kania
The good and the bad
Jul 30, 2008
OK, after the discouragement of gaining another pound, I have been very focused on my eating habits. I have remembered to take my multivitamin every day (for the last 3 days), and I have stayed within my allowed daily food allowances. I feel good about my choices, as I am eating mostly fruits and veggies, and very small meals. I've already noticed a difference in just two days, as I couldn't finish dinner last night and all it was was a chicken roll-up and a cheese quesadilla (both homemade). Normally, I would have eaten maybe 2 of each. But I ended up giving my daughter half of the roll-up and I was still way stuffed. I should have given her half the quesadilla too I guess.
So getting back on track is definitely a good thing.
The bad thing... I injured my back yesterday while pressure washing the deck. I asked my neighbor to start walking with me, to get me on a schedule of doing something active every day, but instead I decided to start pressure washing the deck because it was on my to-do list. This morning I couldn't get out of bed! I have had the heating pad on it all day, so it feels better, but any slight twist or bend and the pain comes back. So now I need to recover from this before I start walking. Its always something...
Oh, another good thing... my boyfriend and my son finished the pressure washing! yeah!!
So, I needed to add to my list:
19. Back pain that didn't seem so prominent when I wasn't so heavy.
So getting back on track is definitely a good thing.
The bad thing... I injured my back yesterday while pressure washing the deck. I asked my neighbor to start walking with me, to get me on a schedule of doing something active every day, but instead I decided to start pressure washing the deck because it was on my to-do list. This morning I couldn't get out of bed! I have had the heating pad on it all day, so it feels better, but any slight twist or bend and the pain comes back. So now I need to recover from this before I start walking. Its always something...
Oh, another good thing... my boyfriend and my son finished the pressure washing! yeah!!
So, I needed to add to my list:
19. Back pain that didn't seem so prominent when I wasn't so heavy.
Another Pound
Jul 28, 2008
I weighed myself yesterday and have gained another pound since last week. 
I didn't stick with the weight watchers program and went waaaaayyyyyy over my points. I knew I was over before the weekend, so I just gave up and ate what I wanted. I know that is how I got where I am today, but its all habits that are hard to break. I know if I force myself to break them, that over time I will develop new, better habits.
I am kind of glad that I didn't stick with the program, in a way, because it has given me an opportunity to see exactly what my bad eating habits are, how much food I consume, and shows me how one week can make a difference. Plus it gives me something to compare to down the road.
I think blogging here, and documenting my food intake and progress, or lack thereof, will help me hold myself accountable and will remind me to do the right thing.
Some things I notice about myself since I've gained weight that I want to change:
1. I am much more tired than ever before. I used to take power naps in the afternoon, now I can hardly stay awake at work, and I need 2 hour naps when I get home!
2. I have heartburn shortly after I lie down nearly every night no matter what time I eat or what I eat.
3. My legs and feet swell constantly, and I retain water to the point that you can leave an indentation in my legs and it will take 30 seconds or more to go away.
4. My knees hurt when I walk too much, when I get off the couch, after sitting a long time, when I take stairs.
5. I can't cross my legs.
6. I get numbness in my legs.
7. My limbs fall asleep faster or get tingly when I am immobile for any length of time (driving, watching tv, sitting at computer at work or home, etc.).
8. I don't look at myself in the mirror anymore - I use the mirror to look at my hair when I blow dry it, or check my teeth, or put on make-up, but I don't actually LOOK at myself.
9. I stopped caring what I look like in clothes. I guess I figure nothing will look good so why bother trying.
10. I get short of breath just cleaning house, or taking a flight of stairs.
11. Its uncomfortable to tie my shoes, put on socks and/or shoes, or clip/file my toe nails.
12. My belly shakes when I laugh.
I have become conscientious about this, and my kids have shaken my belly to watch it wiggle. It is very upsetting.
13. I can't do the sit and reach anymore - my belly gets in the way.
14. I'm the fat one in the exercise classes, and the most out of breath, and the only one who can't do situps or pushups.
15. I have to pay attention to the rolls on my body to make sure they are clean and dry.
16. I am less intimate with my boyfriend because I am not comfortable with my appearance. When we are intimate, I am careful to hide my belly as much as possible as I don't want him to be turned off.
17. I am much more gassy than ever.
18. I have to wear a larger shoe size.
... I am sure there are more. I hope one day I will be able to go through this list and say the opposite is true (especially #16!)!
I didn't stick with the weight watchers program and went waaaaayyyyyy over my points. I knew I was over before the weekend, so I just gave up and ate what I wanted. I know that is how I got where I am today, but its all habits that are hard to break. I know if I force myself to break them, that over time I will develop new, better habits. I am kind of glad that I didn't stick with the program, in a way, because it has given me an opportunity to see exactly what my bad eating habits are, how much food I consume, and shows me how one week can make a difference. Plus it gives me something to compare to down the road.
I think blogging here, and documenting my food intake and progress, or lack thereof, will help me hold myself accountable and will remind me to do the right thing.
Some things I notice about myself since I've gained weight that I want to change:
1. I am much more tired than ever before. I used to take power naps in the afternoon, now I can hardly stay awake at work, and I need 2 hour naps when I get home!
2. I have heartburn shortly after I lie down nearly every night no matter what time I eat or what I eat.
3. My legs and feet swell constantly, and I retain water to the point that you can leave an indentation in my legs and it will take 30 seconds or more to go away.
4. My knees hurt when I walk too much, when I get off the couch, after sitting a long time, when I take stairs.
5. I can't cross my legs.
6. I get numbness in my legs.
7. My limbs fall asleep faster or get tingly when I am immobile for any length of time (driving, watching tv, sitting at computer at work or home, etc.).
8. I don't look at myself in the mirror anymore - I use the mirror to look at my hair when I blow dry it, or check my teeth, or put on make-up, but I don't actually LOOK at myself.
9. I stopped caring what I look like in clothes. I guess I figure nothing will look good so why bother trying.
10. I get short of breath just cleaning house, or taking a flight of stairs.
11. Its uncomfortable to tie my shoes, put on socks and/or shoes, or clip/file my toe nails.
12. My belly shakes when I laugh.
I have become conscientious about this, and my kids have shaken my belly to watch it wiggle. It is very upsetting. 13. I can't do the sit and reach anymore - my belly gets in the way.
14. I'm the fat one in the exercise classes, and the most out of breath, and the only one who can't do situps or pushups.
15. I have to pay attention to the rolls on my body to make sure they are clean and dry.
16. I am less intimate with my boyfriend because I am not comfortable with my appearance. When we are intimate, I am careful to hide my belly as much as possible as I don't want him to be turned off.
17. I am much more gassy than ever.
18. I have to wear a larger shoe size.
... I am sure there are more. I hope one day I will be able to go through this list and say the opposite is true (especially #16!)!
Making Choices - The first step
Jul 25, 2008
After 17 years of riding on the weight gain/loss rollercoaster from hell, I have decided I need to turn over a new leaf. I am not sure that surgery is the answer, but I find myself here, learning about it, reading other's blogs and success stories, and it gives me hope.
There are many reasons I am over 100lbs overweight, and many of them will not go away with sugery - this I know. So, rather than jump into something so unpredictable, I have decided to take some time getting those other things under some control.
One of which is the depression. I stopped taking my pills shortly after they were prescribed. Mostly because I am so forgetful I kept missing days and worried that would be worse on me. I also need to get back into counseling. My ex-husband is a major source of my depression and weight-gain, since he left me for another woman I have gained 45lbs. And now he thinks we should talk, again, to see if there is anything left to salvage. I believe if I do that, I will only get hurt, and more depressed, and put on more weight. So, counseling will hopefully help me get over him and stay away from him.
I also need to work on my committment to myself and my weight loss. I am constantly quitting the good things, and reverting to doing the bad things. If I cannot stay committed, then surgery won't make a difference! So I am going to hit the gym at least 3-4 days a week, and watch my food intake. I will log all my food, no matter how disppointed I am in my choices, and I will set daily goals that are achievable.
In the end, I will know if surgery is right for me. In the meantime, I am thankful to have a place to turn when I need support. Thank you Misha for your friendship and keep up the good work!!
There are many reasons I am over 100lbs overweight, and many of them will not go away with sugery - this I know. So, rather than jump into something so unpredictable, I have decided to take some time getting those other things under some control.
One of which is the depression. I stopped taking my pills shortly after they were prescribed. Mostly because I am so forgetful I kept missing days and worried that would be worse on me. I also need to get back into counseling. My ex-husband is a major source of my depression and weight-gain, since he left me for another woman I have gained 45lbs. And now he thinks we should talk, again, to see if there is anything left to salvage. I believe if I do that, I will only get hurt, and more depressed, and put on more weight. So, counseling will hopefully help me get over him and stay away from him.
I also need to work on my committment to myself and my weight loss. I am constantly quitting the good things, and reverting to doing the bad things. If I cannot stay committed, then surgery won't make a difference! So I am going to hit the gym at least 3-4 days a week, and watch my food intake. I will log all my food, no matter how disppointed I am in my choices, and I will set daily goals that are achievable.
In the end, I will know if surgery is right for me. In the meantime, I am thankful to have a place to turn when I need support. Thank you Misha for your friendship and keep up the good work!!
