McPoet

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I decided to get on the scale this morning, and low and behold.... I am exactly 100 pounds lighter than I was when I was rolled into the operating room!!!

Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy re-birthday to me.

And...happy early BIRTHDAY  to me for my actual birthday is on Saturday, and I am physically almost half the person I was on my last birthday.  I just read a post where a member asked when is the honeymoon over. I'm here to tell you that my honeymoon is just beginning.  Feeling good!

 

So. I'm in the hair loss stage.  Great weight loss, but I have found that the stories I've read all over the place are holding true for me as well.  I'm losing a lot of hair.  Because I have dread locks, it is sooooo obvious.  My mother, who had hair loss from way back, looks at me with pity.  My 6 foot tall, teen-age son stares down at my baldness.  Last night, while looking at me from across the room, he asked me, "So, was it worth it?" 

"Worth what?" I ask, because I had just been watching television.  Minding my own business.

"Worth losing your hair."

Hair.

Hair.

Hair.

Yes, it echoed in my head. Just like that.

I suppose it was. I'm healthier.  I can walk 10 feet without sweating.  I can climb stairs without huffing and puffing.  I am beginning to look GREAT in my jeans.  The list goes on and the pros FAR outweigh the cons.  Yes, I think I'd do it again.

I suppose this may be God's way of keeping me humbled.  Great body.  No hair.

I take back all of that whining from the last post.  I obviously lost more weight.  I'm down 82 pounds since my surgery.  I'm looking good and feeling good about that.  People at work compliment me all of the time.  Sometimes I'm a bit uncomfortable with the compliments, but I do my best to accept them.

Now, what drove me back home to OH?  This freaking hair loss.  I have dreadlocks, and thinning hair becomes quite obvious.  I'm trying to be very inventive with my updos.  My mother, who has alopecia, looks at me with pity.  My son is no longer able to look at me and pretend he doesn't notice it.  I have bald spots on the top of my head. 

I've read enough comments, forums, and blogs to know that what I am experiencing is normal.  I know that most people talk about that hair growing back over time (between 6-9 months).  I'm at month 6, and I'm sure hoping this will be true for me, too.  If I had it to do all over again, would I decide not to have my surgery in order to keep my hair?

Hell no!!  I'm happy with the choice I made.  I sure do miss my hair, though.

 Okay.  I seem to be at a standstill. I dropped 30 pounds in my first month post surgery.  Now for the last two Sundays I am hovering around 242-245.  What the heck!!?

Surely, I didn't go through this surgery for 30 pounds!  I can't eat much.  I can't drink much.  And now, I'm not losing much weight, either.  Ugh!!!

Not much to say beyond that...

 When I was still going through my pre-surgery journey, my nutritionist did emphasize the need to take smaller bites and chew until my food was of an applesauce consistency. Honestly, I tried, but I found that too difficult to do.  Chicken chewed to applesauce consistency is NASTY, pork chewed to applesauce consistency is NASTY.  As a matter of fact, anything chewed that long loses some of its appeal half way through the chewing.  But again I have to be honest if only with myself, post surgery, that is the only way I will be able to eat.

I am finding that I fill up way too quickly.  I have also been pretty unsuccessful at telling when that moment is about to occur because I haven't been chewing enough and I haven't been taking my time with my meals.  Eating to fast is my biggest problem right now and I have to make a more conscience effort to slow it down.

 I finally made a meal I can enjoy.  I am almost 4 weeks post-op and sick AND tired of mushy food.
 So, I decided to try to make something I could mush with a fork.  I have tried scrambled egg whites.  That was so-so.  I have tried luncheon meat wraps.  I like that also for a quick fix.  Yogurt is fine.  But what I really wanted was a good cooked meal, and I finally had it.  I ate slowly so I didn't feel like I was choking on a hambone.  I was able to eat 3 whole meatballs and a few tortelini shells.  Finally, a whole meal!!!

Now, I can pack up a few meatballs for my lunch tomorrow.

 So, a few people mentioned that they can see the weight change now.  I've dropped about 26 pounds since surgery.  Feeling good about that.  Even with the side-ways glances from some coworkers, I feel good about me and this journey.  Watch me!!

 Today should be the day that I return to the gym. There is still something there trying to hold me back.  What is my problem?  Do I want to have saggy arms and legs?  Do I want to concede defeat to the belly baggie?  Now, would be the time I should yell the battle cry: Noooooooo!  But my real response is more like a mousy: no.

I need to get it in gear.  I want to be that woman who has arms like Michelle Obama.  I want to be that teacher who wears slacks that simply flow over my hips as I walk around my classroom.  I want to be buff.  I can't get there without the hard work.  So.....I guess I should get it in gear.  Maybe I need a workout buddy.

 I can walk again.   I mean really walk up a gooooood sweat.  I am finally figuring out how to tell if what I feel is fullness from what I've eaten, or fullness of bladder, or , pardon me, fullness of gas. That is the biggest problem I've faced.  I expected to feel sore.  I had an organ cut on, for peace sakes.  But I totally underestimated the part that gas would play in my life after surgery....but I made it through.

Now I can release the gas.  Great.  What's next?

I am anxious for my first follow-up appointment.  I know what my home scale says, but we all know that MY scale never says the same thing as THEIR scale.  I also need to start taking pictures.  I want to document the physical changes as well as the mental changes I'm going to experience.

 One hour left to go before heading to the hospital.  I'm so excited, and just as I thought, I slept very, very little last night.  Anxious about what to expect.  Anxious about what the next couple of days will bring.

I just saw both of my boys off to school, and my mother will take over from here for the next couple of days.  I don't worry at all while they are with her.  I know that is a blessing that we can depend on her.  Now, just looking forward to my new life, and I'm going to live it without apology.  WHat I mean to say, is that if there are people who still expect  me to be the same boring, reserved person I have been, they will be sadly disappointed. One of the reasons I'm doing this is so that I will have the energy and physical ability to DO stuff.  Walk in the park.  Walk in the mall with my kids with sweating like a pig and limping like a 85 year old. (Sigh)

I feel like shouting from the mountain tops:
"Today-ay-ay-ay, is the first day-ay-ay-ay of the rest-est-est-est of my life-ife-ife-ife!"

Well....see ya on the other side.