judij
I remember being conscious of my weight when I was a kid; at 9. My mom started taking me to Weight Watchers meetings around age 10. I felt so out of place with all those older people. I've felt out of place since then for most of my life. I have been on Weight Watchers many times, the Air Force diet, many, many, many of my own plans, LA Weight Loss, worked with a nutritionist, etc. I told myself I would never give up the fight. I can remember as an adolescent crying and praying for help. I never felt like I fit in around my peers. I remember thinking of all the athletic things I'd want to do if I lost the weight. Looking back, I wasn't even very overweight at that time. NOW I am, but then, I was maybe 10-25 pds over at any given time. But it was always part of me and I felt so inferior. I probably had other problems that I'm not aware of to feel so bad about myself, but all I can remember is that I felt so fat around others. I do remember eating in secret from a young age, too. I think I realized, even then, that something else was wrong. So, I've had therapy and still I overeat. I have so many starts to journals and my own plans, goals outlined, etc., that never came to a good conclusion. Here I am, almost 45 and I am now feeling desperate; enough to do something I said I would never do. I considered a Lap Band a few years ago, but after a consultation with the only MD in town doing that procedure, I said no. I didn't feel good about it. In the past few months I got to feel really helpless and afraid my weight would keep climbing, and I had started to feel like I was giving up. So, I decided to just LISTEN to a doctor; have a consult and go from there. Before I met with the MD, I began to do more research. My limited experience with bypass patients were the ones I met as patients and for the most part, they had regained their weight and some had chronic health problems. But, I learned and listened and prayed about it. I have felt at peace about my decision to have the RNY-proximal. I do have days where I am so excited and days when I am scared and I wonder what life will really be like. It's up and down; mostly up. My husband is behind me. We have had to do our own financing since our insurance doesn't pay, so that in itself was a huge step. Now, I have a date for surgery and I am waiting to do my preop work and get on with it. I can say that my continued reading on this board has given me a lot to think about. I believe this is a tool and I have to do more than just have surgery. I am currently working on getting an excercise program back into my life and I really need to work on my head hunger and overeating issues. I think that's what scares me the most; will I still struggle with wanting to turn to food? I've come the conclusion that, yes, it will still be there, so learn how to deal with it. Life should get better, right?
