MargaretD
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WEIGHT CHART
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Pre-Op - 238 Size 20; 2X
08/02/04 - 217
08/25/04 - 209
08/27/04 - 205
09/08/04 - 199 Size 18
09/24/04 - 190.4 Size 16
10/08/04 - 183.4
10/15/04 - 181
10/25/04 - 179.6 Size 14
10/29/04 - 174
11/05/04 - 170
11/19/04 - 164.4 Size 12
12/05/04 - 161
12/12/04 - 159.6
12/20/04 - 156.4 Size 10
01/05/05 - 152.2
01/07/05 - 150.8 Size 8
01/19/05 - 145.8
02/01/05 - 143.4
02/11/05 - 143
02/16/05 - 142 Size 6
02/18/05 - 140.6
02/25/05 - 140.6
03/08/05 - 139.6
03/14/05 - 136.8
03/24/05 - 137.4
03/28/05 - 135
04/04/05 - 133.4
04/11/05 - 132
04/19/05 - 132 Size 4
04/25/05 - 130.8
05/14/05 - 132
05/25/05 - 131
06/06/05 - 130
06/22/05 - 130
06/30/05 - 130.4
07/11/05 - 129.6
11/02/05 - unknown weight (still size 4)
03/20/06 - 129.8
07/26/06 - 135-ish
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JOURNAL ENTRIES
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6/17/2004 - 1 month, 4 days Pre-Op
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Well it has been a couple of weeks since Dr. Houston gave me a surgery date and I am most excited. And a little nervous. I am 31 and currently wavering around 238 which puts my BMI at 40+. (I guess you can see that at the top of the screen).
My mom had the RNY about three or four years ago and she is being a great support source, only she lives in Atlanta and so we only get to talk on the phone. I love this site and read it frequently to understand from others in my area what they are experiencing, etc.
I have been researching prices for vitamins and protein powders and they are expensive, but not compared to the cost of the food I eat now!
Right now, I only have the courage to tell a couple of people around my work about my plans (the people who need to know so I can take the planned sick leave!). I feel as I get closer I may be more excited and start spreading the news. I am sure that they will all be very supportive, so I guess these are just my fears of judgment from others. Of course, judgment about my weight is something I have lived with since my teens, so a little more shouldn't hurt. I am actually a very private person, so writing all this for posting in my profile is quite a big step for me!
6/25/04 - 26 days Pre-Op
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Ok, so yesterday I called my insurance provider and they still had not gotten my predetermination letter to the correct department even though they received it on 6/7/04. How slack! When I called back today they seemed to think I would hear some news by the end of next week. I really hope so, since my surgery date is on July 21 and I would rather have my insurance pay for it than take the money my parents have saved for it. But, I am going forward on July 21 no matter what the insurance outcome.
I am going back and forth from being excited to being anxiety-ridden about the surgery. I have found that coming on this board really helps calm me down. To see how many other people have successfully travelled this same road. But, I still get the guilty feelings like I should give another try to dieting or something. But then I remember how my mom went through this and is so much happier and healthier now. She is very encouraging and has been a great source of strength.
Ok, I will write more later. I would like to post a picture, but I am apparantly a supreme novice at this sort of thing (and I am no technophobe!).
7/2/04 - 19 days Pre-Op
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I am so irritated by my insurance company! You really have to stay on top of these people because if you don't, they will do absolutely nothing with regard to your predetermination letter. I was told that they received my request on 6/7/04 but that it was not sent to the appropriate departments until last week when I called, after waiting the time period they say to wait, to check on my status. Then they told me to call back today that they would have some new info for me. The only new info is that it was sent on to the medical director for review on 6/30 and that I will need to wait another 14 working days! That is the same time they said I would need to wait from the date the received the request! So, is it 14 days total, or 14 days after each movement of the request to a new department?! I am SOO frustrated. I really want to be covered by insurance, but they will probably deny me anyway. They did once before, so... I have read so many stories where people were approved in just a couple of days and it is discouraging to find out that apparantly I needed to scuttle my butt down to the insurance office and walk through the papers myself! I wish!
Ok, enough about insurance. I finally told some of my closest friends here in Nashville that I was scheduled for wls. They did not even know that I was considering this option until then! For being surprised with all the news at one time, they are surprisingly supportive. Well, really only a surprise to me. Everyone who I told that I was stressing about telling my other friends would tell me not to worry so much. And they were right. My friends like me for who I am and want me to be happy and healthy. We are already talking of snowboarding trips and working out together at the gym. I am super excited. I haven't been snowboarding in so long and even then it was difficult for me because of my weight. Just imagine trying to pick your self up with both feet strapped into a board; and you are on a slope; and it is slippery; and gravity has a fondness for your body! I would see other people just hop back up and hopefully I will be able to do the same thing.
I am off to Atlanta this weekend to enjoy some of my favorite foods that will soon be off limits or difficult for me to eat. Of course, I am also going to visit with my family!
I would like to thank everyone on this site for making this a little easier for me. Whenever I feel discouraged I can come here and find someone else who suffered the same discouragement and got through it just fine. It is extremely helpful and I am extremely appreciative. I hope I can do the same for others.
I just got a call from the aneasthesiologist (no idea how to spell that one, hereinafter "an") office. They gave me all the details for what to expect the day of surgery; the IVs, the tubes, the meds and the where to goes. It got me very excited. I think it is a good sign when I hang up the phone with the "an" office and giggle with delight, right. I have been having some self doubt and I actually prayed last night. I rarely pray. I really felt better afterward. I felt better about my decisions, like they are the right ones to make. So, I don't know if what I do is really prayer or just introspective thought, but it really helped. I recommend it. :)
7/6/04 - 15 days Pre-Op
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Ok, still upset with the ins co. I called again today to check on my status and they are still reviewing the request. Ugh. Won't they just make a decision! I had a pretty bad bout with what I think of as sleep apnea. I have never had a sleep study but I don't know what else it could be...maybe reflux, which I know I have, but I am on the purple pill, which helps. I was having horrible dreams about vomiting and spitting when I woke up coughing and gagging. My throat was so sore. It scared me. So I told that to the woman holding the keys at the ins co. She said she would check again for me later this week and call me if the status had changed. She was very nice and said that I could call back everyday if it would make me feel better. So, I think I will! {devious grin} But, I will probably talk to the less than friendly person tomorrow when I call back, knowing my luck. Anyway, I hope they fast track it and approve it!
7/14/04 - 7 days Pre-Op
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One week to go. I have a lot of nervous excitement going on right now. I can't seem to concentrate on any one thing for a while because my thoughts wander off to WLS. I am constantly going over different aspects of the surgery in my head. The benefits, the risks, and all the hard work facing me! I had my pre-op testing yesterday and had to sign all the consent forms. The informed consent for the anesthesiologist (whatever!) was a real eye opener. They really try to disclaim every possibility under the sun on that one! When I was weighed yesterday I was at 238 lbs. So, I am updating my beginning weight from the 230 that I thought I was! I have really cheap scales at home and they lie to me! I should probably get rid of those so I don't get upset when I go for a check up and it says I weigh more than my home scales say. Of course, I have never been one to weigh obsessively, I just measure my weight based on the way my clothes are fitting. And usually they don't fit well anyway.
I am really bummed about being denied on my insurance request. I was denied because I do not have documentation with evidence that I had participated in a medically assisted weight loss program in the last two years. I asked my doctor for help, but he did not really give it to me or take me seriously. He would just suggest another fad diet, like South Beach or Atkins, and I would say, yeah, I will give it a try. I asked to be put on Meridia or something like it and he refused. I wonder if that would be enough for an appeal for insurance coverage. Of course it would have to be an expedited appeal. I am now waiting to hear back from the surgeon's financial counselor to see what she thinks of that idea. I am sure it won't work, but I might as well try!
7/20/04 - The Night Before Surgery
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i am writing on my mom's laptop and find that i cannot type on this tiny keyboard. i am just a few short hours away and still have some nervous energy, but nothing like the last two days! i am really ready to be on the other side. i will update again later mthis week when i am home from the hospital and can get on my own computer and type for real. this little keyboard is so annoying!
7/24/04 - 3 days Post-op (Recovery Week)
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Well I got home yesterday. I feel surprisingly well. Of course I am a little weak and tired, but that gets better every day. I have to say the worst thing about the surgery was the recovery room and coming off the anasthesia (you know I don't know how to spell this). I was soo uncomfortable, but it went away after a while. The first night I kept having dreams of bottles of water and large glasses of ice water. I was pretty groggy, too. That pca button kept me under most of the time. Then I was sleeping too much so Dr. Houston took it away, he wanted me to be up and about. Which is good because I felt so much better after I had no more morphine, it keeps you in such a daze.
Apparantly, my surgery took an extra half hour because I had adhesions in my stomach. I have never had surgery before so my surgeon thinks that maybe it is from a car accident or something. Isn't that strange.
Now I am concentrating on protein and water and vitamins. I need to get into a regular schedule and I have all next week to do it b/c I am not returning to work until August. I walked my dog today and was kind of surprised at how quickly I became exhausted. I had to crawl into bed shortly after that. Now, I am about to go to PetsMart for a fun day out of the house!
7/25/04 - 4 days Post-Op (Recovery Week)
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I feel very little pain from my incisions, which is good. The only pain I feel is like I have done a thousand situps for the last four days! But that is getting better. I am walking really slowly, because I get exhausted very easily. I was told upon discharge not to lift any heavy weights so really I haven't. I did carry my hospital overnight bag from my living room to my bedroom and that was a HUGE chore. So I am laying off on carrying ANYTHING that does not appear to weigh less than five pounds!! :)
The water and the protein are very difficult to get in because I get tired of sipping, sipping, sipping. I just want to gulp it down quickly and get it over with!! :) But, alas, I cannot, so I am resigned to aggressive sipping. I hope it works.
I am not weighing myself until next thursday, so technically, a professional will be weighing me and not myself. Of course, will update then and probably before with my new post-op insights...hee,hee,hee, I said post-op. :)
8/2/04 - 12 days Post-Op (1st Follow-up)
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Ok, I went to the doctor's office last thursday for my first post-op visit and the scales read 217. I think it must have been off or something. That is a lot of weight to lose in ten days. 21lbs! Well, I think it is cool and I am happy about it. I can definitely tell in my pants that I have lost weight because they are looser and more comfortable to wear. I haven't dropped a dress size yet, but hopefully that will come soon.
I am on the second stage of my diet now which will last until wednesday. This is the part where I am drinking protein "shakes". I put the word shakes in quotes because these are not what I think of as shakes. It is more of a YooHoo consistency. As a matter of fact, one of the drinks tastes just like a yoohoo, except for that protein aftertaste. It is a drink made by EAS called Advant Edge Carb Control. I recommend it as it has lots of vitamins and 15gm of protein and only two carbs and 100 calories. It is also not milk based, so no lactose problems. Of course, I haven't tested out the lactose intolerance possibility yet. I am scared to do it because I don't like pain. I mean who does, really?
On Thursday I get to move on to stage three of my diet where I get to eat soft/blended foods. I think I am going to stick to the foods that are naturally soft and not do things like blenderized chicken. That just sounds so unappealing!
Well, TTFN!
8/25/02 - 5 weeks Post-Op
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Wow, it has been a while since I have updated. Today is my 5th week out. I got on the scale this morning (the one with the dial where if you move slightly the weight changes) and it was reading between 208 and 210. This is exciting b/c I have been hovering at 210 for several days with no movement.
Some days are better than others as far as eating enough food. I have felt overly full on several occasions and that keeps me from eating for a while. Also, I am trying hard for the water intake, but it is hard!! The cool thing is when I go to parties or to the bars, I drink lots of water with lime instead of lots of beer!
I am steadily going through my closet to get rid of clothes that are too big or that are slightly too small but I will not be in that size this summer and they are summer clothes. I am going to try to sell some of my nicer suits and stuff, and then give away the rest.
Today a lady in my office, whom I assume has heard that I had WLS, stopped me in the hall and asked "how many pounds?" She then went on to gushing about how great I look and how I am smiling more now and just looking generally happier. I thanked her a lot and thought about how I am a lot happier now. This has been a great path for me to take. I really hope it keeps up. I just don't think I can go back to looking and feeling the way I did before. I have been sleeping through the night, now which is wonderful. I was always in denial that I had sleep apnea b/c part of me thought it was just my cat waking me up in the middle of the night! But since my surgery, I have not once woken up coughing, gagging, and gasping for air. Also, I keep finding bottles of Tums everywhere, by the bedside, in the kitchen, in my suitcases. I used to be terrified that I would be cought somewhere without my tums! It is great to be free from all that.
I have seen some other people write out personal goals for themselves. I think I will do that sometime soon.
TTFN
8/27/04 - Still 5 weeks Post-Op
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This one is a quickie. I got my new digital scale last night and it confirmed what I was having trouble reading on my other "dial" scale. I was at 207.2 last night and when I weighed this morning (as usual) it was at 205.something! Yay!! I know I said before that I was not going to become dependant on the information from the scale but just be happy that I feel good and am getting smaller. But, it is really cool to see the pounds just dropping away. Especially, after they were so still for a week or more.
So my first personal goal will be to drop below 200. That should come soon, I hope. I tried on the bridesmaid dress that I thought I was going to have to let out, and it fits now. It is a little tight, but nothing that a little "lipo-in-a-box" won't solve!
Well, I am feeling great. Working hard on the water. I am about to start growing feathers and wings because I eat so much chicken and turkey!! I eat it for every meal except breakfast when I have a Carb Control Shake. I am trying to work in some more veggies, but after eating the protein, it is hard. Also, I am rarely in the mood to snack, I just don't feel like I have the time. So I rarely eat jello and SF popsicles, even though my fridge is loaded with them!
I was just reading a post from a pre-op asking if anyone has any regrets. Of course everyone's "regret" is that they did not do the surgery earlier. I remember when I used to read posts like that when I was a pre-op and thought, "surely, these people are exagerating. someone must have a regret." Now that I am on the other side, I see what they all mean. I wish I had done it earlier. But I don't really consider that a regret, because I wasn't emotionally ready to do it any sooner than I did. I think that because I waited and researched and soul searched, I have had an easier time with the diet restrictions and the emotional head hunger (which I get mostly in the checkout lane at the grocery store). I guess if I could have one wish it would be that I was never obese in the first place, but that will never come true. I don't think we can focus on the past when there is so much going on and to be thankful for in the present and so much to look forward to in the future.
TTFN
9/8/04 - 7 weeks Post-Op (The Onederfuls)
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Ok, last Friday morning I dropped to 199.0 and today I am at 197! Yay. My clothes size is not dropping as fast as I would expect with my weight loss. I am still comfortably fitting an 18. Although some of my 18s are a little loose.
I went out of town this weekend for a wedding and I stayed in a hotel room. It is very difficult to find appropriate things to eat while out of town. It totally threw me off my schedule. And with the drinking! Whew.
I am finding it interesting now that when I feel I need to eat something I don't have the thoughts of lust toward my upcoming meal. Like what am I desiring for dinner tonight. Rather, I am thinking what do I need to eat for dinner tonight. I still am having trouble knowing when the last bite is. I find myself eating one or two too many and needing to sit/lay for a while. I wish I had someone to share my meals with so that I could just have a small portion of whatever they ordered. That is what my mother does with my stepfather. Of course, he hates it! :)
TTFN
9/24/04 - 9 weeks Post-Op
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Ok, today I weighed in at 190.4. Yesterday it was 190.2. I am hoping to drop to the 180s over the weekend. I need to drink more water! Last weekend I went to Tunica with my cousin to see my dad and my sisters, and once again discovered how difficult it is to keep my good eating habits when out of town. I need to come up with an out of town plan! When I go to my mother's house, it is easy, since she understands my needs. But staying in hotels and such makes it so much harder to keep a schedule.
I am at a point right now where I do not like to eat. It is a chore. If I could get away with it I would only eat two meals a day and they would be really small! I made a seared peppery tuna filet the other day with some chopped mixed greens. It was really good and I think I will try it again. I am mainly eating the same thing over and over again b/c it is so much easier not to have to think about what to cook/eat next. Chicken and veggies. I did make a turkey chili a couple of weeks ago that was good. My microwave broke after only 6 weeks, so I couldn't freeze the chili in small indiv. packs for heating up at a later date like I had intended.
My hormones are acting up like crazy! I am very boy crazy (if you know what I mean) and my face is breaking out in places where it never does! I am going to go back on Proactiv to help with this problem. They are just little bumps that are driving me crazy. Go away little bumps. Also, my period is not very normal anymore. I have only had one since my surgery on 7/21. Before the surgery they were like clockwork. I wonder when that will start up again.
Since I wrote last, I have had two reminders sneak up on me of how great it is to have had this surgery and to lose all this weight. The first occurred the night before we left to go to Tunica. A couple of years ago my mom gave me a ring that never fit me before and I had been trying it on everyday and it finally fit. I was so happy that I jumped up and down and clapped. Silly, huh? Then yesterday, I had decided to walk back to my office from a regular appointment (I usually drive). When I was almost to my building, I realized that I was not out of breath and my feet were not killing me. I just laughed and giggled with happiness. It made me just want to keep on walking! Today, I walked several blocks to a meeting instead of the usual driving and while I was hot and glistening by the time I got there (there was a hill involved) I still felt great and very happy that I could do it. I plan to walk to those meetings all the time now! Unless, of course, I am running late or there is inclement weather!!
TTFN
10/8/04 - 11 weeks Post-Op
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Wow, I did not realize how long it had been since my last update. I am now trying to only weigh in once a week...another reason for me to hop out of bed on a Friday morning (besides thoughts of the weekend and sleeping in on saturday). So, last week I was at 187.7 and this morning I was at 183.4. Woohoo. This weekly thing is much better than daily. I was counting ounces lost and getting a little perturbed if it went up a couple of ounces instead of down. I must not rely on numbers so much.
I started actually using my gym membership this week. I have been twice and have been amazed at how long I can go on the cardio equipment. The first night I went, all the machines except for the stairmasters were in use. I have always hated the stair machines. They are so difficult and just wear me out after a couple of minutes. Well, I decided to bite the bullet and hop on. For 20 minutes. And then I moved on to an eliptical trainer for another 20 minutes. I was so amazed at myself. No pain in my knees, not really out of breath. I mean I was breathing heavy, but there was no pain involved, like there used to be. I am so happy. So, tomorrow, I am getting an orientation on the weight machines so I don't hurt myself trying to figure them out! I did use a couple of them on wednesday and felt like an idiot having to read the instructions prior to starting. But, I guess everyone has to start somewhere.
I am now in the "overweight" category and just thrilled. I have started buying clothes in smaller sizes and trying them on every couple of days to see if they fit yet. It is so cool to know that they will actually fit one day. I am just afraid that I will forget that I have them and bypass that size! It is going so quickly, it is hard for my head to keep up with the getting smaller.
I have noticed other people noticing me. It is strange. It is amazing how invisible you can be when you are MO. I mean obviously, MO folks are not invisible. They are taking up a lot more space than "normal" folks. But, socially, invisible. It makes me angry!
TTFN
10/15/04 - 12 Weeks Post-Op
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I have been a naughty girl this week. I have had too many empty calorie drinks the whole week! This, of course, results in my minor loss of two pounds. This morning I weighed in at 181.0. Frankly, after my week, I was glad to see that it went down at all. I honestly thought that I may have gained a couple of pounds or ounces.
My hair is starting to fall out a little more aggressively. I cannot tell by looking in the mirror, only by what shows up in my hands in the shower and when I blow-dry. I mean, I have always been a big shedder, but it has gotten a little worse. I am hoping that it doesn't get too bad.
I have been hanging out with this new guy and I haven't told him about my surgery. I think it is kind of amusing, because he keeps trying to feed me dessert and put sugar in my tea or fix me a hamburger or something like that. I finally told him that sugar will make me sick, but not why. He probably thinks I am one of those girls who will not eat in front of boys or something. He and another friend (who also does not know about my WLS) came over for dinner which I cooked earlier this week. I made baked chicken, stir-fried eggplant, and wasabi mashed potatoes. I fixed them huge heaping plates of food and came out of the kitchen with my dainty little meal. They just wolfed down the food and got seconds while I was still working on mine even as they were cleaning the kitchen after dinner! If I don't tell them soon and we have another meal, they are going to think I am aneorexic or something. I just haven't felt the right time to tell my new boy. I don't really think it is that important to tell him, unless he begins to worry about me. I just don't want it to be the focus of our future conversations. I have enough of those conversations with the people who already know.
My other friend, who does know, has taken to telling people (when they ask him how I am losing this weight) that I have changed my diet and exercise patterns and decided to vote republican! :) I think that is VERY funny! And so not true.
TTFN
10/25/04 - 13 weeks Post-OP
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Quick update. I weighed on Friday at 179.6! Yay! I really don't mind the weight coming off slower now. I am already at the half way mark at three months. Actually, my half way mark is 55lbs gone and I am past that! So, really if I spend the next nine month losing the last 55lbs, I will be fine. As a matter of fact, if I only lose 45 or 50 more, I think I will be fine. I feel so much better now than I did almost 60lbs ago, it is just simply amazing. The physical activities I can engage in without the breathing difficulties, etc.
I am almost in a size 14. The clothes, unless stretchy, are just a smidgen too tight. I mean I can button up and everything, but a shirt, for example, will kind of wrinkle around my back. I really haven't done a lot of shopping and yesterday I went to the mall and tried to get some blouses and just couldn't bring myself to buy anything because I know it won't last long. I did buy some jeans at Target. And I may return to TJ Max when I need some new suits in smaller sizes. this is weird to me still.
TTFN
10/29/04 - 14 Weeks Post-Op
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Today is 174.0. That is five point six pounds in one week. Crazy. Last Sunday I bought a pair of 14 jeans and wore them on Wednesday night. I was kind of self-concious about it though b/c they felt really tight. I have been more thoughtful about my water intake this week, but not my protein. My hair is starting to thin. I cannot tell by looking at it, but when I am in the shower, lots of it sheds. I think it is more than before, but I could just be thinking that b/c of the surgery and what I am expecting to happen. Anyway, tomorrow, I am going to get my hair cut short. I am partially doing it b/c of the hair loss thing, but also b/c my face is thinner now and I want short funky hair! Additionally, tomorrow is the halloween party and there will be people there that I haven't seen in a long time and it will be fun to have them totally not recognize me! heeheehee.
TTFN
11/5/04 - 15 Weeks Post-Op
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Ok, I got my hair cut to about chin length and I love it! It feels so good this short. Next time I may go shorter. Halloween was awesome. There was not a person who did not recognize me rather everyone was amazed at how great I looked. I also got hit on by two guys that were new to our group. This is happening with some regularity now. Guys staring at me from across the room, giving me the once over or something like it. I notice them noticing me all the time. It is nice and strange at the same time. I really don't want to replace a food addiction with a boy addiction. I am afraid I am moving in that direction because I have a crush on too many guys right now, and if given the opportunity, I would act on any and all of my crushes. I must exercise self restraint!
Today I weighed in at 170! I have now lost 68 lbs! I feel great too. I wish my hair would stop falling out though. I can't tell by looking at my head, but I can tell by my clogged shower and bathroom floor. It is everywhere! I wouldn't mind so much if it were my leg hair that was falling out and I didn't have to shave it anymore! :)
TTFN
11/19/04 - 17 Weeks Post-Op
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I got very sick over the weekend and missed a couple of days of work this week. I can't help but wonder if I am more suseptable to colds and such now after the surgery. Hmmm. Probably not, but may inquire with my surgeon.
I am now at 164.6. Yay. I fit into my size 12 clothes now...no strechy stuff! I went to a work baby shower and all my collegues that I rarely see were all complimenting me. It was cool!
I am on someone else's computer today and she does not have an ergonomic keyboard. Just typing this very little bit is hurting my hands and arms. Carpal tunnel really exists...it is crazy!
TTFN
12/5/04 - 4 1/2 months Post-Op
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My weight is now 161. I am definitely slowing down but I am ok with that because I would like to have some time to build my muscles in order to support all of my sagging skin! My boobs and my butt are looking really saggy!! I knew it would happen, but this is crazy. Also, with the hair loss (something else I knew about) that I really don't think I prepared myself for. I really am ready for it to stop and the only thing that is stopping is my bathtub! I have to drano the thing about every two weeks. Today is one of those days. I no longer have a "hair catcher" so it just really gets clogged up.
Amazingly, even with the saggy skin and the hair loss, the boys keep hitting on me! It is really strange, but I like it. I like that I will have a choice rather than be stuck with someone I only kind of like because I feel as if I am not good enough for the guy I really want. Now, I feel so much more confident and apparently other people can tell. I don't shy away as much now. Really, I don't shy away at all anymore. This confident person has been inside of me for some time and has shown her face at certain times throughout my life. I hope this time I can keep up the confidence and high self-esteem. It feels really good!
I am so thankful that I have had this opportunity to lose so much weight and regain my self. I feel so much better about going to the gym and playing soccer with my friends. I actually went out yesterday morning (the regular saturday pick-up soccer match!) and defended our goal quite successfully. I love group sports like this! In the past I have never wanted to play b/c I knew I did not have the endurance to play a whole game and it would embarrass me. Now, not only do I play the whole game, I am much more confident about kicking the ball and actually getting involved in the action of the game. Does this make sense? It does to me, even though I may not express it very cogently.
I still have a lot to work on. I need to get a better weekend routine for meals and water. I am pretty good during the week b/c my day is appropriately divided: breakfast on my way to work, noon=lunch, go home after work and have dinner. The weekends are so hard b/c I typically go out late and sleep in so I really have to work to get in three meals. I sometimes forget to eat more than once. I am assuming that soon my appetite will return and let me know that I need some food!
TTFN
12/12/04 - 4 1/2 months Post-Op
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Just a quick check in. I weighed 159.6 today and I am thrilled! It has been slow going. Probably because I go out and drink beer and mixed drinks, but not a lot! I have also been snacking more than I should. Bad Margaret. But really, I don't mind losing slower now. I am going to the gym more frequently and hopefully my skin will catch up a little during this slow period!
TTFN
12/20/04 - 5 months Post-Op
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My birthday was yesterday and I didn't really do anything crazy. I was very good about my diet as a matter of fact b/c I went to have sushi and got the tuna and salmon sashimi. Yummy!! I did have some miso soup and it had some tofu in it. I guess the bad part was that I also had sake...with my meal. It comes in such a little cup, it is not like you actually drink a lot.
Anyway, I weighed in this morning and I am at 156.4. So, I have lost some more. I tried to wear my size 10 jeans and they are super tight in the butt area. A couple more pounds and they may fit me!
I have been seeing this guy recently and I really like him. He took me out to dinner last week and I felt kind of guilty b/c I have not told him about wls and I only ate 1/4 of my very expensive meal! Then we went to lunch saturday and again 1/4 of my meal! He probably thinks that I am one of those girls who won't eat in front of guys or something...I am sooo not that girl! I really don't feel like telling about my wls, but I imagine it will come up one day if we continue to see each other.
I am going to Rome, Italy on Thursday, so I will not check back in here until after the new year. I am terribly excited about my trip and a little bummed about not getting to eat any gellato while I am there. I may have to try a little bit b/c it is sooo good (if memory serves).
TTFN
1/3/05 - Happy New Year: Buon Anno!
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Italy was great. I failed to follow any of my rules while I was there. I ate so many things that were bad for me: pizza, pasta, sugar, etc. Drank more wine and cappucino than water. I am now back in proper diet mode. I did try the gellato and it made me feel very sick! I ate way too much of it. I think if I had only had a taste or two, I would have been fine, but I wasn't. I had to go to the hotel room and just lay really still on the bed for about 1/2 hour! Dumping anyone?
Today I weighed in at 152.2. So, for all my badness over the holiday, I still lost 4 lbs. I will probably go on a long plateau now!
NYE was quiet and fun at the same time. I just hung out with some of my friends that were in from California. Although, I did not make any hard and fast resolutions for the next year one of my plans is to work with my financial advisor and get my finances working for me. Two of my goals are to be able to travel more and to buy a house. That sure sounds like diametrically opposed goals, huh?
TTFN
1/7/05
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Ok, my weekly weigh in is 150.8. I first weighed prior to peeing and it was 151.6. Almost a whole pound of pee in the morning! Ok, TMI, I know.
I am still having problems getting enough water intake throughout the day. Somedays I eat more than others. Last night I went to my friends house for dinner, but first went home to change clothes. When I was at home I really wanted to snack on a piece of cheese or something but made myself wait for dinner so that I would actually eat something in front of him! (still not sure about telling of the wls). So, after I had my couple of bites of dinner, my stomach started to serenade us, as usual! It is kind of embarassing, but not so much that I can't laugh at it. I made the comment that I should go for a walk or something and he replied with, "but you didn't eat anything." I think I am going to have to tell him of the wls soon. I guess there is a part of me that still fears judgment for having the surgery. Silly, I know, b/c I totally accept that I needed it and it really is one of the best things to have happened to me. Also, I am pretty sure that I would not even be dating this guy if I had not had the surgery! I guess I should tell him soon so that if he does have some prejudice against it, I will not invest anymore time in someone that doesn't accept me for me. But he is really great and I think he would be quite accepting.
So, I am still a little boy crazy! The other night some guy was afraid to be introduced to me b/c he thought I was hot! He actually told me that. Do thin girls get this stuff all the time? There is this world that I have never been included in and know very little about. At the club, there was this other girl who is very pretty and she is bigger than me (now). She was giving me the dirty looks when we were in the bathroom. I don't think she likes me and she doesn't even know me! Of course, she could just have that attitude with everyone, I don't know for sure it is a size thing, I am just assuming here! So, I should probably give her the benefit of the doubt that she is a b**ch to every one she doesn't know!
I have lost about 88lbs in about 6 months. It is very crazy! I bought my first size 8 skirt the other day. I am now wearing anywhere btn an 8 and a 12, although the 12s are a little big through the hip area. I haven't worn an 8 since I was about 13. In my adult life, up til now, the smallest I ever got was a 12 and that did not last very long at all. I am so thankful for this surgery. It has done wonders for me physically and emotionally. I no longer get depressed about my weight predicament and I love it! It now gives me more time to focus on other issues in my life (like finances). Before, I used to get so overwhelmed with all my problems and now one of the biggest problems has gone away! I still think about food a lot, but it is in a healthy way. I don't think about satisfying some overbearing desire to stuff every piece of food I can find into my mouth. Now, it is more thoughts about what is healthy for me to eat and where is the best place to get what is healthy.
Ok, this has been a fairly long update. More next week. I think I am going to try ice skating this weekend with my current guy (he used to play hockey). I am sure it will hurt a lot more now when I fall due to the lack of padding!
TTFN
1/19/05 - 6 months Post-Op (almost)
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Just three days shy of my six month anniversery and I am down to 145.8 lbs!! Rock on! I did go ice skating and I did fall...hard. I still have a big bruise on my knee. Tonight will be the night where I tell my new guy (whom I have been seeing for over a month!) about my surgery. We have lots of talks/comments about my eating habits and I am sure he thinks I am anorexic or something! Since we met I have lost about 25 lbs.
I ran into an acquaintence type friend the other night and I basically had to introduce myself to him. He totally did not recognize me. I think that is funny!
Ok, this is a short update. Will write more after my checkup tomorrow.
TTFN
2/1/05 - 6 1/2 months Post-Op
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My checkup went very well. I had lost 80% of my excess weight at six months! Wow! Today, I weighed in at 143.4. Getting close to being in the "Century Club."
My desire to eat has been creeping back pretty strongly. I still can't eat a lot, but I find myself wanting to eat a lot. Perhaps it is my menstrual cycle. I know the last time I started my period, I was starving and could not eat enough right before. So, for the last couple of days, I have been overeating and feeling sick afterward. I am having a hard time getting enough protein throughout the day. I have added string cheese to my breakfast routine which normally is vitamins and a protein shake. Hopefully, that will help and I am trying to eat higher protein meats (like turkey, pork and lamb) for my other meals. But mostly, I eat chicken and fish (sushi, if possible).
TTFN
2/11/05
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Today's weight 143. I gained a pound since last week. Must get to the gym. The 4 girl scout cookies that I have had this week hopefully are not the culprit!
I have been going through a phase the past couple of days where everything I eat makes me feel ill. Whereas last week, I could not eat enough to feel full. Strangeness indeed. Of course, last week, I was about to start my period. I don't know what explanation there is for this week.
I have a new picture that I would like to upload, but I can't remember how to do it! Ok, figured it out, but it looks kind of distorted or somthing. Oh well.
TTFN
2/16/05
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Today I am at 142...again. I joined the July group's Easter day challenge to lose 12 lbs by March 27. This means I have to make a concerted effort to get to the gym and workout. The way things have been going the past couple of weeks, I have not been working out a lot and I have not been losing any poundage!
I am trying to learn how to post pics into my profile, so here goes. This should be a picture of me and my dog, Sachi. He actually lives with my parents now b/c when he lived with me he had to spend an inordinate amount of time in a pen. He is much happier now, but I miss him a lot! This pic was taken 2/6/05.
http://pic4.picturetrail.com/VOL732/3229416/6598632/84960719.jpg
TTFN
2/18/05
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Ok, so I still have no idea how to post a picture within the profile site. But, if interested, you can cut/paste the URL into a browser to see the pic. so...
Today, I weiged in at 140.6. I think I am finally in the "ideal" category for my BMI. I thought I would never leave 142/3. I had kind of resigned myself to be happy/contented with that weight. Especially, after the news of my "slimmer's paralysis." What is this you ask? Well it is technically called bilateral peroneal neuropathy. Basically, the nerve that is located on the back/side of my knee (both legs) is being compressed too much and causing some numbness and "toe drop" on my left leg. I still have to see a neurologist to find out exactly what is causing the problem and how to treat it, but at least I now have a name for it! According to the literature it can be caused by dramatic weight loss. I think it is b/c I can now cross my legs after losing so much weight, where b4 I could not cross them at the same spot. So now, I am not crossing my legs and according to some of the literature, the problem is temporary and will go away after a while. But I will wait for a final word from my neurologist.
On a lighter note, I get a long weekend now and am very excited. Even though, I have no plans other than cleaning my apartment (much needed cleaning!). Also, I think I will hit the consignment shops and try to find some new work clothes and maybe try on some shorts. I haven't worn shorts in about 6 years and I have no idea where to buy them or even what to look for in a style. Clueless, I say.
TTFN
2/25/05 - 7 Months Post-Op (no scale action)
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My weight has not moved this week. I have been constipated all week and MUST pay more attention to my water intake. I started to diary, daily, my food intake and discovered that I am eating between 600-1000 calories a day and getting in enough protein! yay! well, I have been getting enough protein since I switched my protein shakes from the AdvantEdge Carb Control to Myoplex Carb Sense. They are both made by EAS. Carb Sense has 25 grams of protein and 150 calories and 5 carbs. So I am adding 50 cals and 5 carbs for 10 more grams of protein. It really helps.
This past week has been a grazing week for me. I have been very bad! There was a birthday party in my office on Tuesday and I ate constantly for the rest of the day. I would pick up a bite every time I walked past the food spread! Old habits! I had tons of grapes and nuts, 1 1/2 cookies, and two slices of a cake (it wasn't very sugary, but loaded with carbs!!). One day at a time, right. I need to repeat to myself that food is not my friend it is my fuel. I can't use it to comfort myself emotionally and I can't use it to fill in the boredom. I only need it for fuel. Aahhgg. Will I ever learn. I thought I was there already, but some of the old habits are creeping in. I guess, in one sense, it is good that I recognize the bad habits. I need to identify the source of the bad habits. The WHY. Then maybe I can learn how to counter the bad habits.
Also, I have not been to the gym in about two weeks. Pathetic, I say. The gym will be part of my weekend. I must counteract the flab!
TTFN
3/8/05
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Well, I thought I had made it into the century club this morning. I got on the scale and it read 138.8!! I was quite excited. Then I showered and had a BM (thankfully!) and decided to weigh again to see if the scale dropped because I released some solids (gross, huh?). It went up!!!!! How can it go up? I really don't understand...it read 139.6. So now I am questioning whether the first read was actually 139.8. Ugh. Who knows??? I have become a slave to the scale, but I can't get rid of it. That would be really bad.
So, a couple of months ago I had two boys interested in me and somehow I managed to make them both go away??? Weird, huh? Well, they haven't actually gone away, but one just wants to be friends and the other just wants a VERY casual relationship. I think I am going to end it with #2 and just stay friends with #1 while I leave myself open to date other guys. I was out with friends last Saturday and overheard some college guy tell his friend "she's hot" about me! It put a little pep in my step! I was quite flattered.
I have a mini-goal to lose another 9 lbs by Easter. Must get to the gym and quit worring about boys!! Maybe there are good ones at the gym...hmmmmm....
TTFN
3/14/05 - Finally Made the Century Club!
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The scale read 136.8 this morning!!! Yay, does this mean I have entered the Century Club? I even tested it a couple of times to see if it was lying to me. Of course, tomorrow, I will probably be back to 142 or something. So, perhaps I won't hop on until Friday....
Tonight, I am going to a ballroom dancing lesson with the guy I really like who just wants to be friends with me. Am I setting myself up for disappointment? Probably. But I really enjoy his company, so I am going to do it anyway. Dancing should be a lot of fun. Of course, i still need to get to the gym more often and stop eating those damn carbs!!!!!!!
TTFN
3/24/05 - 8 months Post-Op
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I have been grazing like crazy and it shows on the scales. This morning I went up to 137.4. UGH! I know, it isn't alot, but, I don't like going up. I don't mind so much staying the same, but I really don't like the scale going up.
Is it bad that I still feel fat. I mean I look at myself in the mirror or in windows when I walk past and I know that I am quite thin. Thinner than I have ever been in my adult life. I weighed more than I do today when I went to weight watchers camp when I was 13 (I was shorter then too!). But I have all this loose skin and it makes me feel flabby and somewhat old. I know that these issues can be helped by going to the gym and lifting some weights. But I have just felt so lazy recently. My usual excuse for not going to the gym is that I am going to socialize with friends or something. Recently (this past week) my only excuse is laziness. How pathetic.
Must. Do. Better. !!!
TTFN
3/28/05 - Scary story: read with caution
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Ok, not doing much better on the gym thing, but my weight is down to 135 today. And that is after a weekend in Atlanta with friends and family! We went to an Easter buffet yesterday and it was just plain funny. Both my mom and I filled up large plates of food and ate so little that it appeared we hadn't eaten anything at all! I am such a food waster now...but I don't fret over it very much anymore. They had this fountain of chocolate and all these items to dip into it, like strawberries and cake. I planned to have a bite of one of the strawberries with chocolate (not enough to dump) but it was so much fun to dip the stuff I had five choco-things on my plate!!! heeheehee. I still only had a bite of one of the strawberries! Good Margaret!
My mom told me the most hideous terrifying wls story I have heard. This is such a "my mother's friend's sister's daughter" story I am inclined to not beleive it (probably wls urban myth), but still... Do not read on if you do not want to be scared. So my mother met this woman who has two friends that have had wls. One is doing great. The other is dying. Apparantly, she was so concerned about losing the weight she ate next to nothing and only drank water/liquids. She lost all her weight, but b/c her pouch was not being used it basically hardened and now she is unable to digest foods. It sounds soooo urban legend, doesn't it? Well, I am going to see if I can find any info on the internet about this type of situation and will update if there is anything out there (or not). Is it even scientifically/biologically possible for something like that to happen? I would think that I would have heard something about it related to folks with anorexia...there stomachs get next to no use...do they atrophy and harden? Hmmm....
TTFN
3/31/05
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Ok, still 135. At least I was last night before going to bed. I had a bad dumping moment at work yesterday after I ate a BIG handful of jellybeans. Stupid? Yes. They are calling to me today. I must resist because I don't want to be laying down on my office floor again! I felt ridiculous.
I had a fat/thin moment this week. The arms on my office chair are moving away from me! My arms keep sliding off toward my body. Today is the first day I have ever worn a skirt to work and not worn control top panty hose!! I am not wearing any hose at all!!! I really like it. I think this will make the summer much more bearable...of course, I am really looking forward to the warmer months. I have been so cold all summer (lack of insulation).
I told the guy I like, but am only friends with, how much weight I have lost. He was shocked and stunned. He called me svelte. I like that word...much better than "skinny."
TTFN
4/4/05 - Closing in on goal weight
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Ok, got on the scale this morning and it read 133.4. I am getting kind of freaked out by the weight loss now. If I did not lose another pound, I would be ok. I don't want to be too skinny but at the same time, I want to make my goal. I was on a plateau for so long, I wonder why the change. I am doing a tiny amount of exercise...daily pushups to build some arm strength.
Yesterday, I went to the batting cages to get some skills before softball season starts (yes, I signed up for the office team). I was surprisingly good. I have never hit a ball with a bat before...well, maybe in second grade, but that doesn't count. I was making good contact (so my friend says). I am determined to be a good player.
TTFN
4/11/05
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Just a quick pop-in to update my weight. It is now 132. I am fairly happy with that and if it keeps coming off slowly, I am cool with it. As usual, I need to work on the exercise thing more. Really, I need to find a gym buddy. One day....
Tomorrow night is the monthly support group. I need to go and connect with my wls friends and get some encouragement. Hopefully, it is a group meeting where we don't have a presentation. I like it when we all just sit there and talk and ask questions and offer suggestions to one another. Too many times the meetings are lecture/classroom style. I think we need to have smaller group meetings. Maybe I will start a "singles" kind of meeting. I think we have some different issues that we are dealing with that the married/coupled ppl aren't familiar with...and vice versa.
TTFN
4/19/05
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Still the same weight as last week. I actually gained two pounds this week and then lost them again! My monthly friend came to visit yesterday. Perhaps the weight will leave with her!! :)
Not much is going on, except that I need to find other activities to keep me from snacking! I have learned that I am a stress eater. At work when things start getting stressful I snack to procrastinate and get through what I need to work on. Or what I don't need to work on...like updating my profile!!! :)
Even though the weight is almost all gone, I still have love life issues. I always thought they were weight problems. Before there were no boys. Now there are boys, but they are all problematic in one way or another. Not to mention, I am really picky...who knew?!
My nine month check up is on Thursday. I will update on that, then. If anything is worthy of updating!
TTFN
4/22/05 - 9 Months Post-op
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I went in for my check up yesterday. Weight is 132.9. Fairly uneventful. I have lost 96% of my excess body weight. Dr. Houston was pleased with my eating habits. Although, he recommends that I cut down on the snacking!!! :) So, I am trying to do that! Brian took my measurements and the most astonishing was my waist size: 29 inches! I feel like Scarlet O'Hara, although she had an 18 inch waist! Whatever, it feels good.
I bought my first size 4 skirt and I look cute in it. The strange thing: when I saw it on the rack, I was thinking, no way is that going to fit me, it is too small. Then I tried it on, it fit. When I put it back on the hangar, it looked big to me. Isn't it weird how body image is still an issue. I know that I am small now, but I don't always feel that way. I see the hanging skin on my arms and but and my boobs, well, they just hang. There are depressions in my chest where my boobs used to be located!!! A friend at work was asking if I was done losing. I advised that I have about 7 more pounds to go (125). She said that I shouldn't get too low so that I have to gain some and then deal with body image desires and issues. I said I am always dealing with body image issues. Someone else at work told me that I look smaller than this girl that I think is just teeniney. That was a shocker.
Brian worked out a new exercise schedule for me. 4 days a week: 10 min cardio, then alternate weights for lower and upper body each of those days. This should get me in the gym but not make me feel like I have to stay there forever! I get to where I don't want to go b/c it seems like such a time burden. But it is better than wasting time in front of the TV. Really, I just prefer spending time with my friends.
Hopefully, my bloodwork is ok. I probably need to take iron supps. I haven't been doing that.
So, at nine months every thing seems to be A-OK. Let's hope it keeps up and stays that way. I hope to add some new pics to my picturetrail after the weekend. There is a costume party I am attending. I am donning a Jacki O. type costume. Very retro with a pillbox hat and all.
TTFN
5/14/05 - 9 1/2 months post op
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My weight keeps fluctuating between a couple of pounds. 130 - 133. (goal is 125) I think this is b/c I have brought carbs back into my diet in a big way. For example, last night I had a Healthy Choice frozen dinner (280 cal, 23 pro) that had noodles in it. I ate them last, but I ate ALL of them. Then I spent the night on my couch watching movies and munching on bagel crisps!!! How insane is that???
I am trying to get back on track somewhat by counting my protein grams again. Also, I was doing horrible things for breakfast...going to Fido every morning for a skinny double vanilla latte and either a muffin or ham sandwich. Obviously, the ham sandwich was the better choice.
Every single meal, I have to make the choice. I can eat high calorie carb filled meals or I can eat lower cal high protein meals. I need to keep reminding myself to eat the latter. I knew when I chose to have this surgery that it would be a life changing event and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I mean I see it every day in the mirror, but it is WAY more than just the way I look and the shape of my body. I have to take extra steps to remain healthy and not get vitamin deficient. I am a little worried about that. I mean I have been having the blood tests regularly and have received no negative news, but my bone density test is coming this summer and I am worried b/c I have a difficult time with the calcium.
So, I have a new boyfriend. I am very excited about that. I wrote about him a while ago. We had been dating since December and just a week ago decided to make it exclusive. Yay. I finally told him about the surgery and he is way cool with it. As a matter of fact, and this is one of the things I am wild about, he doesn't eat really big meals and he likes to share meals when we go out to dinner!!! This is so cool. Plus, he is fairly athletic and likes to get out of the house and do stuff with me. I have my hardest times with grazing and snacking when I sit around and watch television. I really think I have broken my telly habit. I no longer refuse to make other plans on certain nights b/c of television shows!! Yay.
Today, I am going to play soccer and then I am going to the mall to attempt to buy a pair or two of shorts for the summer. Ugh. I have tried several times, but just can't get used to it. I have spent years wearing only long skirts or long lightweight pants in the summer. I am still scared of shorts. My vericose veins might show and that freaks me out. I need to consult someone about fixing those. I always thought they were spider veins but now that I don't have all the fat to hide the fact, I think that they are actually vericose...ugh...harder to get rid of. Ok, must go get ready for soccer!!
Oh, I added some more pics to my picture trail (link at top). One is recent: me at karaoke! The other is about one year pre-op, so somtime in 2003...I look preggers!!! I am really surprised that someone didn't ask me when I was due...of course, if that had happened, I probably would have had the surgery a lot sooner!!!
TTFN
06/06/05
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Just a quick update to change my weight from 131 to 130. I am sure it will go back up again. But seeing as my one year dr. appointment is fast approaching, I would like to get to my goal weight of 125...128 will be fine, though. I need to get serious about cutting back on the carbs. I went to visit my mom this weekend and it was pretty carb filled...those evil bagel crisps!! The good news is that I did not eat out every night as usual and just had low carb lean cuisines for dinner...
TTFN
06/22/05 - 11 months post op
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I keep fluctuating between 130 and 133 lbs. On days when I think it is going to be high, it will be low. I really can't figure it out. I was hoping to break into the 120s before my one year anniversery and I only have one month to go! Again, the regular visits to the gym are just not happening. There are so many other things I would rather be doing! Like hanging out with my boyfriend. BTW, I have some cute photos of us from our first out of town weekend. We had a fantastic time! I will post them to my picturetrail soon. He and I have discussed PS in the boobie region recently! He was a bit opposed to the idea at first but now wants to go "boobie shopping" with me!! Funny, huh?
Ok, well not too much more to post about. I am still having snacking issues. Like right now I am dying to snack on something even though I know I am not hungry. Trying the water-load method!
TTFN
06/30/05 - almost 12 months!!!
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Just a quick pop-in. I have been feeling fat lately which is totally ridiculous b/c I weigh 130-132 pretty consistently! I took a piggy-back ride for the second time last night on my boyfriend's back. He thinks it is funny b/c I have no idea how to jump up there and ride!!! I am scared I am going to crush him...which is ridiculous (see above!). I have now been to two tae kwon do classes and am having a good time with it. I am learning something I have always wanted to learn and getting exercise at the same time. I also want to start playing tennis. Some friends and I were talking about mixed doubles, Royal Tenenbaum style!!! :) Now, that would be fun. How can you play tennis without the whites and the sweatbands???
TTFN
07/01/2005
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I saw this repost on someones blog and it felt very familiar so I wanted to repost here so that I don't forget:
"I think I know why I got fat, and I think I know why I stayed fat. And it's many many reasons. For me (and I'm speaking for ME) it was all of my OWN doing. If I could have eaten less/exercised more, I WOULD have lost weight (and did many times). I did not get fat because it was my destiny or my genetics or my disease or my body's failing, I did it to myself.
I got fat because food was my friend. It was my entertainment, comfort and love growing up. It was the highlight of every day, and the thing i looked forward to most from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning. It was a way to deal with unhappiness and loneliness and it was my drug of choice. That is how I got fat.
I stayed fat because it was safe. It kept me perpetually 12 years old and meant i never had to 'grow up', meet a man, have a family and be responsible for anything. In my family I am still considered one of the 'children' - i'm 27 years old. If i was married with a family of my own, I would not be eating Christmas dinner at the kids card table anymore.
I am a 'father-less' girl. From what I've seen, many woman who grew up without fathers often have huge self esteem issues, and huge weight issues (not ALL women, but a lot). Growing up without a father figure made it hard for me to relate with men, deal with men. Always wanting their approval, but from a distan
