mamacatks

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

2 pieces peanut butter toast
2 glasses 2% milk
1 1/2 bacon/ketchup sandwiches
iced tea (unsweetened)
chicken nuggets w/ honey mustard
tater tots
1 Hershey's mini candy bar
water

3 mini Hershey's bars
2 pieces peanut butter toast
2 glasses 2% milk
2 soft tacos
1 small slice hamburger pizza

1 king size Hershey's bar
2 pieces peanut butter toast
2 glasses 2% milk
2 soft tacos

Aug. 6th
3 Hostess cupcakes
1 chocolate chip granola bar
beef stew
2 biscuits
water

Aug. 7th
egg mc muffin
hash brown
milk
2 helpings tuna casserole
2% milk

Monday Aug 4, 2008
1 bag chex mix
3 pieces of hamburger pizza
water

Tuesday Aug. 5, 2008
3 doughnuts
1 glass 2 % milk
spaghetti with meat sauce
2 slices buttered bread

It was a McD day...

Breakfast:
  1 egg mcmuffin
  1 hash brown
  1 white milk

Lunch:
  2 cheese burgers
  1 med. fries
  1 med. coke

Supper: nothing

Bedtime:
  1 small chocolate ice cream cone

I've been trying to work through the process for weight loss surgery since January.  Finally had the interview portion of my psych eval yesterday and the psychologist says she's going to recommend that I not get the surgery.  She says I don't have enough "healing energy" left in me to recover well because of all the past problems I've had and all the current stressors in our house with health and stuff.  She said the surgeon may still go ahead and approve me to have it, but she wanted to warn me.

And I'm right, my brain is mushed from all the junk I've dealt with over the years--she said back in 2000 during my divorce my intelligence test scored "above average" and it's the same now, no longer in the gifted range.  How depressing is that, finding out my stress and health have made me not only fat but stupider.... joy joy....

It hasn't been a good day.

I'm supposed to start a food diary for the week so here it goes:
Breakfast--nothing
Lunch--ate out at a buffet:
   Salad (lettuce, mushrooms, cucumbers, tomatoes, bleu cheese dressing)
   1/2 cup cottage cheese with 1/4 cup diced pineapple
   ice tea unsweetened
   cornbread muffin w/ butter
   1/2 cup pasta with 2 meatballs and marinara sauce
Birthday party:
   ice tea unsweetened
   1 cup punch (I think it had grapefruit juice, sprite, and 2 little strawberries)
   1 piece chocolate cake with icing
Supper:
   2 corndogs with mustard
   4 cherry tomatoes, 2 celery sticks, 8 baby carrots, 1/4 cup broccoli, 2 Tbsp ranch dip

I'm just not in a very happy place right now...

Well, I've lost 1/2 lb this week.  Been trying to drink enough water, but I just can't get in 96 oz. a day--I drink around 40-60 oz. a day and that has me up half the night peeing. 

Every night I get the munchies, so that has been a struggle.  Tim offered to let me take some of his diet pills, but I told him no thanks--I don't eat because I feel hungry, so an appetite suppressant won't do any good.  I almost always eat because of stress or boredom or just cuz I crave the taste of something--not good when I'm wanting weight loss surgery.

I'm really really REALLY stressed out over the mental health center losing my testing data.  I asked if I should just go take it again and start over and my therapist said no they would find it.  I don't remember the names of the man and woman I took the testing with in Emporia on Feb. 15th, but since they were self-pay, I'd imagine they have already had their surgeries by now.  I knew I had to wait till August or September anyway because I'm on Medicare, but I just want to cry every time I think of the lost testing--without that submitted to the surgery group, I won't be able to have surgery for sure.  It's at those moments that I just feel like giving up and diving into a tub of ice cream--probably would if we weren't so short on money all the time.  It amazes me that I can overeat when we are so broke--don't know where the money comes from for food.  Of course bad food is cheap...

It's probably safe to say I won't be losing too much weight to not qualify for surgery any time soon--I'm so bummed out right now about my weight and the lost data that I don't resist the munchies too hard...  Most of the time I try to make it sensible, like a bag of microwave popcorn (unbuttered or light butter), but tonight I'll probably be opting for the nacho cheese & salsa and tortilla chips snack.  When a craving hits, it's usually salt, sometimes sweet.  At least I don't really have any urge for pop anymore.  The only time I drink it is when we go out to eat.  I just don't like the sugary taste and how crummy it makes me feel afterward.  I don't do diet pop--the aspartame gives me migraine headaches.  So that is one plus--I don't get a caffeine withdrawal headache anymore, since I don't drink pop often enough to trigger it.

I just want to see progress....

 

Can I just cry now?  I went and bought a new scale since my old one jumps all over the place on what my weight is.  The new one consistently tells me that I'm 6 lbs heavier than the old one.  So I'm adjusting my weight trackers and tickers and all that fun stuff.  It's so frustrating when I thought I had gotten below 240 and I haven't.

OK, I don't know if this will work, but I'll try to add a picture to this...



I'm not having a good day, but SO FAR I haven't overeaten.  But the day is young lol... it's only 5 PM....