And here we go.....

Oct 02, 2011

Well, here I am sitting here with my head spinning and spinning.  I have surgery tomorrow and even though I have never written a blog before and don't feel like I have anything interesting to say....I thought, what the hell....at least I can get it out of my head and it just may be a little therapeutic. 

My story:

Like many here, I have struggled my entire life with being over weight.  One of my earliest memories is of my synchronized swimming coach yelling at me to get my fat legs up and keep them there!  I think I was 9 years old.  Even though I was number one in the nation in my age group at the time...that one comment, is the one I remember. 

Anyways...my weight has always been a factor in my life.  Never super heavy but enough to be considered different.  After having my kids I just haven't been able to get it off.  Aging really sucks when trying to lose weight.  In my youth, I would just cut calories and I would lose, as I got older it wasn't coming off unless it was calorie cutting AND exercise.  I could never get the two going for long enough to get much below about 220. 

I was always telling myself that I just had to get it together and do it.  It isn't like I don't know what it takes to lose weight....I think most overweight people are the most knowledgeable about what you should be eating and doing, then most thin people but I could never stick with it.  I have just chalked it up to a major character flaw and I wasn't strong enough. 

In the past, I had thought about WLS but never seriously....thinking that having it was the easy way out and that I SHOULD be able to do it myself.  I also had a friend that had WLS that I have known since I was in 6th grade and though extremely successful in weight loss, her behavior once getting thin was horrid and I thought that if that is what being thin does to people then I don't want it.

So, here I am a couple years later, in my early 40's and rethinking my life.  I have regained the 40lbs that I have lost and gained over and over again over the last 19 years, I feel awful about myself and for the first time in my life I am letting my weight stop me from doing things and living life and I just feel sick.  I HAVE to make major changes and I HAVE to do it now.  I don't want to live like this.  So, out of curiosity I checked my insurance to see if WLS was covered and it was! So, in May I started my WLS journey....I went to the orientation that my surgeon puts on and decided that I would try to get it approved and if it was, it was a sign that it was the right thing to do.  As I had the required appointments and found out that I am pre-diabetes, have high blood pressure and high cholesterol it solidified my decision.  As I was educated about the surgery and life after I realized how wrong I was about it being the easy way out.  A wonderful tool, but one that has to be used well or there are serious consequences.  Still, knowing the risks and that this is a life long decision I am so ready and committed.  I can't wait to start living life again.

So...October 4th is my rebirth and I am ready!  Let this new phase of my life begin!

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