Ladybuggz

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Hi my friends!  It has been a while since I made an update on my profile.  That's right, 110 lbs and 57 inches are gone. Do I miss them?  HELL NO!  I gave all my old clothes to goodwill the other week and it felt liberating.  It felt even better going and REPLACING those clothes!!  I must admit, I have become what I thought I would never become, a label girl....but it was only because I could never FIT in any designer clothes before.  It's amazing what we tell ourselves to soothe the pain.  Those women I use to refer as "stuck up bitches" hmmm......guess I am the one they call a 'stuck up bitch" to now.  The difference is, I am humbled and I NEVER forget where I came from. I have a size 24 pant that I use to wear all the time,  I didn't give that pair away,  It reminds me that although I was graced to have this surgery, and I have lost all this weight, I still need to watch what I eat and work on not falling back into those old habits that got me in that size 24 in the first place.  Good eating habits and excersize are not what we should do to only loose weight, but to maintain and improve our health heavy or not.  No more apnea, no more snoring, no more high blood pressure, no longer prediabetic.  I will update a pic when I get some time.  God Bless

Yesterday I went shopping for my birthday.  I mornally don't like to go to the mall simply bcause of the shame I felt I was unable to go to most stores.  Since my daughter was young, everytime I would pass The Unlimited, I would look at the fashions and say to her, "I wish I could wear those clothes."  Yesterday, she and I went down the mall, and once again, The Unlimited had cute items in the window and I said to her, 'lets go in and I'm going to pull any pants size 14 and just try them on."  so I did,  She and I went into the dressing room and I closed my eyes and I pulled the pants on.....and buttoned them!  I opened my eyes to see tears in my daughters eyes as she said, 'You did it mom"  They fit great!  It's been 23 yrs since I was able to buy in regular stores.  We both cried and hugged eachother.  Of course, I bought them...
I no longer have to feel embarrassed to go into stores that are regular sizes thinking that the sales persons are looking at me and saying to themselves, why is she here?  It made my day, and my birthday wish.

YES !!!!  Today I  no longer have to push that damn scale weight past the 250 mark!!  I would say that it has been at least 10yrs since I was able to say that. I did the cha-cha-cha all day feeling lighter on my feet and able to move better.  I am aiming to hit my next milestone of 200lbs by my birthday in July.....I can do it if I work hard on it.

Goals: What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.
Alexander Graham Bell 

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.
Jim Rohn 

Five minutes, just before going to sleep, given to a bit of directed imagination regarding achievement possibilities of the morrow, will steadily and increasingly bear fruit, particularly if all ideas of difficulty, worry or fear are resolutely ruled out and replaced by those of accomplishment and smiling courage.
Frederick Pierce 

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
Herman Cain

3wks and down 26lbs, not bad !!  I am at the point in my weight were I always plateau and stay there, hmm I wonder how long it will last this time.  Weight, I hate my weight, I hate the word weight. since I was a young girl, it was  always about the weight...weight weight weight weight weight.  Just today my mother whom I havent seen in a month came in, and of course the first thing out of her mouth was "how's your weight?"  I begin to think I am not important until issues besides weight were talked about. Our society makes a huge impact on woman's weight, and we all know, that if you are overweight, you are lazy, ugly, pathetic, depressed, and we all settle for less.  The craziness to all of this is that this is a WOMAN's issue, brought on mostly by other women- most fashion magazines editors are women.  You hardly hear men speak about woman's weight, I don't anyways.  So, now what does it leave us?  We have been listening to prissy, upitty know-it-alls who have nothing better to do with their lives than to talk about so-and-so, what they are wearing, how they look, and critique every aspect of someone elses apprearance and life. And let the fildfire begin.  It's like the herbal-essence commercial, you tell 2 friends- they tell 2 friends and so on until society believes the standards that we as overweight women have to endure.  No wonder so many of us are depressed, we are depressed because we are looked down apon, overlooked, made jokes about.  This country spends $6billion a year on diet fads, and suppliments, can you imagine what we could do with that money towards people in need?  It sickens me that these companies are making so much money on pills/suppliments that not only don't work, but makes the problem worse- that famous yo-yo and then some rebound.
I had gastric bypass surgery for myself.  To get over this unsurmountable stereotype that has haunted me since childhood and to break away from the chains that restrict me.  So as I lift my protein shake to salute "Here's to the new generation of women who understand the pain of being overweight and have survived your redicule and your looks and are now seated next to you very comfortably in the airplane seat next to you - but I will never be you and I'm proud of that"

Take care and be strong my sisters,

Carolyn

This is my 1 week post surgery day.  I am really doing well.  The surgery went very well for me and the staff at Legacy was awesome!!  I still am bloated from surgery and have gas pains that sounds like aliens wanting to get out.But I love the help my kids and honey are pitching in to keep the house maintained--thank you, my little angels .  ONE more week of liquids, I have had to buy all different flavors of protein shakes so that I dont get bored.  Im so Happy that I have done this for myself. I have my follow-up soon and will get weighed then,  I have to remind myself that although its great to lose weight,  the fact that Im regaining my life back that is really more important to me. 

Today I attended the pre-op class.  I think the one thing that I learned the most is that there are people out in the world that feel the same way about their weight and have the same issues and concerns that you have.  In other words, its nice to know you are not alone.  In the class were support peers along with patients, one girl happened to be a post-RNY patient herself, she showed her progress, she had a great attitude and was very helpfull with things that she can and cannot eat even after 3yrs.  I also met some other very nice people.   I am ready!!  I've been ready for 5 yrs now and just because my insurance had exclusion clauses it didn't deter me to work my ass off and save money to get here.  Now, I get to save money for SHOPPINGHMMM I wonder how much I could save from just putting the money away that I would normall spend on fastfood and starbuck.....

Im ok so far, havent killed anyone because I can only drink liquids... Lucky them.  Have you ever noticed how many commercials are for FOOD.  I was watching TV, starving, and after seeing one after another pop on the screen, finally I was relieved to see a commercial that was for...CARS.  Unfortunately, the cars where parked in front of a cafe...and all I could think of was...I bet they serve really yummy hot buttered pancakes  LOL.  Will I ever stop thinking like this?  I bet thin women dont daydream of food.

I started my liquid phase of the diet and I am experiencing something VERY odd~I'm COLD.  I am NEVER cold.  I used to joke that I could sit naked on a block of ice and I would melt it.  I have prayed to be cold, I usually sweat.  Hmmmm, Im not sure what to make of this... I am putting this in my blog just so that I can remember that it actually happened.

Why is it, as soon as you know you have to do something drastically, like go on clear liquids, family memebers who know you are having only liquids at this time suddenly have the 'best recipe' to show you...offer you an orange and tell you that "its ok, you can have this",  make hot chocolate for you.  OF course, they laugh when you comment how much of a SHE-DEVIL she is being.  This is the same person who made a comment about what a *itch I will be when I am on liquids---She's pushin it....LOL

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.


Mother Teresa

Gosh, I have only4 days until my surgery.  My divorce from LotsoffoodBob is final today.  I celebrated my mother's birthday and my divorce at the Olive Garden with some friends and it only cost me $57.00~ not bad considering the length of my relationship.  'Bob' has cost me A LOT in fastfood and Starbuck's, I believe the only reason Starbuck's is on every corner is because of my financial backing.  Tomorrow I start my liquid phase in preparation for my 'birth'day.   I can't believe my surgery is this week......I'll keep you posted and will snap the before picture on Friday.
~~God Bless~~