martha875
5-04
I am 28 years old with a BMI of 59 and a loving husband of 4 years and a 3 year old boy. I have been "Chunky" all my life and have been on every diet twice since the age of 8. I had considered RNY in 2000 but sagamore just did not pay for anything obesity related not even meds. I gave up all hope and didnt even try to appeal since it wasnt a covered surgery. My husband recently accepted a new job and we will be getting Cigna HMO (which is cheaper for us) and i am going to try to do this again. I am more nervous about the insurence process than i am the surgery. I did not have ins. for 4 mo. while my husbands job was changing. I am hoping that will not be a factor but if it is i am willing to stick it out. I am not ready to give up on life, i want to be able to play with my son and not have to worry about who will help me off the floor or where the nearest chair is so i can rest. god bless you and i will update soon
06/01/04
Well, not much to report really besided the fact that i am going to not do the RNY as of now and i am going to do the adjustible band instead... i am not wanting all of the risk surrounded with the RNY but i still want the WLS. i understand there are risks with the band but no leaking that i have found, and i am not at a point in my life that i want to take that drastic of a move as to cut myself up inside... it scares the S@#$ out of me to think about it and especially after reading the memorials, but i did get some good info and a reality check by reading there stories. I will be first going to my doc. to get a sleep test.. i never knew i could have sleep apnea until i read about it and found that i have all the syptoms, then i want to be on a diet with my doc for a little while (req. by ins. anyway) and then i will seek my surgery.
what scares me most about my life now, i have a 3 year old and i know his life would be greatly saddened if something happened to me as would my husbands life and yet I'm stuck with having to face surgery and possible complications or staying like i am and dying of obesity. It really depresses me to think of how my life has ended up! i am so scared i wont wake up or i will just drop dead. Im not ready to leave and thats why i feel i have no choice but to have some kind of surgery or do something now. I am losing my mobility and i fear it wont be long before i am unable to do the simple things... i want to play on the floor with my son or run with him in the park, is that so much to ask out of life...? I have tried every diet twice and lost and gained the same 100 pounds over and over. My husband is behind me 100 % and that makes it easier to a point to deal with living like i am. somedays i dont want to and then i see my little boy and he will just walk up to me and hug me and say i love you mommy, your my best freind, and i know why i must start to fight and not give up! Its the little blessings in life that god gives you that makes life worth living.
well, I must go do work, for thats what i get paid to do.
Until next time... god bless
7-1-04
Well,,, I am officially insured..... FINALLY... now begins the fight/process ...cigna HMO... heard good and bad... not sure what to expect... i will update laterzzzzz
7-7-04
I called carmel bariatric services today and gave my new insurence info. to my surprise i got a call back in less than an hour. i almost passed out while i was talking to her, i went numb, i thought she was calling to give me bad news, i figured it took longer for good news :0). anyway, i dont have a waiting period like i thought i might, due to the fact that this is a new ins. and i wasnt covered for 4 mo.. so that was great news. and she said everything else was just fine.. no exclusion policies or anything, just need a note from the dr... i called my dr and i will see him tomarrow @ 4:30 pm... he reffered me before and i hope he will do it again... i was declined by my old ins. they decided they no longer covered any weight loss issues at all, and I gave up.. now i have a good chance of actually getting this surgery with cigna... i have switched dr.'s as well, im going with dr huse.. nothing wrong with evanston at all.. just scheduling conflict on my part, i feel good about dr huse.. he is one of the top dr's at carmel.
im undecided which surgery i want to have but i am leaning towards RNY distal. I know i have a long journey ahead of me, but i am releaved to actually be on my way, and with a good chance i can get this done this time.
on another note:
i am going to baltimore in a couple weeks with a very good freind of mine peggy, who is also begining her journey for wls.. we are taking one last fat trip together. the next trip we take will be a cruise and we will BOTH be at our goal. Peggy really is the light at the end of my dark tunnel..she has brought so much joy and laughter into my life by just being my friend.
Thank you peggy.. for laughing with me to tears, for knowing and understanding the humor and pain of living obese and for bringing me closer to god.. for you are truly a blessing in my life...
7-22-04
well i am back from baltimore and we had a great time,we took a clipper ship cruise and went to the aquarium, then we realized 2 days in that we were very close to washington dc (DUH!) so we just took off and hit the town.. it was great, saw the white house,lincoln memorial, and arlington cemetary.. you name it we saw it... saw real life cops episode too... they were arresting a prostitute when we first got into washington, which was a little scary but the rest of washington was pretty safe..
anyway, i met with dr huse and had my consult. very nice, soft spoken man, i almost fell asleep,i have decided to do the RNY and he suggested i go with the open not lap. which is ok with me, he knows better than i do. the office was very friendly and explained my insurence deffinitly requires a phsyc. evaluation before anything will be approved, so i do that on Aug. 16th which is the first appt. available.. bummer huh... oh well it will all be done before i know it..
i will update later.. GOD BLESS
7-26-04
I got a letter from dr Huse office saying that they sent my packet.. Yikes.. i am now nervous.. I called the office and there office is so nice... very informative and easy to deal with.. she didnt care that i had a 100 questions, she helped me with everything i was concerned with. any way i am suppose to call my insurence co. next week and see if they get my packet... the nurse at Dr. Huse said she thinks someone is hired at the insurence co. to throw away 6 out of 10 proposals.. which i thought was funny.. so i better call and make sure they get it. ill update later... i have wanted this so badly all my life.. to be normal, healthy, and able to do the things that make life worth living. keep your fingers crossed and your prayers loud !
7-26-04
thought this was a little funny!
when i called to dr's office and was concerned because my dr had written on my refferal letter that my bmi was 40 and its really 59, i told the nurse at dr huse office and she said oh, no need to worry we have your bmi at 62.. oh gee wow that means i am super super morbidly obese not just super.. i feel so much better now that i am double super... my god whats next, way super super morbidly obese. if i dont laugh i will cry
8-1-04
3 days away from my 29th birthday and i get a denial letter in the mail, HAPPY BIRTHDAY from cigna. anyway i called last week and asked if they had recieved my packet and she said yes and that they had already sent a letter out, and then asked me when and where i was having my surgery.. i thought that was a good sign but i was also thinking, gee, that was quick considering i had called 2 days before and they had not recieved anyting... HMMM did they even read my info... i wonder...well anyway i got a letter from cigna basically wondering if i will go away and guess what.. IM NOT... all the info they said they needed in the letter. i have already sent... and they wanted a phsyc evaluation and i dont get that till august 16th. so in the mean time i will get together every dr file i have ever had and re-send the info they say they did not recieve.. well here goes everything... lord give me the strength to make it through this and the knowledge and wit to overcome. god bless. amen !
8-3-04
well i called the bariatric center to let them know i had been denied and she said i was soooo close to getting an approval. i did have meridia for 9 months but there was 1 month that i didnt weigh in and thats what they made the decision on. because it wasnt consecutive. anyway i wrote a kick-butt appeal letter and it will go out right after i get my phsyc eval so then they will have everything they need. PRAYFULLY..oh.. on a different note.. the gal at dr huse office asked me about my opti-fast records and i told her they had said they were discarded after 4 years and she said they are required to keep them 10 years.. so my little brain started burning and i called the opti-fast place and asked them how long they saved records and she said 7 years this time... well i was there 6 years ago and they are looking for my records as we speak... that would be literally a life saver if they can find them.. considering before they told me they had been destroyed and hadnt even looked me up.. geeez people irritate me.. if i would have been informed correctly the first time by optifast i might have gotten an approval... well anyway... im over it.. they better find the records thats all i can say... im having a bad day...
god bless... :0)
8-25-04
time has flown by.. i cant believe its been so long since i updated... I have been battling with a little depression lately over the insurence co. i am waiting for my appeal to be either rejected or accepted and i can only say i have lost hope. i am trying to keep my faith. and i am, its just getting hard waiting on someone else to tell me whether or not i will be able to have the life i deserve or not.. i will call my ins. today and see if they got my appeal letter... and go from there god bless
9-3-04
well, quite alot has happened since i last wrote, dr huse office didnt do anything with my phsyc eval for 16 days after the date it was done,,, :0( not happy but i know there busy,,, optifast, im over them stupid people, i got a letter from optifast (since they lost my records, why me, why always me) they wrote me one stating when i had been there and what i had done on each visit.. then i wrote killer letter stating all i had done to lose weight and been through physically because of my weight and what will happen in my near future (per my dr.)if i dont have the surgery and let cigna know that it was more expesive to not let me have the surgery, and i started seeing my regular doc. in the meantime incase they deny me again, that way i will have 3 of my 6 months they require already done,,, i put that in the letter as well so they know im not going away. i have now developed bronchitis and asthma and i am having a sleep study done tommarrow night to see if i have sleep apnea.. my dr thinks i do and thats why i wheeze all the time... i called cigna today and they have finally recieved my appeal packet... YA HOO!!!! over all they are very good to deal with...it is in evaluation and i will know hopefully and prayfully next week.. i cant live like this any more....ive waited 4 years for this moment and its my turn to shine, and god willing i will, i will update when i hear... pray lots... and god bless
9-17-04
GUESS WHAT!!!!!I called Cigna on wednesday and the lady was kinda rude and i just kept being very polite and she eventually said that they had not made a decision yet on my appeal, yada yada yada. anyway, on Thursday it was aroung 8:45am i believe and i just literally jumped up from my desk and told peggy (my bestes friend) im calling cigna again today, i dont know what made me want to do it but im glad i did, the man was soooo nice and helpfull on the phone. i was shaking like a leaf when he said there had been a decision made on my appeal, and then he said the dreaded words (YOU'LL GET A LETTER) i thought OH for goodness sake, here we go again, and i just asked him, can you tell me what the decision was and he said YES he could tell me, i went numb, almost cried, and started practically convulsing, he came back and him-hauled around and my heart sank, waiting to hear the worst,and then he said Dr. so and so has given you an APPROVAL. OH MY GOD AN APPROVAL. I said, are you sure and he said yes you have an approval and you should get your letter any day. i got so excited i said thankyou and dropped the phone and tore off my micophone and ran around my cubicle and there was peggy, waiting with open arms,the entire first floor of the hospital (where we work) thought something had happened, and it did, I GOT APPROVED, HOLY CRAP AFTER 4 YEARS, I GOT APPROVED.
its really happening.years of suffering in this body and now ill be free. im still in shock. i woke from a nap and thought it was a dream and right then peggy called and said, HEY, guess what, you got APPROVED, it was really funny cause she had said that to me all day at work and then to call right then after i woke.. tooo funny. she's great.....she kept telling me i would get it and reminded me to keep my faith and keep praying to god and to keep fighting, never give up. ill feel it official when i get my letter. WOW, THANK YOU GOD, THANK YOU! and thank you peggy for never giving up on me, even when i wanted to give up on myself.
9-17-04 i forgot to tell you i had my sleep test and that was misserable.i had a wire coming out from every inch of my head, i had this cord stuck up my nose, and to top i off it was all attached with this slimy gunk, i could not fall asleep and then when i did, i had the lady coming in my room to put a c-pap machine on me. i slept after that really well but i had a hard time getting comfortable on my back, i am a belly sleeper.i remember i farted half way throught the night and i kept thinking i hope they dont have a microphone in the room. how embarresing, forgot where i was, ooops. anyway i have to go get the results of that test sometime in the next week or so.
Im going camping this weekend @ brown county state park in Indiana, it should be great, i hear its beautiful this time of year, we bought a pop up camper and this will be our first of many trips..
9-25-04
my surgery date will be on november 2, yikes 5 weeks away.. its happening fast now. i got a call from dr huse office because they noticed cigna had written an approval code for the lap procedure and i am to have an open surgery. so we are hoping cigna will just change the type code and i will have my surgery on the 2nd, they told dr huse office that they approved the surgery and the type should be no big deal so we will see what they do about it... i think there is a price difference so i have a feeling it is a big deal... but the nurse at dr huse office said worse comes to worse we will have to get me approved for lap by dr huse and change my surgery date.. why is there always a problem no matter what i do... but at least i am approved.. thank god for that
10-01-04
havent heard anything about the wrong procedure code deal. i called cigna and it is in review again. they are deciding whether they will just change the code or not. who knows what is the big deal. im approved so it figures they put the wrong code so now its all a mess.i have no clue whats going on. god bless and take care
10-9-04
Well, it seems the code was a big issue and the insurence kept giving me the run around so i called dr huse office to see what we could do. i decided to go lap instead of open to just get the ball going, they had to page dr huse and ask him if he would do lap on me and he said ok... yeah finally we are official and everything is a go. i was worried my new date would be like months away but they got me in on DECEMBER 10TH which means i will have one more normal thanksgiving before i have surgery. i cant wait. i am on cloud nine. i am worried about how my husband and i are going to survive while im off work, but the lord will provide. he always does... take care and god bless martha
10-21-04
getting nervous about the surgery and its getting harder and harder to wait till december 10th. It's funny, i waited for 4 years but 6 wks feels like an eternity.LOL. im so nervous some days i am physically sick, i cant help but wonder how i let myself get to this point. 380lbs and just miserable, i have no life, my days off work, i sit and watch tv and eat all day. i feel like a crack addict that cant leave there stash for fear of needing it and not being able to get to it. i feel trapped. i eat so much i feel like crap, i did that tuesday, i must have had 4 meals and 3-4 snacks, and i woke up wednesday for work and i had a headache, stomach ache, and i felt like i was going to black out, yuck, i dont want to ever feel that way again, i am only 29 years old. my goodness what have i done to myself, why couldn't i control this disease, what the heck happened to my life, did i try all i could, why did i fail at all those diets, will i fail again, im going crazy. i have always been able to lose weight in the past but never keep it off because i have a bottom-less pit for a stomach and absolutly no will power or metabolism. im disgusted with myself, when i get done with this surgery, somthings gotta change. this is my chance for a fresh start.i would love to be able to be healthy, feel good about myself and look good. thats all my expectations are right now. anything else is bonus, god bless.
10-26-04
Well, just waiting and getting all the loose ends gathered up before surgery. i sent my leave of absence papers to dr huse and got them back today, melissa is awsome, she does insurence for dr. huse. very polite,organized,and a very educated woman.
she has always been polite and very helpfull, always returned my calls no matter what. anyway im impressed with the entire staff.
i have my pre-op tests on november 22nd then its all in place... im nervous just thinking about surgery, but very excited about what it holds for my future, i cant believe i actually have a future now... big smiles.. god bless
11-12-04
getting stir crazy waiting for surgery, dealing with some self asteam issues, i hope i dont still feel fat and bad about myself after i lose all my weight. i hate my body, i feel pathetic and like i dont matter. i hope i can let go and just be me, not be self concious all the time. not worry if someone is looking at me because im fat or because i actully have a problem, like toilet paper hanging out my butt. at least that would be better than being stared at because your fat i suppose.
anyway i got to feeling a little cold feet so i made a list of why i want to do the surgery, so here goes
*to be in a size that doesn't START with 2 or 3
*to not have my butt lop over the edge of a seat
*to feel good about my self
*to have my weight be close to what is on my license
*to feel better in a swimsuit
*to be able to get out of a plastic chair with out it sticking to my butt
*to fit in seats with arms
*to fit into a booth at a restaraunt, the ones where you cant move the table to fit you
*to fit down the isle on a bus with out hitting everyone on either side even though your sideways
*cross my legs past my CANKLES
*lose my cabbage patch look when i smile... my eyes disappear
*to only have 1 chin... ahhh what a relief
*to be able to fasten my seat belt and still have room to breath
*to not have my stomach touch my legs when i sit
*to wear corduroy with out starting a fire from the friction
*travel
*to look and feel more femanine
*to get cute clothes and actually look great
*to wear sexy things and feel awsome
*to be able to buy a watch,bracelet,or necklace and not have to resize it
*to be able to go to walmart and just buy an outfit on the fly
*to go show off my new body and new confidence to all those people who never gave me the time of day, who never thought i would ever succeed in life, who never cared who i was on the inside, and who never thought i was good enough because i was fat. >>>>breath
*to have a sence of appreciation for all the people in my life who loved me unconditionally, especially god
*to ride a roller coaster
*to ride a horse with out causing physical damage to the animal
*to fit in a tub with out overflowing the water when i only started out with 2 inches of water. actually happened
*to fit in the back of a vehicle.. (just to ride-dirty mind)
*to use a regular stall and not have to use the handicap stall
*TO FIT THROUGH A TURNSTILE AMEN TO THAT
*to weigh on a regular scale
*to tie my shoes and breath and not be nauseated for 30 min. due to lack of oxygen
*to run and roller blade the magnificent mile in chicago
*more energy to make it through the work day and some for my family
*to sit on the floor and get back up with out an excavation plan
*to cough and sneeze with out pissing myself (geeeez is that so much to ask)
*to be noticed, desired, and to have people want to be my friend and not pre-judge me by my appearence
*to not be trapped in this body, cause i sure dont feel like i look
*to not fear obesity will take my life
*to not have anyone embarrased to be seen with me
*to not feel like a circus freak when people stop to stare at me
*to show my son a better way of living and to not have him be teased cause he has a fat mommy...
*and last but not least... FOR MYSELF, MY HEALTH, AND FOR A HAPPIER FULLER LIFE
11-23-04
i went to my pre-op testing yesterday. all went pretty well. i went to get the blood tests done first and she missed my vein the first time OUCH i hate when they go in and out trying to find it...yikes.. do over.. while i was getting my blood i had to drink this liquide..yummy.. the nurse did not tell me it was fizzy and i didnt see any bubbles so i started to chug and what do ya know.. it went up my nose and i inhaled some of it... that should look really good on my chest x-ray.. after the blood they hussle you off to the UPPER GI.. i had to put these crystals in the back of my throaght (that taste like citric acid by the way) then drink water which made the crystal fizzzzz. it acted so fast with the water i had to swallow just to keep my mouth from exploding.. then she said DONT BURP. well i thought that shouldnt be too difficult AND THEN... she handed me a cup of barium... i had to swallow that crap and hold air in my stomach... i kept gagging and burping.. i kept thinking of fear factor... chug chug chug... yuk that was nasty... i wanted to throw up.. ON HER>>>> whoever thought of that test should be shot.. i would rather have 6 IV's in my butt cheaks than to have to do that test again... the rest of the day was ok.. i had a nurse screeming at me to BLOW. while she measured my lung capacity... that was interesting...she would scream BLOW,BLOW,BLOW,BLOW.. and then in a real soft voice she said "that was good honey"... oye vay.. i was so embarrased, i felt like i was training to be a hooker :o) ..... i met with the nurse and then with Dr. Brooks (who is pregnant and kept marking on her belly with the pen, by accident) she will go over all my test results. after that i went home.... what a day... I fell asleep for 3 hours on the couch..
well i officially have 17 days till my rebirth into this world.....but im glad ill still have the life and the friends and family i have now... ill just be starting my stomach from scratch.... what a great gift from god to have this surgery.... god bless....
11-30-04
well.... i never thought i would be able to say this... but.. I ONLY HAVE 10 DAYS TILL SURGERY....wow.. has time flown by....it feel wierd to be excited to have surgery, but i keep looking at the eventual outcome... a new life.. a better life for me and my family... the countdown has begun.....i just got my first set of butterflies... i need to get rid of those before surgery, i wouldnt want them getting out and flying around,,,, i know... bad joke...
god bless
12-05-04
5 DAYS TILL SURGERY...............
I am excited, anxious, nervous, confused, scared all at once.... i want the day to come and when i am finally there i will feel so much better.... 5 days... i have monday off and me and my little boy jesse are going x-mas shopping and going to rent movies and just be together the rest of the day...
Sad Story:
jesse (my son) and i were coming home and he fell asleep in the car on the way and when we got home it was pretty dark out.. i told him i was going to get the mail and i would be around to get him in just a minute.. well by the time i got the mail and opened his door, he was hysterical, crying and screeming for me and asking me why i left him alone..i told him mommy never leave her baby and he said "you did, i couldnt see you, you left me all alone" i felt horrible and kept telling him i would never leave him and i would always be ther for him.. then i thought to myself... what if im not... i guess every parent faces that fact. im just not ready, im so scared of not being there for him if something happens to me.. i promised him i would always be there for him... it breaks my heart to think of him crying for me and me not being there to tell him mommy's here and everything is ok..i have faith that god will bring me through this entire process, that is the only reason why i choose to go forward, god blessed me with this opportunity so that i can have a fuller, healthier, longer life with jesse.. my angel!!!
i only have 3 working days left till surgery.... then i will be on the other side with the losin' folk..
god bless
12-07-04
3 days till surgery, i more day to eat, i day of liquids then @ 6 am i will be at the hospital and @ 8 am i should be on my way to the other side.......... I still cant belive this is happening.... it has been so long, it just seems unreal.....
god bless
12-8-04 WELL I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE DAY OF NORMALCY TILL MY SURGERY. TOMMARRO IS LIQUIDS AND EARLY FRIDAY MORNING IS MY SURGERY...
12-27-04
well i made it to the other side:
i dont remember a lot about the hospital because i was so nervous i was in a fog most of the time.... i showed up at the hospital at 6 am with my husband,mother, and father in towe.. i had to go back to a little room by myself and get my lovely gown on and then dr. huse came in to go over things with me and then i met the anesthesiologist, and then they brougt my family in to be with me... i then had to walk myself back to the operating room, which was freaky by the way, i walked in and got so nervous, everything was steele and looked cold and eary, there was a big spot light pointing towards my table and all these monitors and machines everywhere... yikes still make me shake... the anesthesia guy had me lay on the table and adjust my neck so he would be able to get the breathing tube in and then he had me put me arms out flat on these little tables and he numbed my hand and then put the IV in which i didnt even feel and he said he was giving me something to relax me and all i remember is that i said this feels funky and i was out... next thing i know i am coming in and out of conciousness in the recovery room. i could see a nurse next to me and i was in so much pain. i could not get my words out of my mouth i was so drugged up. i kept grabbing her arm and grunting pointing to where it hurt... i heard her say she was giving me pain meds then i was out again.... i dont remember going to my room after that, but i didnt have much pain at all, just where they put the tools in for the lap procedure... i was in the hospital for 4 days and then went home.... i have lost 35 lbs as of today in little over 2 weeks,,, i guess thats incentive to keep going
1-12-05
well i have been doing a lot better lately... i am not eating very much and i am definitly not getting enough protein in but my spirits are high and i am able to eat a little more variety of foods... i thought the surgery was the hard part but i was way wrong... its hell not being able to eat what you normally do or even eat salad and vegies... and what i do eat hurts and tries to come back up.. i have to eat so slow or i get sick... thats hard, i am used to inhailing my food and it just doesnt work like that any more...ouch and dont want to stretch out my pouch... i want this to work...after all i have been through...
i have lost 47 pounds in 4 weeks.. not bad huh! i feel better and look lots better,,, people notice.. maybe a little too often but i like it.. i went and got my hair highlighted with red and blonde..it looks cool and made me feel better to do something for myself.
i am so afraid of stretching my pouch that i dont eat hardly at all, which is not good... i eat 2 or 3 potato slices and maybe 6 oz meat a day ... :o( i am afraid if i start eating more protien that i will gain..i will call my nutritionist....
god bless
02-16-05
well its been awhile...i have been doing pretty good so far. i have now lost 72 pouns and in a 26 from size 32. i will have my 3rd endoscopy this thursday because i have an ulcer and my gastric outlet keeps shrinking. i feel great, better than i have in years and everyone is really startin to notice a big difference. i even get noticed in public... thats a great feeling.i cant wait till this summer when i can go camping and horseback riding... yipeee.. take care god bless
2-26-05
well i have been doing pretty good, i am down 78 lbs thats 6 more since 2-16-05, i went shopping (at walmart of course) and put in my usual layaway.. i got size 26, which is a 24 in walmart size and i am now in a 26-28 so by the time i get my outfits out of layaway they should look good... i cant wait.. i can actully buy clothes at walmart and its not the biggest size they have.. that was one of my goals..
well i had a repeat endoscopy and everything looks good so far.. i still have an ulcer but its getting better.. probably doesnt help that i like spicy food...oh and they had to open my gastric outlet again... i didnt get as sick with the anesthetic this time but i spent a lot of money and couldn't remember what i got.. a little memory laps there i guess. but i know ill like the clothes i picked out.. kinda like christmas. anyway... i am feeling a hundred percent better and getting noticed and its gonna get better with each day..
take care and god bless
3-22-05
woooo hoooo... i am officially under 300... gosh thats still alot though but a great feeling to finally be back down there anyway.. i am down to 296. thats -93 lbs to be exact.. looking and feeling better and hoping and praying that lots more comes off... cant wait... im looking forward to summer... camping, horse back riding, just having fun outside.... lots to look forward to now.. unbelievable.. thank you jesus....
god bless you all.. and good luck in all you do..
see you on here in a bit..
4-10-05
well doing good,,just eating more and feeling like im doing bad but really im not... it just takes getting used to the fact that i can actually eat 3 oz per meal now or a little more depending on consistancy. i am down to 290 and i feel great...
god bless
4-21-05
well im doing great... looking for a support group near me and i am making an appointment to see the dietician on monday just to see where i am at. i really dont eat a whole lot. i hope it stays that way. people say i look pale all the time but i think its just cause all the changes my body is going through... oh i have a new passion... buying clothes... i can actually wear a 2x. can you believe that... i was a 5x and it was gettin tight. now its so cool to just go into a store, see what you like and whats cute and grab your size. life has gotten so much better since surgery.. i can actually work more and make enough money so my husband and i can breath. im healthier and in great spirits.. god bless...
6-28-05
doing fine. now down to 250lbs and feeling wonderful, living life and trying to watch what i eat since i can eat more now. need to start exercising, im mad at myself for not doing it sooner but i cant dwell on that now, just need to start doing it. oh i almost forgot.. i am now in an extra large,,,its so weird buying clothes... i keep thinking they wont fit and then when they do im surprised all over again. i bought a pair of 18 pant and they actually fit.. thats another goal..
march 26-2006
i am doing good with keeping my weight maintained. i think i am at the point of not losing anymore and i am ok with that, i am down to 213 still and feeling wonderful. i lose a little here and there but am glad to not be gaining. i have been able to go dancing and buy all the clothes i have always wanted to be able to. life is good in that respect.
my personal life has taken a tole though. i am getting divorced because my husband and i have grown apart, he doesnt feel safe anymore with all the attention i am getting and he does not want to deal with it and i understand. i always thought things would be better if i was thinner and i know they tell you that everything will stay the same in your personal life but somehow i believed i would be different.i believed everything would be better. i am able to work more now and do more things but it feels like everything else around me is crashing down. when i was fat i could flirt with guy friends and it meant nothing to them, now i am seen as a threat and a slut and i dont understand that. i really i am the same person i have always been. i dont mean anything by it, its just who i am, i like to flirt. i like to make people laugh and i like to have a good time. now its different i guess. what, was it all a big joke before because i was fat. geez. anyway i am happy with who i am and what i have accomplished and people will just have to get used to the new me, (on the outside). im the same person inside i have always been.
anyway i cant wait to sell my house and get my own place. i want to just move on. i am ready to get this overwith so i can figure out were my life will take me from here. i doubt there are any decent single men left out there so i give up looking. i never knew men in general could be so heartless and raunchy. i am seeing a whole new world that i didnt know exsisted. i dont like it much but i guess its always been there. i didnt realize how sheltered my weight made me till now. i would still do it all over again. i love the new me.
9-24-06
i have been neglecting my profile a little, trying to ignore the fact that i am not normal like the rest of the skinny world. trying to hide from the fact that i do have a disease that i need to keep in check with. especially now.. i am 2 mo. pregnant and very worried. i have a reall bad heart murmur and i am still not at goal. i can still lose weight but i have maintained for the last 6 mo.. if i would just stop grazing i would probabley be there by now but im not. now i have this little blessing that i need to eat for and i am affraid i will pick up old habits again. i really need to watch it and keep myself in check. hopefully i will be able to do this and it will ok. doc seems to think i will be ok and all but im afraid of gaining and not being able to lose it agian or keep it off.
im workin so ill update later..