Mjvaldez69

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To all the healthy and thin people 
out there that don't understand obesity,

I am a 38 year old morbidly obese man. 
I have spent over 30 years of my life 
overweight and obese.  The past several 
years I have ballooned to becoming morbidly 
obese.  I want to share some things 
with you that you may not know about 
me or understand about obesity.

Being obese does not make me blind. I see 
the looks that you give me. I also see when 
you look away from me and try to ignore me. 
I see when you roll your eyes in disgust. I 
also see your pity. I don't want your pity 
though. I want to be treated like anyone else. 
That's all. If you think about it, it's really not 
much to ask.

Secondly, being obese does not make me 
deaf. I hear your whispers and snickers. I 
hear your rude comments even if I choose 
to ignore them and not respond. I hear the 
names and the gasps as I walk by. I'm not 
deaf, just obese.

I, as an morbidly obese person, have 
feelings. My weight does not add "padding" 
to my emotions or my soul... just my body. When 
you are rude to me, I hurt. When you laugh 
or ridicule me, I cry... maybe not outwardly 
but deep within. And with every harsh word 
or action against me, I lose a litte bit more of 
my self esteem. My self worth plummets. 
After years of being called every name from "chubby" 
to "orca" I don't have a lot of self esteem left. 
Please, don't destroy what little 
bit I am able to hang on to.

Even though I may smile and seem like a 
"jolly" person, I am unhappy inside. I may 
not
 let you see that part of me. I may hide it for times 
when I'm alone. But true happiness is something 
that has slowly dwindled away as I packed the 
pounds on. I find moments of joy 
in my life but to say that I am truly happy 
every day is impossible. It's hard to be happy 
when you know that you are slowly killing yourself 
by carrying so much extra weight.

Being obese does not automatically make me 
a lazy person. My weight sometimes hinders 
me from doing as much as a healthier person. 
It doesn't mean that I don't want to get out 
and exercise or do things, it means that my 
body won't let me. Some days I stuggle just 
to get out of bed.  I'm not lazy, just in pain.  
Please don't confuse that.

Obesity does not equal stupidity. I am a 
smart man. Unfortunately, over the years, I 
have formed bad eating habits that have 
overtaken my will power. I have used food... 
usually "bad" food... as a crutch. Food has 
become my comforter. It is the way I celebrate. 
Food has become my friend. It is a friend that
 I have not been willing to walk away from. 
I'm not stupid, just loyal to my friend.

I want you to understand:

I have hopes.
I have fears.
I have feelings. 
I have extra pounds. 
I have wants.
I have needs.
I have curves.
I have the desire to live.

I am on a journey now to make myself 
healthier.  Sometimes I wish I had never let myself 
get to this point but I can honestly 
say that I am a better person for it.  I am 
more sensitive to other people's feelings.  
I am more appreciative of my health.  I am 
more 
in touch with my inner self.  I am more determined 
to get healthy and more 
importanly, to stay healthy.

I am a human being.