MoDogg

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Well, i can't believe how long its been since  i last visited this site!  It's so helpful to go back and read what i wrote about during the last two years.  i have really come a long way and i'm stinkin' proud of myself.  that's something that is hard to admit outloud.  i don't like bragging, but dammit, i should!  it has not been easy to keep my weight even and to keep with my workout schedule, but i did it.  i live it every day.  i'm still struggling with food addiction issues but i am sooooo much better off now than before WLS.  food is not the main focal point of my day anymore.  food has changed (for the most part) from something to eat to something to help me live and be healthy.  i still eat candy way too much and don't follow all the dietary rules.  shoot--i'm eating potato chips as i'm typing this!  but instead of eating the WHOLE flippin' bag like I would have before, i have a handful instead.  nice.

my latest news is that in two weeks i will have plastic surgery on my stomach and arms.  i have tons of mixed emotions but am generally really excited.  the stomach skin is soooo disgusting.  really.  i know that many of you know what i'm talking about.  it's almost like it has it's own identity:  i have to move it around to fit properly in my pants, underwear looks ridiculous because it doesnt really cover my stomach, it bounces up and down when i run or during sex, it spreads out to the sides when i sit down, it is just plain gross. i am really looking forward to it being gone.  it's really not all about vanity, i've decided. it's about utility and hygiene. yes, it's a bonus that my stomach will be flat (or flattish), but that's not why i'm doing it.  i'm having my arms done too but  that is definitely for vanity purposes.  i'd really like to wear short sleeved shirts (or, gasp!, a tank top!!) without my arms jiggling everytime i move.  the scars will be tough for me to deal with.  i heard they will be long and not pretty.  the tubes they put in after surgery will be tough to deal with too.  i guess there will be alot of pain and uncomfortableness for the first week, but after that i should feel better. 

another benefit to coming back to this site and reading my blog is that i am reminded how lucky i am that i have such a great support group of friends and family!  i am really fortunate to have people that love me and have been a part of my journey since Day One.  i love them all and i make sure that they know how special they are to me.  i couldn't have done this without them!!! 

wish me luck!

It is my 16th month anniversary and I am still doing great!  I'm down 220 pounds and am enjoying my summer (for once!).  I love going to the pool and now I don't  have to wonder what people are saying about me anymore.  I am self-conscious of my flappy bat wings and thighs but, whatever. who really cares? i'm happy with myself and there's nothing i can do about that flab right now.  i want plastic surgery but that will have to wait about another year as i'm still paying off my latest medical bills.

i did have to have my gall bladder out in May. it was a pretty basic procedure and i went home that same day.  i also had to have an upper endoscopy last month so i am getting tired of going to the hospital. i've been having stomach pains for about 9 months and my drs have been trying to figure out why. they thought it was my gall bladder so they took it out. but that was not the solution as i still had the pain. my two options are to take prilosec for the rest of my life or have my old stomach removed (as they think that's the problem but are NOT sure). i'm opting for prilosec as i am not interested in having any more surgeries for awhile. it seems to be working and life is sooo much better without that awful stomach pain. that really sucked. it's almost like the pain we can get from eating too much or eating something that doesn't agree with us. i wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy!

my best friend had her WLS last week and i am sooo excited for her.  it's hard to explain how happy i am for her because i know firsthand how much better she will feel.  i'm also hoping that she will want to hang out more and do stuff with me again. i'm so glad that i can be there for her to help explain what's going on and help her feel "normal". i had a mentor when i had the surgery and she was very helpful.  your body has gone thru such trauma and it's really whacked up for awhile. it's hard to know what to expect as everyone's recovery experience is different.  i can't wait to hear about her milestones. she is so brave--she rocks!

WOW! These last few months have been so monumental for me.  I got a new job with a really nice boss, I flew on an airplane and fit in the seats with room to spare, and I have one more pound to go until I reach my goal!  I weighed myself this morning and about fell off  the scale when I saw 200.  I CAN'T WAIT until I see 199!  I feel like any weight loss after that would be just a bonus, so to speak.  

I did not make perfect food decisions when I was on vacation last month.  But instead of beating myself up like I would in the past, I took it as a learning experience and came up with better ideas to implement when I travel again.  "Protein first" was a problem for me almost the whole week.  We ate out almost every meal and it was hard to find small portions that I could eat (no or low carbs, etc). I was proud of myself for keeping a water, calcium and vitamin check off list for each day.  That really helped me keep on track and make sure that I wasn't skipping anything.  I also worked out a few days of vacation which really helped me feel OK about not eating as well as I should.  It was my first Thanksgiving post-surgery so I think I did pretty darn good considering the situation I was in!  Now if I can get through Christmas without completely blowing it! :)

I can't believe it's only been five months since my journey began.  I feel like I've been living with this new way of life for years now!  I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.....I am stoked about the number of pounds lost and plan to lose more.  The one bad thing that has happened is that I have let carbs back into my diet which has really slowed down my weight loss.  I'm only losing about two to three pounds a week which is kinda depressing.  It is SOOOO true when the doctor tells you that if you eat carbs then you will crave more carbs.  True.  Carbs are evil that way.  According to my dietician I should wait until I'm six months out before adding any carbs (besides veggies) and I obviously ignored that rule.  The other sucky part is that I can typically tolerate any food now.  I had some Doritos today and had an Oreo the other day.  YIKES!  I guess I'm confessing because I need to admit that I am human.  I just need to keep an eye on it and make sure that I don't get too carried away.  Doritos are still my downfall.
In addition to the number of pounds lost my energy level is crazy high!  When I workout I feel like I could go for at least another 45 minutes or more.  I have continued to up my time spent on the treadmill and the elliptical machines.  I even RAN on the treadmill for a whole two minutes!  I could care less if anyone else in the gym was noticing--I was soooo surprised at myself for even trying to run.  YAY me!

Well it's time for an update. I realized that I haven't written since April and alot has changed since then.  I'm down somewhere around 62 pounds yet I haven't weighed myself in a week because I was getting a little weird about weighing daily.  I have my three month check up next week and will wait until then to see how much I've lost.  

I measured myself last week too and was pleasantly surprised.  I can definitely feel a change in my clothes and I do feel lighter.  I am bummed, however, that my bat wings are getting worse and worse.  They really are ugly.  They weren't pretty before the surgery but now I can FEEL them flap around!  That's definitely one spot that I will have plastic surgery on.  

I attend a monthly support group through my program and am feeling really glad to have such an option.  I have my friends and family to whine to but of course they have no idea what I'm going through.  Last month I was feeling down and really did not want to go to the meeting but I went anyway.  One of the discussions was about how people feel about themselves when they are years past surgery.  It was VERY alarming to hear them say that they still think of themselves as fat a lot of the time; that they are STILL not used to being as small as they are.  WOW.  Two ladies were actually under weight and needed to gain some weight.  They both said how scary the idea was to PUT ON weight.  They both were afraid that once they started to put weight back on that they would just continue and gain their weight all back.  That is definitely my worst fear.  I'm only three months out and I am already thinking about eating "real" food again and can't wait til I'm a year out and can eat "normal" again.  It will be a huge mental struggle for me but I will definitely keep an eye on it.  I have worked soooo hard to get to where I am right now that I can't imagine giving up how good I feel right now.  Thank God I have a support system set up to watch out for me.  

For now, I will keep plugging away at this process and try to "stop and smell the roses" and realize how far I have already come.  This is a journey and I tend to forget that.  That feeling is completely understandable because I was definitely a fat person that wanted everything now!  If I wanted McDonalds I didn't think twice about driving there at 11pm in my PJ's.  Now I don't get to do that and it's probably a good thing!

YAY! I have made it through surgery and am feeling better with each passing day. Surgery day was such a blur with everything happening so fast.  It was a bit of a wait from when I first arrived at the hospital to when I went in to surgery, but after that time went by pretty fast.  The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room and being really confused as to where I was.  It seemed like there were alot of people around me and I was mad for some reason.  I'm told it's a normal reaction from coming out of anesthia.  I think I even cussed and said something like "what the f*** am I doing here?"  It's kinda funny now that I think about it.

My brother went home on Saturday and I miss him already.  He was such a trooper.  He came out to support me but part of that trip included having to stay with our parents and deal with them.  It was definitely a challenge for him to spend so much "quality" time with my patience-challenged parents. 

I have one weird thing happening since the surgery and that is a burning sensation in my heel when I sleep. My doctor has really no idea why but he thinks its temporary and is a result of the process of being under anesthia and having surgery. I hope it's only temporary because it wakes me up in the middle of the night a few times a night. I would really love to sleep through the night soon. God knows that was NOT possible at the hospital.  There are people coming in and out almost every hour.  I hardly see anyone during the day, but as soon as the night comes they suddenly have to check vitals and do other things.  Oh well.  That part is over and my recovery is all up to me now.  I am on my way!

It's less than 12 hours until my surgery and I'm getting ready to go.  Oddly, I'm not nervous.  I'm more upset about having to get up so flippin' early to be at the hospital by 530am! that is sooo not me.  I'm the type that likes to sleep in and I always feel kinda out of it and have a stomach ache when I get up so early with out much sleep.  Oh well. There's nothing I can do about it.  Hopefully getting the surgery done early in the day will help me get home sooner.

My brother arrived today and it was so good to see him.  I am still flabbergasted that he is so giving of his time for me.  I'm so lucky to have a supportive family.  I can't imagine doing this without them.

I will post again as soon as I get home.  I am sure that tomorrow will be a success!

I got my surgery date and it's April 4th! I was so stinkin' excited when Susan called to tell me I was approved and all set to go.  I have been thinking about this for so long now that I am soooooo ready! I have been talking to a few people from my program that have already had the surgery and I am even more convinced that this is the right step for me.  I have told alot of my co-workers and my volunteers, and most everyone is supportive and excited for me.  I decided to be upfront and tell them what I was doing because I know that they care about me and would worry that I wasn't at work for so long.  

Another cool thing that is happening is that my oldest brother is flying out from Virginia to be with me at the hospital.  He is so funny and entertaining and I really look forward to seeing him.  He will keep me level-headed when/if I start to get worried.  He will make me laugh and keep the rest of my family relaxed as well.  My sister will be crying most of the time (she is afraid I am going to die during surgery) and my parents will be on auto-pilot and will keep a strong composure for my benefit.  So, it will be very nice to have my brother around.  

People have recommended that I take pictures while at the hospital.  What does everyone else think?  Will I really want to see pictures of me doped up and in pain?

I have been doing all the steps to get to a surgery date and am anxiously awaiting to hear when that will be.  Since October I have been attending information meetings, met with my surgeon, met with the patient coordinator and the nutritionist, had two appointments with a psychologist, had lab work, and did an overnight sleep study.  The committee meets on March 8th to decide if and when I get surgery and I'm sure that they will approve me.  However, I don't know if all my lab results and reports will make it to them in time.  I'm doing all that I can by calling various people to remind them about the deadline.  Man, this waiting is killing me!  I have been researching WLS for two years now and once I made my decision to do the RNY I wanted to get the ball rolling!   My insurance denied to cover it so this will be all out of pocket.  YIKES!  I wish that it was made simpler for self-payers like just giving us one grand total instead of nickel and diming us every step of the way.  I guess my anxiety is making me a bit cranky. :)  

I'm thinking that once I get a surgery date, then it will be "real".  That all the thoughts and prayers that went in to my decision will be valid and that I will actually be doing this!!  I can't wait!