Mrs_Cluff

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I know that I have not posted anything along the way but like others have said on their posts; I am out living my life for the first time in a long time. I am busy with work and family. I am loving my life and trying to be as active as possible.

I am down 155lbs as of this morning and I would not change a thing! On my one year surgery anniversary I was asked if I would do it again and I said YES without a doubt! This was without a doubt one of the best decisions of my life.

I never did anything for myself before the surgery and now I do a lot more for myself and fell great about it! I enjoy simple things now more than ever.

What a difference a year makes. People ask me all the time what has changed and what is different now that I have lost the weight; and I say a lot of little things that most people would never even think about like:

Using less lotion

Being able to clip my toe nails easily

Like to paint my toe nails (LOL)

Wearing high heels again because my back does not hurt

Shoe size is smaller

I fit in my car better

My husband can wrap his arms around me

I can put my whole hand in a glass cup to wash it instead having to use a bottle brush

I can go to a buffet style potluck and not over eat

I have more confidence at work

Smile and laugh again

Cross my legs like a lady

Share clothes with my best friend

Those are just a few. I have always noticed small things in life and truly believe that the small things are what makes the difference. It is all of the small moments that add up to be the great ones. Celebrating the small victories and really holding myself accountable to myself (lol) is my main focus these days.

So we are all heading into the holiday season and I don’t have any feelings that it will be difficult because I did it last year but I am so excited to see some of my husband’s family that I have not seen since last year! It will be interesting to say the least.

I just recently saw a group of friends that had not seen me in close to 9months and one of them started to cry when she saw me. It was the most unexpected response I have received to date. Then of course I started to cry and the rest of my other friends started to cry; they where so happy for me and so proud of me. It was such a wonderful feeling! At one point you start to believe that you don’t need that positive reassurance until you get it and remember that it really does help along the way. It was a great boost to get me over to the next milestone in my journey!

Just so people don’t think I am all roses and sunshine; I do have an ulcer (very tiny, but very painful when if not paying attention to my diet) now as a result of the surgery that I will have to maintain for the rest of my life but even still I will take that over being the morbid obese person I was before WLS. I am healthy and happy instead of the old saying I used to say fat and happy.

To all of you out there who are waiting to have surgery or thinking about it; try to do what is right for you. This journey will come down to your choices and what you wanted in the first place. Try to do things for you and if this WLS is right for you and you have enough courage and strength to believe in yourself (trust me not many people will have it for you so don’t count on them) then do what your heart tells you!

And to all of you who have had WLS it is such a pleasure to be walking this journey with just the thought that you all are having as much fun as I am! Thank you for all of you who share your journey!

9.14.10

Post Op Day

Today I had my post op apt’s and they all went good. I am on the second day of my 7 day liquid diet. I would have to say that a liquid diet is not most fun thing that I have ever done but such is life. I am reminding myself that this is only 7 day for cryin out loud! Sure there will be a few more weeks after the surgery before I can have yogurts or things of that nature.

I just hate the headaches and the sleepiness all day. It is amazing to me how much food can help you make it through the day; and not just emotionally who would have thought. LOL! I am wondering why I could watch TV and movies on a over full belly but now that I am not busting at the seams of my pants it feels like I am bored and want to eat. I know that this is head hunger. I am sitting here identifying it; not loving it but it is clear to me what it is. I am sitting here feeling angry at myself that I am struggling with my weight. It would be so wonderful if I could be like other people I know.

To be able to only fluctuate 20lbs would be a miracle. I am one of those blessed people that can add 100+ pounds in two years. Even though I have just said with the emotional side of my brain; my logical brain kicks in and tells me the truth. Most of this was a choice of mine. Most of the food that I have charged to my body (like a credit card) I know have to pay off to myself. My logical side also tells me the truth that if it was not for this weight I would not have the great people in my life.

I find that I have had the greatest friendships throughout the years because the people that are in my life are the people who look past my weight. They see my smile; not the fact that my cheeks are almost big enough to close my eyes when I smile big. Or the fact that I can’t fit in normal chairs. My friends and family have always made me feel loved and supported. I never have gone a day without one of them loving me; the real me.

I have the most wonderful husband that any woman would wish for. He loves me for me. He looks into my eyes and holds me close and still tells me that I am beautiful. He lets me be me and he stills finds me sexy in my own ways. It is truly amazing. God is the only one who knows how and why I got so lucky with my husband; but I will take it.

As my wonderful new life is taking shape the growing pains are evident to me, I know this will be a struggle with a huge pay off. I know that I am emotionally stronger than food. I know that I will one day eat again (the right way) and this is a temporary state right now(liquid diet). Anything in life that is worth having or doing is a struggle. I am just in a funk today; feeling sorry for myself because I can.

I will snap out of it tomorrow. Plus Monday is only 6 days away! I can’t wait to be there and walking on the other side of journey. I can’t wait to take the right turn for my life and feel the right decisions on my side. I am ready and so willing to be the healthier me.

21 days to go and counting down. I am trying not to get too excited as I still have a ways to go. I will start my liquid diet in two weeks. I am not afraid or concerned about the liquid diet because I have done one once before for 22 weeks, so 7 days before and a few weeks after should not be a problem for me; but who knows. I am finding that I have finally made up my mind to get healthy.

As each day ends and begins I am all consumed by my thoughts of the WLS. I want nothing but the day to come. I want nothing but to be a year from now being able to post how wonderful I feel. If I had a remote to fast forward through this I think I would. I am as ready as I will ever be for the challenge that lays ahead.

So for now I will continue to read others blogs and heed the warnings about eating too much or not paying attention to my body. I thank each and everyone of you who have shared and continue to share your stories because they are truly wonderful each and everyone.