June 13, 2007
I have been obese for over 20 years.  I was not obese or even overweight while growing up.  I intentionally started gaining weight in my mid-20s because I wanted to make myself unappealing to men.  Sounds weird, strange, crazy – whatever – but it’s the truth.  Not to imply that I was some raving beauty who had to beat men off with a stick, but I had a very nice figure.  There was nothing extremely traumatic that happened to me to make me take such drastic action.  Although I did have a few unpleasant experiences, I was not abused or physically harmed.  I just was having a hard time dealing with relationships.  I was very shy and insecure, and found the whole dating and relationship thing just too much to handle.   So, I made a conscious decision to take myself out of the game.  I have no idea how I came up with the idea to eat myself out of the dating pool, but that’s exactly what I did.  Slowly the pounds packed on and my wish was my command, and within a year or so I no longer had to worry about men. 

 
Fast forward 20-odd years and 125 pounds later, and here I am.  I no longer have issues with men and have gotten over my shyness and lack of confidence and picked up a lot of self-esteem along the way.  But, although the motivations behind me getting fat in the first place no longer exist, I’m finding it very difficult to undo the damage.  Habits, rather good, bad or indifferent are very hard to break.  And, eating unhealthy food and not exercising has become a habit that I’m finding extremely difficult to turn around.  Over the last eight years or so, I’ve made attempts to change my diet and incorporate exercise into my life.  I will lose anywhere between 15 to 35 pounds, but then it never fails, after a few weeks or a couple of months, my determination begins to wane and I revert back to my wicked ways.  Gradually I’ll start making fewer and fewer healthy eating choices until eventually I stop eating healthy altogether.  Then I start exercising less and less until I stop exercising altogether.  Any weight that I’d lost quickly piles back on and I find myself back where I started and maybe even a couple of pounds heavier.  A few weeks ago I was snapped out of my comfort zone.  Just for the heck of it I got on the scale and it read 256 pounds.  I couldn’t believe it.  In all the years that I have been obese I have never gotten higher than 250 pounds.  Not like 6 pounds is a big deal when you’re morbidly obese.  When you’re 5’2” tall and 256 pounds you’re morbidly obese.  And, when you’re  5’2” tall and 250 pounds -- you’re morbidly obese.  But, for me seeing those extra 6 pounds on the scale was like a slap in the face and it snapped me out of a stupor and into reality.  If I didn’t do something and do it quickly, my weight was going to climb higher and higher the older I got.  Along with the added pounds would come co-morbidities.  I already have high blood pressure and high cholesterol for which I take daily medications.  What was next, diabetes?  My mother has Type 2 diabetes so I’m sure it’s just lurking around the corner waiting to pouch.  My knees are giving out on me, especially the right one.  I had surgery on my right knee a few years ago but with me being so heavy, and continuing to gain, both of my knees cause me pain and feel ready to buckle.  I know that if I don't lose a signficant amount of weight soon, I see knee replacements in my future.  So, when I saw the number 256 pop up on the screen of my scale, for the first time I started getting scared about my weight, in fact I would go as far as to say that I panicked.  And, although I had never considered it before, I started thinking about WLS as the answer to my problem.  I even went as far as to call the Bariatric Department of my hospital and made an appointment to attend their monthly WLS seminar.  Shortly after that I started doing research on WLS and found the OH site. 

From the research I have done on WLS and the information that I’ve acquired on this site, I have decided that WLS is not going to be my first line of defense.  I’m going to make a Herculean effort to lose the weight without the surgery.  My past weight loss attempts were half-hearted at best, now it’s time to roll up my sleeves, put my shoulder to the wheel and start pushing like hell.

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Non-OP,
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Jun 05, 2007
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