The Fab Ms. M. ..

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I've learned a lot since starting this journey. More than anything else I've learned that this is a HUGE psychological journey.

FOOD

I've learned so much about my relationship with food. And there truly was a relationship there that I never knew before. I became so acutely aware that all these years, food had been my best friend. When I was sad, I ran to food...because food was never too busy for me. When I was lonely, I ran to food...because food never stood me up or said no. When I was bored, I ran to food...because food never told me that it didn't have time to hang out. So that very first week...not being able to run to my best friend, or fall back on my second (bubble baths when I'm bored) was just absolute torture for me. I really needed to find alternative activities to take my time up to keep from agonizing over what I really wanted to do...eat. Food had loved me unconditionally all these years. 

So all this leads into learning about the power of Head Hunger. Ya know, when you KNOW you shouldn't be hungry already because you just ate not long ago but for some reason you are hungry. I have to take a step back at these moments...drink some water and then think about what I am truly feeling at that moment...boredem? loneliness? sadness? stress? Or am I at a habit point? i.e. I used to go to the movies and go straight to the snack counter and order a candy, small coke (cause even those are HUGE) and a large popcorn to share with the kids. Now, I go get a SF Latte and water. But the smell of popcorn...even if I just ate...makes me feel as if I'm hungry. And I have to realize, I'm not hungry, I'm here to watch a movie...not eat.

EXERCISE 

Exercise is a harder one to get started, but I look around and see people who are much larger than I running on the treadmill MUCH longer than I am and I think, that person is carrying so much more weight than I am and is still pushing themselves to do this...I can do it too. My first AH-HA moment came the day I finished my first 30 minutes on the elliptical and I decided...I hate the treadmill, let me do another 30 on here and I did it! I succeeded at a full 1 hour on the elliptical (and not on the easiest incline or resistance). It was that day that I started to think...this is psychological too. It's more mind over matter. I'm so used to getting exhausted and saying that I can't do it that I don't push through the "pain" and keep going. So I tested that theory the next time I went to the gym and sure enough, I made it through by simply saying, "I can do this" and pushing through.

These are 2 of my toughest psycological issues I've dealt with since starting my journey. I have a few other thoughts, but I wouldn't call them AH-HA moments so I'll blog on those separately.

I'm 2 days post op and the hiccups are driving me crazy. They hurt so much. So I try not to go to far without something within reach to drink. They do stop rather quickly but  like I said, they area very uncomfortable and I feel like I have a burp "stuck" in my chest. Yesterday I had no problem burping. Today, not the same. I'm also already sick of TV commercials for food because now that my sons have come home from their fathers house, I am smelling other smells in my house besides chicken broth, tea and jello. I can't wait until full liquids cause I'm not sure how much chicken broth and jello I can stand. I may never eat either again! LOL.

Well, I can hope for tomorrow to be better!