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High school, 10th grade was the start of fun for me. I made tons of friends, I was a size 14, which was fine back in 1980 for a 15 yr old. I hung out with "the stoners" because we loved the same music, Led Zeppelin, rock in general. I had my first boyfriend who turned in to my first husband at the extremely young and stupid age of 16! (Never call your mom on an ultimatum, and never call your 16 yr old daughter's bluff!!!) I was not pregnant, I had been beat up by my brother and ran away. It was either live at home with him again or get married. Gabriel, my oldest son was born in 1983, 2 yrs later. My weight gain started again during that pregnany and just never came off. I gained 60 lbs.
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December 26, 2004-Life altering moment #2. Caught my high school sweetheart cheating on me. His family had her over for the holidays and lied to me that they were going to be gone. I had suffered physical abuse at the hands of my soon to be ex. I left him that same night. Within the last 6 ms that we were together, the abuse got bad, and I had left him 3 times. I knew he was cheating, I just did not have proof. I got depressed, and ate, of course. I did not have many friends, becasue Steve was good at keeping me secluded. I had already lost all of my friends from high school, since I was not allowed to be social with them anymore. My mom kept feeding me stories that he might be cheating on me, and she was right. Life became lonely again, and full of solitude. I was 19, on my way to a divorce, a single mom, and had to move back home with a mom I did not get along with. Fun. I started hanging around with an old friend from high school and her crazy cousin, Kim. Kim was wild, with blazing red hair and the crazy outgoing personality I wished I had. It rubbed off on me, and I came out of my shell. Dated a couple of guys, had tons of fun. Then I met Allen, a 17 yr old in a group home.We dated for a while, but it did not last. We were great friends. He was killed when I was 21 accidentally by his best friend, who shot him in the neck during a party!! Tell me, who cleans a gun at a party??? I was crushed, especially since my mother made my friend keep it from me when she got the call that he had been killed. I hated my mom for that, because the wait was so I could work ther lunch shift first. I worked as a waitress at mom's restaurant then.
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March 1987 - I was 21, single, Gabriel was 2. I was working at a grocery store and loving life!! I had a great circle of friends I worked with, was social when I could be. I met my 2nd husband Roger. He had a fast car, a job, and was not a loser! We moved in together, and I got pregnant. That is when the crap began. He did not dare tell his buddies that he was sleeping with me, since I was a "fat chick" of size 16, 180 lbs. This was the Heavy Metal days, and if you did not wear a size 2 with big blonde hair, you were jsut not good enough for his crowd. I had to hide my pregnany from his folks, because we planned to put him up for adoption. See, even tho Rog was with me, he was in love with another, Lily. Perfect little Lily. My self esteem was so low, even tho I was in love and pregnant. He would not kiss me or hold my hand in public. I was his dirty little secret, and I hated that, and him for doing that to me. Good enough to have sex with, but that was it. A man I worked with wanted to adopt my baby since I did not want to have 2 without their dad around, I just could not do it again alone. I couldn't count on Roger staying around. We started the process. We changed our minds, of course when he was born. and they were very understanding. The whole time I was still pregnant they kept telling me if I changed myu mind it would be ok, it was God's will. I fel so small for hurting them that way, but I just could not go thru with it. Roger and I got married 2 yrs later. We had a daughter in 1990, my precious Natalie.
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1991 - My best friend from High school was back in California. His face is to the left, my sweet, sweet Greg. We were both in bad marriages. I was so not happy, and he had already left his wife a few times, but came back when she would play the suicide card, which was a common occurence for her. He had a good friend who did it, and she knew he would not call her bluff. We ended up getting together, after we wer both single, in 1996 and have been together ever since. I won't bore you with the details and all the years in between. I just know that when you know it is right, go with it. Greg has always been my soul mate, we were just never single at the same time. We got together in 96, moved in together in 2000, and got married in 2002!! We bought our first home 2 years ago. I inherited his 2 sons, Tristan 22 and Alex 20. Alex and I don't speak, as we have a horrible relationship, as he does with his father. My children are no longer children. Gabriel, from the abusive husband Steve, is 23. He is a cook and aspires to be a chef like his Mama! Alexander is 19, and knows I almost gave him up for adoption but am extremely happy I didn't! He plans on becoming a US Marine this summer. And Nati Girl is 16. She is my Tiny Dancer. Their photos are to the left. I am a very proud mom and I don't consider Tristan (TC) my "step" son. He is also my son as I have watched him grow up as Aunt Laura.
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All this time, I had gotten larger and larger. At my highest weight I weighed 264 lbs. I did Jazzercize with Weight Watchers and only lost 35 lbs. I had high blood pressure now for 10 years, that could not be controlled. I had sleep apnea, and was borderline diabetic. My husband is a thin muscular man, so I always felt like a #10 with him, and I was the zero, in every way. I grew up with a mom who was very critical, and I just did not measure up. If I had been perfectly thin, and extremely good student, I would have been fine, but I was neither. And I was always made aware of both. My self esteem was non existent. I was lucky to have the love and respect of a loving, good looking, sexy man,who loved my kids,and I was happy in my relationship. But that was all. No matter what I tried to lose the weight, forgetaboutit! It hung on to me for dear life.
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I finally saw, on Mother's Day 2003, a story on Al Roker and his WLS. It was amazing to me, so I started discussing it with Greg. His ex was also very large, larger than me, and shorter too, so he was so supportive of whatever I felt I needed to do to be healthy. This is where my journey begins!!! The very next day I called for an appt with what was to become my bariatric surgeon to start informing myself. I worked with a girl who had it a year before me, but I was not aware, since we did not know eachother. My boss put us together and she told me all about it. Her main thing was, and still is NO REGRETS! She put me in touch with Dr Ali. It took a year to get everything done to have the surgery, but I did not know that then. I went for my first appt and fell in love with Dr Ali. Such a no-nonsense type of man! He ACTUALLY APOLOGIZED FOR THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY TREATING ME LIKE A PARRIAH SINCE i WAS OBESE!!!
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I went to all of my appointments, and they were endless!! The blood tests, the psych evaluations, the sleep apnea-overnight tests, Go on a diet, lose weight. If I can do that, why do I need surgery????? Because you have to, so shut up and do it! That is what I told myself anytime I had my doubts. Can I do this? Will you actually lose weight? Can you maintain? Will your skin get saggy? Will you die on the operating table? Will your kids have to go live with their hateful Stepmom? NO!! I made sure of that in my will. And my ex did not argue the point since he wanted to leave her anyway (Roger). And lastly, will this be approved by my insurance??
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Well, yes, it was approved the first time!! I had a date for March 15, 2004. This was my Re-birth date to be!! WOO HOO!!! OMG, something was actually going my way without any complications!! My family, (1 brother, 4 sisters and my kids) was all for it, but not Mom. In her eyes, all I had to do was stop eating tortillas!! I would call her with progess reports on my diet hoping she would just praise me for once, to no avail. Instead I got phone calls of her crying, scared to death, and scaring ME to death! She was so insistent I don't do this. I told her I had to if I wanted to be her age someday. She just did not understand.
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So here comes my surgery date. I go for it, and 3 days later, I am home!!! And STINKY and STICKY!!! What a gross feeling! I could not wait to shower!! Greg was there for me, so attentive and loving. I really do thank God for giving me this man in my life to love me for me, fat or not. He is truly incredible! Anyway, I slept in the "Princess Pose" like my new buddy Christina said I would, I had my protein mixes, soups, etc. Hated the shakes flavors, wanted to chew!!!!! I was so happy when my Led Zeppelin cd's arrived to keep my head company while my dream man kept me from dreaming with his snoring. "10 Years Gone" has never been played like that on my walkman since, but I still listen to that song every day. It reminds me of my recovery time! I got better little by little, and after being home for 2 weeks, I decided I needed to put my face on and get some air!
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I went to Barnes and Noble to get Susan Maria's "Before and After" Book purely for the shake rcipes my dr told me where there. I was exhausted when I got home and it took me 2 days to recover! Didn't like those either. But I loved her book.
I slowly adapted to my new body, my new diet, and my new frame of mind. Christina told me I would mourn my old self and have trouble with depression, since I was not "her" anymore. NOPE!! Never happened! When you loathe someone as much as I did myself, how could you mourn it? I never did, still don't. I now like that old Laura, it is still me, just heavier, and unhappy.
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Went back to work after 6 weeks and a slow weight loss of only 30 lbs in 6 weeks. I think some folks were actually happy more didn't come off faster. It is terrible how catty women can be with eachother. Everyone was watching what I ate, questioning EVERYTHING i put in my mouth......"should you eat that?"......Is that enough?.....How much weight have u lost???.....Amazes me how people who never paid you the time of day before surgery are so damn curious and nosy AFTER surgery!! There are people who root you on, and people who want to slam you down. I thought I was done with that!
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Fast forward, current day 2007: I am almost 2 years out. Next month, on my re-birthday, I have my first plastic surgery appointment! How appropriate!! I weigh 140 lbs, size 9-10 clothes and size 9 1/2 shoe from a size 10 1/2 shoe. I can share clothes with My Nati girl!! I am very open about my journey, because I am hoping it might inspire someone to make a change in their life. I am not ashamed of what I had to do to lose weight and be healthy. I am proud of myself for having the balls to do it! I myself am a very no nonsense person. I don't whine about what needs to be done. I hate that. I went back to school, and I am now a chef in training at a superb gourmet restaurant here in Sacramento called "Slocum House". I want to become a personal chef for clients who have special dietary needs, just like myself! I am a Food Network junkie, a total Foodie, along with My Greg, and I have never been happier with my life that I am now!
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The grass, for ME, is definately greener when I am "skinny"!!! My husband calls me "Sexy" all the time, and sometimes when he kisses me, he says "Who are you again???" He knows damn well it's me!! A happier, healthier Laura!
So, Now life is REALLY different! I am now 44, a grandmother with another grandchild on the way. My son tells me that a coworker saw a photo of me and my lil man together and did not believe I was Gabe's Mom, because I was "too hot to be a grandma". Me? HOT??? That is just crazy talk! But I love it!
I am at 154 now, and a size 10-12, depending on the store. but I am SOOOO happy to report I have 2 pair of Levis jeans that are size 6!!! And yes, they fit! I would love to lose the last 10 or so lbs that I just want off, but if I don't, and I stay here, I will be pleased. I have been blessed with this procedure. It saved my life! And I don't take that lightly. Love life, and I am super happy!
