Not the best week
Feb 07, 2024
I have been given the green to try new foods. But this is rough. These last two weeks I have not lost anything. What the heck? I know stalls are normal. But I spent a lot of money, and I have dramatically cut what I have eaten. I feel so down about this. I will not give up. And I know this is part of the journey. I just have never felt this way about weight loss. I have so many hopes for the furture. I just want to feel worthy and excited to go shopping. I have started riding my stationary bike. 10 mintues a day monday through friday. Maybe I need to step it up. Add some weights? Maybe more cardio. I Do not know. It is just annoying. I want my body to lose and know that I am proud of it. What if this is the smallest I get? That is a fear. I ate some girl scout cookies. OMG SOO good. Did I have dumping? NOPE. Which was werid. I did not feel good eating them. I did make a pretty darn good pizza. With cauliflower pizza crust. It was pretty good. I just want to wear large clothes. Not the 4x that I do wear.
I want to be proud. I am going to put my scale in my sons bathroom and not look at until a week. Right now, I weigh myself everyday. I know that is not healthy. But I cannot help myself. I just feel Like I am failing. I feel like I am the only one that is going through this. I know that is not true. Most people that I know or have watched on Tiktok. Go through a stall at 3 months. Not 7 weeks. I am having a rough time. I guess I do not want to date. I am working on myself. I am eating well, exercising, and I am seeing a therapist. It is a lot. But I am worth it. I know that I am. I want my son to be proud of me. I want him to hug me and touch his fingers.
I am just feeling some type of way. I feel sad that the one person I wish I could talk to about all of this is gone. My mom is going through a lot herself. She has been great with me during this journey. Like I said I just want to wear the pretty clothes. My friend is getting married in October. I want to find a cute dress. I want to enjoy myself at this wedding. There will be a guy there that has been not the nicest to me in the past and I just want to shock him with yeah I was a fat b**** but not now. I want to have that to shove in his face. YUP.
That is where I am coming from. This hasnt been the easiest week. But I am here and I have to keep going.