karilyn99

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I have cleaned up all my work and must clean out all my liquids from the refrig before I go.  It's scary to think I will not be back here for several weeks, and will be coming back a new person.  Not only will my appearance change, but my whole attitude towards life.  I will have been through alot to get to the other side.  Alot will happened between now and the next time I sit in this office chair.  Exciting, yes!  Scary, yes. But where I am right now, so necessary. 

These are things I want to do after I am on the other side.

1. I don't want to die young.
2. I want to wear a bathing suit on a public beach and feel good in it.
3. I'm tired of being the fattest person.
4. I want to shop at Victoria's Secret.
5. If I decide to eat a damn ice cream cone in public I don't want to feel like everyone is staring at me and wondering if the fat chick doesn't know she's fat and shouldn't eat the ice cream.
6. Just once I'd like to look in the mirror and be surprised by how small I look instead of how fat I am.
7. I want to do wonton, wicked things with my BF that I can't even contemplate because the position would kill us.
8. I want to run and not worry that my weight is destroying my joints or that the neighbor is laughing.
9. I want to weigh less than my BF.
10. I want to look sexy wearing my BF shirt and nothing else.
11. I want to go to the Dr. and not be afraid that he is going to confront me about my weight.
12. I will feel confident that people will not look at my BF when we are out and wonder why that good looking guy is with that fat chick.
13. I will never again have to worry about being labeled obese. I hate that word. It's so ugly.
14. I want to feel good, not achy.
15. To plant and be able to get off the ground, or bend over without worrying about my knees

16. So that I can wear a thong if I chose.
17. To be able to get my belly button pierced if I chose.
18. To be able to run up stairs without having to catch my breath.
19. So that my family will copy me and develop good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle.
20. So that I will be able to wear all my daughters clothes.

I am a day and a half into the liquids and they are going quite swimmingly.  Do I need teeth?  It doesn't seem so bad.  I do get hungry but the feeling doesn't last long or maybe, I forget about it.  Either way, I am not craving food.  Maybe its my head taking over and just knowing this is what I need to do.  Its hard to believe that in two weeks I will be on the other side.  If I can do this, I can do anything.  I am feeling pretty good about this, pat myself on the back.

I am glad I have made contact because my surgeon told me I had to go on a liquid diet, but no one from the nutritionist to the drs office can give me a copy of the diet I am supposed to follow.  I have printed my own copy of some other doctors suggestions and I will use that.  Glad I did my own research and have such good contacts.  I know that my journey officially starts tomorrow.  I am within two weeks of starting my new life.  Wow, is that an eye opener.  Talked to my daughter this weekend about ALL the possibilities.  I wanted her to know that if something happened, I made the decision to have this surgery, and I will be happy with any outcome, no matter good or bad.

Started thinking today that life isn't bad, so maybe I shouldn't change a thing.  The surgery could lead to so many other complications. But then I think of how I will look and feel so much better and not just get through life, but actually LIVE it.  I want more, I Need more than I am getting from life now.  When I look through my calendar over the next month, I realize that I have taken off most of the month of November to make the adaption to my life, my work will be interrupted, my life will be interrupted, and a new me will emerge.  Life will never be as I know it now after 11/7.  It is scary.

I went to the support group meeting last night.  We met with a Behavior therapist.  She was real interesting.  We talked about stress and emotional eating.  At the end when we were talking about the November meeting and I opened my calendar I noticed that I will be two weeks on the losing side by then!  It was a real eye opener.  Yes, my surgery is coming, sooner than I think.  On Tuesday I start my liquids.  Wow, things are really progressing.  How exciting!