nadiarf
April 12, 2006 - Went to weight loss seminar with Dr. Rau.
May 12, 2006 - Today I set my first appointment with Dr. Rau. I go to see him on June 14, 2006 and if everything is in order I will have my surgery by June 26 or 28. I am trying not to get too excited right now because I still feel like this may be too good to be true.
May 19, 2006 - I keep getting contacted by these Medical Savings plans. I unfortunately do not have any health insurance. I am self employeed and because of my weight I am not insurance worthy. So these Medical Savings plan people continue to contact me. I have now been suckered in by them not once but twice. I have now lost $500 total between the two of them and neither are able to help. Because I am paying cash the hospital and surgeon they have lowered their prices as low as they will. These medical savings people continue to convince me that they can help cut that amount in half. If you get suckered in like I have, I feel your fustration. The second one is currently trying to help me get financing for the surgery. I just do not see them giving me a loan without putting up something for collateral. $18,500 is an aweful lot to just loan someone out of good faith. Well I guess we will see how it goes.
So I have set up my back up plan. I have been considering having the surgery done with Dr. Kuri in Mexico. I have been researching him for 3 months now. My family is very freaked out at the idea of me having the surgery done in Mexico, especially my boyfriend. If anyone reads my page and has had the surgery done in Mexico with Dr. Kuri please send him an email telling him of your experience. His email is [email protected] . I have been approved for a loan for the amount Dr. Kuri will charge. I should hear something back from the Medcial savings people by Monday. I should have a decision soon.
May 20, 2006 - I am happy to say that with the overwhelming response from everyone, it has help sway my boyfriends mind on Mexico. So it seems that I will be having my surgery in July with Dr. Kuri. Thank you all very much for your help with this matter.
June 28, 2006 - A lot of things have happened in the past month. I have on my own got a loan (without the help from those scam artist) and I am set to have my surgery locally. I have to have my gallbladder removed first. I am going to the surgeron tomorrow about having that done. As of right now my surgery is postponed until the end of July. It was set for July 10th but now is postponed until after the gallbladder surgery.
After much research, I have found out that many local doctors will not see me if another doctor does the surgery. I feel much more comfortable going with a doctor I can see on a regular basis for the mainatance of the band. I am finding there are no doctors locally that will fill me or treat me and several trips back and forth to Mexico will be very costly. In the end it all comes out to the same cost.
Dr. Fritz Rau is the doctor that will be doing my band. I go in for Pre Op on July 5th, hopefully I will be gallbladder free by then. I hate federal holidays when I have things to get done. I feel like what a waste of a productive day.
Today I met with my future plastic surgeron. I am jumping ahead of myself I know but I just can not wait to have the hanging stomach removed. Tomorrow can not come soon enough. I can not wait to have a surgery date.
June 29, 2006 - The soonest I can have my gallbladder taken out is July 17th. The surgeon can not release me to the other doctor for 2 weeks after. After I am released then I can go in for pre op and a week later the surgery. So we are shooting for the beginning of August (tenitive for August 7th).
July 16, 2006 - I am having my gallbladder taken out tomorrow morning at 5:30am. Wish me luck. I am a little nervous. I am very short on time and I was told that they may have to cut me open if they can not take it out by laproscope. That would require a hospital stay and I do not have the time for that. I have a lot of work to get done this upcoming week. I am planning to be back at work for Wednesday. If everything goes as planned with this surgery I will be having my WLS on August 7th. Just three short weeks. When I have the WLS I plan to take some time off after. I am very scared, I have never gone "UNDER". I do have a fear of not waking up. If this is my last entry then you know I did not wake up.
July 18, 2006 - Well I am still alive. Everything went well, no complications. I was back home by lunch. I spoke with my WLS coordinator today. As long as I am released from this doctor by next week I will be set to have my surgery on August 7th. The strangest part about this whole thing, the whole time I was knocked out I was dreaming about my daughter and I playing tennis. I remember how much I loved to play when I was younger and my daughter is interested in learning to play tennis. I cannot wait to do mother and daughter things with her.
July 22, 2006 - I had my gallbladder out for 6 days now and I have dropped 13 pounds and close to 10 inches. I can not believe it. I begin my liquid diet on Monday. I hope I can make it two weeks on liquids only. I am so afraid that I will not be able to make it that long. But at the same time I cannot wait to see how much weight I will lose during these two weeks. All I can do is pray for the willpower. Wish me luck.
July 25, 2006 - Day two of the liquid diet. I am starving. I just cheated and ate a few chips and a sugar free pudding. Not to bad but I am afraid I may go on a binge. I want to eat a whopper with cheese and onion rings from Burger King right now. I am starving and I can not take it. My family sits here and eats in front of me and it is hard. I have my best friend saying don't cheat and laughs. I think to myself that is easier said than done. I am angry right now at myself for getting this way. I just do not understand the purpose of the liquid diet. They say it is to shink your liver, I think it is to torture the fat person. Please pray for me.
July 28, 2006 - Day five of the liquid diet. I was released from the surgeron that did my gallbladder surgery today. I am good to go for my LapBand. Tonight I am eating a small salad and a small chicken breast. Woohoo. I have lost some weight so far and everyone is noticing. Everyone seems to be so supportive of me so far. Everyone has offered to give me a hand at my office for the week I'll be out. I am under a lot of stress at work which only makes me want to eat more in order to cope with it. I hope the next week passes quickly. Everything I need to get done with work I just pray that it all works out for me. I need these deals to go through. Right now I can think of nothing else, which is helping me not think about not eating food. I really hope this LapBand thing works and I lose weight on with it. So many people are waiting to see how well I do with it. I would be so depressed if I spent all of this money and I did not lose any weight.
July 28 - 29, 2006 - Tonight I ate a salad and chicken breast. The salad came in this tortilla bowl and I ate a few bites off of it. I feel so bad now. Not because I ate it, my body feels bad. I feel like I need to throw up. I guess this is what happens to you after the surgery. I have never made myself throw up in my life but boy I sure feel like shoving my finger down my throat. This is horrible, I feel so bad. I was starting to feel better physically, breathing better and feeling lite. I can not take this. If there is one thing I want to come from this is, if someone is reading this and I can give them some insight or comfort knowing they are not the only one feeling this way, then it was all worth it. Some of the pages I have read have been helpful and some have nothing on it. I wish more people would have shared there liquid diet pre op and post op on their pages.
July 29, 2006 - Tonight I could actually see the weight coming off of my body. Through all of the fat and skin I could see a bone structure. It was amazing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel after all. I am down 20 inches and 20 pounds. All liquids today, no desire to eat food. Yeah
July 30, 2006 - Today I missed my slim fast lunch and was starving by late afternoon. I cheated just a bit. Not much but still was a splurge. I have my niece with me for the next couple of days to give me a hand with some work before my surgery. When I am with her I want to eat. She and I would always hit a buffet or chiense food or just eat junk food non stop. Now that she is with me I find myself wanting to do that. I am really going to have to contain myself for the next three days.
July 31, 2006 - Stress makes me want to eat. I have an extremely stressful job and I am in an extremely stressful relationship. Not that I can blame him for overeating. I do have to take responsiblity for my own actions. I ate a small chicken sandwich tonight and a few french fries. I feel really bloated. I wish the feeling I am feeling right now would be more powerful than the hunger pains. I need many prayers right now.
August 2, 2006 - Well my surgery has been postponed. It was supposed to be August 7th now it is August 8th. Only one extra day, but my concern is the hurricane brewing near the gulf. We are not going to know what direction the hurricane is heading until Sunday or Monday. I hate the uncertainity, it is driving me crazy. With my luck, I will be in the hospital in the middle of a hurricane. I suppose that is the safest place to be. Wish me luck.
August 4, 2006 - Yesterday I had no problem with my liquid diet. I stayed busy with work until 8pm last night. I got a good nights worth of sleep. Today I did fine with the liquids and I ate a meal for supper. Not too much. It is a good thing my surgery was postponed I have 2 closings Monday. Thats money day. Good thing I am there. I will do a little work last minute type things. I have to drink something Monday afternoon in order to flush everything out of me. Monday afternoon the hospital will call to tell me what time to be there. I will take the rest of the week off. I have this huge fear that I will not lose any weight. I am thinking I should have gone the bypass route because I may need more extreme control over the eating. We'll see how this lapband works if I need the bypass in order to control the eating more, then I guess thats what I do. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
August 9, 2006 - Well I've done it. I am on the other side now. Ok so here is a little of what I am feeling right now... PAIN. Lots of pain. My stomach rumbles and it physically hurts me when it does. I came home with these small one ounce cups, this is what I can use to measure my foods in. Do not get too excited for the next two weeks my foods are still only clear liquids. While they were prepping me for the operation, I had a panic attack and tryed to call it of. They gave me something to calm me down pretty quickly. I had to stay in the hospital one night. Not too bad, I just could not sleep. Now I am ready for the weight to drop off and the pain to stop. I know once this is all behind me, I will be very happy I did it. Nine years ago today my father died of a massive heart attack. It was the worst thing I have ever gone through. I kept thinking today is not the day to go through with this. I have enough emotional stuff to go through without having to deal with this too. My dad wanted to see me have WLS long ago. I have been over 300lbs for the past 12+ years. Today is the start of my new life. Today means something else for me from this point forward.
August 10, 2006 - I feel better today than I did yesterday. Still in pain but it is getting easier. I am hungry but jello and a glass of water hit the spot.
August 15, 2006 - The pain is gone. I am feeling better. I am starting to walk to get exercise. I am eating normal foods and feeling full after a small amount. I am still a little swollen from the surgery and it is the week of my period so I am bloated. I am facing reality that I am not going to look in the mirror anytime soon and see a skinny person.
October 18, 2006 - Well it has been two months since I have come to this site. I am currently disappointed with my wieght loss. I just want to wake up one morning and it will all be gone. Well I know it is not that easy. I have bought exercise equipment. I am trying to use it at least three days a week. Work has me so stressed out and I can not focus on anything. I have not been feeling good since the surgery. I am not depressed and I have had a ton of blood work done and everything is fine. But I just do not feel good. I can not describe it. Everyone seems to be excited about the weight loss but me...
November 21, 2006 - I have been through so much. Not only am I struggling to lose weight and dealing with the emotional rollarcoster called WLS, I have recently found out that I have skin cancer. Tomorrow I go in to have the cancer cut out and two other spots biopsy. I still have no health insurance so I will be coming out of pocket with thousands of dollars to pay for this. I am grateful for many things right now. Just keep me in your prayers. Thanks
January 4, 2007 - Well I made it through my first LapBand holidays. It started with the skin cancer... as of right now I am cancer free. I go for a check up next month to make sure it has not returned. Thanksgiving was painful. The turkey got lodged and I had to throw it up. YUK! Christmas came around and I got a fill the week before. I personally took some out because I found it was much easier to eat. I still have managed to loose some weight though. New years I cooked this big bowl of cheese dip. It was yummy but I ate way too much. I need a fill. I feel badly when I feel I have overeaten. Monday is my 5 month anniversary of the surgery. I am down nearly 60 pounds and thats without much exercise. I am just starting to kick up the exercise. I find I am drinking less water. I know that cannot be good. Work is stressful as usual. I sold over 60 units last year and I earn one of the highest awards with my company. I get a lovely award to put next to my desk. My goal for this year is to better organized with work and home and to make more time for my little girl. Last year I went through two major surgeries, skin cancer, 4 major dental surgeries, and every other medical problem under the sun and still managed to have the most successful year in my career to date. My little girl was put on the back burner unfortunately. So this year is more time for her. God bless all
January 27, 2007- This week I went in for another fill. The doctor filled me too much and everything I ate I threw up. It was horrible. I went in yesterday morning and they took some out. I was feeling so bad, but I feel much better now. My doctor said he has some patients that will suffer through a band being too tight just to lose a few extra pounds. I happen to meet one of these women. She had her surgery about a month after me and is about 30 lbs heavier than I was. She had already had 9 fills (I am only at 4). She has lost 80lbs and was going there to complain to the doctor that she is still eating too much. She showed me her "Wendy's" chili cup and said she could eat half and she really only wants to eat a third. She then went on to tell me how she is losing her hair and throwing up all the time. I want to do this the healthy way. I am trying to change my eating habits and lifestyle. I do not want to starve myself, if that was the case I could have saved myself $20K on the surgery. So for everyone that is out there that is doing this, it is not worth it. Your doing more damage to your body than you know.
April 5, 2007 - It has been a while since I have posted. The past two months have been extremely stressful. I skipped my Feb. visit to Dr. Rau and because he took out what he put in in January I only managed to lose 4 pounds. To be honest I am surprised I lost that much. I was eating burgers and fries and chocolate ... I ate three boxes of valentines candy. I was having panic attacks almost daily at one point. I had a panic attack so badly one day I fainted. I was filled on March 28 and I am dealing with how tight the band is. I am eating very little and throwing up at almost every meal. I am trying to drink as much as possible but I am drinking very little, which I know is not good at all. I am down nearly 80 pounds. I still have not began a regular exersize routine. I still feel very tired and drained. I went to another Doctor this week and she is going to have my hormone levels tested. I know something is wrong with me. Eight months after this surgery and I still feel like crap. I have had one doctor say having the two surgerys so close together could cause this. Everything with my blood work looks normal. The only thing that has not been tested is my hormone level. So we'll see how that pans out. I stopped the birth control pills I was on and that seem to stop the panic attacks. I do not want to get pregnant right now. Nothing has changed with me like I thought it would. I am still depressed, sad, stressed out, etc. etc. I look in the mirror every single day and still see a great big fat person. I do not see any changes. Every night I feel my body and find something that just grosses me out. Last night for example, I was lying on my back and I lifted my leg straight up. All of the fat and excess skin rolled down to my upper thigh. How gross!! My boyfriend says that is a sign of the weight loss and I said well I guess I thought it looked better the way it was. I am going to begin therapy this month with my boyfriend. We have a lot of issues to work out and I have a lot of my own to deal with. I am so unhappy with so much in my life. I hate to complain because I have so much to be greatful for. When I start to complain and I see someone bigger than I ever was that cannot afford this surgery or does not have insurance to cover such a cost it makes me sad. Here I was able to borrow the money to have this surgery and I thought losing weight would be the answer to my problems, but it is not. I have to figure out what is wrong with me. I just want to be normal again.
July 17, 2007 - It has been a few months since I have updated. I am down almost 100 pounds. WOW! But why do I feel like I have not lost a single pound. I am feeling much better since my last update. I stopped the birth control pills and had an IUD installed. HEHE The BC pills were causing the panic attacks and anxiety problems I was having. Amazing what those damn pills will do to you. I have some energy now and I am feeling better than before. I am still having issues with work and weither or not I want to remain with this company. Work has me completly stressed right now. I am looking for another job but I keep thinking I will be working much more and if something happens with my little girl I will not be able to rush to her. I am thinking I maybe just need a break from this job take a deep breath and come back to it with a clear head. I am still having issues at home too. Between work and home it is making it hard to focus on weight loss. I want to focus on losing weight and pay off my remaining debt so I can have my plastic surgery in December. I guess it is hopeless of me to think I would have a stressfree life. I thought losing weight would be the answer to my problems but it has not been.
April 11, 2009 - Wow I can't believe I have not been on here in nearly 2 years. My life has changed plenty during that time. I left that company that was causing my so much stress. I never got to have my plastic surgery in December 2007 as I planned. Now that has been put on the back shelf for a few years. I bought a business and had to close it. It was my way to get out of that other company. It in the middle of that company failing I began another company doing what I was doing with the company that was causing me so much stress. I am much, much happier now with my work. We bought a house a year ago and now my daughter is not as sick as she use to be. 2008 was a very rough year for me even though many good things came out of it (my successful business that causes me very little stress, my daughter staying healthy, and my new house). I left that other company in December 2007, I began my new comapny January 2008, and I had to close the company I bought in August 2007 down in June 2008. And on top of it all my mother in law broke her back twice in 2008 and has been in pain and bedridden for nearly a year now. The woman who has hated me for the past 8 years (mainly because I was FAT) was now in need of my help. I have been helping to take care of her and my father in law, along with my husbands sister. Were you able to keep up. Financially stressful as well. I don't mind the struggle. I feel a little stronger coming out of it. I went into a very deep depression during that 13 month period and never went back to have my band adjusted. I am in counseling now and on antidepressants (Wellbutran 300 mg daily). I gained about 33 lbs back. I feel like it has been a hugh set back for me. I got hooked on sugar drinks, sweet teas, coke, juice, etc. And I pigged out on ice cream, candy, and dessert it seems all day every day. So I guess it was expected to happen. In January 2009, I went back to Dr Rau to try to get back on track. My mother in law offered to pay for all my adjustments.... how sweet huh?? They removed all of the fluid from my band and since then have slowly put most back in. I have not been able to get back on track with the weight loss since January. At my last appointment this week, my doctor, after running some test to make sure everything was working the way it was supposed to, advised me to start following the Adkins Diet. Basically he wants me to keep my carbs to 20grams or less a day and the band will do the rest. All I am basically eating are Carbs and Sugar. So here I am on day 3 of 20 grams of carbs or less. Day one wasn't so bad. Day two I went to the movies and ate a little two much popcorn. I saved my carbs for the day for the popcorn. I may have had 22 or 23 grams. Still not too bad, considering I am use to consuming at least 200 grams or more of carbs daily. Now day three so far I have only had 10 grams of carbs. For supper I am probally going to have 5 to 7 grams more. That is pretty good. My daughter is now taking up the no sugar life with me well for her it is more like lower amounts of sugar. She has always been an extremely healthy child, she is the only kid in the world that would take a salad over a happy meal at McDonalds and actually begs me to exersize with her. She is using portion control, drinking zero sprite, eating her fruits and yogurt before candy. Once again she has always been healthy, my only concern has been her love of all things candy. So she is tweaking her already simi healthy eating habits. I can't ask for more, she is only 6 y.o. My relationship is still very stressful, but I suppose what relationship isn't. It has been difficult for me to allow him to step into the drivers seat and take care of me. Other than that we are still butting heads at every small thing in life that pops up. I have to admit some of them I pick for it myself. We are planning a summer vacation May 27 - June 2 to San Antonio. I would liket to lose that 33lbs I gain back by then. I have lost 13 since January 8 lbs in the past 3 days. I was up to 298 and now I am at 285. I was down to 265, that was my lowest. I began at 366. So I am hoping to lose some before San Antonio and even more before we go back to Disney World in December 2009. My goal is to finish losing more weight and eventually reach my goal of 179 lbs. Why 179, well because I will be considered overweight and not obese. That has always been my goal. I am ok with being overweight, its the word obese or morbidly obese I have issues with. I promise to keep everyone posted on my progress more often.
April 18, 2009 - Realized today some of the foods that I have been eating the past week and a half are not carb free. Not that I have eaten much of them. I bought these sugar free hard cards a while back. Well I had a few and if I needed something sweet lately I would eat one or two. Well I went to buy another bag and I look at the back only to find out that three pieces of the hard candy is 14 Carbs. Sweet Baby Jesus!! Needless to say those stayed on the self. For nearly two weeks now I have been sticking to my 20 or less grams of carbs. There are some days I probally went to 30 grams without knowing. I am trying not to beat myself up too badly. I figure at least it is not 200 or more carbs as it would have been pre surgery. Since Jan 09 I am down 17lbs, most of that being the past two weeks. In the past two weeks I have gone from 293 to 281lbs. So I am getting closer to my goal of being back at 265 before I go back to the doctor around the first week of May, only 16lbs to go. I am trying to educate myself more about what I am putting into my body. I know 2008 was a really really rough year for me and that I should be thankful that I did not gain more than what I did. I just keep feeling that I have lost so much time. That I could be at my goal by now. I am trying to be positive about it and not see it as a setback. I have 102lbs to go.
June 14, 2009 - Well I wanted to post something more to keep everyone update on my goals. I have been very much sticking to my low carb. Monday thru Friday almost religiously and I take a break on Saturday and Sunday. I just don't count them in my head but I am conscience about what I put in my mouth. I'm staying away from the sugar and sugar drinks. Not as hard as I thought it to be. When we went on vaccation I took a break from it all and ate whatever in the heck I wanted. When I got back home I went back to low carb and NO SUGAR. I went horrible withdrawals and really bad headaches. It lasted about 3 or 4 days. I did not gain any weight which was a surprise to me. But I suppose the band worked it's magic because even though I was eating what I wanted I still wasn't eating much. I had really good restriction. I didn't lose but I didn't gain. Since we have come back I have had no problems getting back into the swing of things. I've dropped 10lbs since we returned. I am getting back into exersize. I have found a new love of exersize. I found I love to get on my stationary bike and read a book. The time passes soooo quickly. I've been reading the twilight saga. I am on Breaking Dawn. I find myself so into the books that I will just sit on the bike forever it seems riding. I'll ride sometimes over well over an hour. I only realize that I've been riding too long because my BUTT really begins hurting. lol Since my daughter has been out of school I haven't been able to walk like I was when she was in school, but I am still getting the walking in at least 2 to 3 times a week with bike riding all the other days. My body is starting to take on another shape I find. It's exciting I have to admit. I noticed today my legs are so much smaller than they use to be. I uploaded some pictures of me today. I am at 263lbs today. My next small goal is 250lbs. So once I reach that goal I'll take another picture. I look at those old pictures and it blows my mind because it just doesn't look like me. Thanks to my family for all their support.
