The Specialists, Part Deux: Take a deep breath...

Jul 14, 2010

Today I had an appointment with the pulomary specialist who is supposed to clear me for surgery. I REALLY wanted to cancel the appointment, not because of fear of the doctor, but because of my stupid agoraphobia. The negative thinking was kicking in big time and almost got me.

I started the "what if" thinking, i.e. what if I have a panic attack in the car, what if I freak out in the doctor's office, etc. It's all self-defeating bullshizzle but it can be very tricky sometimes. I've figured out a simple "counter argument" when I start having those thoughts. There's nothing wrong with being afraid or fearing I'll fail, but if I don't try at all the chance I'll succeed is 0%. So far it's working and is helping me get waaaaaay out of my comfort zone. I'm also using a lite version of relaxation breathing, which was funny because by the time the doc examined my I was tired of taking deep breaths.

He ordered a sleep study and  chest xray. The sleep study will be a HUGE challenge but I think I can do it as long as I keep using the techniques that have worked for me so far. He said my symptoms indicate it's very likely I have sleep apnea (which I knew) but that after weight loss from surgery it would be likely to resolve itself.

So, a good and very productive day today. Tomorrow is blood work and chest xray and my psych evaluation is also scheduled for tomorrow. That appointment will be the farthest away and the one I'll have to work hardest at. If anyone reads this, keep your fingers crossed for me!

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