The right time for selfishness.

Sep 08, 2010

(Please excuse the weird grammar here: this is part of my response to another person's post, but it might as well have been a letter to myself!)

(...) Strange thing about grief:  I think it comes on stronger as we discover more about ourselves than at other times, even years later.  Sometimes it takes a while for things to "hit", maybe because now you are less busy taking care of others. 

I too turned 43 this year and decided that I was really ready to have WLS.  I had realized my obesity was really taking a toll on me and I had looked into WLS 3 yrs ago, even gotten through to pre-op, but obstacles just seemed to crop out of nowhere to prevent it.  After several months of waiting and postponements (Dr's and insurance, not mine), I decided it was not the right time.  I felt very disappointed and depressed.  Looking back, I really can't say if it would have been better for me to have done it then or not.  Like you, I do now believe that I need to do what's right/healthy for me, but I also know that there are times when others need me more than at other times, and that sometimes self-sacrifice is necessary (my youngest was 3 at the time and money was also tighter, a pblm for self-pay).

Perhaps it would have been good do the surgery earlier, perhaps not.  Now that I did do it, I must say that it does take up a lot of emotional energy to try to get a handle on eating, with lots of ups & downs after the surgery.  At times, I get very "snappy" and irritable, so I'm glad my son and daughter are more independent and I have more time to myself to deal with stress, not to mention exercise and ”head shrinking”. Financially, we are in a better position, so the cost of the procedure was also less stressful for us as a family.

Anyway, I guess I'm simply saying that there may be good reasons for you to be doing this now rather than a few years ago, and please don't be harder on yourself because you feel you let (...) or yourself down earlier.  You are here now, and by the sound of it, in a very good place to make all these positive changes for yourself.  It is the right time for your journey of self-discovery and new personal achievements.

I hope you get your WLS soon and are able to find/fulfill all your dreams!

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