Kathy S.

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When I had my fill last week, I decided it was probably going to make a differerence for me, so I scheduled my next fill for 5 weeks off.  Whether that was wise or not is yet to be seen.

The first few days I was very aware of my band and ate small amounts as a precaution.  But as the week progressed, I began trying to "feel" the restriction rather than just assuming it was there.  Wednesday night, we went to Chipotle, and I orderd my usual, a burrito bol.  It's a layer of white rice covered with black beans, chicken, sour cream, and grated cheese.   Usually I can eat about half of it.  But this time I ate the entire serving!  I was hungry, but I expected the band to kick in and tell me I was full.  It didn't, and I kept going.

So now I'm wondering just how much more saline I'm going to need before I'm truly limited to a cup of food.  Maybe I was able to eat more of the burrito bol because it wasn't solid protein.  If I had been eating a chicken breast, for instance, maybe I would have been restricted after 20 or so bites.  Yet in the past, I've been able to eat only about half of the dish.  I just don't know what's going on.

I've been back down to 217.5 this week, but now I'm ready to see the scale register a loss again.  I'll get back on the treadmill next week and will get some structure back into my workouts.  That will help me feel more energized and should also help me begin to lose again. 

Now that school is back in session, I can get into a routine.

Well, I had another fill yesterday, 1/5/07, so now I have 3.2 cc's in my 4-cc band.  

I didn't eat much yesterday because the NP warned me to eat only soft foods and not push my luck for the day.  I had had a protein shake in the morning on my way to my appointment, and I had a piece of string cheese and part of a banana once I got to school.  For lunch I had a cup of Kroger chili and a 100-calorie bag of Doritos.  I was going to have a cup of fruit too, but I was full.  That was a nice surprise!  For dinner I ate 2 pieces of fried cheese, about 1/2 of a dinner salad, and about 2/3 of a bowl of baked potato soup (at Chili's).  That was all I wanted or had room for.  

Today's been hard because I had my 15-year-old dog, Tyrone, put to sleep.  I cried most of the way to the vet's office because Ty was crying and most of the way home because I was remembering things from my 15 years with my sweet little buddy.  Ty was about 6 weeks old when I got him, and he was a little roly-poly ball of fur.  He had a funny bark that sounded like he was saying "ry-rone, ry-rone," so I named him Tyrone.  He's been a great companion over the years.  He loved to ride in the car, so I took him nearly everywhere I went.  But he was also afraid of a lot of things, so I had to learn how to deal with his eccentricities.  For instance, I used to be choir director at a church that had an outside stairway down to the basement entrance.  Ty was scared of that stairway and refused to walk near it, so we had to cross the street until we had passed that "hole" next to the street.  The church also had a skylight in the foyer, and Ty was afraid of it.  As soon as we'd enter the building, he'd pull back in response to it, so we'd have to go through the sanctuary to get to the church office.  He liked to ride in the car so much that I started calling him "my car Roney," which became "Macaroni."  A lot of times he wasn't ready to get out of the car when we got home, so I'd leave the car windows down and let him sleep in the back seat.  As he got older, he seemed to prefer just being in the car to actually traveling somewhere.  He was one of the best-natured dogs I've ever been around, and he was never mean or unfriendly.  I feel very blessed to have been loved by the little guy and to have had him in my life for so many years.  Jason buried him in the backyard this afternoon.  The house feels different without him tonight.  Even with 3 dogs and 9 cats, we feel the loss of that one.

Boy, the holiday cookies and candies are calling my name!  I do great at meal times and am able to eat reasonable amounts without feeling at all deprived.  But then I'll pick up a cookie or two or a bite-sized snickers.  And before I know it, I've eaten a handful of those sweet things.  I know this season is difficult for everyone and in most years I've gained 5 or so pounds.  I think I'll make it through this year without gaining, but I'm also pretty sure I won't lose any additional weight.

This has been a tough week.  

Last Saturday was my birthday, and the day began with a phone call that my Aunt Venice had died that morning.  She had had colon cancer and had been declining, but we had all hoped she would live through Christmas.  Her visitation and funeral were very affirming--full of love, encouragement, laughter, and hope.   About 50 family members went out to eat together after the burial, using money Venice had set aside for that purpose.  It was her final gift to us.

On the drive home from  that day's event, I got a call that my friend Leah was dying.  She has had cancer for the last 3 years but began to decline during the summer.  We had talked several months ago about her funeral plans, so I knew she was preparing herself for the end of this life and the beginning of the next.  She died Wednesday, and her funeral was today.

I've thought quite a bit this week about our reason for being, and a song Leah and I used to sing keeps running through my mind: "Jesus, all for Jesus; all I am and have and ever hope to be.  All of my ambitions, hopes, and plans, I surrender these into your hands.  For it's only in your will that I am free; for it's only in your will that I am free.  Jesus, all for Jesus; all I am and have and ever hope to be."

I have felt the stress of the week in my eating, and I've not made good choices much of the week.  My band has tightened up on me so that I could sometimes only get one or two bites down, so I've eaten quite a bit of soft, high-calorie foods for comfort.  I don't want to continue doing that, but I also don't want to beat myself up for those choices.  This is a difficult time of year without the added stress of losing loved ones. 

Well, I had my fifth fill yesterday and am beginning to get a better understanding of this lapband tool.  I went from 2.8 to 3.0 cc's, which doesn't seem like much but which I think is going to be exactly what I need.

I felt quite a bit of restriction this morning, so I was very careful with my food choices for breakfast.  I drank a CarbAdvantage shake early before leaving for work, and around 10:00 I ate a piece of string cheese, some canned pears, and some wheat thins.  For lunch I had about 2/3 of a piece of pepperoni pizza  and a small slice of cake.  (It was my next-to-last class meeting with my literature class, so I took pizza and one of the students brought a cake.)  Tonight I had about 2/3 of a burrito bol (white rice, black beans, grilled chicken, sour cream, and grated cheese).  I had a granola bar a few minutes ago to give me a few more calories.

I haven't been hungry all day, but I also have had an exceptionally busy day.  It'll be interesting to see if i feel more restriction over the next few days.

I'm still down 22 pounds, so I'm anxious to get some more weight off!  I've fluctuated around the same weight for the past few weeks, but my weight at the center yesterday was down 4.5 pounds from November 9.  According to the center, I'm down 18.5 pounds in 16 weeks.

I'm scheduled for my fifth fill Tuesday, December 5, but I don't know if I need it.  I have some restriction, but I don't know if it's adequate.  I can still eat WAY too much sometimes in the evenings, but I'm been unable to eat much at all some mornings.  I have been under a lot of stress in the past 2 weeks though, so I suspect that some of my restriction is from that rather than from my amount of saline in the band.

My weight loss has stalled somewhat, so I know I'm eating too many calories.  I tend to want to snack in the evenings, and I eat some high-calorie carbs sometimes (a few cookies, a couple of scoops of ice cream), which are no-no's, I know.  I've gained much more control over that than I used to have though, so I try not to beat myself up over it.  I want to continue to eat some sweets, but I also want to control how much I eat.  

Thanksgiving went very well for me, so I was pleased with that.  I took a small spoonful of most of the dishes, and I cleaned my plate and was completely satisfied.   I also had a bite of 2 or 3 of the desserts, and I never touched anything else.  In the past, I would have gone back for seconds (and possibly thirds!) and still would have had 2 or 3 full servings of desserts.  

I'm down 22 pounds from my surgery date (August 16, 2006) almost 17 weeks ago, so I'm losing more than a pound a week.  I'd like to be closer to 2 pounds a week, but I need to be a bit more restricted to lose more quickly.   Still, I have LOST, and that's progress.  I'm down 2 pants sizes and am wearing some pants and sweaters I hadn't touched in over a year.  I'm very pleased with the band and with the support it gives me.

Well, I kept my appointment for this fill because I had begun to realize I was eating more than I want to be able to eat.  I just don't seem to be losing weight, so I think I'm still eating too much.

Today I went from 2.5 cc's to 2.8 cc's.  I ate a piece of string cheese immediately afterward to make sure I could get it down.  Then for dinner tonight, I had a frozen quiche.  The last couple of bites filled me up, and I wasn't sure I should even eat them.  But I don't feel overly full, and I'm very satisfied.

My next appointment is almost 4 weeks off.  I feel sure this fill will do some good and I'll begin to lose more regularly.  I'm ready to drop below 220!

I think I have restriction!  I had my third fill and now have 2.5 cc's in my 4.0-cc band, and I finally seem to be able to tell that I have a lapband!  Yesterday I had a CarbAdvantage shake in the morning while I was getting dressed; then a couple of hours later, I had 2 slices of turkey bacon, a hard-boiled egg, and a cup of mandarin orange slices.  Mid-afternoon I had a piece of string cheese.  Last night for dinner I had about half of a 6-ounce sirloin steak, most of a baked potato innards (I didn't eat any of the skin), half a roll, and a few bites of cooked apples.  A few hours after dinner, I had 6 bites of my favorite ice cream and was very satisfied.  I wasn't hungry until right before dinner time, so I feel as if I ate the right kinds of protein throughout the day and my band restricted me from eating too much.  

I have an appointment for a fourth fill on November 9.  Won't it be great if I don't need it??!!  

Well, I had my third fill today--up to a total of 2.5 cc's.  It'll be interesting to see if this one gives me any restriction.  For the past 2 weeks (with 2.0 in my band), I was eating as much as ate before surgery.  I feel as if this fill will make a difference for me.  I even feel it has already made a difference for me emotionally.  Tonight I didn't even want to try to eat much.  And that's what I need.  I've scheduled another fill for 2 weeks from today.  I'll see if I need to keep that appointment.