JustJoie
No Fast Food (for a week....maybe forever?)
Mar 11, 2009
Well, I had a busy morning. I did not eat breakfast before I left the house. Kind of stupid, I know. I stopped at the quickie mart and bought a diet soda and a pack of pop tart apple swirly things. This was in place of a sausage, egg and cheese on an onion bagel and a diet Pepsi. Cost less and technically isn't "fast food" but certainly wasn't nutritionally better. I went to the ENT and all went well there.
From there I went to do our bulk grocery shopping. The minute I got in the car I started thinking about where I could get a cheeseburger and fries on the way. Luckily, or unfortunately, depending on which part of my brain I listen to, there amazingly in not one singe fast food joint that's easy to get to on that route. So, I went and did my shopping and all the while I caught myself thinking about which way I would go home so that I could get that fix. A fix is exactly what it is. I was certainly genuinely hungry, but I KNOW how very bad it is for me to eat this way.
Anyway, when I was checking out I started thinking about getting a sand which or pretzel at the subway that's right there. I even started pushing that way and when I thought about what I was going to actually order I decided it wasn't what I really wanted. The whole time I was loading the car all I could think about was whether or not I was going to stick to my promise and not have any fast food or if I was just going to go ahead and do it anyway. There is another part of my brain that is listening to all of this back and forth and thinking how CRAZY it is to be putting this kind of energy and time into whether or not I'm going to
A. Do something I've promised not to do
B. Subject my body to FOOD THAT IS BAD FOR ME and
C. Spend money that I DON'T HAVE on food that I shouldn't be eating anyway.
It's sad , it's pathetic , it's compulsive , it's anxiety causing and it HAS TO CHANGE!
When I came home I told my spouse about this whole episode, I was rewarded with an "I'm proud of you". And in all honesty, I am happy to be able to say that I resisted this and can feel good about keeping my promise. I'm mortified to admit this but if I am anything less than honest then I will never stop lying to myself and taking responsibility for my reality. This isn't a new revelation at all. I know the right things to do and eat to take care of my body. I just don't seem to be able to (or want to?) make the right choice. It's certainly not as yummy. At least not in that cheeseburger and fries kinda way.
Anyway, I'm going to keep my promise and I'm super curious to see how this week progresses. I'm wondering how or if my struggle, thought process will change. Will it get easier? I hope so.