Checking in at four months....

Sep 05, 2009

A couple things have happened recently that I wanted to write about.

First, an update. I've lost a total of 87 pounds since I began my two-week pre-surgery diet in the middle of April. I feel fantastic, and so far I haven't felt deprived or miserable (okay, recovery was a bitch, but I mean after that). I've encountered a few foods that I wish I could eat, but I just can't (dinner rolls, pasta, flour tortillas, crackers, baked potatoes... you seeing a pattern!?), but other than that, this is a kick-ass way to eat.

So, for the "things".....

First of all, I took my son on a last-minute school shopping spree the other day. I stood up from a squatting position and found myself REALLY light-headed. No huge deal, I just gave myself a moment with my hand on the table to stablize myself, and I was fine. Except that I was left with a wicked headache, which concerned me. I had been on high blood pressure meds in the hospital, and I had stopped taking them about two months ago, assuming (unwisely) that my blood pressure would have returned to its enviable pre-operative levels.

So, it gave me pause for thought. On the way home, I swung into the fire station that's a few blocks from my house, and the VERY handsome young fire fighter took my blood pressure. Then he took it again, saying, "I don't think that was an accurate reading." After the second reading, he laughed and said, "no, it was right. You're 114/78 ... your blood pressure is better than mine!"

I loved that. But I know that high blood pressure is the silent killer, and as I said the station is only a few blocks from home. So it's only prudent that I have the handsome young fire fighters take my readings again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Just to be sure, you understand....

Then, the second thing.

I was leaving work, walking along the sidewalk to my car, when I caught sight of someone's reflection in the glass of the building I was walking beside. It took me off guard, because the reflection was just about the same place I would have expected to see *my* reflection.

For a half a second, a jolt of fear coursed through me, because I thought someone might be coming up behind me. I work in a very safe area, but when someone invades your personal space like that, you get a little jumpy, you know? Of course, you've probably already figured out that it WAS my reflection, and I simply didn't recognize myself. I've heard about other people experiencing this, but it was my first ... "geez, that's ME!" moment. My outline has changed so much. I love it, but I admit it's unsettling at times.

I'm spending my time writing about how I feel as I'm going through this. Nothing I want to share, at this point, but the words are flowing. My friend Sandie says I'm carrying myself in a completely different way... exuding confidence and strength. I feel it, too. It's pretty incredible.

In fact, feels like I'm on some weird, surreal exploration of myself, right now. Like I'm creating myself from scratch, and it's difficult to get a grip on which direction I want to move. It's not a bad thing... it's *growth* .... it's just not always comfortable.

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