Less than a month and I will have been reborn 2 years ago...

Sep 11, 2010

I am just going to do a quick post.... but it is now Sept 11 2010.... I just hit my goal capris!!! SIZE 1... Lots of other changes, nate and I are now di vorced.. at the time of the surgery I was addicted to opiates and everything I said or thought was to get what I wanted... Not realizing that I was manipulating and just acting like a  big jerk! I didn't get help until July of 2009, and I wasn't done... Still searching for the next thing that I could emotionally embrace... I didn't get to eat the way I used to... But I still felt almost 300 pounds until the last time I went to drug and alcohol treatment in January 16th 2010... As I walked up to the door of the rehab I grabbed the doorknob and said whoever you are... I surrender!
That is what you have to do with any addiction in your life.. I have been drinking since I was 9 years old... trying to conseal feelings of inadequatecy that I had for being FAT and UGLY.. Ever felt that way.... I had to realize that I needed to start feeling... coming with addiction is the feeling of emptyness.... I am dedicated to eating foods I like now... and learning how to taste for the first time in my life... I don't eat anymore than I was eating in the first few months.... I dont get dumping syndrome ( I feel for you if you do... but this is a tool) Your hard work and dedication to rethinking the way we live and how what we had been doing wasn't working and got us there... I would love to be a a coach for people like us.... I have had the tummy tuck and got my belly button pierced and 4 new tattos this year... they all have a significance in my life... But gastric bypass didnt save me... I saved me several times over by learning that addiction is addiction... food, sexy drugs, rock n roll....whatever... it is what you do with the tools that get put in your life is how you are going to become that safe, secure, and confident person that you are trying to get out when you develop your life with your addictions.... Let me know if you want any support! Day or night! It isn't an easy road... I am just sassy I have to get it all out at once... ARE YOU SASSY?

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