midnitegypsy
31 December 2005
I began a journey three years ago when my mother had gastric bypass R-N-Y October of 2002. I wondered what would make someone want to do that to their body. My mother told me that maybe one day I would understand. Until I got to that point, it was unfathomable. My mother had great success, until my father took ill from his diabetis, and she began the process of getting him approved for the surgery, through medicaid. In the whole year she spent fighting with the state, to save my father's life...she lost a total of 180 lbs and regained 70lbs. She lost her direction and failed to take care of herself, first. My father almost died twice, waiting for this surgery. The big day finally came when we checked him into the hospital...only to have the nurse come and tell us he had been cancelled due to an emergency with the doctor. We would have to wait another week...
One week later we checked him back to the hospital, and he lived through the surgery. Not only was this a milestone, but a miracle. The doctors were only giving him a 40% chance of living through it. It has been one year and four months and he has lost over 180 lbs. He still takes insulin every couple of days, but prior to the surgery, he couldn't regulate his sugar. My mother finally got back on her wagon, has almost lost the 70lbs she put on, and is focusing on herself.
I am turning 32 years old today. The past 2 year of my life has been spent in agony. I am a retail manager for Staples Office Supply. I work 55-60 hours per week, on my feet, in a hectic fast paced environment. I weigh 326 pounds..imagine how I feel at the end of the day? I can't exercise, as I have a very painful heel spur in my left foot. I can barely make it through the days at work, let alone have energy to burn exercising. I have tried every diet known to man since a very young age. I worked for L. A. Weightloss (for anyone who has thought of trying a weighloss center...don't waste your time. It is a major rip off.) I lost 30 lbs and hit a plateau. I worked very closely to the dietician and tried many different "plateau breakers" but couldn't get past that 30 lbs. Upper management said I was failing to comply with the program and I was targeted for termination. Talk about wanting to stress eat!!! I left my job, prior to my termination, and proceeded to put on those 30 lbs again within 2 months. Then I discovered Atkins!
Here was a program designed with me in mind...eat all the meat, cheese and eggs you want!! WOW!! I lost the 30 pounds again, and hit a plateau. After not lossing weight for a month, I became discouraged, and started adding starches back into my diet. I was able to maintain for about 3 months. I was then offered my current position with Staples and had to live in a hotel for 6 weeks while I was training. I was forced to eat out, and put on about ten pounds in those six weeks. Slowly over the course of two and a half years, I have managed to gain back those thiry pounds that I struggled with for 5 years, plus another thirty. My current weight is about 326, the heaviest I have ever been. My lowest weight was about 270. Here was my breaking point...I understood why my mother took those desperate measures to alter her body permanently.
In February of 2005 I attended the orientation with the surgeons office, who performed my fathers operation. I began my own journey to WLS. I hadn't ever been seen by a doctor for weightloss, and there was no documentation. I began seeing a doctor, who was more than willing to help me through the process. However, after 4 months I switched doctors, as she wasn't really helping me. There was nothing in her notes that stated, we talked about weighloss, and she didn't document one weigh in. I had to begin the process all over again...4 months lost!
My new physician really took me seriously. She wrote me a letter, and scheduled appts. and kept in close contact with the surgeons office to get me approved. Surgeons office submitted to insurance after six months was documented, I had a sleep study, and all the other evaluations that go along with it.
On Dec. 30th 2005, the day before my birthday...I called the Insurnce Co. (Lumenos: a consumer driven healthplan) I was approved after 5 days and the first letter. Happy Birthday to me!!!
My surgey will be sometime in march or April. I am not scared...I am ready to accept this as my greatest challenge. I have a great support group, Mom, Dad, and my aunt have all had this done. All have different results, but are sucessfull in the end.
02 February 2006
I am plugging along, waiting for my surgery date to be anounced. I will be heading to Florida, for a week with my girlfriend. I am hoping when I get back, the office will get me scheduled. I found out, that I have to be on liquids for three solid weeks prior to surgery...not looking forward to that! In the meantime, I keep in touch with my dietician, through New Life bariatric, fax her food journals, and continue to surf this website to find answers to questions that may come up after surgery. My eating habits have definatly changed. On January 1st, I began a regimen of 2-3 protien shakes per day. I eat every couple of hours, in portions of up to 1 cup. After two weeks I no longer had hunger pangs continually. I have lost 8 pounds in the month of January, just from changing my behaviors. Of course there are those times, you just have to have chinese food, chocolate cake, ect...but I do not deprive myself. I have little time left with my friend, food. Every bite I indulge, I think to myself, "this might be the last time, I will get to taste you!" I am slowly saying goodbye!
18 March 2006
The waiting is the hardest part! But time is flying past! My surgery was scheduled for April 10th. 23 days away!
Today is my last day with food! I have to say, I have let myself be irrisponsible with my eating habits since the trip to Florida! I feel terrible! I have been consuming sugar and alot of carbs. But imagine...I lost 7 pounds since January!
Tomorrow begins my 21 days of stricked liquids. I had to purchase HMR meal replacement shakes from the hospital. It cost $200. I can drink 5 shakes per day, coffee w/ Sweet & Low(this will save my life!) Tea, water and Diet Soda.
Last night I went out to celebrate my last evening of alcohol consumption...perfect, as it was St. Patricks Day! I didn't get sloppy drunk, but tied on a good buzz...I am not much of a drinker anyway!
24 March 2006
Day six of my liquid fast. Today I am not hungry, just kinda hollow! I am learning alot about my eating habits and the reasons why I have put food in my mouth. I have tried to change eating habits since last September. This fast has been an eye opener. Today I went the bank, to cash a check. My thought process was to get some cash and go to McDonalds to get some Chicken nuggets. Damn, I can't...I won't let myself fail. It is interesting how the brain dictates our actions without a concious effort. At work the other day, someone left a bag of cheese nips on the counter. My senses came alive, from seeing the bag. I found myself reaching for one. I had to mentally slap my own hand, and tried to ask myself why? What made me reach for that, without even thinking?
I grew up in a restaurant, that my parents owned. I worked in that establisment until I graduated from High School. Food was always in abundance. I never went without. In the morning I would eat breakfast before school. Usually an omelette covered in sausage gravy. I would eat a modest lunch at school, but would come home to have a snack, like deep fried mushrooms. A few hours later a full meal of meat potatoes and a salad...upon occasion a dessert. I would snack at night after homework. Popcorn with lots of butter or chips and dip. This was a typical day in my teenage life. By the time I was in high school, I was reaching a weight of 300lbs.
My mother tried to get me help. At 12 years old, she enrolled me in a teen group called "Shapedown." The local hospital sponsered this six week class to teach teens with weight problems, how to properly eat for nutrition. It just made me feel like there was something wrong with me. The only thing that a teenager can think of, is how to be like everyone else. I wasnted to be able to eat pizza for lunch. My friends thought it was cool to come to my house for dinner, as they didn't get to eat in restaurants everyday!
1 April 2006
Nearing the end of day 14 on liquids. 8 more days surgery. Tonight has been rough. I broke down in a big heap of tears feeling sorry for myself and longing to taste something besides pudding! The mere sight of having to open that packet and whip up some protien made me want to vomit. So is it worse to not eat? I chose to stay within my liquid hell, and chose to have a 1/2 cup of broth. Am I sabotaging another eating plan???
I guess not, because it did give me some comfort, and I was able to choke down another packet of protien tonight!
Lets focus on what positive things have come from this lesson. Drum Roll.... I am down to 303 pounds!!! I moved a belt notch!!! I went for a mile walk! I put on a pair of capri's that didn't fit me for a year!!!
10 April 06
Surgery Day...I felt very much at peace, not anxious, or scared. I checked in at the hospital at 9:30am. I was given a privet room and got unpacked and changed. The waiting prior to being taken was hard...my parents were there with me and Brenda, then my grandmother and aunt showed up to wait with me. I felt like a spectical, everyone there with me. Nurses were in and out getting me ready with the IV and teaching me about the spirometer. about 11:30am an orderly came to get me to wheel me down to surgery. My family came with, but I caould only have two people in the surgery prep room. My mom and Brenda came with me. This is where I felt anxiety. I don't think I have ever been so scared. They asked me if I wanted something to take the edge off. I was apprehensive, as I wanted to be with it as long as possible. But, both mom and Brenda said I should take it. Instantly I was high!!! I had no more worries or anxiety. They wheeled me out...Brenda kissed me goodbye. Once in the surgical suite, they had me slide onto the table, put a mask on me and said take three deep breaths. I remember the first one!!! Then the next moment I remember, was trying to get the nurses attention. I couldn't talk, just motioned to my mouth. My mouth was so dry, my lips were stuck to my teeth. All I wanted was a wet towel. The nurse came to my rescue and wipe my mouth out.
I was returned to my room around 6pm. Surgery only took 3hours. I guess they had trouble getting me to wake up. I was in and out for the next few hours, nurses were poking and proding. It is true, the first few hours are the most uncomfortable. Brenda stayed with me, so did my mom and dad. My mom stayed the night with me in the hospital, I was greatful to not have to bother the nurses everytime I needed my washcloth wet down. I asked to get out of bed around 9pm. I walked about ten feet to the door and back, that was enough! I think it was about 11pm and my saliva came back...what a relief!
I had my swollow test at 9am. It did taste pretty gross, but I was happy to have some liquid in my mouth. The only problem, was some swelling, and the liquid couldn't pass, but no leaks! Hooray, I could drink water! I had a protien shake that morning and begain sipping some juice. I walked a few more feet every couple hours. by Tuesday night, I was circling the nurses station and down the hall and back.
When I was eight, my paternal grandmother offered me $50 to loose some weight. Looking back, it was one of the roots to my weight problem. She never made me feel good about myself, it was always about my weight...and how much money I could have if I lost it. But food made me feel better than she ever could....need I say more? The first day out of surgery, my mom and I were joking about it and wondering if she would make good on her promise now???
Dr. Myers came to see me Wednesday afternoon and said I was breaking records...so I could go home.
ITEMS I USED IN THE HOSPITAL
~Chapstick
~Toothbrush
~My own two pillows
I way overpacked, because I wasn't sure what to bring!! I didn't need slippers, because the hospital had footie socks.
I didn't wear my robe, because it was a pain with all the tubes...The gowns were made for 300+ pounds, and went all the way around!!!
I didn't read books or listen to my IPOD, because I was resting, or walking!!!
I brought extra clothes, but didn't wear any of them!
So...keep it simple, there is limited room to move in the hospital room with all the equipment. The less clutter you have the more comfortable you will be
13 April 06
I got out of bed Thursday morning and went to my first support group meeting. No one could believe I had surgery on Monday! it felt good to get out and move. I gained 7 pounds of fluid in the hospital, but that is to be expected.
19 April 06
First follow up appt. Everything healing just fine, and no complications, nausea, or side effects. I lost that 7 pounds of fluid and 13 pounds of fat!
24 April 06
Drain tube was removed, as it was causing pain. I lost another 6 pounds. I felt like running a marathon after that tube came out. It kinda felt like I was on speed!
27 April 06
Follow up with surgeon. Released to drive home to Alpena! I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed with the love of my life!!! However, it was miserable! I began my period this week and started to pass a kidney stone. I didn't know how I was going to manage a 5 hour drive, but I did.
10 May 2006
Weightloss has come to a standstill. I have reached 280 pounds and stalled. this is where is always happens!! The Surgical nurse told me to make sure I am getting my protien and liquids and not to worry...I will start moving again. I guess that my body always has to adjust at this weight. It was kind of a bummer though...I was so excited to see the scale move into the 270's.
I have had a stressful week. Monday I took my brand new Kia Optima in for it's first oil change. I took it to a local shop here in Alpena, as the dealership is three hours away. I got back on the road, and 20 miles out, the oil light came on, check engine light came on, and I had no Power. Roadside assistance towed me to traverse City (to the dealership.) My engine blew up! The service shop is being very cooperative and paying for all expenses to have a brand new engine put in the car. They wanted to only put in a used engine, but it would have voided my 100k mile warrenty. They are renting me a car to drive too! I guess I can't complain too much!
A Few Tips for Saving Money Post Op
If you don't want to drink tap water, go to walmart, and get water jugs filled at the culligan station. Every walmart has one in their grocery dept. I get 5 gal refill for $1.64. You pay more than that for one bottle at the check out!
Your grocery bill won't be as expensive either. But I have learned, that when you cook a normal meal, it last for about three meals. So, don't buy groceries like you would pre op. Go a couple times a week and buy enough to make one meal at a time. I made a big pot of soup, and froze it in small 4 oz containers. I have enough soup to last a year!!!
You won't be eating out...and that will be cheaper! you won't be buying impulse snacks either. I was able to keep a $20 bill in my pocket all week, because of not eating snacks!
Have you tried Whey protien from GNC?? I really like it, and it packs 20 gms of protien per scoop. it is really good in morning coffee, if you like a mocha cappachino! One container can last me almost two months. Hey guess what ...they give a discount too the first week of every month when you get their gold card, and you can get all your vitamins there too. I have to take prescribed b-12 though! Doc requirements!
Do you know anyone that can do alterations on your clothes? it would save you money there too. There is also a clothing exchange here at OH. Another great place for clothes...ebay! There are hundreds of WLS Sellers! They will combined shipping to! Then I recommend selling your old clothes to help pay for the new ones!!! it is really quite simple if you have a digital camera!
14 May 2006
Down to 272 pounds...wow, the scale moved 7 pounds overnight. but the period is coming again, so it is a matter of time before I move in the wrong direction.
I have been doing well with all foods, except one...baked fish. Twice now, after eating baked fish, I developed a sharp gas like pain under my breast bone and nausea set in. It lasted a couple of hours...the second time I vomited, and felt immediatly better.
I have found, that if I do not make my protien first thing in the morning, I resort to food, and fail to get my protien requirements. it is immpossible to get it all in from food! Still having hard time with liquids.
3 July 2006
WOW...where to begin??? It has been an emotional couple of months. I found out, the love of my life has been having an internet affair for over a year. While I was recovering from surgery, she got together with this girl and spent three days with her. My emotions are swinging high and low, just depends on the days. I have discovered that I lost myself in the relationship. I am now trying to rebuild who I believe I am. I have found much spirituality in going for walks by myself, listening to music, and just being out in nature. Brenda and I are still living together. We are trying to love and support each other through our disolve. She wants to explore a relationship with this person. I cannot hold her back from what her heart desires. I am just trying to find my hearts desire! I am peeling away layers of myself and discovering things I never realized about myself. All the while it is stripping her emotions too. I have heard many storys of breaking up after this procedure, but I never imagined it would happen to me. I am down a total of 75 pounds in just short of three months...I am becoming a different person!
19 September 2006
It has been so long since my last update, I have been wrapped up in life, I have forgotten to check in! Down 95 pounds...almost a whole person! I have gone from busting the seams of a size 26/28 to fitting comfortably in a size 18/20. It is amazing to look at myself in the mirror and try to recognize this thin person I am becoming! I am no longer Morbidly Obese...I have graduated on the BMI Scale to Obese!!!!
I have to face new challenges now. I can eat larger portions...my pouch is stretching. I can tolerate sugar, and it is hard to stay away from it. I find when I crave it, I drink my protien, it curbs the need. I have been taking more protien lately, as I have experienced hair loss. What a scary thing to go through! It lasted about a month. I began taking Biotin and Zinc. I used a special hair treatment called Nioxin...it seemed to help repair and build my new growth stronger. It stopped about a month ago...thank god!!!
This summer had been about finding myself and who I am. The love of my life, has made the decision, to come back to me and work our relationship out. I am very greatful to have a second chance at a life with her! She ended the relationship she was having, I moved out, and we are working on ourselves individually! It has been a wild journey of discovery and understanding what makes each other tick! Communication was the aspect of our relationship that was truely lacking! I love her with all my heart and soul and I will never allow anything to come between us again. We both struggle with our weight and living a healthy lifestyle...there are so many temptations out there!
3 October 2006
Today I went to the new health club that just opened up. I have to admit, being a fat girl all my life- places like this, intimidate the hell out of me. But I had a free pass, and I need to get on a program. I haven't moved on the scale in about a month. So I was greeted by this little toothpick of a blonde girl, wearing high heels. She was very nice and showed me around the club, and taught me the machines. They have a Womens Only Ciruit Room, similar to Curves, but better...it doesn't smell bad!!! I spent 20 minutes doing cardio training on the Eliptical Machine...thought my legs would fall off after about ten minutes!!! 15 minutes on the Stationary Bike, it was a breeze, but kept my heart rate up. Then the weight training circuit for a half hour! When I left, I felt so good...I can not even describe the euphoria! I never would have made it through the first ten minutes prior to surgery. I used to go to curves, and could handle the machines and the half hour...that seemed like a work out then. I just don't think it would work well for me today. I have dropped that 95 pounds in six months, and feel better than ever!!! I hope this gets me moving on the scale again, and starts to tone this skin issue!