mrzkiddo

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 Well it's been a week and two days since surgery. Surprised to say that I'm feeling great, a little sore and get tired off and  on. I don't think that I really focused on the mental healing as well as the pysical healing. It was really weird the first couple of days, I can almost say that at that point I was regreting having this done. Was it worth it? But I can now say yes it was. You really have to program your mind ALL around food, the right foods. I just can't open my fridge and grab something, I have to think about what I'm going to eat and drink. Each day get easier. My follow up appointment was yesterday and I've lost 22 pounds!!!!!I  I was shocked that much weight had come off. The thing that makes me laugh the most is that now I have ankles. They are not swollen, I can actually see them!!  Silly things we get excited about. My husband has been the best nurse, I'm so lucky to have him.
I'm off, I'll write again soon.

  The Dr's office called to schedule my surgery. Originally is was to be May 24th. My oldest son is graduating on May 26th so we re-scheduled for June 2nd.  I can't believe how many emotions I'm feeling right now. Scared, nervous, excited and anxious to get it over with and to finish this year long journey that I have been on. Kind of feels like forever ago when I started but also feels like it was just yesterday. Steve (my husband) is being so good about all of this. All the moodiness, the ups and downs, he really is my best friend and I'm very lucky to have him in my life.  Our family is  going on a cruise in August and I guess the selfish part of me is looking forward to buying cute clothes to wear. Not having to buy something just because it fits but because it's cute AND fits. Silly, huh? 
  I have gained back about 7 pounds of the 21 that I lost so I'm working on that before surgery, going to try and lose a little more. I know that's a challange that I will always have to work on. So........that's it for now.

    Kind of sad today . Today was to be my "big" day. Some of my tests did not go well. I had a bacterial infection in my stomach, was on meds for 14 days. Then my EKG came back abnormal, so I had to back for more testing, a stress test and get a cardiac clearance from that Dr.  I know that it's better to deal with this all now and get it taken care of, I was just so mentally prepared for the surgery and ready for a new begining. Now my Dr is on vacation so surgery may not be until the end of April begining of May. I keep checking this website to keep my spirits up, seeing all of the prgress that people are making is keeping me going. I can't wait to be one of the ones that's on the other side of the fence.

 Dr says surgery will be the 2nd to 3rd week of March. I just need my EKG, which is next Wednesday. I can't believe that it's amost here. I'm having mixed emotions about it all. Excited to get it over with, scared in case something goes wrong or if I fail myself and gain the weight back. I guess the journey never really ends. I thought the beginning was a year ago when I started this whole thing, but now I'm thinking the beginning will be after surgery. Time can only tell.

  Well I had my 5 appt. with my dietician yesterday. I knew going in I did not loose as much as I should have. I only lost 1 pound. I guess it's better than gaining, total has only been 15 pounds. Why is it so much easier to put on the weight than to loose it? My next and last appt. with Kathy is on Sept. 28th, I'm going to try and do better. It's my own fault, I did not eat and walk like I should have. I NEED to get in an everyday routine, I WANT the WLS to work. I don't want to be one a failure at this, I know I can do it.
  We're taking my kids camping this weekend, so it will be nice. Kind of get me out of this blah rut that I'm in now. Being at the ocean always makes me feel better.

    I guess I made the title "me" because it's "me" time. I have finally decided to have WLS. I have be researching this for a few years now and have made up my mind. I have tried so many diets and programs it only frustrates and brings me down more. I'm doing it for a few reasons, one: I want to be healthy, grow old with my husband, my father's family all had diabetes, high blood pressure and heart conditions, two:  I have 3 boys, I want to see them follow a good example of living and I want to be there when they grow and have they're own families. And maybe I'm being a little bit selfish but I want to look in the mirror and like what I see, to shop for clothes because I like them not because they "fit" me.
  My husband  Steve is so supportive. The first thing he said when he found out how serious I was about this was to make sure that I'm doing this for me and not because I want to look good for him. I love him so much. He has gone to meetings with me. He finds them as interesting as I do, he loves to hear my Dr speak. Dr Koura is very direct and to the point but puts a little humor in it all. My last dietician appointment is in September, then I will start all of my blood lab work and see my surgeon one on one. I'm hoping to have surgery end of 2009, beginning 2010. It will be nice to start the year with having done this.
    At my first dietician appt. I weighed in at 274, at the first support meeting I had I weighed 257. The meeting I attended last week I was 264, I was so mad at myself. I'm trying so hard to be good, and "hard" is just it. I keep thinking of the end results and that's what gets me thru the frustrating times. I know I can get thru this and make it happen and having such a supportive family is what really helps.  I have a friend who's mother had WLS. She lived here in Sacramento and went to LA to have it done. Before she left LA she complained that she was not feeling well and had a fever. They told her when she gets home just to rest and take Tylenol for the fever, well she ended up with a staff infection and died 2 weeks later. I love my friend Shelly like crazy, she's always been there for me and I would do ANYTHING for her. I'm just afraid to tell her about what I'm doing. I know that she would understand, I just don't want to bring up bad memories of what happened to her mom.
   Well I guess that's it for now. Wow, I honestly feel really good right now. I've always heard that writing makes a person feel better and didn't believe it, but it really does. It going to be a wonderful rest of the day