mollycat71
I'm often asked "Why do you say your fat? You've never been fat". That often opens up a can of worms. I wasn't always fat, but pretty much have been most of my life. I was super scrawny as a small child, my siblings used to call me "Auschwitz Amy", though I didn't know why or understand what that meant. They used to play doctor and I was their patient. They would count my bones and giggle. One day, when I was about 5, we were sitting having supper (all 8 of us) when my mom clapped her hands and said (pointing to me) "Look she's got a belly! It's starting to lean on the table, she's FINALLY getting fat like us!" I remember my dad and siblings all clapping and hooping/hollering about how excited they were I was fat. I remember dying a little inside, I was hurt that they were happy I was becoming fat. That went with me through my childhood as I got more and more fat. Finally I was the fattest kid in my class, teased relentlessly. Never picked at recess, never in gym class. Life was miserable. I went to college fat and stayed fat. Stayed in most weekends while everyone else was out. I was miserable, so of course, I ate. I left college at over 200lbs.
When I got to grad school, I hoped I would be accepted for my brains, not my body. I mostly was, being thrown into the "brainy" group. This was ok, at least I had friends. My friend, Kelly, asked me if would go to Jenny Craig with her in 1994. I said 'sure why not?' and went on to lose 40 lbs. The first success I had ever had. After graduation I continued on JC, until they closed, leaving me to regain all the weight and more. So then came Phen-Fen, my miracle drugs! I lost weight rapidly! I was excited, not knowing at the time I was hurting my heart and insides. Soon, my doctor was arrested, his practice closed, and the weight came back, bringing some friends along. I tried a billion weight loss plans but none worked like JC or PF. I was angry, growing fatter every day.
Then a terrible thing happened to me, throwing me into a spiral of depression, PTSD, anger, hate. I gained close to 100lbs! I didn't care. I was a size 24/26 and then one day at work bent over to help a co-worker when "RIP" my pants split in half. My 24/26 pants split in half. I was horrified, angry and embarrassed. No one had something I could just 'slip' into. I wrapped a shirt (my own) around my waist to cover my bum until it was time to go home.
I got online at the library to find out about the little known gastric bypass surgery. I found a support group in Henderson Kentucky for a surgeon in Louisville KY. I went the next week. I found that it was a small group of only 6. No one knew about the surgery and everyone talked about how awful the surgery and recovery were. I knew I would have the surgery and soon. This was winter 2000.
In March of 2000 my dad got very ill, they found he had an abdominal aortic aneurysm. On my 29th birthday, March 14th, I looked across the table at my dad and said silently to myself, 'you won't be here for my next birthday'. I was right, he died in ICU on April 28th. I was the only one in the room with him when he died and it had a lasting effect on me. I ate nonstop. I also worked to get the surgery approved by my insurance.
I received notice I was approved for surgery in May of 2000. I was scheduled for surgery on Nov 19, 2000 in Louisville, KY. Now to tell my family. My fat family. Who encouraged eating and being fat. Finally they knew, no one supported me and don't to this day. Think it was stupid to do. Even though I suspect my sister has had the Lap Band surgery. She looks anorexic and eats little. Everything is catered to her. When I had surgery I was told "You eat what you want but we aren't changing for you". Now it's all about Brittany. "Brittany can't have that, so we have to all eat XXXXX" "Brittany, tell us what we will be having, what you can eat"
I was very hurt my family didn't and still doesn't support me. It hurts. It will always hurt. I have told few people I had surgery although I have a massive scar from my breasts to my belly button.
I did well for 8 years, then I had brain surgery. I had lost 128 lbs! Yay me! I worked with a personal trainer and got buff. Then life was fickle & I had to have brain surgery. 3 times. I felt sorry for me again and ultimately gained back 40 lbs. I realized that I had slowly let my bad habits sneak back in.
I have struggled the last 6 years and am now back at 55 lbs regained. I need help, I need support and I want to lose the 55lbs!
Nice to meet you, I look forward to getting to know you. AMY