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finally!!! after 5 consultations i FINALLY found my doc and i'm having an extended tummy tuck in march!! omg i'm sooooo happy!! i'm spending the next 4 months trying to lose 20lbs or get as close as possible. omg!!! i'm sooooo happy!! i can't believe its finally happening after soooo many years of carrying this pannus around. i've worked my ass off this year and i'm almost brought to tears to know that my dream will soon be a reality!!!!

So here I am 4yrs out and find myself in the research phase all over again. Just as wide eyed and naive and scared as I was when researching WLS only now its for plastic surgery. 4yrs ago when I first found this site it was such an amazing thing. An entire site dedicated to all things WLS. A place where I could ask questions, hear stories, and talk about things that no one else would understand and that friends and family would judge me for. I never realized how much OH would become part of my family. I spent a lot of times in the forums before and after surgery. Everyone is so supportive and helpful and yes there are those who are brutally honest. Some people were downright jerks. lol. But so few in a pool of awesome people. I've never gotten the support i get on OH from anywhere else. I remember going to a support group at the local hospital. wow. it was so cliquey!!! they really were not nice to me at all and i only felt judged and not supported so i stopped going. thank god for my fam at OH. after a while, like everyone else, somewhere around the 1yr po mark i kind of stopped coming around. after all i had gotten everything i needed, what more was there to say?

but then i started trying to conceive. thats when i began going to the pregnancy after wls forum. omg i spent MONTHS on there. those ladies are amazing. and there we were, all going through the same thing that other people wouldn't understand. it was my sanctuary. i learned so many things from those ladies. thanks to them i was able to take my fertility into my own hands. and after one miscarriage i did become pregnant. i had my son in 2012. i came back a few times to share with ppl his pictures, but after that i kind of went away.

all the while i have used my blog as a way to get things out or to update. when i gained weight after my son i came on here to talk about my attempts at losing the weight. and my failures.

and now i'm back, back in the forums. this time the plastic surgery forum. and again i'm running into people who are just so incredibly helpful and kind, some who go above and beyond to give me information and explain things to me. i am so grateful for this site. honestly. i think its such an immense resource for people. i'm certainly grateful i found it. 

having weight loss surgery is still the best decision i ever made. without it i would not be where i am now. it was my miracle. my 2nd chance at life. 

if any of you are thinking of having WLS and want to speak to someone 4yrs out, don't hesitate to message me.

omg i can't believe its so tangible now! the doc suggested a full TT. but i need a second, third, fourth opinion first. because i do want more kids. but now i already have my hopes up for a full TT. sigh...

It's October baby! whats better than the fall holidays coming up? being able to celebrate those holidays with a little boy who is old enough to enjoy it (that's A.) and being happy with yourself because you're finally at the weight you were when you were at your best! thats B. You guys!!!! my old clothes fit! from 3 yrs ago!!! when i was at my lowest after surgery. it was my 1 yr sleeviversary in 2011. and i had lost 90lbs. i was in the 170s and it looked like my body wasn't gonna go any lower than that. and i was perfectly fine with it. i was happy at that weight. i felt healthy and sexy. for the first time i felt sexy and beautiful!!!!! its been a really really long hard road this year. after i had my son in 2012 it took me an entire year to do something about the way i looked/felt. i felt so ugly in my own skin. worse than when i was originally fat. because this new body was foreign to me. the shape changed. finally in jan of this year i decided to take action!

and i've been working my ASS off ever since. i have had some serious bumps in the road but i NEVER gave up! never stopped trying. in august i went back to low carb and at the end of august i started a ketogenic diet. i'm getting more results in this passed month than i did in the previous 3 months. i'm starting to see that girl i was when i was at my best. god what an amazing feeling to see her again!!!!!!!!! it's been so long!!

i wish people would understand that having wls is a medical intervention. its something that people need when they're so far gone and can't do it alone and need help just to get back to a manageable size. wls saved my life!!!! but those 90lbs, that was it. you only get that window ONCE. and you have to make the most of it. your tool will be with you the rest of your life to help you maintain. to keep you from ever going back to that BAD place (unless you really abuse it) but its not gonna make you lose weight forever. i had to work just as hard as everyone else (even harder it seems) to get to this place this time around. diet and exercise. pure and simple. luckily thank god i came from a place that wasn't so far gone and i have been able to focus and take this journey.

anyway the truly truly exciting thing is i am almost at my pre pregnancy weight. almost at my lowest. and its only october. which means this is gonna be a really amazing holiday season for me. i will get down to a weight i've never been before. i've never been lower than 170lbs in my adult life! but i will be! i can't wait to see what it looks like on me! and most exciting of all, i'm planning to finally get my pannis removed early next year!! :) yay!! and my husband and i have decided we are in no rush to have another baby so we will wait another year. than means i have all of next year to continue to work on myself inside and out. and to really enjoy the body i've worked so hard for. i could not be happier right now.

Ok so remember how slow things were going?? from the months of feb-july i only lost like 13lbs. which i am proud of. i worked really hard to lose them. but its very frustrating to be dieting and exercising hard 6 days a week and not losing. i kept losing and gaining and losing the same lbs over and over. i began having health issues. severe fatigue, depression, anxiety, irregular periods, sleep apnea came back. it became hard to function. i was really worried. during this time my workouts all but stopped completely because i had no energy. and when august came i decided, since i wasn't working out i didn't need all the calories and carbs i was eating. so i went back to low carb. after suggestions from  friends and looking it up online i was convinced i was suffering from hypothyroidism. when i FINALLY got my bloodwork done it turns out my thyroid was fine but all the carbs i had reintroduced to my diet (on advice from fitness people) had over time taken its toll and re-activated my PCOS/insulin resistance. so all those symptoms were PCOS related and i never even thought of that. because i haven't dealt with PCOS in 4 yrs! i was shocked. but also relieved. better the beast you know and have battled before than the beast you don't know. and thyroid diseases are very very serious. 

doc told me low carb needs to be the norm for me, always. and now i know. so if any fitness ppl try to tell me otherwise i can say, hey you're not a doctor, you don't know my situation, for me i HAVE to be low carb. which i have no problem with. i did it for a long time and its my comfort zone. doc said, well since you already went back to low carb you're doing well. just keep at it and take this low dose metformin and that should help. now as august is ending, i feel like my old self again. what a wonderful feeling and i am so very grateful. no more fatigue, i have energy to take my son to the park again. no more moodswings. i'm just happier now. i can handle life once again. very grateful.

not only that but in this month alone i've lost 4lbs and an inch and a half off my waist. i'm still not working out like i used to. i'm working on getting into ketosis and although i have energy to get through the day i'm not quite back at exhausting myself with workouts, also i just haven't had the time now that my son sleeps less! yikes! but i have been waaaay more active in general. i hardly sit down at all during the day. and i think thats pretty good. i do try to hit the weights once a week on saturdays when my husband can watch my son. i am currently 182.5lbs and getting closer to my pre-pregnancy weight of 173lbs. i'm excited to get there and excited to go beyond. 

my plan is to have my panni removed early next year and then continue with my weightloss and start trying to baby number 2. with my newfound healthy habits and my drive this next pregnancy will be very different from the first.

one thing thats hard for me to wrap my head around is how long this weightloss takes when done the old fashioned way. i think all of us are used to how quickly it happened after surgery. but that was after 6 weeks (2 before and 4 after) of liquid diet not to mention the shock the surgery on the body AND the new pouch. of course you're gonna drop weight like crazy. but thats why they say you have a 6 month grace period. after that everything sort of evens out. makes it easier to maintain, but if you gain again (like i did with pregnancy) it makes it really hard to lose it again. 

my last post was months ago and i've only lost 3 additional lbs. which i put on after 4th of july. but fuck the scale. the scale is a fucker. i've seen pictures. the thing that fucks with me is that my body shape is staying exactly the same. after pregnancy my stomach sticks way out. and it still does. BUT i look at side to side comparisons and i do see the difference. same shape, just less of it. more muscle. smaller tighter upper arms, my back is thinner, little things like that. i'm slowly chizzling away at this mountain of a body. and guess what? its gonna take a LONG time. so i might not get to pre pregnancy weight till the end of the year...if i'm lucky. but is that gonna stop me?? HELL NO. i have goals to reach. even if they take me longer to reach. i'm still working at it. gotta have faith and trust the process. you don't see changes every day, or week, or even month. but after a few months you'll take a picture and go wow, look at that improvement! so i'm not gonna get bogged down on semantics. i'm gonna just keep swimming. just keep swimming. here we go....

i am now 189lbs! woohoo! slowly working my way to pre pregnancy weight which is 170-173lbs. that will be a huge goal for me. thats where i was after 90lbs of weight loss and where i was maintaining (and lookin all cute) before i got pregnant. but i'm not gonna stop there. i'm gonna keep going. :) i'm gonna get down to 140lbs and get this panni removed. i'm SO determined. i want to enjoy my life and this thing has been holding me back for 10yrs. i'm gonna get rid of it once and for all!!! i'm going to wear shorts again. i'm going to wear bathing suits without skirts. i'm going to where pants in my proper size that show off my ass and my legs. and when i get on the dance floor and drop it like its hot my ass is actually gonna move, not my gut. no more butt in the front!! thats my 2014 slogan. i won't even think of having another kid until its gone. so let's do this.

happy to report i'm still going strong. very motivated. this is a journey that will take me at least a year and i'm ok with that. in march i began tracking my macros. and started lifting weights and doing cardio. has made a world of difference. my body is changing!! i have only lost 6.5lbs since my last post but my body shows much more difference. i'm already starting to fit into pre pregnancy clothes. i'm so excited! i'm strong!! i hope to be back at pre-pregnancy weight by september. and plan to reach my lowest goal of 140lbs by june of next year. :) 

ok so my last post was great. i had been getting on track and cutting out carbs. but then halloween hit and it began a downward spiral that lasted throughout the holidays. you know how it is!!!! but i'm happy to say that come january i got my mind right. i completed a 21 day sugar detox. if you haven't tried it i HIGHLY recommended. it will not only kickstart your weightloss but it will get your mind and your tastebuds right. i am now happily on track. low carb and sugar free. i try to limit my artificial sweetener intake. i was very bad. i used to use sooo much in my coffee. and i would drink like 3 cups a day! oof! i was riding high on the sugar train for sure. i'm off the train. i'm avoiding really sugary things for now until i know i can handle it. i don't eat bread, or any grains. no cereals. i don't really let myself eat corn products. although now and then i will have a corn tortilla or a little popcorn. no corn or potatoes. just like old times. i don't mind it. i don't eat fruit unless i'm really craving then i'll have one green apple with almond butter. my biggest obstacle is salty snacks. especially being a busy stay at home mom its hard to find stuff i can just grab when i don't have time to cook. thats why i went online and ordered some of my old low carb staples. stuff like protein chips for a quick snack especially when i'm on the road, i also ordered some low carb cookies and brownie mix for when i need a sweet fix. although i do allow myself a little dark chocolate when i need it. i don't drink crystal light anymore. thats all i used to drink for years!! now i just drink plain water and sometimes unsweetened green tea. the sugar detox really helped me ALOT! its awesome. look it up online. it will get your mind right for real. and its free!

anyway since starting on jan 5, today one month later i have lost (according to the scale) 7lbs. which i think its really more. the scale hasn't moved since my 3rd week on the detox but i suspect its because i've been working out and building muscle. but i am back in ONEDERLAND!!!!! so i'm happy about that.  but i have had an NSV (non scale victory) because i actually fit into an old pre pregnancy tshirt. this is VERY exciting because i haven't been able to fit into clothes for a long time. my body shape completely changed and i bought new clothes but they SUCKED and i hate wearing them! i can't wait to start fitting into all my old clothes!! my goal is that by my bday in june i will be fitting into my old bathing suit. i already did all the laser hair removal so i should be smooth and bathing suit ready by june. i know it will take time, little by little as long as i keep up these healthy habits, it will come off. before pregnancy i was maintaining at 170-173lbs. i wasn't skinny but i was happy and looked very cute. thats my goal. my first goal. but i have an even bigger goal. i want to continue to lose and get down to 150-140lbs so that i can have surgery to remove this panni once and for all. i have made this year about  ME. going to concentrate on getting healthy again, getting down to the weight i want, but also exploring myself spiritually and emotionall. challenge myself in every aspect. push myself. get to know myself. i'm excited and very determined. oh! and another goal is to get an ass!! that means lots of squats!!!

i'm so happy to be back in the right mind set. just like after surgery. this isn't a race, its a marathon. life happens. you get knocked off your path. but you just pull yourself back up and keep going. so grateful for my tool!!!

hey guys, just wanted to update you. I have really been focusing on getting back on track. I've been back to low carb for a month now and i'm already noticing some weightloss. i haven't weighed myself because right now i don't wanna focus on a number and get stuck in that. i'm just going by how i look and feel and how my clothes fit. nothing drastic so far but i have noticed my stomach is a little flatter. i'm not quite as puffy as i was. i think i might be back to what i weighed the day after i gave birth. before i gained more weight the months following. 

also i did my first 5k. i walked most of it. lol. but thats ok. i'm getting better every time. i already signed up for a 5k in november! :)

now, yes i am more overweight than before. i had a kid and gained more weight after. but i'm back on track. i'm gonna post pics so i can compare them later as i lose the weight. can't wait to get back to my cute self! i know its gonna take a lot longer than it did after surgery. i'm 3 yrs out and plus my body has changed after the baby. but thats ok. i still have my tool and it works great. rememeber guys, this is life. you're gonna have ups and downs. just because you gain weight after having weight loss surgery doesn't mean you've failed. you just gotta get back to doing what you did after surgery. you know what works. you have a life long tool. and we're all human.