kristikat82

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Wednesday July 19,2006
Well I have submitted all for insurance and am now just waiting for a response. I did the psych eval- was not so bad. The sleep apnea test went easily- just hated the icky paste they put all over you to put the monitors on. The 6mo of dietician visits were not bad. I also had to see my PCP every month. This last month I lost about 15pds, but I have also been going threw many difficult personal things. I hate the whole waiting game while I wait to hear if I am approved or not. I am hoping that I am. I am really ready for this and want it so badly. I am ready for this life change and I can put all of myself into it right now and concentrate on it, making surgery and recovery and this tool work for me 100%. Wish me luck with approval! I hope it all goes well. I am trying to just be hopeful but also think that I wont be approved so I wont be too crushed if they say no, I just don’t know what I will do if they say no. I really need this and have not been able to do it on my own, I need this tool- this help.

Tuesday July 25,2006
I found out yesterday I was approved after my first letter to the insurance company. I was so shocked! I am very happy and now is a great time to get some good news because things have been really hard lately. I am scheduled to have surgery on Sep.12th. I am very excited and very nervous.

Wednesday September 27, 2006
Well I am now 15d post op. The whole hospital thing went much better then I thought it would. I was very calm up until surgery and while at the hospital waiting to go down to surgery, I just felt so sure everything would be okay and I was making the right choice so I was very calm. I only panicked when they put in the IV and it was almost time for surgery. I started to cry and said maybe I shouldn’t do this, but then I fell asleep and woke up on and off all day in my room while my mom sat in the chair by the bed. I did really well. It was not as painful or scary as I thought it would be. I learned quickly to get used to people seeing me in the buff and getting help with my most private moments. Once at home I have done some normal every day walking and some extra. I have spent lots of time watching TV and sleeping. I have been doing some errands and more around the house this week. I have struggled with the eating thing- sick of the stage 2 foods and wanting popcorn and sandwiches very bad. I have also discovered that I cant take regular milk anymore- it makes me ill and I LOVE milk!! So I am now drinking low fat 1% Lactate milk, it is good but tastes really sugary and I noticed each Lactate milk has 12g sugar no matter which one you get, I wish it had less sugar. Oh well. It goes down easy and stays down. I have decided to tell more people about my having the surgery. I was very worried previously about telling others, but I have now told my immediate family and some other friends. I still wont tell everyone I know and meet, but I am more comfortable with it now. I have already lost 20pds! I cant really tell much and it is shocking to believe it. I am really hoping to find a exercise group or class just for WLS patients in my area. The workout part is hard for me to get motivated to do cause I hate going walking all alone. I am also going to struggle with the carbs thing- I love pastas, bread, etc... So it is hard not having them. Prior to surgery my dietician was all about my having the Smart Ones meals, but I have noticed they are high in salt and many have carbs in them, so I am wondering if she will still be about me having them post op when I go for my 3wk apt. I guess I will find out. I have about 6d more to my apt. It seems to get harder and harder only having about 4-5 food choices/liquid options that my tummy doesn’t reject on me. I have yet to dump. I have just had an upset stomach and LOTS of GAS and NOISE from my very now vocal tummy! I am really hoping to lose about 150pds or more but worried if I will be successful because I know once I can have things like sandwiches and carbs I will go nuts the first few days. I already know 4 carb items I want to eat ASAP- 3 different sandwiches (I do know I can only have a few bites or like maybe up to a 1/2 sandwich at most- but that will solve my craving and is fine by me), and alfredo pasta. I am very into chicken, and always have been. So for proteins if I could eat just plain chicken breast each day for my proteins I am fine with it. I will just have to try to keep variety in my diet and make the healthiest choices possible and try to get a few different food options in at each meal. I will also have to be very good about taking food to work with me and getting in my liquids and exercise. I guess I have lots to work on and do. I cant wait to be on normal foods again and I will have so many more food options. I really want a salad, but I guess per others that salad is not a good option for food after surgery cause it fills you up but doesn’t really offer and nutrition at all. I guess if I had a salad with some plain grilled chicken and only a few dark green lettuce leafs or some raw spinach leafs then it would be okay. Yummy! This is making me hungry. I need to think about something else. So tomorrow I am going to my old friend from grade schools house to scrapbook all day. I am hoping to knock off a ton of pictures and really get allot of scrap booking done so that I will not have this huge box of pics just sitting around anymore. I would really like to finish scrap booking all the pictures that I have and be able to put the albums away and feel that since of accomplishment. I at least want to get done and put away the one of my ex. I am having a problem with sadness post op. I have been thinking allot about my ex some days and dreaming about him allot. I really would love to be able to get over him and move on and let go. I just have always had trouble letting go and moving on. It is really hard for me because I just don’t understand how he can change and become such a scary monster, he used to be so sweet and loving and now I dread seeing him, hearing from him, etc... I get physically ill and terrified. I am hoping I will be able to lose all the weight and look better and feel better about life inside and out. I cant wait to start living again and not have to sit on the sidelines watching life pass me by. I am hoping to find someone new who will treat me well and just love me and have fun with them. I do tend to panic at times and think I will never meet anyone and always be alone, and how do you meet the one? I just worry. What do you think? I would love to have the kind of guy that Steve the Crocodile hunter was and have the kind of love he shared with his wife. I watched the 20-20 special with Barbara Walters tonight and it was so very moving and touching. Well I have chatted on enough now. I will fill you in on more later.

Wednesday July 19,2006
Well I have submitted all for insurance and am now just waiting for a response. I did the psych eval- was not so bad. The sleep apnea test went easily- just hated the icky paste they put all over you to put the monitors on. The 6mo of dietician visits were not bad. I also had to see my PCP every month. This last month I lost about 15pds, but I have also been going threw many difficult personal things. I hate the whole waiting game while I wait to hear if I am approved or not. I am hoping that I am. I am really ready for this and want it so badly. I am ready for this life change and I can put all of myself into it right now and concentrate on it, making surgery and recovery and this tool work for me 100%. Wish me luck with approval! I hope it all goes well. I am trying to just be hopeful but also think that I wont be approved so I wont be too crushed if they say no, I just don’t know what I will do if they say no. I really need this and have not been able to do it on my own, I need this tool- this help.

Tuesday July 25,2006
I found out yesterday I was approved after my first letter to the insurance company. I was so shocked! I am very happy and now is a great time to get some good news because things have been really hard lately. I am scheduled to have surgery on Sep.12th. I am very excited and very nervous.

Wednesday September 27, 2006
Well I am now 15d post op. The whole hospital thing went much better then I thought it would. I was very calm up until surgery and while at the hospital waiting to go down to surgery, I just felt so sure everything would be okay and I was making the right choice so I was very calm. I only panicked when they put in the IV and it was almost time for surgery. I started to cry and said maybe I shouldn’t do this, but then I fell asleep and woke up on and off all day in my room while my mom sat in the chair by the bed. I did really well. It was not as painful or scary as I thought it would be. I learned quickly to get used to people seeing me in the buff and getting help with my most private moments. Once at home I have done some normal every day walking and some extra. I have spent lots of time watching TV and sleeping. I have been doing some errands and more around the house this week. I have struggled with the eating thing- sick of the stage 2 foods and wanting popcorn and sandwiches very bad. I have also discovered that I cant take regular milk anymore- it makes me ill and I LOVE milk!! So I am now drinking low fat 1% Lactate milk, it is good but tastes really sugary and I noticed each Lactate milk has 12g sugar no matter which one you get, I wish it had less sugar. Oh well. It goes down easy and stays down. I have decided to tell more people about my having the surgery. I was very worried previously about telling others, but I have now told my immediate family and some other friends. I still wont tell everyone I know and meet, but I am more comfortable with it now. I have already lost 20pds! I cant really tell much and it is shocking to believe it. I am really hoping to find a exercise group or class just for WLS patients in my area. The workout part is hard for me to get motivated to do cause I hate going walking all alone. I am also going to struggle with the carbs thing- I love pastas, bread, etc... So it is hard not having them. Prior to surgery my dietician was all about my having the Smart Ones meals, but I have noticed they are high in salt and many have carbs in them, so I am wondering if she will still be about me having them post op when I go for my 3wk apt. I guess I will find out. I have about 6d more to my apt. It seems to get harder and harder only having about 4-5 food choices/liquid options that my tummy doesn’t reject on me. I have yet to dump. I have just had an upset stomach and LOTS of GAS and NOISE from my very now vocal tummy! I am really hoping to lose about 150pds or more but worried if I will be successful because I know once I can have things like sandwiches and carbs I will go nuts the first few days. I already know 4 carb items I want to eat ASAP- 3 different sandwiches (I do know I can only have a few bites or like maybe up to a 1/2 sandwich at most- but that will solve my craving and is fine by me), and alfredo pasta. I am very into chicken, and always have been. So for proteins if I could eat just plain chicken breast each day for my proteins I am fine with it. I will just have to try to keep variety in my diet and make the healthiest choices possible and try to get a few different food options in at each meal. I will also have to be very good about taking food to work with me and getting in my liquids and exercise. I guess I have lots to work on and do. I cant wait to be on normal foods again and I will have so many more food options. I really want a salad, but I guess per others that salad is not a good option for food after surgery cause it fills you up but doesn’t really offer and nutrition at all. I guess if I had a salad with some plain grilled chicken and only a few dark green lettuce leafs or some raw spinach leafs then it would be okay. Yummy! This is making me hungry. I need to think about something else. So tomorrow I am going to my old friend from grade schools house to scrapbook all day. I am hoping to knock off a ton of pictures and really get allot of scrap booking done so that I will not have this huge box of pics just sitting around anymore. I would really like to finish scrap booking all the pictures that I have and be able to put the albums away and feel that since of accomplishment. I at least want to get done and put away the one of my ex. I am having a problem with sadness post op. I have been thinking allot about my ex some days and dreaming about him allot. I really would love to be able to get over him and move on and let go. I just have always had trouble letting go and moving on. It is really hard for me because I just don’t understand how he can change and become such a scary monster, he used to be so sweet and loving and now I dread seeing him, hearing from him, etc... I get physically ill and terrified. I am hoping I will be able to lose all the weight and look better and feel better about life inside and out. I cant wait to start living again and not have to sit on the sidelines watching life pass me by. I am hoping to find someone new who will treat me well and just love me and have fun with them. I do tend to panic at times and think I will never meet anyone and always be alone, and how do you meet the one? I just worry. What do you think? I would love to have the kind of guy that Steve the Crocodile hunter was and have the kind of love he shared with his wife. I watched the 20-20 special with Barbara Walters tonight and it was so very moving and touching. Well I have chatted on enough now. I will fill you in on more later.

Wow, this site has come so far.  I used to only be able to BLOG or post anything in a really strange and complicated way.  This is now much more user friendly - seems simular to myspace, but even easier to use and most likely safer.  I am going to work on my page and info on here a bit more.  I really think I could use to be on this site more and check it out daily and look at the message boards and such so it will hopefully help me more in my journey.  
I have decided to take a very active role in my own life these past few weeks and have moved over to the drivers seat, yes it is a bit slow going, but I am now an active partispant in my own life.  I am taking the iniative to find a shrink and have seen her a few times and to try to get my meds worked out and figure out this whole PCOS thing and finding a new job and trying to be more active, get in lots of protien and eat better.  I know I am not being 'perfect' and I could be doing more, but I am tired all the time and very big ups and downs with zero ambition or drive for anything, so I really think I am doing the best I can right now pushing myself to attend work and go out places when needed and going on interviews and such.  I have been reconnecting with old friends and with my realitves and such more- trying to be sure to maintain a realtionship and make an effort to do more then just see eachother for major holidays and main events.  So... It is taking up my time and going well.  My family and friends are very important to me and I need to stop spending so much time laying about and doing nothing and sitting in the passenger seat while life passes me by and I am miserable and uncaring and not a particispant, and join in taking part in my life.