The Larger Circle

May 18, 2012

As much as the final decision to have surgery to disrupt food addiction rests with an obese person, for many there is a circle comprising family and friends that is involved in the discussion. In this chatter, several questions are raised and answered. For example, the answer may be conclusive that the battle against weight gain has been lost and only a drastic, surgical solution is required. There may not be consensus in one's circle about that and even the patient may have doubts, but by the time you're in the operating room and about to undergo voluntarily this restructuring of your digestive system, you've pretty much come to terms with your decision. In the two weeks post-op, as you're sucking down protein shakes for your very survival and battling GERD, you may question your decision, wondering what on earth you did to yourself. As the months roll on and the incisions heal, the GERD resolves and, most-importantly the weight falls miraculously off, you may wonder why you left it this long to get your life back.

Some pre-op questions are left unanswered and indeed are impossible to answer. Will all this weight really come off? What will life be like when it happens? How long will it take?

All the while, there is the circle to which the weight-loss surgery (WLS) recipient feels he owes answers and explanations. In the case where the cost of the surgery was picked up by someone in that circle, there is almost a guilt-driven obsession to vindicate the decision to have WLS. Understandably. But what of the others, like those who are genuinely concerned? What of the cynics, the cheerleaders, the jealous, the curious observers and the followers, all of whom might be looking for inspiration and answers their own questions, or waiting for you to fail? In the furthest recesses of your mind you can't help but feel that you owe everyone a steady update on your progress.

My immediate circle comprises my wife and she was the only person to whom I felt I owed answers. Because we live far away from our relatives, our larger circle in the Pacific Northwest of America is a group of close friends who have been nothing short of supportive. Beyond that, family and friends interact with us through the odd visit but consistently electronically and through social media. The encouragement that I have found through them has been astonishing. If the naysayers exist, they have remained refreshingly quiet. A few of my fellow WLS alumni have not been as fortunate and have endured jealousy and criticism quite unbecoming of civilized society. I hope that it makes them stronger, and that they realise that they control who remains in their circles. Life is tough enough as it is so they should surround themselves with people who make it bearable.

Along my journey that has been almost two years in the making since my first discussion with a surgeon, but 17 months since surgery, I have shared honestly my experience with my extended circle. Most of it has been positive as expected. I also wrote of the pitfalls and frustrations. Despite noble pretensions of wanting to be a role model and inspiration, a latent vanity exists. It may be a defense mechanism against a failed career (I was high school valedictorian, have an Ivy League pedigree, but now work part-time hours for minimum wage in an exploitative call centre whose employment practices are nothing short of a glorified sweat shop), an effort to show that I'm still good at something--writing, if nothing else. In the end, there's a niggling need to explain, justify and vindicate myself to everyone for a decision that was mine to make in the first place.

Hot on the heels of that morbid declaration, I find a positive. Somewhere, somehow, after a lull in motivation mostly influenced by our dreadful Winter, I have started earnestly in the gym again. My initial 13-week program last August produced fantastic results during which I gained muscle mass but lost an overall 22 lb (10 kg), then nothing. During an especially refreshing 9-night vacation in Miami, I threw caution to the wind, ate junk food, wolfed down chocolate and slurped decadent ice cream. I gained 10 lb.

At the start of this week, I found as expected that I would not be as strong as I was last year. Funny that even in Miami during an upper body weight session at the hotel, I was able to lift heavier than I could this past week. It's amazing how quickly the body loses its fitness and strength. Then again, I'm just happy that, since my WLS, I have progressed to the point where just a few sessions in the gym can bring me back to the point where I can set goals again. I saw out my sixth session this week with a bike ride this morning. It was a roller-coaster week at the beginning of which I was nowhere near my maximum training weights from last year, then ended with a lower body session where I could have lifted heavier than ever. I restrained myself to avoid injury but am eying setting some new levels next week. Even as I contemplate that, I'm making longer term plans. Come August and in time for our next onslaught of wet weather, when my membership expires at my current gym which has a swimming pool, I'm thinking of joining one across the road from me which has squash courts. I'll drop in at the pool now-and-again when my knees get shot from the squash and I want that unique cardio lung-burn from swimming.

0 Comments