missmarisa
6 Years....Happy Anniversary to Me!
Aug 09, 2007
8/9/07: Happy Aniversary to me! 6 years...wow!
I guess I only come on here now when I get the rare email from obesityhelp reminding me to update my profile.
6 years ago I was a totally different person than I am today. 6 years ago I was hovering around 300 pounds. I was living a miserably unhappy existance. I was missing out on so much that life had to offer.
Today, I try very hard not to forget where I came from. Food is my constant nemesis. I don't eat as healthy as I should. My weight really tends to fluxuate between 200-210, depending. I'd LOVE to loose 30 pounds...I felt good when I was in the 170's.
But, I don't work on it, so what do I expect?
At 6 years out, I still have a few issues. Certain foods still don't agree with me. Rice fills me up quickly...a few spoonfuls will usually be enough to ensure that I don't eat anything else that meal. I still have to be careful with chicken...if I eat it too fast it gets stuck, and I'm hurting for hours. I still cannot finish a large apple. A "thin" sandwich is enough...usually I don't eat half the crust.
But, how much I eat varys from day to day and meal to meal. Sometimes I eat my dinner, and feel fine, not stuffed, and get a little scared because I ate more than I think I "should have". Other days, half a hamburger fills me up and I'm stuffed for hours.
My biggest problem, which I've had since the beginning, is filling my plate up with too much food. I've been working very hard lately to use a salad plate for my dinner, or a small salad bowl....something I should have done 6 years ago. It still amazes me, on occasion, how little pasta it takes to fill me up. A normal size pasta bowl is waaaay too much....it barely looks like I've made a dent. So, why use one? It's too easy to wander back in the kitchen later, see the leftovers on the plate and eat some more. Taking just enough to fill me up keeps me from going back for seconds.
I'm very optomistic that I'll get to my goal. I'm enjoying life too much now, and there is still more I want to do!
Good luck to everyone just starting this journey! My good thoughts and warm wishes are with all of you!
I guess I only come on here now when I get the rare email from obesityhelp reminding me to update my profile.
6 years ago I was a totally different person than I am today. 6 years ago I was hovering around 300 pounds. I was living a miserably unhappy existance. I was missing out on so much that life had to offer.
Today, I try very hard not to forget where I came from. Food is my constant nemesis. I don't eat as healthy as I should. My weight really tends to fluxuate between 200-210, depending. I'd LOVE to loose 30 pounds...I felt good when I was in the 170's.
But, I don't work on it, so what do I expect?
At 6 years out, I still have a few issues. Certain foods still don't agree with me. Rice fills me up quickly...a few spoonfuls will usually be enough to ensure that I don't eat anything else that meal. I still have to be careful with chicken...if I eat it too fast it gets stuck, and I'm hurting for hours. I still cannot finish a large apple. A "thin" sandwich is enough...usually I don't eat half the crust.
But, how much I eat varys from day to day and meal to meal. Sometimes I eat my dinner, and feel fine, not stuffed, and get a little scared because I ate more than I think I "should have". Other days, half a hamburger fills me up and I'm stuffed for hours.
My biggest problem, which I've had since the beginning, is filling my plate up with too much food. I've been working very hard lately to use a salad plate for my dinner, or a small salad bowl....something I should have done 6 years ago. It still amazes me, on occasion, how little pasta it takes to fill me up. A normal size pasta bowl is waaaay too much....it barely looks like I've made a dent. So, why use one? It's too easy to wander back in the kitchen later, see the leftovers on the plate and eat some more. Taking just enough to fill me up keeps me from going back for seconds.
I'm very optomistic that I'll get to my goal. I'm enjoying life too much now, and there is still more I want to do!
Good luck to everyone just starting this journey! My good thoughts and warm wishes are with all of you!
4 1/2 Years Post Op
Jan 24, 2006
1/25/06: Well, I guess I haven't been on in awhile! The last time I posted was September of 2003! A lot has changed since that post. My baby girl, Emily Grace, was born October 12, 2005. Another pregnancy watching the scales go up...ugh! I started this pregnancy 20 pounds heavier...I blame that on being able to eat "more" and my anti-depressant I was one.
I also blame my eating habits. I am getting back to basics.....protein, protein, protein! Eating healthy carbs. Cutting the fruit juice (which I craved during my pregnancy...cranberry juice!!!) I hate the fact that I've gained weight, yet that is important for pre-ops to learn about, too!
You see, it's not a piece of cake (bad pun!). The weight doesn't magically stay off forever, and yes, you do have to work at it. Having your stomach stapled doesn't get rid of the emotional and mental issues you had pre-op that made you eat in the first place. Those are my demons.
When I first had my surgery, I felt superior to other post-ops who complained about weight gain. I read their posts, or listened to them at meeting and thought "Ugh! How can they gain weight? That won't be me!" Well, guess what?? I gained back 20 pounds. I hovered around the 200 mark. Then I got pregnant a second time and went over the 200 mark once again. Though I've lost nearly all my pregnancy weight, my body shape has changed, and I find myself with a bigger "tire" and saggier skin than I had before. I find myself shopping in the women's section once again becasue my misses 16 and XL tops don't fit right, and I don't feel good about myself once again.
I have forgotten what it was like to be 300 pounds. When I was first post-op, I was so thankful to reach 225, and at 205 I felt soooo sexy and transformed...like a butterfly! Nearly 5 years later at 204, I feel fatter and uglier than ever. I feel old and haggard. I feel sloppy. I don't like this.
I don't want to discourage anyone. This is just life. When we tell you it's not a magic wand, we mean it! Oh, I remember sitting in my orientation meeting, hearing those words, but I was too busy imagining myself 100 pounds lighter. I was too busy fantasizing about dropping 40 pounds in the first month to actually think about the time when I *might* gain a few pounds back.
Everyone I know who is several years post op has gained about 20 pounds back. Some 15, and some 30, but it averages 20 pounds. That is why I urge everyone who is scheduled to have surgery, or who is newly post-op to start an excersize program. Start eating the way your Doctor recommends now...don't think you'll magically start doing it once the weight stops coming off like butter. It won't work. It's too late then.
I also blame my eating habits. I am getting back to basics.....protein, protein, protein! Eating healthy carbs. Cutting the fruit juice (which I craved during my pregnancy...cranberry juice!!!) I hate the fact that I've gained weight, yet that is important for pre-ops to learn about, too!
You see, it's not a piece of cake (bad pun!). The weight doesn't magically stay off forever, and yes, you do have to work at it. Having your stomach stapled doesn't get rid of the emotional and mental issues you had pre-op that made you eat in the first place. Those are my demons.
When I first had my surgery, I felt superior to other post-ops who complained about weight gain. I read their posts, or listened to them at meeting and thought "Ugh! How can they gain weight? That won't be me!" Well, guess what?? I gained back 20 pounds. I hovered around the 200 mark. Then I got pregnant a second time and went over the 200 mark once again. Though I've lost nearly all my pregnancy weight, my body shape has changed, and I find myself with a bigger "tire" and saggier skin than I had before. I find myself shopping in the women's section once again becasue my misses 16 and XL tops don't fit right, and I don't feel good about myself once again.
I have forgotten what it was like to be 300 pounds. When I was first post-op, I was so thankful to reach 225, and at 205 I felt soooo sexy and transformed...like a butterfly! Nearly 5 years later at 204, I feel fatter and uglier than ever. I feel old and haggard. I feel sloppy. I don't like this.
I don't want to discourage anyone. This is just life. When we tell you it's not a magic wand, we mean it! Oh, I remember sitting in my orientation meeting, hearing those words, but I was too busy imagining myself 100 pounds lighter. I was too busy fantasizing about dropping 40 pounds in the first month to actually think about the time when I *might* gain a few pounds back.
Everyone I know who is several years post op has gained about 20 pounds back. Some 15, and some 30, but it averages 20 pounds. That is why I urge everyone who is scheduled to have surgery, or who is newly post-op to start an excersize program. Start eating the way your Doctor recommends now...don't think you'll magically start doing it once the weight stops coming off like butter. It won't work. It's too late then.
2 Years Out
Sep 26, 2003
9/27/03: I haven't written anything in the form of a journal entry in a long time... but I wanted to change that tonight, I guess.
I am over 2 years out. I'm holding steady at 187 pounds, down from the 290 I started this journey with. My BMI was 49, and now it's 32. I still have issues with food, I guess those things never go away. But, I feel more in control now than I ever have in my life. Now, if my weight creeps up 5 pounds, I can simply be good for a few days, and it comes back down. It wasn't like before when I was 290, and losing 5 pounds was a drop in the bucket. It can be so emotionally daunting when you lose 5 pounds, and know you still have over a 100 left to lose. It's not like that now.
Sometimes I worry that I will forget what it was like to be so obese, and take for granted the extraordinary changes in myself in the last 2 years. I hope that never happens. I still look at myself with an over critical eye, and see my physical flaws so keenly, but it is so different from before.
I have made peace with the fact that I really abused my body my entire life. No one can abuse themselves, and come away unscarred. I have loose skin and sagging breasts. Sometimes I feel like I look older now than I did when my chubby face filled out the wrinkles that were just starting to form.
But, I can live with that. I'll never be a size 4. That's OK, too. I don't really think I would want to be that thin...I think I wouldn't look good. I have curves, and I like my curves. My husband likes my curves.
I can eat more now. Some days it seems like I eat a lot, and some days I eat hardly at all. I can never finish my plate of food. There are some meals I don't order at restraunts because I can't eat them...like hamburgers. With all the fixings, I'm lucky to eat 1/2 before I'm full. But, I like that, and I've made peace with no longer being able to binge long ago. That was hard in the beginning, but not now.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God that I had the courage to have this surgery. I love wearing tight jeans, and pretty clothes. I love feeling good about myself. It's been years in the making.
It isn't an easy decision to have this surgery. It's not just about dropping 50 pounds in 3 months. It requires the same dedication that any "traditional" diet requires. I worry about people who think that this surgery is a magic pill. It isn't. None of us can stress enough that this is a tool, and you have to work with it to get the best results, and continue to work with it to keep those results. If you're looking for a short term fix to your weight troubles, this isn't your solution. This changes your life.
I just thought I'd share....
Some things I like about being thinner...
1. The steering wheel no longer rubs across my belly when I make a turn.
2. I can paint my toe nails simply by bending over!
3. Happy meals are cheaper, and I have left overs! (not that I eat a lot of fast food, mind you!!!)
4. A lean cuisine is a complete meal, not an appetizer!
5. I actually wear shorts in the summer...not sweat pants!
6. I fit in movie theater seats
7. I fit in the bathtub!
8. I can finally "shop til I drop", not "drop in the parking lot on the walk from my car to the door of the store"!!
9. I like to stand in front of the camera for a change!
10. I don't hate myself anymore.
11. I don't feel like an embarrassment to my husband (even though he insists I never was!!)
12. Experiencing the sheer joy of giving birth...twice!
I am over 2 years out. I'm holding steady at 187 pounds, down from the 290 I started this journey with. My BMI was 49, and now it's 32. I still have issues with food, I guess those things never go away. But, I feel more in control now than I ever have in my life. Now, if my weight creeps up 5 pounds, I can simply be good for a few days, and it comes back down. It wasn't like before when I was 290, and losing 5 pounds was a drop in the bucket. It can be so emotionally daunting when you lose 5 pounds, and know you still have over a 100 left to lose. It's not like that now.
Sometimes I worry that I will forget what it was like to be so obese, and take for granted the extraordinary changes in myself in the last 2 years. I hope that never happens. I still look at myself with an over critical eye, and see my physical flaws so keenly, but it is so different from before.
I have made peace with the fact that I really abused my body my entire life. No one can abuse themselves, and come away unscarred. I have loose skin and sagging breasts. Sometimes I feel like I look older now than I did when my chubby face filled out the wrinkles that were just starting to form.
But, I can live with that. I'll never be a size 4. That's OK, too. I don't really think I would want to be that thin...I think I wouldn't look good. I have curves, and I like my curves. My husband likes my curves.
I can eat more now. Some days it seems like I eat a lot, and some days I eat hardly at all. I can never finish my plate of food. There are some meals I don't order at restraunts because I can't eat them...like hamburgers. With all the fixings, I'm lucky to eat 1/2 before I'm full. But, I like that, and I've made peace with no longer being able to binge long ago. That was hard in the beginning, but not now.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God that I had the courage to have this surgery. I love wearing tight jeans, and pretty clothes. I love feeling good about myself. It's been years in the making.
It isn't an easy decision to have this surgery. It's not just about dropping 50 pounds in 3 months. It requires the same dedication that any "traditional" diet requires. I worry about people who think that this surgery is a magic pill. It isn't. None of us can stress enough that this is a tool, and you have to work with it to get the best results, and continue to work with it to keep those results. If you're looking for a short term fix to your weight troubles, this isn't your solution. This changes your life.
I just thought I'd share....
Some things I like about being thinner...
1. The steering wheel no longer rubs across my belly when I make a turn.
2. I can paint my toe nails simply by bending over!
3. Happy meals are cheaper, and I have left overs! (not that I eat a lot of fast food, mind you!!!)
4. A lean cuisine is a complete meal, not an appetizer!
5. I actually wear shorts in the summer...not sweat pants!
6. I fit in movie theater seats
7. I fit in the bathtub!
8. I can finally "shop til I drop", not "drop in the parking lot on the walk from my car to the door of the store"!!
9. I like to stand in front of the camera for a change!
10. I don't hate myself anymore.
11. I don't feel like an embarrassment to my husband (even though he insists I never was!!)
12. Experiencing the sheer joy of giving birth...twice!