Nichole J.

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Wow, I can't believe it's been 7 years since that horrible day. My thoughts are with all the victims of the attacks, all their loved ones, and those who are fighting for our country.

I'm dealing with my own terror today. My 2 year old son, while I was on the crapper, threw the remote at our flat screen LCD TV this morning. It's completely F'd! When it's off, it looks the same as usual, but when it's on it looks shattered and the rest of the picture is black.
The TV would be 2 years old on my birthday, Oct. 7Th. Rest in peace, my beloved 42" Samsung, rest in peace.

The last couple months I have been down in the dumps. I've cried or at least wanted to every day in dealing with my children as a stay-at-home mom, AKA slave. My hubby and I talked and we decided it's time for me to go back to work and put their ornery butts in day-care. It's been 2 years in July that I've stayed home with them and I feel I've probably done worse raising them than daycare would have. So I'm on the search of a day-care provider and a job. I plan on, if possible, starting work in a month. My surgery is Monday, and that should give me enough time to prepare for working away from home again. There's an oil boom going on here, so there's ample opportunities out there for me. I could go work at the bank again, where I worked for 5 years until staying home with the kids, but I figure: been there, done that. It's the perfect time to try something new and possibly make dam good money, too.

Well, I remembered to take my pre-op measurements today. Only today and tomorrow left of eating before I start the good old liquid diet. I've been eating less, so it shouldn't be too hard. I'm so excited to start my new lifestyle. I'm excited to be a LOSER! See you all on the flip side! I'm out,
~Nichole

Hey all in OH land!

I'm only 6 days from my surgery! I feel like I have so much to do around the house before we leave for Bismarck on Sunday. I made a list of things I don't want to forget to do before we leave. I hope I get them all done. Yuck!

Bismarck is almost 3 hours from where we live, plus we're going to meet my sister in Jamestown so she can take the kids, which is at least another hour. I have to be back to Bismarck near a toilet by 5:00 so I can take my bowel prep. I have to check in at the hospital at midnight, which seems weird to me, but I'm first in line! I feel bad for Darren that he'll be sitting in the waiting room that long. Poor guy! I'll be off in la la land and won't know the difference.

Well, it's a beautiful morning here, so I'm going to get the kids ready and walk up town to check the mail. I might post again before I leave on Sunday, but if not, I'll see you on the other side!! Good luck with your upcoming surgeries, Carrie and Jenny! Carrie and I are on the same day and Jenny's lap-band surgery is the day after. I can't wait to see you girls!
Adios,
~*Nichole J*~

Hey all,

Well, my big day is only 2 weeks away! I'm so ready. I've been doing good with my 1500 cal/day diet and have stepped up my exercise. Last week I walked 2 days and I swam laps 2 other days. Yesterday (Labor Day), my hubby and I started programs on the treadmill. He's ready to change his lifestyle with me. He's going to diet and exercise with me, which is what I need from him. It's going to help me so much if the whole family starts eating healthier.

I think my days are numbered of walking up town, since the weather's already starting to change here in ND. So, I think I'll be doing the treadmill at least 5 days a week. My swimming is doing wonders for my arms. I've been trying to pre-shrink them as much as possible. I really want sexy, buff arms after all this, even more that any other part of my body. I guess I'm used to covering everything else up, so if that's all still saggy, I'll just dress the same as usual. I never wear shorts, so it would be cool if my "after body" allows me to have some confidence in my legs. Christ, they're awful! I don't know why they're so bad, I walk year-round! Oh well, only time will tell what the real me looks like under all this extra crap. I sure hope I like what I'm left with. 

It's rainy today, yay! I'm trying to grow some honkin' pumpkins, so I love the moisture.  I only have 2 big ones right now, bummer. Last year was awesome, I had 32 good sized pumpkins. I donated a lot of them to my daughter's pre-school. This year it frosted, which killed a few plants and it hailed, which beat up a few more, plus everything is behind from the weather. I hope next year is a better pumpkin season. Well, I'll quit going on about pumpkins and get my butt on the treadmill. Take care all who read this. Thanks to all my friends who send the encouraging e-mails. Good luck with your upcoming surgeries, Jules and Andrea!! 
Toodles, 
Nichole 

Hey There,
Well, I had my pre-op yesterday and everything went fine. It all went faster than I thought it would. I think I weighed the same as at my consult.
I'll hear tomorrow if there's any concerns with the tests they did.
The meeting with the nutritionist kinda drug on and almost put me to sleep, but it was cool though, because I got to meet one of my OH friends there and made a new one. We all got put on a 1500 cal/day diet. Good luck with it girls! Today is going good so far. I've been a good girl eating and went for a walk this morning. 

The World of Outlaws race was great Sunday night! I love the dirt track races almost more that Nascar. It's so much fun! I love the smells and the dirt flies so it feels like it's snowing on you. I love how loud it is and how they slide around the track. Good times. It was different this year since I wasn't chuggin' beers like the last 2 years we've gone. I guess I'll have to get used to that with my lifestyle change. Sometimes I wish the saying was true, to be fat and happy. If I could enjoy eating, drinking, getting fat & drunk, I think I would. But I do really want to be thin and love myself, which is why I chose to go for RNY. I will keep my eye on the prize and try to not get side-tracked with old, bad habits. Wish me luck! 

Well, the kids are napping, so I'm going to watch last night's Saving Grace, then head out to the camper to play some Rock Band. Take care everyone!!
~*Nichole*~
  

Hola,

I just got done playing a few songs on RockBand. I had the damndest time passing Green Grass and High Tides, whoa that's a tough one on Medium drums!

 Well, camping went so-so. It was pretty up there, but it rained more than half the time we were there. The nights were nice enough for bon-fires, tho. We stayed up there 5 nights and the best night sleep I had was in the tent. My in-laws camped with us one night and they brought Darren's bro's 3 kids with, so we old-schooled it and slept out in our tent. We only slept so good because we were out where the kids couldn't wake us.

The kids' birthday party went well. I tried not to stress as much this year and it really helped in enjoying the company. There was about 20 people here at our house, 10 being kids. I know now I couldn't handle running a daycare, oof! That night I went to the bar with my sister for one drink, which turned into about 5 hours. Woopsie! We had fun, but I felt really bad that we left Darren home with the kids. He wasn't completely happy with me, which sucked because Sunday was our 6th Anniversary. We didn't do much, just hung out and rented a couple movies.

This week-end should be fun. Saturday Kylee turns 5, Sunday we go to the World of Outlaws race in Minot, then Monday I have my pre-op in Bismarck.
Darren was supposed to be flying out to Vegas tomorrow for work, but got too busy here to go. I'm kinda relieved he's not going, I hate it when he's gone.

Well, I better go. I promised the kids a golf cart ride after nap time. So here we go!! I hope everyone is doing well :) Take care, 
~*Nichole*~ 

Well, um, guess who weighs more now than 2 months ago? I wish it wasn't me. I think my body hates me, the scale's out to get me, too. It's only 1/2 a pound, but it still ticks me off. My pre-op is on the 18th and I damn well weigh a little less than I do now. I'm so frustrated with myself. I exercize, but the eating problem is still there. I can't wait until my surgery! With the powers of exercize and eating less combined, My body's gonna rock! I'm pumped!!

Well, whenever Darren can get off work today, we're taking off with the camper. We're heading up to Lake Metigoshe here in ND, clear up at the Canadian border. We plan on staying up there for 5 or 6 nights. It should be a good time. I'm totally going to have RockBand withdrawals, though. That is so much fun! Go buy it if you don't already have it! I can't wait for RockBand 2, even though I haven't done all the songs from the first one. I mostly drum or sing, but I like playing bass also. I love it when I show Darren up, since he thinks he's drummer extraordinare. tee hee. It's not the best game for the kids, so we set it up in the camper and play out there after putting them to bed. Fun, fun.

When we get back from camping, we're having a birthday party for the kids. Their birthdays are within a month of each other, so we're going to save everyone a trip by having them together. I think we're doing a Spongebob party, since they both like it. Last year Morgan's was John Deere and Kylee's was Cars. I can't believe Kylee's almost 5 already! Holy smoke, where do the years go? I know it's only going to go faster once they're in school! Yikes.

I've been comtemplating going back to work lately. There are so many new businesses coming to town anymore with the oil boom we're having here in our little town of Stanley. CNN was here this week. They're doing stories about our economy and the boom. Check it out when it's on CNN.com! But back to the work subject, I would love to go back to work, but we decided it's in the kids' best interest for me to continue to stay home with them. Oh well, there should still be a lot of opportunities when I can finally join the work force again. Hopefully I can get a job in the oil industry and make some serious dough! 

Well peeps, have a nice week! I think I'm gonna say skrew it with my weekly weigh-ins. I don't think anyone really gives a crap until after the surgery anyway, so I'll post what the scale says then.
Take care everyone!!!
~*Nichole*~

Good morning boys and girls, it's Monday. I'm a couple days late with my post here. On Friday me, Darren, and the kids went to Fargo to visit my sister Karrie. She's the one I was venting about in a prior post. After I sent her and my mom the e-mail, she's been real cool and supportive. We had a fun time.

I did weigh before we went and I was so pissed that I didn't take the time to blog before we hit the road. I weighed in at 287, which is exactly where I started oh about 4 weeks ago when I planned on losing the 5 pounds a month before surgery. So that's obviously not going according to plan. 

I had my yearly lady appt. on Tuesday. I had them do bloodwork to check my thyroid since we recently found that thyroid problems run on my dad's side of the family. On thursday they called and said that my levels are over 11 (the norm is around 5), so I started daily pills the next day. They  really didn't give me much info in the call, so I didn't know what the pills would do for me and if I could still go forward with my surgery. My dad figured the pills would magically fix my weight problem and that I won't have to have the surgery. Bless his heart. To get answers, I called the PA I went to on Tues. I found out I have hypothyroidism and the pills are to correct my low functioning thyroid, which in turn should help me not be so tired and help with my dry skin, not fix my weight problem. So yes, I am still having my RNY as scheduled. Sorry Dad.

I did exercise last week. I swam twice and walked twice.
Total swimming this week: 80 laps = 1.2 miles
Total walking: 12 laps = 3 miles

Well, It's time for me to go. I hope all upcoming surgeries go well, especially my good friend Pat, who gets her Lap Band tomorrow morning at 5. Good luck Pat!!! Take care everyone!

 

Hi guys,

 It's Friday once again. You know what that means: weigh in day!! Yay! not. I tried to "forget" to post my weight today, but I better own up. I lost a whopping negative .5 pounds this week! In other words I added to my alredy massive body this week. Oof. I thought that posting my weigh-ins for all to see would act as a deterrent for slip-ups. Kind of like going to Weight Watchers. I need to get my booty to work if i want to lose 13 more pounds in 2 months. It doesn't sound like much and it shouldn't take too much effort, so get on it Nichole! 

I'm pretty proud of myself right now, yet a little scared because I confronted my mom and sister about things going on in my previous log. I did it via e-mail whick is pretty chicken sh*t, but that's how I roll. I'll post it later, I better go do the dishes. 

Good night everyone! ~Nichole

Heyo, 
I've been running some things through my head for the last half hour, so I figured I'd blog it out of there. I was at my parents' house a little bit ago and my mom was giving me a nice hug before I left, that was until she ruined it by saying, "Karrie (my sister who is skinny) said that she'll be sad when she goes to hug you and there will be less of you to hug, I will too." kinda pouting. I said what?! 
Okay, so why is it that every time I dieted, nobody thought I was going to change or fade away? Did they know I was going to fail or what? My sister told me that it's going to be weird when I'm skinny since she's always known me this way. So what, am I supposed to stay fat so it's easier for everyone else? Like I'm being so selfish wanting to better myself,  should I not have the surgery so I won't change at all? Just be fat and happy? Hell No! I'd like to see them carry this much extra weight and not want to try to do anything to get rid of it. I just want support, I don't want snide little comments, it's not going to change my mind. Now I just want more to succeed and show them that I'll still be the same me, but thinner, better looking and with more love for myself. 
I don't want to be ignored anymore. I hate feeling like I'm invisible and left standing outside of the circle of people visiting at the bar or wherever. People don't know what they're missing out on by being so shallow. It just sucks that losing a bunch of weight will be the only way that they'll notice me. If someone that has snubbed me this whole time suddenly starts giving me the time of day, I'd like to have the balls to sarcastically say "Wow, you were too good for me a few months ago. I'm so glad I'm finally thin enough for you to talk to me." But that probably won't happen, unless I do grow balls after surgery. Gross. But I don't want to turn into a beotch either. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Well I feel a lot better now. If it wasn't for this whole blogging thing, I would have probably stewed about everything until I fall asleep tonight. I tend to do that instead of speaking my mind. I get walked on a lot because of that. 
On a brighter note, my hubby and I rented Strange Wilderness the other night and I laughed until I cried twice. I love the goofy tooth shark part at the end. Cracked    me   up!
Well I'm off to bed. Thank you for reading my rant. Have a great night ;) ~*Nichole*~

Hey there everybody, It's Thursday morning and tomorrow's the 4th of July! Already?! I weighed in this morning because we're leaving today to go camping. I lost another 1/2 pound so I'm at 284.5. wooptie doo. At least it's a loss after camping last weekend. I was bad and ate a lot of junk and knocked down over 12 bottles of beer over the 2 days. Oopsie. The beer is going to be the hardest change after the surgery. I like to have a few with my hubby a couple times a week.  
I was a good girl after getting back home, though. Monday I push mowed our whole yard, which is huge, and then swam 40 laps at the indoor pool (over 1/2 mile). Tuesday night I walked 2 miles at the track and yesterday I worked in the garden for a few hours. I think I'll bring some good walking shoes and try to walk everyday while we're camping. We're staying at Mouse River Park, which is a cute little summer community close to the Canadian border. We stayed there a lot last summer.
Well peeps, I better go clean up the house before we take off today. Have a great holiday weekend!! Happy 4th of July!!