfully I am able to eat small amounts of chicken and steak and both seem to be a staple in my diet at this time.  My favorite meal (with lasts several meals) is to go to Qdoba or Chipotle and get a burrito bowl minus the rice.... so basically just chicken/steak and pinto beans.  I get the salsa on the side and nothing else.  I portion the burrito out when I get home and eat between 1 and 2 ounces for a meal.  I also like to go to what I call the "ghetto taco truck" and get the little soft tacos that are just meat, onions, cilantro and salsa and bring those home to eat without the tortilla.  The meat is always so tender and chopped tiny.  I have even been daring enough to try the Carnitas (pork) and that works ok too. 

I don't like eating out in restaurants.  I find that I eat too fast or I get weird looks from the waiters because I eat so little.  I have been to Panera Bread a few times with family and just ordered soup,  a Chinese restaurant with an old co-worker and had Mongolian Beef and Egg Flower Soup (took 97% of the beef home and ate it over the next several days for every meal), I've had Pho (Vietnamese Noodle Soup) a few times all though if I order it to go I can just eat the broth and not fish around the noodles and when I was in Vegas a few weeks ago I ate at the 24 cafe in the hotel a few times.  I also don't like eating around others if I can help it.  I tend to eat too fast and then might get the foamies (yuck). 

I've also discovered that sugar doesn't cause me to dump... well at least in small quantities.  I am ashamed to admit that I have had candy (jolly ranchers - my addiction pre-op).  I guess I look at it like its all about the quantity.  The 3-6 jolly rancher bites that I might have a day is nothing compared to what I was having pre-op... then it was 1-2 BAGS a day plus all the other crap that I was eating. 

I hope to continue working on my eating and start incorporating regular exercise into my daily life.  I am starting a new job next Thursday after being unemployed for a year so hopefully not being home all day will help.  I had to go buy a boatload of new clothes for work... I was able to get lots of tops since I have been losing weight from the top down but I am still not able to buy pants because of my big ol butt and thighs (and the fact that I am short and need petites).  Oh well... I am getting close to the day where I can purchase an entire outfit at Lane Bryant/Avenue/Fashion Bug... who would have thunk that a year ago? 

Oh yeah... the hair is starting to come out.  I noticed a few weeks ago that the quantity coming out in the shower was increasing.  I don't think it's noticible to anyone but me but I am worried.  I am making a point to wear my hair down most of the times or in a very loose scrunchy so I don't pull on it.  Hopefully it won't get really bad because I don't want to cut my hair super short... maybe I will have to get a wig lol?!?!  That could be pretty funny :)

One month out and 46lbs down.  I am very happy with my progress but some days I wonder if it would be more if I was able to get in more protein, calories and water.

Everything seemed to be going well until I had my 3 week check up.  The Doctor told me that I needed to eat more (ha ha) and moved me on to solid foods.  Since that day I have vomited almost daily and can no longer eat foods that I was eating at 2 weeks out (refried beans, mashed potatoes, mushy tuna, etc).  I also discovered that when I vomit that I have trouble eating and drinking the rest of the day.  I do not like my protein drinks and was hoping that at this point I would no longer have to have them and just get my protein from my food.  Well that is obviously not going to happen. 

Last Thursday I called my Doctor to tell him what was going on and he was not in but would be notified of my problems and call me back.  Well…. I did not get that call until tonight (hello, 4 days later!).  I guess it’s a good thing this wasn’t a major problem.  He told me I need to go back on liquids only for a few days and start mushy foods after that.  Great.  I am not sure that this is going to make a difference; I really think that I have a stricture forming.  I will give it a few days and if the vomiting continues I will call him back. 

I guess I am frustrated a bit with this whole eating thing.  I never expected to be so consumed with food and eating so much after surgery.  My whole day is spent sipping and chewing.  I don’t know what I would do if I had a job or kids.  I am lucky I just have to take care of myself.  Hopefully by the end of the summer this eating thing will be easier so I can look for a job.

So Wednesday, May 9^th was the big day.  My mom picked me up and took me to the hospital for my 6:30am check-in.  I was very nervous and scarred.  We were quickly taken to the pre-op area and I was put in a little room to change and wait.  They took some blood and gave me a pregnancy test (negative… thank goodness lol!)  Then the nurse who was a total sweetheart tired to put in the IV.  Yeah, not working and I didn’t want to whine but it was hurting like hell.  She barely got it in on the second try and then the Anthestiologist (sp) and Surgeon came in to check on me.  The next thing I remember is that they were wheeling me out and my Mom started to get teary eyed ( she said I did too) and the nurse said they were going to give me something to make me comfortable and everything went dark…..

 

I woke up and remember seeing a clock in front of me and I was worried because it said 1pm and my surgery was at 8:30am.  I guess I asked why it took so long and then a doctor asked me about using a CPAP machine.  I fell back asleep.

 

I guess I woke up a little while later and my Mom was with me.  She explained that I was in ICU because I was having breathing problems.  She also told me the surgery went longer than expected and I had 7 incisions instead of 5. 

 

In all honesty, my surgery went very well.  I felt very little pain thanks to my morphine pump, the only side affect to that was I felt itchy.  I was in ICU the first night and they got me up to walk that night and again the following morning.  The worst part about ICU was that I was in good spirits and it was a very somber atmosphere and my mouth was so dry from not having any liquids (they let me rinse it out once with ice water and it was heavenly).

 

The next morning I had my dye test to make sure there were no leaks and then moved to a regular room.  I had more excellent nurses there and they appreciated having such a good patient.  I did some walking and finally got to start sipping some water.  Around dinner time I asked if I could have something to eat, I was thinking chicken broth would be good.  They brought sugar free Jell-O and a cup a Crystal Light Lemonade.  It was fine but too sweet and the Crystal Light left a bad after taste all night.  I was tired of sleeping in my bed so they let me sleep in the chair that night.  It was ok but not much better.  There were a couple of frustrating parts.  First the nurses kept trying to give me pills to swallow instead of liquids or a shot (benedryl for the itching) I felt like I had to educated them on what I needed but at least they listened.  And second my call button wasn’t working and I needed to use the bathroom and was in the bed and couldn’t get out.  The nurse finally came in after 20 or 30 minutes and was a little rude because she thought I waited until the last minute to call for her.

 

The next morning my surgeon came by around 10am and asked me if I was feeling well enough to go home and I told him yes.  An hour or so later I was out of there!

 

The ride home was hard.  It was hard for me to get into my mom’s car and it felt like she was speeding and hitting every bump on the road.  We dropped off my pain medicine prescription and went home. 

 

I was very tired after getting home and I rested on the couch watching TV and napping most of the night.  I tried some strained chicken noodle soup and a popsicle that night.  I slept on the couch since I was scared to try the bed. 

 

Saturday was better.  Did a lot of sipping and got up and down a lot.  Made some sugar free Butterscotch pudding which tasted wonderful.  Today I also took a shower by myself.  My mom drove me over to her house to see my Dad and the dog.  We sat outside on the deck for a few hours and then I rested on the couch.  I started worrying that I wasn’t eating or drinking enough.  It seems hard to get in what I need since I don’t want to get sick and I feel full easily.  Nothing is tasting good right now.  I slept on the couch again this night.

 

Sunday I woke up and didn’t feel so good.  I was very tired and freezing.  My mom made me get in my bed and I slept a few more hours and felt better.  I then had I bright idea and had a fruit punch protein bullet mixed with fruit punch Crystal Light.  Finally something with protein in it!  We went walking that day and over to her house again.  On the way home that night she picked me up some Egg Drop soup from Cascade Garden and I strained out the chunks and enjoyed a good amount.  I was alone Sunday night and was able to sleep sitting up in my bed.  I even had to get up once and didn’t have any troubles.

I had my surgery on Wednesday and was released today.  Everything went smoothly and now I am sip – sipping on my water.  I will write more about my experience when I have the energy.

Yesterday I went to the hospital for my pre-op testing and paper signing.  Was a little disappointed in the process since I had not been informed by the surgeon that I would need to do this and that the admitting staff did not know what procedures (if any) needed to be done to me.  In the end all they did was draw some blood (which hurt like the dickens).  But the admitting person made a few comments to me that were annoying and a little upsetting.  She used a cane to walk and at one point when asking me about any pains I had said “you should be thankful that you don’t know what its like to have to drag around a dead tree trunk of a leg all day”.  I looked at her and said that dragging around 400+ lbs everyday isn’t very fun.  Then she kept making comments that if I was so healthy why was I having surgery?  OMG!  Maybe if she looked at me she would have gotten a clue.  Oh well, that step is done.  All I have left is my pre-op appointment with my surgeon tomorrow morning and then a week from today is the big day.  I am getting super nervous and I might be losing my mind a bit.  I am getting so emotional over everything and cry at the drop of a hat.  I hope these feelings don’t last for long because I am so tired of having red puffy eyes and blowing my nose LOL.  Oh yes, and today I have a major headache because I am on day two of not having any soda (Coke).  So long my sugary friend.

I am beginning to get really nervous about my surgery.  In less than two weeks I am going to voluntarily have my insides rearranged so I am no longer able to eat the way I do now.  But what if this doesn’t help?  What if I only lose a little weight?  What if I discover I can eat foods that should be avoided (sugar, fats, soda, etc).  What if I still snack mindlessly throughout the day? 

I don’t want to fail but I have never succeeded in the past, why would things be different now?  I am so concerned with what I am going to be able to eat, how much energy I will/won’t have, when I will be able to do this or that that I am scared that my obsessing is going to hinder my success. 

The past few weeks I have been purging stuff that I will no longer need after my surgery.  My family has been the recipients of quite a bit of food and I still have about 3 grocery sacks worth to get rid of in the next week.  Sheesh….. for a single person I sure had a lot of food lying around the house (makes me wonder why I always felt like there was nothing to eat).  I have also been suffering from “Last Supper” syndrome all month.  I am embarrassed to admit that prior to my first meeting with my surgeon I had made a list of all the foods/restaurants that I wanted to eat at before surgery.  I have unfortunately experienced about half of them and truthfully they have mostly been a disappointment.  I guess that’s a good thing but over the last year most of the food I have consumed has been disappointing to me.  I suppose I have had more food in my 32 years than 2 or 3 people probably have in their entire lives. 

I have also gotten rid of a lot of other junk that I had been holding on to.  It has felt freeing to lighten my load but I still have so much.  I am also in the process of ending a relationship that was causing a lot of stress in my life.  It’s something that should have never started to begin with or should have been ended when things started getting out of control almost 2 years ago.  I guess better late than never.  

I wonder how being unemployed will help/hurt my journey?  Part of me is happy that I will be able to dedicate the next few months to me and just recovering and figuring out what I need to be doing but I am also so bored and missing being in the workplace.  I can’t believe that it has been 8 months, some days it feels like 8 years.  I have had so little energy and been sick several times that I don’t even know how I used to get my butt motivated to go to work every day.