Heidi P.

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Back in January after having learned that I was a candidate for WLS, I made a skinny list.  It's a list of all the things that I wanted to do after surgery.  Some are fun, some are adult, but most of all they are things that I didn't dare do because I was afraid of the ridicule that I would inflict on myself by merely participating.  The Skinny List includes:

1. Go horseback riding
2. Ride the rollercoasters at Kennywood (if you from Pittsburgh you know what I'm talking about)
3. Go to Disney World and/or Disney Land
4. Become a runner
5. Run the Pittsburgh Marathon
6. Go tandem skydiving
7. Try ice skating again
8. Get a tattoo
9. Fly on an airplane and not feel like a freak because I fit in the sit per the airline's standards (Boo on you SouthWest!!)
10. Attend a Pirate's game
11. Attend a Cub's game (My mom is a native Chicagoan)
12. Use my family's season Steeler tickets
13. Attend a Penquin's game, sitting at the glass.
14. Have sex in more than just the missionary position
15. Ride a waterslide
16. Ride a zipline
17. Jump on a trampoline
18. Go skinny dipping
19. Weigh below 175 pounds
20. Ride a Go-Kart
21. Ride the Alpine Slide at 7 Springs
22. Go to the beach

So as you can see, I have a pretty extensive list, as there are lots of things I want to do and as I think of more, I add them to the list.

Well, yesterday, I completed my first item on The Skinny List.  I got a tattoo.  I had wanted one for so long, but never had the balls to actually follow thru because I had a fear of needles and the fact that I was phat.  After hearing my step-daughter talk about getting her tattoo, I thought if she can do it....I certainly can do it!  I know that it's the new found confidence that I've found that allowed me to do it and I did.  I did lots of research prior to getting the tattoo because I wanted something that was going to be truly significant of what I was going thru, so I chose the mythical bird the Phoenix.

For all of you that have not heard of the Phoenix, it is a beautiful bird that goes up in flames and is reborn of it's own ashes.  I thought it to be apropos seeing in the last  week: I cut off my hair, lost over 100 pounds, watched the shadow of my former self  go up in flames and be reborn, as a result of this wonderful journey.......

So far, 2009 has gotten off to a great start. 

I'm down 101 pounds since I first began my journey in February of 2008, 75 of which is just since surgery on September 3rd 2008. 

I've gotten my haircut, shorter than I ever imagined in my life.  With that I almost cried, because I was actually shedding my past and moving on with the new, improved me.  Nonetheless, I held my composure and enjoyed every minute of having all my long curls cut off.  AND to make the event even more momentous, I kept part of my hair, so that I could donate it to Locks of Love. 

For Christmas, I got Wii Fit.  I'm totally ecstatic about that.  Now I can really work out and keep working on my new figure.

New Year's Eve proved to be even more wonderful than expected with the arrival of my step-daughter Brooklyn and her new Navy Corpsman boyfriend from Camp Lejuene in North Carolina to surprise her dad and spend the holiday with us!

The thing that I am most proud of, though, is the fact that even though it's the holiday season and time to be merry (with food and drink)  I still kept my consumption to a minimum and managed to hit my goal of losing 100 pounds in 2008!

Hope everyone had as wonderful a holiday is I! 

Here's to 2009!

and I'm doing quite well, thank you!

As of today, I am down 87 pounds since I first began the WLS journey in February and down 61 pounds since surgery.  I walk everyday for 1/2 hour faithfully and have started using exercise dvds at home, cuz I'm still too much of a scaredy kot to go to a gym just yet....Not to mention, I don't really have the funds either.

I have very little problems with my pouch and can each just about anything, although I still haven't had raw veggies or salad yet.....I'm craving those the most!  However, I still don't know when I'm hungry yet.  So I try and make sure that I eat on schedule.  When I get the urge to eat something that I really shouldn't I look for it's healthy counterpart.  If anything, my only obstacle right now is remembering that my stomach is literally smaller than my eyes. 

Nonetheless, I am doing wonderfully and am finally able to wear clothes that I wore 6 years ago......YAHOOOEY!! 

Well, week 6 has come and about to leave and it amazes me at how GREAT I truly feel!

On October 9th, I went to see the surgeon for my 6 week visit.  I had lost another 15 pounds in the 3 weeks since I had last been there.  I must admit that I was a bit disappointed.  I guess I had hoped that I would have lost more.  How dare those lingering body issues rear their ugly heads!  My total lost since surgery is 37 pounds.  Not bad.  But my total lost since I began this journey back in February is 63 pounds.  That's 63 more than what I would have lost had I done this on my own. However, the feeling that I get just knowing how far I've come in the last 6 weeks or last 9 months is enough to sate my growing desire to be thinner.

Still I remain positive, as this journey is not the easiest at times.  AND, the surgery has saved my life.  It's rather sobering to have a parent tell you that they're afraid you will stroke out by the time you are 38.

Things are going smoothly.  I remain pain free and am back to work after 4 weeks.  The only problems I seem to be encountering is any food that I happen to look at, just isn't very appetizing.  Now that I'm on soft food or in the adaptive phase, I never know what I want to eat.  Everyone that has had the surgery says that it's common and something that I have to work thru.  This I know I can do!

One of the things I love the most about this whole journey is the reaction I get from people whom I tell that I've had the surgery.  You can see the genuine interest, support, amazement, and belief in their eyes, which makes up for all those who think that having WLS is a cop out!  It's nice to know that people understand the courage it took to go thru WLS and the lifelong effects that it has on one's life. 

I can also say that since this change in my life (we moved into a new home 3 days before surgery.....talk about a totally new life), there has been such a profound change in my attitude and my outlook in life.  I won't get into detail, but let's just say I am way more jovial than I used to be! 

Nonetheless, I can stress more how much I am glad to have made the decision to do this!

And I'm feeling fine!  In fact it's better than fine, I'm feeling great. 

Yesterday, I woke up and had no pain.  Yes, I was still having some pain, but very mild and probably the result of doing something that I shouldn't have. Although most of the pain I did have was the result of being constipated, which hopefully has now been resolved.  I found that I am able to sleep on my sides, as well as my belly.  So I'm pretty happy about that, because I am now able to sleep in my own bed instead of being on the couch.  I've been walking every other day and will soon start using soup cans to work on my arms.

Thus far, the changes have been amazing.  My face isn't as full as it used to be.  My legs are thinning out ( in certain positions, I can already see the excess skin on the tops of my feet).  My belly is now starting to dissipate.  I can feel my hip bones.  AND last night (for the first time), I told my boyfriend to quit leaning on me because he was hurting my ribs....THAT, in itself, is something that I have never said before!  I don't have to suck my stomach in when sliding between the car and the garage wall.  I no longer have to suck in my stomach and struggle with putting the seatbelt on.  But the best thing of all, is the clothes that I used to wear are now starting to fit or will fit given a couple of more months.  I'm on my way and there is no stopping me now!! 

Wednesday, September 17th was my two week mark.  On Thursday, I went to see the surgeon for my 2 week post-op visit.  First order of business, making me get on the scale. 

In 2 weeks, I lost a total of 22 pounds.  I must admit that, at first, I was somewhat disappointed.  I thought I would have lost more.  However, I think that feeling really stems from a past problem with being weighed.  A past issue, which is the result of a past mentally and emotionally relationship, that I thought had been resolved.  Nonetheless, I am excited about the loss.  I consider it a great accomplishment and will work hard to lose all my weight so that I can reach my goal weight.

In addition to being weighed, I was given release papers to go back to work on October 6th, so I've got a little less than 2 weeks before I go back.  I was also told that after 2 long dreadful weeks of clear liquids only, I would be able to begin eating pureed foods, which not everything is pureed. I'm pretty much a protein intensive diet and will only have to puree meats (chicken, turkey, or canned tuna) and some fresh fruits, as I'm also able to eat certain veggies and I get those using jarred baby food. 

So now the game begins.  Many people who have WLS or weight loss surgery develope aversions to food that they might not have had before.  So everything that I now eat, I do so with caution.  I just never know if my new stomach is going to like it or reject it and send it on it's way.  I've been fortunate though.  So far, so good and my stomach tolerates anything that I put into it.  Especially when it's pureed peaches! 

 

It's been 1 week since surgery and I feel WONDERFUL!!  I still have some pain ( which ranges from mild to moderate), but I am able to get around rather well and have had no complications.

I've been told that my surgery wasn't the easiest case and took a bit longer than usual.  Apparently I had a ton of scar tissue from a previous surgery and it had wrapped itself around my bowel.  So Dr. Courcoulas took the extra time to clean it up and make sure that my bypass was done correctly.  All I know is that first night, I was feeling NO pain and got more rest that night then I did the second night.

Thursday was by far my worst day in the hospital, but I somehow managed to be Dr. Courcoulas' star patient for the week.  She explained that she always has 1 patient that seems to look and do the best during the week, so I was it for last week.  I had to have an upper GI that day too and having to stand up/sit down made me nauseated.  And that barium just did not sit well with me the rest of the day!  By midnight, I was on the verge of tossing my cookies.  Yet, I still managed to keep it all under control.  The floor was full that night and the nurses, I think were running their asses off.  I didn't start getting any rest until 3 am Friday morning when I got my Pepcid and pain/nausea medication.  By 9 am Friday, Dr. Patel, Courcoulas' assistant, was in for a brief moment and announced that I could go home!  I blew that popsicle stand for home by 12 noon!

I must admit that I wasn't sure of what I would feel like after surgery, so I had been really nervous about what to expect.  I can say tho....this surgery has been more of a breeze than I thought.  Don't take my word on it, as for how you'll feel, but I would DEFINITELY do this all over again if given the chance!

DON'T BE AFRAID!!  YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!

Well, I'm off for now.  I've been sitting in this chair for too long and my back is starting to hurt!  I'll check in more frequently now that I am able to sit at the computer!

 

This weekend has been the most chaotic weekend of my life.  I was hoping to get some rest and relaxation, however, life wanted otherwise. 

Friday was my last day of work, as leave of absense will kick in on Tuesday.  I had my first day of classes, all day, on Saturday.  WOW, what a day that was.  AND, Sunday was the day that Scott and I moved into our new home in Bloomfield.  No rest for the weary I guess, cuz I've been working my butt off trying to get things in order before my departure for the hospital.

Not only has the weekend been really busy, it's been really emotional.  Even thinking about what's transpired of the last couple of days, I can't help to get misty eyed.  I guess it's because all of my family and friends have been nothing but supportive and to have them all wish me luck, makes me realize how many people do care about me!  It's not like I didn't think or feel that they didn't care, I guess I just never thought about it.  But to have some of my closest friends wish me luck, say all will go well,  and tell me that no matter what I am beautiful.....That means a LOT!
Sometimes when people say it, you can't help but wonder if they actually mean it.  With these people, I know they do.

I, also, think that I am a bit emotional because I'm realizing that my surgery date is here.  There's no turning back from this one!  I'm forging ahead and not looking back. 

So, look out world here I come, cuz what you have come to know is going away and a beautiful new butterfly is about to emerge!

"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.” - Virginia Satir

I thought this quote was interesting, as it encompasses everything that I am feeling right now.  My surgery is in 1 w eek and I couldn't be more excited about beginning my life anew! 

After going to the gynecologist, I decided to have WLS with the hopes that one day I could have the family I've always dreamed of.  Well, this week I took the first steps to making this notion a reality.  

Tonight, I attended an educational seminar on WLS.  It only reinforced the information that I had, as I've been doing a lot of research on the internet.  For my own sake and curiosity, I had to know what the WLS would entail for myself.  I know of several people who have had WLS and I can only observe and live vicariously through them.

While this first step was very informative and has stirred excitement within, it has also increased my trepidation about the WLS.  

Nonetheless, I know I've made the right decision!