karmaskorner
Getting started
Dec 11, 2010
I have so many thoughts running around in my head about WLS so I decided to try to blog about them to allow me to have a record of my journey to look back on in months to come.First, I haven't taken the decision to pursue this surgery lightly. I wrote down reasons to have this surgery in a Word document file and it went past 3 pages. Some of these include; wanting to regain my health, being able to experience things like sitting in chairs without feeling like I'm going to break them or they aren't big enough for me to fit, not having people look at me with pity because of my size, not being the biggest person in the room, being able to do things with my kids that others take for granted. This is a partial list and I keep adding to it daily. But at the top of my list is the hope of having improvement enough that diabetes isn't taking my life away from me slowly, anyway.
Do I have fears about this surgery? You bet I do! Just today as I shared with my kind and understanding sister about my surgery she wanted to tell me 2 horror stories of what terrible things had happened to other people she knew about. I have only told 10 people about this surgery and so far most people are understanding and supportive, but it is the ones you expect to support you, that have been negative about it. With my own doubts, I don't want to spend my time and energy defending my reasons to people that aren't supportive. I'm sure my sister was just looking out for my best interest and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. I have done a lot of reading about this surgery, and have read many people's stories. One thing I have noticed is even though people don't have smooth sailing with their procedures, most say they'd do it again.
I started this journey as a support to my brother because he was looking into having this surgery. I didn't think it was even a possibility for me because of insurance coverage and the expense of out of pocket payments. (We have a son in college and another one to pay for college in a few years too.) But come to find out, it is covered since we have BCBS of Iowa. (BCBS of Kansas doesn't cover it for my brother.) So he has decided to drop the idea because of his own reasons also.
Through part of this process, I have to lose 30 lbs. prior to my surgeon's approval for me to have this surgery. I'm on my way with a loss of 10 lbs. so far. Early on I gave up my love---diet Dr. Pepper. With it went the caffeine that I thought I needed so badly. I did have slight headaches but it was not as bad as I had anticipated. Since then I have changed to decaf coffee and I truly don't miss the headaches I used to have when I didn't get my daily caffeine "fix". A realization I had was when I had Dr. Pepper I didn't just drink it solo. It was followed with some sweet or salty thing. That is one habit I don't mind getting rid of.
With the support of my Healthy Solutions Class that I lovingly refer to as "fat camp", I have learned to be more aware of my fluid intake, carbs, PA (physical activity) and protein. It really sounds easy doesn't it? Get 60-80 grams of protein daily, and then you can have as many fruits and veggies that your little heart desires. If my little heart desired fruits and veggies I wouldn't be this size to begin with. I have strived to work on environmental control of what food is in our house and what stays out. So many of these things have helped. Exercising doesn't thrill me but I feel so good when I finish so I try to get my 30 minutes done early in the day. I have a great husband and 2 kids and they have been so supportive and they will walk, play Wii Fit and swim with me if I ask and it works into their schedule.
What do I know I will struggle with the most? Well carbs and I have a love/hate relationship. I love them--their taste, their appeal, their smell, their comfort, their .. their.......well you get it. I have found they hate me by giving me headaches when I overdo them, they hang around my belly, my hips, my neck, my arms, and even make my feet and hands chubby too. They give me heartburn at night. They call to me as I drive past fast food restaurants, in grocery stores and at social events. They are my biggest nemesis.
I wasn't a fat child. My story is that my weight started piling on when I had kids. Well my oldest "kid" is almost 20 so it is time to lose the baby fat. I also had a job that was the height of stress, I ate food that was high in starch and calories from the cafeteria, and I ate because I was sad, happy, angry, bored, tired, lonely and all the above. It has been an eye opener to me but as I have been exercising and connecting my mind and body, it has brought up emotions that I have had to deal with. I think sometimes we eat and don't even think about how much we put in our mouths. I have eaten things at times and looked down to take another bite and realized, wow, I already ate that and didn't even know it. So part of my process is having to take a hard cold look at myself and get connected with my body again. That has been a "wow moment" for me. Didn't even realize I had been doing this.
Sparks people website has been one I use to document my food journaling. I love how easy it is to post to on my ipad and has helped me see that I take in most of my calories late in the day when I am sitting watching TV. I have also realized that when I eat a breakfast with protein, I don't eat as much at night.
One of my biggest regrets about being "the fat mom" is I have passed on my unhealthy habits to my sons. This makes my heart ACHE. My sons are my life and my poor poor habits have become their habits too. I would do anything to undo these habits to pass on to my kids the knowledge to keep them from this life of misery and unhealthiness. My biggest fear is that I will have this surgery, lose the weight and then put it back on. I have so much to think about, to change and improve.
But I can only look ahead to a better future, forming new and better habits and living each day to become a healthier person. I am thankful I have the family that I have to support me in my journey because it would be hard to do this alone.
