Joshua J.
Wow, my story is kind of a long one, so I'll make it short and sweet for the readers. I was 9 lbs. at birth, and over 30 lbs. when I was just a year old. By the time I was 5, I was 100 lbs., and I was a whopping 200 at the age of 8. My family's kind of a hybridized group, as I have family members who are obese, as well as healthy.
By the age of 15, I was tipping the scales at just under 400 lbs. Of course, going to school was hard enough, but to be morbidly obese was akin to a death sentence in more ways than one. I had my friends, but I also suffered the usual taunts, stares and cruel jokes that kids will inflict on each other. By the time I was 17 I had dropped out of school, and I was kind of floating through life. As a 30-something year old man, I now have started to connect the dots and realize that my downfall during my teenage years was probably the result of feelings of low self-esteem, a lack of friends, and not enough support at home, which led to my leaving school.
I eventually returned to school and earned my GED in the mid-1990s, and subsequently, by the late-1990s, I had enrolled in my local community college. It was also around this time that I began to have creeping fears about my weight---which was now tipping the scales at over 450 lbs., and decided that a change was in order. Through a weight loss program/center, by the early 2000s, I was able to shed over 250 lbs. For the first time in my life, I had high self-esteem, I could wear clothes in "normal" sizes, and I had a social life. I can reflect upon the late 1990s-early 2000s period with nostalgia as they were my "butterfly" years; that is to say that I bloomed out of my cocoon and showed a personality, and had opinions...LOL. I began to date, I exercised daily, and life was a joyful, beautiful thing to behold, with infinite possibilities for me.
My good fortune began to reverse in 2002, when I returned to college. I'm not discouraging people from going to college, but I was probably better off taking a healthy lunch with me during that semester...LOL. Studying with intensity, I obviously began to have the munchies on a constant basis, and I fought the cravings regularly, until one day I could no longer resist. I purchased some Reese's Pieces...LOL, AND IT WAS OVER!! I guess it would be the equivalent of a former drug addict getting clean through an addictions program, abstaining from drugs, getting a job, moving out of the old neighborhood, and one day losing the urge to fight those temptations and suddenly going back into the old neighborhood and purchasing drugs. Wow, that was long winded...LOL.
What isn't funny is the downward slide that began to take over my life. In 1 year, I gained almost 100 lbs., and I was tipping the scales at over 350 lbs. some 5 years later. Finishing up my final two years of undergraduate education stressed me out further, and I began to have sleep apnea (again), and occasional chest pains. My former on-campus doctor at the health clinic urged me to lose weight and get surgery, but lacking health insurance, I was deflated, and kind of gave up. I eventually graduated, and at the present time, I weigh over 420 lbs. In hindsight, I can honestly say that the lack of exercise was just one component in myy weight gain over the past decade. The other important issue that I never figured out during the weight loss journey was that I not only had to deal with my physical issues, but, just as important, I needed to deal with my emotional issues. I never dealt with the lingering feelings of low self-esteem, self-hatred, and anger---towards myself, and others. It's something that I deal with on a day-to-day basis, and it is a serious challenge. But it is a challenge that I will eventually win.
I don't have insurance at the moment, but I really want to have bariatric surgery. It's safe to say that the first time that I lost weight was partly to improve my health. Yet there was a tinge of vanity involved: what would it be like to lose the weight and impress people, and get dates? LOL As I've gotten older (and sicker physically), all I want to do is lose the weight and SAVE MY LIFE. If I cannot find the right woman afterwards, that's okay; what's important is taking control of my health and living a long, healthy life.
Well, that's a little bit of my story, which didn't turn out so short and sweet...LOL. I hope to make a lot of friends along the way, and help to motivate each and every one of you, and hopefully, myself as well.
