One week and three days to go.

Jan 13, 2011

Well, I write today because until yesterday I thought I was doing so wonderful and my mind frame was in the right place, I had positive thinking and just knew this was the right decision for me.  I still do think it is right for me but as I was reading a lady's blog yesterday, I read a part I wish I hadn't.  She spoke of a friend who died two days after her surgery...suddenly a panic came over me and all I could think about was how selfish I've been and what if something did happen, what would happen to my son and how much of his life that I will miss out on.  But, I'm glad to say that reason came back to me and despite my wanting to ignore the fact that I have read that, I forced my common sense to take over and remided myself that I don't know her situation at all, what were her risks going in, did she have other issued that made the surgery more complicated?  Who knows what her surgeon is like? Those kinds of things.  I know I have a super fantastic surgeron, in fact I know that he is one of the best in the country and people travel from far away to have him perform their surgeries.  I have heard that he has only ever lost one patient but that case was risky to begin with (I don't know if this is even true by the way).  He is well skilled and my own family doctor assures me that I am a perfect candidate for this surgery. 

So, after all that, I have decided today that I am going to go into this with nothing but positive thoughts, and therefore my outcome will be positive.  I have awsome support from my friends, husband and grandmother.  I have found a few people that are close to my surgery date and we are all trying to stay strong for each other.  I want this!  I have prepared for this for three years, I have researched it to death and I know I can do this, I'm just talking from nerves and fears.  I need to remember why I am doing this and for whom I am doing this and just let it happen.  The reward will be so wonderful and I can't wait until I open my eyes and know all is well.

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