lillithmaximus

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Today is my sweet baby girl's second birthday! I love you, baby pie!

(repost from VSG message board)

I wake up really early on my off days (I'm talking 2-3 AM usually) so I decided to go to the Y this morning when they open at 5.  My hubby and I have been going almost every day this week for cardio and racquetball, our daughter really seems to like the toddler area, so we have loved it so far.

Going that early in the morning and by myself was a totally new experience because I only had to focus on myself.  I did about 25 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of weights (specifcially arm stuff because I have the worst batwings on the planet.)  So I'm on the elliptical trainer by the window, and I'm doing my thing..watching the news.. and I glance over.  Who is that?  ...

Me?  That streamlined individual? no friggin' way...

I freaked myself out a bit because I haven't seen the weight loss yet.  It's there.. the numbers, but as far as how I view myself- I don't see it at all.  I know a lot of you feel the same way.  I actually saw myself.. and I looked really good!

LOL!

So.. number two happened when I decided to get in the hot tub.  This one was harder for me.  I had to actually make a concious decision to make this happen, bringing a bathing suit and towel, things to shower with, etc.. It was pretty empty in there- a couple of lifeguards and a couple of people doing laps.  I thought to myself, 'just get it over with, already!'

I pulled off my shorts and started to step into the tub- I half expected all of the bullies of my youth to come running out shouting, "no fatties allowed in the hot tub!!!", when out of my peripheral came one of the life guards.  I thought, "oh my god! she's going to tell me that fatties aren't allowed in the hot tub!"..

no.. she was just checking the temp before I got in.  And I did.. and it was glorious.

I parked in front of one of the massagers and let it go crazy on my back while I melted into oblivion.  I stayed in there until I looked like a cooked lobster, then I took a shower, got dressed and came home.  I think the public showering thing would be an NSV also, but they have stalls and plenty of privacy.  Although.. I did notice that my towel closed completely around me.  Woah, that's number three!

Not bad for one morning!!!

It's kind of funny that only two short months ago, I was here..regretting my choice, complaining about crappy protein, bemoaning my decision to have the surgery... and here I am today-

LOVING my sleeve. :)

So, it's been a while since my last post.  I've always said that I write best when I'm miserable, and since progressing to "normal" foods, I've been much happier!  I had a great holiday season, made some epiphanies about "good vs bad" food, and hung out with some pretty cool people. (Ie: my family)

I've really been doing well at getting my protein, water, and vitamins in- it just takes getting on a schedule.  Now, when I'm off- the schedule goes to crap and I don't make my numbers at all.  When I work, though, I've got most of my requirements in before 0800!

Get to work @ 0000: Protein snack- (cheese, pork rinds) (8-12 grams protein) 
                          0100: Drink 20-30 oz water type beverage (Vitamin Water Zero, Crystal Light, etc), (take Paxil, Multivitamin, Actigal, Prilosec)
                          0200: Eat 2-3 oz solid protein (Chicken, turkey, gyro meat, deli meat)) (20 + grams of protein)
                          0300: Drink 20-30 oz water type beverage (Vitamin Water Zero, Crystal Light, etc) (take calcium)
                          0400: Walk one mile + 4-5 flights of stairs (Approx 200 calories burned)
                          0430: Drink 8 oz protein shake with skim milk (30-32 grams protein) (take calcium and alprazolam)
                          0500: Drink 20-30 oz water type beverage while passing meds
                          0800: Go home and go to bed (if I'm lucky) (take calcium and actigal once home)

Being off.. is great. I love being home with my family, but I'm having trouble sticking to a schedule.  Especially since I sleep at night when I'm off, so my whole day is kind of backwards.  I try to get up early and start with a protein shake and some vitamins, but as far as eating- I'm way off.  I've started wandering into the kitchen to have a bite of something to see if it's what I want.   Yes, that's technically grazing, but it's more than that- I really have no idea what to eat when I'm home.

At work, I have my little bento box full of food, and that's what I eat.  At home, there's such a selection and usually nothing sounds great.  I have to eat at work or I'll be starving because there aren't any distractions from my hunger.  At home, however, I can wander around the house, nibble this nibble that, and go back to my Man Vs. Food marathon, hang out with the hubby, or play with our daughter.  It's kind of frustrating, but I'm still a noobie.. I guess it just takes time.

So, since progressing to "mushies" things are a lot better. (Just like everyone said).  I'm getting a little bored with my options, so I got some gyro meat today with some cucumber sauce and feta cheese- soooo good.  Not sure how "mushy" it is, but it's not like a steak or something.  The meat is really tender and basically falls apart as you're eating it.  It's close enough for me!

I'm kind of noticing that my tastes are changing. For example, I used to hate feta cheese!  I think I just want some different tastes and textures so bad that I'm willing to eat almost anything. (Except blue cheese.. that's still gross and possibly life threatening due to my pcn allergy.)

My first and husby's second follow up is in a couple of weeks.  I can't wait to see how far I've progressed then.  So far, I'm down 35 lbs since a week before surgery, but I'm not doing well AT ALL on liquids or vitamins.  Protein has improved since mushies.. I'd guestimate 50-60 grams per day (at least 30 of which is a shake).  Hopefully that number will go up a bit when I'm able to eat more, but my restriction is still really really good, so I can't eat more than a few spoonfuls at a time (about 3-4 tablespoons of food per meal). 

BUT I'm lucky if I remember to take my multi 2-3 times per week, and I never remember the calcium.  I need to get in gear!

So, I had my surg on Monday (11/15) and after a week-plus of clears I can honestly say without a doubt that I am ..


STARVING!

God bless you people who lose all sense of hunger because you are my idols right now!  I also wish I could blame this empty, unsatisified, growling sensation in my awesome tiny tummy on gas, head hunger, acid reflux, the phase of the moon... or anything but being unadulteratedly famished.

I've been lucky enough that my first few days post op, I was so sick I was barely able to drink water (crystal light, etc), much less actually have the desire to put something solid in my face.  For my pre-op clears, I LOOOOVED the broth from my favorite chinese restaraunt (basically the wonton soup sans wontons) but I tried it post-op; it was PURE salt.

Nothing was appetizing and I was GLAD!  It's easier to not eat when you genuinely don't WANT to eat!

Oh, today is not the case.  I woke up early in probably less pain than I've had all week, so I took a reduced amount of med,  straightened up the house a bit, fixed a protein shake, and cooked some breakfast for my daughter.  Now, I've never been much a fan of scrambled eggs, but actually battling with her to eat her eggs was getting a little frustrating (since to me, they looked like filet mignon). 

Husby starts his mushies tomorrow, and I thought he was so crazy to be looking forward to his breakfast of scrambled egg and cheese- now I'm dreaming of watered down cream of wheat and milk-based coffee drinks. 

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!

So, I had my psych eval today. I think it went pretty well, though my hand was about to fall off because of the writing part.  The doctor is the same lady who leads the groups on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Mondays at the Tace building, so I was already pretty comfortable with her.  That and she has the cutest dog hangin' out in her office.  Yes, a dog.

Well, provided that I didn't completely screw myself by disclosing my sorted psychological history, it's clear sailing from here- 5 days left!

I went to my first group this evening and I really enjoyed it.  I also really enjoyed having access to a scale that will handle my husband- we found out he's lost 10 more lbs since Thursday!  We figured as much since he slipped on a pair of 50/30's this morning that he hadn't worn in 2 years- and they fit LOOSELY!  So much that he had to get a smaller belt to since them.  That makes 3 pant sizes he's gone down and 30 lbs total. I'm so proud of him!

I have my psych eval in the AM right after work, so I hope I don't mess anything up for myself in my sleep-deprived stupor.  6 days and counting until I hit the losers bench! My doctor only requires two days of clears prior to surg but I decided to start today on fulls just to give myself a head start. (I also have some TMI intenstinal issues that make me think that a "clean out" ahead of time would benefit me greatly!) 

Plus, when we'd weighed originally, I was on the "light" side of my monthly women's weight fluctuations BS, so it looks like I've gained 13 lbs since then, but I usually wax and wane 10 lbs at any given time.  Dropping most of that before hand would be awesome. Especially since I'm terrified that Houston will tell me to bugger off if I gain an ounce!
 

So Husby is almost two weeks out and over 20 lbs down (SO proud of him!).  He's had almost no discomfort since coming home, which is totally a testiment to the magicianship of Dr. Houston.  He's not only dreamy, but a helluva surgeon.  Bedside manner isn't the best, but I'd rather have an asshole surgeon who is awesome than a really nice guy who kills you. ("I'm so sorry I killed your husband, here's a basket of fruit.") Naw, give me the one who, when you come back for your follow-up and tell him how well you are doing, he stares at you blanklly as though to say, "Of course you are. I did your surgery." LOL!

 My big day is coming up in 8 days! I'm nervous, scared, excited.. all of the above.  We had some drama about taking time off from work, though.  We sign up for vacation time a year in advance, so this time last year, I'd randomly chosen the last week in November as one of my weeks.  Well, when I got my date (TWO months ago), I asked that my vacation time be bumped up to the week of the 14th.  At the time, it was fine, but all of the sudden (2 days ago) it's not fine, my shift can't be covered, and can I try to get my surgery date moved to the last week of November?

Um.... no?

I asked about it (out of courtesy) but of course I'd have to put it off until FEB to do it if I cancelled now.  I'm not willing to do that, I'm ready to get started NOW!

So my manager gives me guilt about how this is an "elective" surgery and how other people schedule their medical issues during regular vacation time (NOT TRUE).  I really like my boss, but this rubbed me wrong.  Of course this is elective.  A friend recently had a bunionectomy due to severe foot pain and was out for 6 weeks.  This was also an elective surgery.  Another friend had a voluntary mastectomy because her markers and family history indicated would develop breast cancer- again, elective.  I think people have a hard time distinguishing  between "elective" surgery and "vanity" surgery. 

Not that there's anything wrong with "vanity" surgery, I might end up wanting it at some point.  But I want to do this procedure for my health and family. To improve my quality of life and, frankly, set a better example as a nurse!

(Really, a  chubby nurse telling a patient what he should eat is about as effective as reeking of smoke while giving a cessation class!)

Anyway, it's all good, I got the leave that I wanted and I'm having surgery on schedule, even if it's going to inconvenience the ward for a week- they'll survive!.

The folks at the Bariatric Center were good enough to let my husband and I do our consultation together.  I have so much respect for Dr. Houston because of his reputation. (In particular one patient who is a very good friend of mine sings his praises always..) BUT.. I do have to say that he's a little snarky. It's a word, google it.

We were making some small talk about our lives post surgery and we were talking about being more phsically active post - op, which is bound to happen when we aren't embarassed to leave the house and actually have energy to do so.  Dr. Houston said, "Yeah, well, everyone says they'll exercise, but no one does."

It's kind of hard to tell if he was trying to be funny, but it kind of came out um.. assholish?

We both have dates now and we're both really scared, nervous, excited, anxious, and every other emotion possible (as to be expected).  Time will tell if the feelings get any better!

I was approved through my insurance (Thank you, Federal BC/BS!) and my consultation with Dr. Houston is Aug 16th.  On one hand, I was disappointed that I have to wait three more weeks, but I think it might be worth it to get to be seen by Houston.  He performed a friend's surgery so I'm pretty happy that I'll get him too.  I would really like to try for a surgery date in late August/Early September, so I'll keep my fingers crossed.

The seminar was really informative and I'm really happy that my husband decided to attend with me because he'll be next!  I am so lucky to have such great insurance because it breaks my heart to read those stories about people who have to wait years and suffer through denials.  It sucks that some people can't get the help they need or even that they have to deal with waiting periods, medically supervised weight loss, blah, blah. Ugh. Sucks.