Feelings of excitement and anxiety

Aug 19, 2011

There's so much to do! I can't believe that in 17 days I will be getting ready to wake up for my surgery date. I have lived basically my entire life fat. I have no idea how I will live my life as a "normal" sized person. And I'm starting to feel very overwhelmed (again) by the idea. I know there will be pain and lots of it. I know I will be scared and emotional. But I'm so excited. I dream about my new life. How odd is that?

I'm not (yet) mourning my old life but I know I will. I will mourn for the big holiday dinners and cakes that I will no longer be able to gorge myself in. I know I will be able to eat these things again in the future but not as much. I wonder how I will ever be able to cope with all that life brings me without McDonald's. So bizarre how my life has been filled with feeding my face to hide my emotions.

I also am so scared as to how this surgery will affect my marriage. My husband and I are good and he's very supportive. But people change as I have experienced far too often in my life. And when someone is no longer the center of attention they start to get weird. But I have to learn to take care of myself. How will I balance that and my marriage?

Life will never be the same after September 6. I'm choosing life over all my food addictions and emotional baggage. So it's time to find new coping skills (like blogging). Ugh change is not easy even when you're extremely excited about what it will bring to your life.

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