I can't believe it's been 2 yrs 6 mths

Aug 24, 2009

Well it's been almost  year since I posted last. I had my Face lift/Brow Lift/Breast Lift Oct 08. I could NOT have been happier. The discomfort was minimal and I would do it all over again. I lost the last 10 lbs and got to 127.  THAT BEING SAID... I've gained back to 135 so.....I'm getting right again. After the PS I finally accepted that James & I were not going to be able to ever get past being friends (We were married 15 yrs, he wanted divorce to be with other woman(his second affair), gave it to him after 1 yr,other woman used & abused him(multiple police calls later...) and he came back) when he came back he had made sure he told me it was ONLY as friends/roommates. I asked him to marry me again numerous times which he would not do since he said we fought too much(we did). He wouldn't go to my families for holidays. Several Issues came up & I would say "This is very important to me(go see my family with me, go to Memphis to my brothers, go on a PICNIC etc...)" When he would say no I would tell him "when this comes back & bites you in the ass don't say I didn't tell you". Well I met someone at work & I REALLY felt something BUT I wanted to make sure that I gave James a REAL chance...So we went to a Mexican Restaurant(I will always remember this) and I sat across from him & said. "Why are you with me?" his reply was "I don't want to start over again & I know what I have"...No "Because I love you" No "Because you are very important to me". I asked "Why do you think I'm with you?" His reply was "For security & because you don't want to start over." I want to make SURE that I say James is a good man. He has a good heart & would give anyone the shirt off of his back and I am NOT a saint in this. I guess I finally had realized "This is it..." Fast Forward...I asked him "Do you really want someone who stays because they are SCARED of being alone? Or not having some kind of security?" After I said " I've just been a body at the end of the couch while you drank & slept & watched TV" he says that he loves me & was just too proud to tell me. When I say "You always said you had nothing to live for, you had nothing in this life to keep you here,no kids no LIFE...so what else was I supposed to believe?" He says he was just drunk or too proud or was angry at the time but that wasn't REALLY how he felt...All I have to go on is WHAT you say. There was NO physical contact, no holding hands, no touching either in public or in private, no SEX,just awkward hugs for years(5). After "HER" he decided sex was bad & only hurt people. He never said my looks or weight was a factor...just that I argued too much. I told him that after "HER" we had become friends but we had never got past that stage and 5 years was too long. I moved out and started a relationship with "Mister Man".  We have been dating for a few months now & I am content. Mister Man makes me feel SEXY & like a WOMAN. He laughs at my jokes & calls me "Sunshine". I have a great family, a job I love and Beau that calls me "Sunshine"...What else could I ask for......A TUMMY TUCK!!!!! LOL  That will be my NEXT post!!! TTFN

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