Amy H.

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 So I am having  major problem with the protein shakes. They make me feel really sick.. I have tried about 5 or 6 different brands. I wake up feeling wonderful then I know I have to drink THEM::glares at the cupboard full of protein::  It is to the point now where I have a hard time even swallowing them because I know how sick I am going to feel. My Drs office is confused about it. I am too. They gave me a new kind to try .. I am going to try that later. They keep saying well it will be easier when you can eat. Yeah well I am hungry because all I can have is the liquid and yogurt. I am barely choking down maybe 20 grams a day. It makes me feel too full and it just sits in the bottom of my stomach. I am desperate . I don't want to loose my hair..I love my hair... I always said yeah well I am fat but my face boobs and hair are good.  I am frustrated.  As soon as I can eat meat I am slamming tuna like crazy. 

 Frack... This is crazy I can't believe that I have two days... today is my last day of work. AHHH

 I had been freaking out continually having panic attacks worrying like crazy. Suddenly this calm has come over me. Normally it is the other way around. I am calm and freak at the last moment. Suddenly the things that I though where terrifying just aren't. I am dieing now. I can't walk through a store with out sitting down because my back hurts to bad. I am 25 and I can't walk through a store. I would rather die on the table then to end up in a wheel chair. This is my birthday present to me.  I can and will do this. Yesterday wasn't so bad with the diet. I got 40 grams of protein in I know still too little but I didn't have any till about half way though the day. I am just tired and work is bad.. we had roast beef last night I thought I might die.. but I didn't. Tonight I am telling the other girl I work with I can't cook.. that was horrible. At least by the time I go back to work I will be starting solid foods. I just want to get this over with. I have three more days of work left. My finals in my classes are due tomorrow. I will be crazy busy till tuesday and thats how I want it. I don't want to be able to think.  

 So breakfast today is a protine shake and 1/2 of cream of rice... I am starving already

 So I have to go shopping tomorrow for my liquid diet... and I am going to go out to eat for one last time. I am kinda worried about this liquid diet thing because I have a extremely physically demanding job. I also have been known to have low sugar even when I do eat. I ate a really good meal and passed out in the mall once, my sugar went to low.  I have warned all my coworkers of the signs of low blood sugar and will bring my glucose meter with me everywhere. I hope everything works out OK. I had a nervous breakdown/ panic attack today about the liquid diet.  I wanted to call and cancel my surgery and everything... glad I had to go to work. I also think work will be pure hell since I am the one who cooks and I feed people. There is food everywhere in my work it is horrible. This is also my final week of classes and I have to have two finals projects done by sunday. I am stressed out... I didn't know that I would even have to do this liquid diet thing I only found out monday.... I was like nurse says what.....I am stressed. blah