Lap Band Surgery Failure

Mar 06, 2010

     I was scheduled to have Lap Band surgery on Feb 18.  Everything went so smoothly before then, and I thought surgery day would be no exception. 
     I was woken up from surgery, and told they were unable to place the band.  I felt so horrible, I immediately began crying, sobbing really.  I was still under the drugs from surgery, which I think made my reaction even worse.  My mother, step-father, boyfriend, and sister each came to visit me in Post-Op.  I don't really remember anything they said.  I'm sure they were encouraging.  All I knew was that I was crying.  I cried so hard, my head throbbed.  I couldn't see from the pain.  I was given two doses of Demerol for the headache.  And yet, I kept sobbing.  I felt like a failure.  I couldn't lose weight on my own, and now that I was able to lose weight by surgical means, my body wouldn't allow it.  The Doctor said my liver was too big.  In fact, he said it was four times too big, and that it was actually bending the equipment they used to try to lift my liver away from my stomach.  All of my lab tests were normal.  I was felt  I cut into for nothing.  Just to suffer. 
     I went home that same day after surgery.  My boyfriend drove me home, where my family was going to come and comfort me.  I laid on the couch with my cat, whom I think knew something was wrong.  I faded in and out of troubled sleep.  I kept waking up hoping I was wrong, that the Band had been placed.  Everytime I woke up, I heard my family talking about the situation, and what to do.  I knew it was true.  I was a failure. 
     I cried myself to sleep the first week I was home recovering.  By the third day, most of my pain was gone.  I followed the Post-Surgery diet anyways, just to take it easy on my body.  I took the bandages off that were covering my surgery areas.  Everyone of the six small areas were bruised.  Not just your normal, everyday bruise.  Each one measured about 5-6 cm.  They were the darkest purple I had ever seen.  More signs, in my mind, of how I was doomed to suffer.
     I had a Post-Op appointment with my surgeon.  He showed me pictures of my liver, and just how big it was.  I was to have a CT-scan scheduled to get the full dimensions.  I was informed that I wouldn't be able to consider surgery again until May, and that I would have to lose 40-50 lbs.  I was to start on a low carb (less than 50 mg) and high protein (more than 90 mg) diet.  I would come back in April, and we would schedule surgery based on my progress, and liver size.
     I am currently following the diet.  Since Feb 18th, I have lost 14 lbs.  I have not been exercising like I should, and could give you many excuses for the reasons.  None matter.  I don't know where I went wrong.  Everyday after I was told my surgery was approved, I researched the Lap Band.  I have a folder full of recipies, and tips for eating.  I saw many sites that suggested some Doctors would want you to lose weight pre-op, but since my Doctor never told me to, I figured I was ok.  I question whether or not my Doctor should have done a CT-scan before surgery, to make sure there were no problems with my liver.  I also question myself constantly, as to what I could have done to prevent this basically exploratory surgery.  
     I'm struggling, but hopeful.  I do not think I will consider the Lap Band surgery.  I am now thinking I want to just go ahead with the full Gastric Bypass.  Part of me is just tired, and wants the weight off as quick as possible.  I don't want to feel like a failure again.

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