kayjungrl
Struggling and venting
Nov 11, 2009
Well as you can see from my recent photos I have not lost any weight. In fact I have gained almost all of the 30lbs that I had lost back. I was excited to start Curves and ended up with an injury and have not been back since. Part of the reason is I am depressed, upset or just plain mad that I can't have the surgery. It's like why even try to lose weight whenever it seems like the world is against you. Once again I got my hopes up that my insurance would allow the surgery and got denied because my employer has chose not to cover weight loss surgery. They have a wellness committee and have all these programs like discounted memberships to Curves, Jenny Craig and fitness centers. That's cool if you have the energy and money to do all these things. I know I am making excuses but really I am the way I am because I was never taught how to make the right choices in my diet and exercise. I am a single mom that does not get any help from my son's father and went through a lot of changes this year. I moved three times last year and my financial burdens became overbearing. I recently was evicted from my home and had to send my son to live with my parents because he has ADHD and I refuse to keep moving him everytime I can't afford the cost of living. I have and education and a great job but it's not enough when I had bills from a previous relationship that involved two incomes. I have a roommate that refuses to work or seek work and yes, I he is on borrowed time. I can't keep supporting him and the only reason he has not been kicked out yet is because I have a tremendous fear of being alone. I have so many insecurities and they all come from my childhood, which of course is where my obesity started. I just keep praying for some kind of breakthrough but it is not coming. I know I need to be patient and wait on God to intervene and he will do it in his time not mine. I'm just so afraid that I will not live much longer if I don't get some kind of help. I truly want to help myself but by the time I get off of work I am so exhausted and just go home and do nothing but eat. I have been eating a lot more healthier because my roommate is a wonderful cook so most of my meals are homemade compared to eating out. Ugh why can't someone close to me win the lottery or a doctor volunteer to help me out. I would forever be grateful and would eventually pay them back. I am in college to get my Bachelor degree now because with the cost of living I have learned that an Associate degree is not enough. Of course I make too much money for any kind of assistance but not enough to survive and be able to get a medical loan for surgery. I have too many debts in fact debt collectors call me all day long. Okay so I am venting and if you are reading this I apologize but I needed to get my feelings out so I can try to suck it up and move on.
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new adventure
Jan 05, 2009
Well it has been a while since I have been on here. I am starting Curves today and I am very excited. I have managed to lose some weight on my own and I will continue to try my best to get this weight off. I have a lot to go but I will do it one step at a time. I have already lowered my glucose level to 101, my BP to 106/77 and my cholesterol to 181 and I've lost 16 lbs thus far. Actually I've lost 21 lbs because I weighed more after I enrolled on this site. I got depressed because my insurance won't cover the surgery so I had myself a pity party for a while. Anyway, I'm generally not a negative person so I decided that I can't wait on the insurance to decide to do the right thing and it's about time that I do something positive for myself. After all if I had the surgery I would still have to work out to get the best benefits so why not start now and maybe if I do something for me then maybe I can eventually get a little assistance or just do it all on my own. Who knows...all I know is I am excited about doing this for me and whatever doors God opens for me he will bless me more if I am trying to help myself.
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