truth talks

Mar 12, 2010

OKay so I had my next check up this afternoon and I'm really down and need to vent and confess at the same time!  My dad calls it truth talk!  I can't tell anyone in my life close to me because of my fear of failing in their eyes!  I already feel like i'm heading right down the failure road anyway so this is so extreamly hard for me to say it all outload or at least here on "paper".  Admiting when I've messed up especially with myself has always been my most difficult down fall!  When I first had my surgery I followed everything to a T but then I started trying things a little bit hear and there and now I've found out that NOTHING disagrees with me.  So you'd think wow that's great welll not so much!  I wish that sweet would dissagree with me and carbs would dissagree with me and nothing does!  So I've found myself everyday craving all of those things and getting bites of them all day long and now today at my appt I've only lost 7lbs since my last visit 7 weeks ago.  Which if I was on a regular diet 1lb a week would be great but they say I should be loosing 2 lbs a week and I KNOW I haven't been doing what I'm suposed to be doing at this point!  I'm still new at all of this and only 5 mnts out from surgery and I'm already screwing myself up!  What the heck is wrong with me!!  I had such a hard time after surgery and I actually saw some people right after surgery messing up and I just couldn't believe my eyes and here I am sneaking sweets and other snacks here and there like I used to!!  So if anyone reads this can you please say a prayer for me to regain my self control back so I can get back on the wagon.  I've completely fallen OFF!  HELP!!!  I sat there and cried to my surgeon today and he said I needed to talk to my PCP about getting some "help".  I'm so overwhelmed with my life right now.  Between husband, kids, and work I feel completely out of control!!  I'm soooo stressed out I can't see straight!!  All my dr said today was women turn to sweets when they get stressed out and I need to work on that....DUHHHH!!!!!  Okay so I've verbally admitted my fault on this and now I have to pull myself out of it RIGHT!!  So here's my confession to anyone who reads this and now it's up to me to finish this battle and keep going.  I know there will be more battles to come but I determined that each one will get easier as they come and I just have to keep on keepin on.  So my next small goal is to loose 10lbs in the next month by my next visit.  I CAN do this.  I just thought the surgery was the hardest part but OH NO to me the hardest part has been the after surgery.  I can see now how I've heard the mental part is the hardest and boy they weren't kidding.  I've been totally sabaging myself for 2 months now and enough is enough!  thanks to anyone who is listening.  
Amanda    

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