mkpoley

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I'm down to 155 now and wondering if I should stay here. I'm into a size 10 (and often 8 pants). I'm thinking the thing I need most now is firming up with walking and weight lifting. I don't want to look too drawn in the face. I never would have dreamed that I would one day actually consider STOPPING weightloss! I guess I'll see what the next couple of months brings.

In the past, I was so embarrassed of myself that I rarely allowed any photos to be taken (when I was at my heaviest) but I've run across one that I will add so I can tell the difference. My head looks enormous and even though I'm in black, I take up most of the picture. Thank goodness this was a "before" picture!

I pulled out the summer clothes and nothing fit--Halleluia!! It is so weird to go to the store and look at normal clothes!! Even more so, to pull out a "medium" and have it fit just fine! Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I joined Curves and I'm walking on the treadmill on the days I don't go there. I feel so much better. I just realized that I hardly think about how I look any more. When I was at my heaviest, I thought about it all the time. I thought I looked awful in everything, and I felt uncomfortable, and I especially hated the shopping for clothes part. Now I get up and grab something to put on and don't give it a second thought. That feels wonderful too. I just feel so NORMAL!! 

I've decided that I really do like the slowness of my weightloss, (although there were many days I was plenty impatient.) It seems like such a relaxed, natural way to lose weight. I'd like to end up a size 10 and right now I'm a 12, so we'll see how that goes. My weight is 165 today and I'm thinking I'd like to get to 150. For the first time in a long time I realize that I can actually make my goal. In the past I'd go on a diet knowing full well that it would only be a matter of time before I gained it all back. I don't feel like that any more.

The only negative thing I can think about the band is that my port feels huge! I'm wondering when I get my stomach flat if it will poke out like a tumor! Oh well, I'm long past the bikini age so it's a small price to have to pay. I'm thinking everyone needs to get the band!

Somehow I thought life would slow down after the kids grew up, but I'm finding that it's busier than ever. I think that when the kids were home, life actually had more structure. Now I'm bouncing all over the place and things seem to blur together. At any rate, I had a wonderful holiday season. The only real downside was that I foolishly made several batches of Christmas cookies, thinking I was immune and then I found, to my horror, that cookies seem to slide right down with no trouble at all! Now, why would nutritious food need to be cut small and endlessly chewed while junk food would slip right through? Life certainly isn't fair.

So I've learned that I do need to carefully guard what is in my cupboard. Today I weigh 173.5, which doesn't sound like much of a weight loss since Dec 3, except that I usually GAIN 10 lbs over the holidays and I actually lost a couple. So technically, I've really lost 15 instead of 5. (I have excellent rationalization skills).

I'm back to writing down what I'm eating so I'm not fooling myself, and still very pleased with the band. I think the best thing I've noticed is that it is impossible to gulp down food. Used to be, when I was hungry, I would inhale whatever was in front of me. Now, I fully intend to do the same but I can't, and I do find that I am satisfied after just a few bites. I love that. However, it does obviously take me quite awhile to develop new habits. I'm always pleasantly surprised that I can't eat as much as I think, even though I'm using small plates. I think food is even tasting better than ever!

I'm back to walking on the treadmill everyday too. That seems to make a huge difference in my mood, my attitude and my weight loss.

I think it's been helpful to have scheduled this surgery during such a busy time. I don't have much time to fret over anything. The last fill was perfect. Now I can understand people that say they are full after a couple of bites or they can't eat bread or are tight in the morning. I have experienced all of those things. I'd like to spend more time planning food choices that I know will be comfortable and healthy. Since my vitamins are liquid and I also take a few other liquid supplements, I usually have a protein shake for breakfast. That's about all that will go down anyway in the mornings. I make a thermal pot of hot green tea and sip that all morning. By the evening I can usually enjoy a hot meal. It's funny that I used to love icy cold beverages and ice cream. Now those things don't go down as easily so I'm very partial to hot food and hot drinks. This morning I weighed 178. I was thrilled. It's been quite awhile since I've seen the 170's, and clothes feel so much better. It's wonderful to shop in normal stores and to leave the larger lady stores behind.

I did go back to my doctor on Monday and he gave me another fill after he explained something about air bubbles, which I didn't completely understand, but he seemed confident and that's good enough for me!  Today is Friday and I have had great restriction again for the past 5 days. I need to get used to putting much less on my small plate though. I think I can eat a small portion, but in reality, I'm full with an even smaller amount! For some reason I've been really tired this week--could be all the company we've had. I believe that I'm at 2.25 cc right now, and that seems like a good place for me.

It's been 2 1/2 months since my surgery and I've been surprised a little at the full range of emotions this has evoked. One day I'm down and scared that I am that one person in the whole wide world that this won't work for, and the next I am thrilled with the whole thing.  I knew from the start that this would be a slow journey and that was one of the reason I chose this route. I think that's the healthiest way to go. On the other hand, I want to be several sizes smaller--yesterday! I wonder if anyone has ever come away from this thing with a split personality? :-)

I feel just great physically. I've been walking everyday and watching what I eat like never before. My first fill didn't seem to make much of a difference in my appetite. When I went back to get the second fill, Dr. Gornichec was concerned because there wasn't much fluid to pull out of the tube. He put 2 1/4cc in and told me to come back in two weeks to double check. I was so excited with that fill! I had great restriction!  For the first time I really did have to chew and chew and chew, and also I had to cut my food into small little pieces. I ate a small portion of my meal and saved the rest for the next meal! It really boosted my enthusiasm. However, a week later, the restriction disappeared and I noticed that I wasn't full after a small amount any more and I could eat just like normal again. In fact, I could take a whole handful of vitamins at once. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday, but I'm worried that there might be a leak in the tube someplace. I was really hoping this would be a breeze and I would live happily ever after with great restriction. I'll keep you posted.