NEECEY

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Tues. Dec 7, 2010
195 lbs
Wow! I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged in last.  I am a Biker Now and I am on my 3rd new motorcycle.  The latest is a 2009 650R Ninja (Red).  I am in a M.C. club and having a ball.

I plateaued  few years ago and in 5 years I have gained 10 or 12 lbs. Not bad, considering I used to gain that much in a month. I feel great, look great and all is well. 

I still am struggling with the liquids. I slacked up off my vitamins but now I am back on them again.

Hey, I passed the Safety Course and have my Motorcycle class license!  The course was intense for 3 days (24 hours total),  Making slow speed figure 8s within a small box area, was a mother@#####!  I dropped the bike once while practicing it.  It was one of the skills you had to pass in order to pass the course.   I tried it about 3 or 4 times and still had trouble doing it without touching the ground with my foot.....  When it was time for the skills test.....drum roll please........ I did it perfectly.  Whew....... the rest was a piece of cake.  The instructor told me slow down on one of the skills test and make sure I keep my legs closed....LOL   That is the first time a man ever told me to keep my legs closed...FOTFLOL.....  You have to keep your legs closed tight around the tank for more control of the bike...  I felt the need for speed or to get things over with....

I bought my bike yesterday.  A brand new 2007 Honda Rebel, wine colored and I added a safety crash bar just in case.  I found out when you drop your bike how heavy they are and they can pin your leg under them.  I had to have help to get the bike off of my leg.  I wasn't hurt because I was only going 2 or  3 miles an hour doing the figure 8.  With the crash bar the bike can't pin my leg under it if it tilts over and it protects the engine from damage and scratches.   I am ready to roll out now!!!  kinda....  I need to practice a little more before I go out into traffic.  I can't wait to break my "cherry" on a ride with my club.  They are a great group of guys, so they are going to help me and give me more guidance and safety tips.

187lb size 12....still

Guess what?  I got my motorcycle permit this morning.... Yeah!  I joined a motorcycle club and they accepted me as a probate.  I will be the first lady to join their M.C. Club in the Mid-West Chapter.  In fact, they have chosen my club  name.   "First Lady".  Not very creative but it works.  I had a few friends come up with some names.  They were- Sapphire, Black Widow, Honey B, Goddess, Vixen, Calypso, Sweet Cherry and Queen Bee.

I was favoring Goddess and Queen Bee,  ha ha ha ..... but I have accepted the club's name of First Lady.  "Always the Lady First" has been my motto since my mom drilled it into my head since birth.   LOL

A couple of weeks ago I visited a leather shop for bikers and bought a leather boostier. type riding vest.  Talk about sexy..... at least I think so anyway.  It is a riders only club, so l have to purchase a bike within 6 months of  joining.  I plan on having the bike by next weekend.  I am also trying to get a spot in the IL motorcycle safety class,  It is free in the State of IL, but in MO it cost $400.00.

The President of the club is a 29 year old HOTTIE! OMG they didn't make'em that fine when I was 29...ha ha ha ha....Hmmmph hmmmph hmmmph.  They would like me to fill one of the officer positions- Secretary of course.   They don't like to type and keep minutes .  I am Stoked! 

Holding still 187lbs size 12

Happy Cinco De Mayo!!!

It has been a while since I last updated.  I know, bad girl.  Not much to add except that I have GAS!  OMG.  Does anyone else have this issue?  Probably.  I am so airy it is a shame.  I have to "Poot" it seems every 5 minutes..... ha ha ha ha.

I renewed my gym membership and have yet to go.  "Bad" girl... I know.  I went out dancing Sat. night with an old friend and on Sunday, I was shut down....... Talk about stiff.  It could be my age, but it is more than likely that I have not been working out.  I do get some exercise in like gardening and yard work, I have a rental house that I have been fixing up for my tenants, doing some carpentry work at my home and at my moms.

I am almost 3 years out....Yeah.  I have not lost any more weight in 2 years, but I have not gained any outside of water weight from my mensus.

I like being a size 12, I am thick but not really FAT.  I need to work on my tummy, although a tummy tuck would help out.   I know I probably will never have a flat tummy, but I can accept that.  Any thing is better that 330lbs of FAT on my short frame.  I still get lots of compliments.... awwwhh.

I am still watching what I eat, although from time to time I will have a fast food burger if I am in a hurry and hungry and there is nothing else around.  I don't eat the whole bun just 1/4 of it. Fast food still tastes like crap to me, so that is a good thing. 

I snack and I know that is bad.  I usually snack on grapes, bananas, cheese, baked cheetos or tortilla chips,  BBQ sunflower seeds, or my favorite Flax Seed cookies by Voortmans.  Hmmm....maybe that is why I am so gassy.....  I get in quite a bit of fiber so I don't have any problems "pooping".  Ok, well I do treat myself to sugar free chocolate turtles.....mmmmmm.  Lets not forget the Sugar Free Ice Cream by Edys.  I have experimented with the SF brands of ice cream and have found that Edys is creamer and tastes better than the other brands that I have tried including Blue Bunny.

I eat ground turkey burgers, baked chicken, grilled chicken, turkey bacon from Whole Foods, salads, soups, protein mac and cheese from Whole Foods, etc.....  I still don't drink water.. Yeah I know, but I just can't stand it.  I didn't drink much water before the surgery and I drink even less now.  I mainly drink Propel, Gatorade G2, Crystal Lite, and milk.   I don't pay that much attention to my Protein intake like I used to.  I am sure I am still getting in all in but now it is just a routine habit.

I get my blood work done 2 times a year just to see if I am deficient in any vitamins.  The last time I went, my iron was back up to normal levels thanks to Vitron-C iron supplements.  It has Vitamin C in it which helps the absorbing the iron properly.   I am still struggling to get my Zinc level back up with liquid Zinc.  The thing I hate about Zinc is that you can't take it on an empty or almost empty stomach.  OMG!!!!!   It is so painful having the stomach cramps from Zinc.  Zinc dumping shuts me down.  It makes me soar for hours!!!!  I have less problems with liquid Zinc than with the pills.  The pills are too hard to digest and they make my tummy hurt really bad.

If you were keeping up with my love life with Creeo, well I ENDED it for good for the 3rd or 4th or 5th Final Time......I can't keep track.  ha ha ha ha .... This time for sure.  I have not seen or spoken with him since November 5, 2007.  I am standing my ground this time.

 

 

182lbs......still.  I need to get back on my exercise routine.  I want to lose
another 10 or 15 pounds.  My mom and few others feel I shouldn't, but I need to see for myself.  I couldn't really do anything strenuous since the arm and breast surgery anyway.

Hello and happy Memorial day (belated) to everyone.  I bought a brand new 21 speed bicycle......1 year and 5 months ago....ha ha ha ha.  I finally rode it this weekend in the park with Creeo.  He has been riding my bike for the longest since I was being lazy about riding.  Well, I guess he got tired of me saying, "One day, before it gets cold, I will ride the bike"...... "One day, when it is not so hot outside, I will ride the bike."...  "Oh, if I had someone to ride with, I will ride the bike".....ha ha ha.....  So he put the bike rack on the car and loaded our bikes and said "We are going bike riding in the park today, lets go..." ha ha ha   Well!   So, I went bike riding in the park on Memorial Day.  It was a beautiful day, not too hot at all and there was a nice breeze from the trees etc....  I could almost keep up with him but he is , of course,  in better physical shape than I am and  he weight lifts and exercises everyday. He was sweet and slowed down his pace for me.  I was glad that we went, because it was a good work out and I felt better and slept better last night too.  Hey....I have led a sedentary lifestyle for so long, it is  easy to fall back into that rut....   Thanks for the push Babe....

Oh yeah, I went to the store to by a bra for my new boobs a little while ago.   Since I didn't know what size to get, I tried on a variety of sizes from D to C cups.  Drum roll please......38C is a perfect fit now.  Before 46DD and After 38C cup size.  Not too bad.  I think I was a 38C in the 8th grade.... ha ha ha ha.  I have turned a loose those garments that hid my arms, chest and behind.  I have been wearing spaghetti strap blouses for the first time in my life and a strapless bra.  
                        
Guess what?  An 80 year old man tried to "pick me up" in the grocery store.....hilarious... He said, "You shole is purty..... What yo name is?   Umph you lookin good to me woman.  Whatcho sign is?"  HA HA HA HA..... I was so tickled that I told him my real name and my sign.....ha ha ha ha ..  My mom said that  man was so old he couldn't see how to "pee off of his feet"....ha ha ha ha.  I am so sexy.....whew....Next week, I think I will visit the nursing home and find me a "sugar grandpa".... ha ha ha.

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                   This was also the weekend of Creeo's son's birthday.   He would have been 20 years old on Sunday, Sept. 2.  (He was gunned down at 17 years old coming out of the store by some boys that had been drinking and did not like him trying to become a rap star.)  He got through the weekend ok, although it was tough for him.

 

 

181.5lbs size 12 pants
 
On Monday, August 13th I had my breast reduction surgery.  It went off without a "hitch".  The doctor told me he made them "high and tight"...  ha ha ha ha ....  Well, I have never looked in the mirror and saw my own nipples staring back at me before.....ha ha ha  My original size pre WLS was 46DD.  After WLS my size was a droopy 38DD.  After breast reduction to remove the excess skin, I will probably be in a C cup.  I won't know until I take off the binder sport bra that I am supposed to wear for a couple of weeks.   The swelling has gone down some and the itching has started.    I feel so flat chested.  I am going to have to get used to smaller boobs.  Now, when I look down, I see my belly flap.   (Got to work on that now.)  I may need a tummy tuck after all.

This has been an expensive journey, but well worth the money.  Losing an excessive amount of weight does leave behind remnants of your past body, such as excess skin hanging everywhere, turkey neck, wrinkly thighs, belly flap, saggy booty, droopy boobs etc.....  These cause problems also, like rashes under your boobs, between your legs, and under your belly.  These rashes can become irritable sores and they can smell bad if you don't wash under them properly and keep the skin dry.   Guess what? Body image problems begin again because you want to be able to see your new body underneath the loose flabby skin and you become embarrassed about letting people see the new you.  In short, be prepared for additional surgery over time.  The older you are, the looser the skin.

An interesting development occurred.  The day after my surgery, the insurance company approved of my breast reduction.  I thanked God that the doctor did the procedure for free, so I told the doctor to charge the surgery to my insurance and let some other deserving and financially needy patient be his charity case.   I am blessed and now some other person can be blessed too.

In my previous post, I was talking smack about Creeo not being dependable to be there for me with this surgery, but I got egg in my face.   He actually insisted on coming with us this time to the surgery center and took care of household chores, plus drove me around everywhere I needed to go while I was off work.....  Yeah...  I did not ask him or bring up the subject of him coming with me for support either.  OK, he is still skweemish and still have not looked at my new breasts underneath the binder yet.  He says that the new size looks good to him (with my clothes on)...ha ha ha ha .  I don't think he will be ready to actually look at them until the stitches begin to heal.  He was elated when the drainage bags came off the next day after surgery. 

182lbs and holding....

My breast surgery is scheduled for Monday, Aug 13, 2007.  I am asking the doctor to lift them up and firm them up and not make them too small.  I love my big breast and they have been with me since I was 12..... ha ha ha.   A D cup is as low as I am willing to go from a 38DD.   I will be taking a 1 week vacation from work, even though they tell me that 3 days is sufficient.

 Next week will be super stressful for me.  The weather is in the 100's degrees temps.  My mom will be out of town on business with my brother, so my dad will take me to and from my procedure.  Creeo, is not dependable and wouldn't go to a medical facility unless forced to by circumstances beyond his control.  My dad will have to leave to go feed his animals on his farm after we get back.  I really just want to use next week as "Me Time".  I don't want company, especially Creeo, while I am off.  I just want to use the time to chill and relax and take care of myself.  I need a "Mental Health Break". 

Happy Birthday to me.... Happy Birthday to me....   Actually, it was yesterday, Aug. 5., but I was busy..... I am not ashamed to say that I am 18 years old with 23 years experience....ha ha ha ha ha   My family and I had dinner at a chinese restaurant buffet.  Everything looked sooo good...mmmm, but I couldn't eat much....duh.  I got full before I could sample the various dishes...... oh well, I ain't mad about that.


                                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                         
                                                                                                                          

Creeo bought me a new all-in-one printer,scanner,fax,copier machine and paid for me to get my hair braided....aaawww..... He has been really sweet as of late, but I still have my eye's open for hy-jinks.    My niece gave me a little purse with body wash in it.....thanks sweetie.  (Even though we make body wash at my job and I have a closet full of all kinds of body wash, it is the thought that counts...... ha ha ha ha )  Last year at my 40th birthday bash, I raked in $600.00 cash and some nice gifts.   I love my presents this year the best because my 2 favorite loved ones gave of themselves from the heart.   Kisses....

 

 

182 lbs....still holding

Well, I have great news!  On my way home from work yesterday, the plastic surgeon's office called.  Dr. Hart has chosen me to be his annual charity case for breast reduction surgery!  His assistant said that he really liked my personality and he liked that I was a good sport when the insurance company put me through hoops at the last minute.   Yeah!!  God has blessed me "one-mo-gin"..... that's country slang for "God has blessed me once again!!!"  I could have done cartwheels on the highway in the rain!   FREE BREAST SURGERY!!!!  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you GOD for this blessing.... 
                                                                                                                                                                                                    

               

                                                                                                                                               

I don't really have anything news worthy to report, but I just wanted to mention that after this weight loss, I still have some mental blocks that I need to get over.

After all that I have gone through I still find myself:
-   Covering my arms.  I had arm lift surgery and still wearing jackets and knit sweaters and shawls.

-  Covering my behind.  I still find myself buying long blouses that cover my behind.

-  Venturing into the Plus Size section of the store. Why is this still my comfort zone even when I can't wear anything in that dept. anymore?

-  Wondering whether I could jog to the corner without falling or running out of breath.  I still have not tried to do this even though I keep wondering more and more.  I guess I keep remembering when I was laughing and horsing around with my friends and I tried to run from them and fell down really hard and hurt myself.  Geesh....That day I realized that I really was too big to be trying to run and have fun.  On that day, in my mind, I was not overweight.  I was just having fun and not thinking about hinderances like not being able to run.  I saw myself getting away and making the "great escape".....then.....crash and burn!   Whew......I got a reality check that day.  So now, I am "gun-shy" about running even though I would like to try it.  I won't even run on the treadmill at the gym. 

- Wondering how is it possible that attractive men find me attractive.  I felt like this even when I was 300 lbs.  I had many attractive boyfriends when I was 300lbs, yet I still wondered why they wanted to be with me.  My ego told me that I was a diva at 300lbs so why not, but at the same time, not so deep down I still wondered.  Like, whats the joke.  Why are you with me.... really..    When Creeo and I were in our mid-twenties, women would follow him around like lost puppy dogs.  They gave him things, let him do whatever he wanted.    He had those blue-gray eyes and that curly hair with the long tail in the back.  He was so hot.  His smile was perfect and his eyes twinkled....hmmph hmmph hmmmph....  He had a crush on my fat behind.....why, I don't know.  I thought it was because I mostly ignored him.....the truth be told, I had a crush on his brother.  (unfortunately, he doesn't smile much anymore since his son was killed 2 years ago.)

-  Getting offended when someone makes a comment about themselves being overweight. Ok, everyone has body issues, but some people have no clue about being truly overweight.  Its more than having a little tummy poking out, it is also mental. It still burns me up when someone who is a size 7 says, "ooh I am getting too fat, people are going to start calling me Porky behind my back"   ......What does that supposed to mean?  Were people calling me Porky behind my back?  Who are they and I will kick their little stank behinds.




Today is the 2nd anniversary of Creeo's son being murdered.  Last night was really sad for him. He was apologizing for things and assuring me of his feelings for me etc...I kept thinking, "do I need to do a suicide watch on him tonight or tomorrow?" Today, will probably be worse.  I hope I am wrong and he is able to keep it together. He asked me to be with him today after work.  I don't feel like being sad today.....I am sorry if that sounds horrible, but he has been sad every other day since we got back together a year ago.  I have already grieved with him.  Today, from my point of view, will be no different than yesterday, last week, last month or even last year.  I will be there for him today just like yesterday, last week, last month and last year.  I just can't live under this black cloud day after day after day......I need sunshine and fresh air all of the time... He doesn't feel he deserves sunlight and fresh air anymore.  Last night I went to bed snacking......When I was 300lbs, I never snacked at stressful situations, so why have I picked this time to do it?  Yeah, he is stressing me out....I told him so by the way.  Yes, I did get him to talk to a professional about his depression.....My previous posts will tell you how that went...not good.  NO, I refuse to allow his personal situation to sabotage my personal weight loss.