Heather N.

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I'm really missing Jim tonight.  Karah is sick, poor baby has croup.  So she is clingy, and wanting me and I'm trying to do school work so grouchy.   The girls got a package from Daddy so they want him.  Karah is really too little to understand why she can't have Daddy.  Heck sometimes I don't understand it myself...
I wish he was here to keep me warm, I have never been cold before that I can really think of, and now I'm cold all the time and him not being here to keep me warm just blows...
I was supposed to have a potluck here this weekend (Italian Food I was gonna make baked ricotta, till I saw Martita's Lasagna dish) but had to cancel it since Karah is sick.  
I am so blessed, and I know that... Tonight I just need a little more grace, because I miss my soulmate.  
Next weekend we will have been married for 12 years.  I was trying to ignore the anniversary (since he's not here no real point) but he brought it up today in an email.  I love him, I miss him and I pray constantly for his safe return.

I weigh 199.5!!!!!!!
I have not weighed less than 200lbs since 1996, shortly after Jim and I got married. Today, 2 1/2 months after surgery I have gone under 200lbs. I can't even begin to describe how great I feel most days. Yes, I have days where I don't feel well because I eat too fast, or eat something I shouldn't by mistake (for instance at a cookout I had a Bubba burger. I had eaten burgers at home with no problem and didn't consider the fat content). But overall I feel great. My energy is so much higher, my moods are stabilizing. It is just awesome to be able to play with the kids... I can go up and down the stairs all day doing housework and still play with the girls when they get home. My knees don't hurt very much anymore (only on days where I do a TON of stairs or bending them) the numbness in my hands and feet is getting better. No more heartburn....
Let me list the ways I love my RNY!!!!!!!!! I will post some before and after pics (although I am no where near after yet ) later on... Tessa took some for me this am, but I am wearing baggy clothes. I am going to put on some clothes that actually fit later (my size 16 jeans that I thought I would never wear again, down from a very tight 22) and have my girlfriend take some better pics.
On a totally different note, keep Jim in your prayers... he has struggled with something for years, and finally came clean this weekend. He will be fine, he just needs a little extra prayer for a bit. He also needs to get out of the Army, because it is not helping the situation. But that is three years away...
Well... I have a pop quiz to do for Math so ttyl, just had to share my excitement...

Well... Monday was two months out for me...  I have lost 50.5 lbs since the day of my surgery consult and 40.5 since surgery.  I have not weighed this little since before I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.  I was 220 when she was concieved, and I had lost weight to get to that point.  As of Tuesday I weighed in at 205.5.  I can't believe how close i am to being under 200. 

So my weight loss is going great.. I am still getting sick about once a week.  Always when I eat too fast because we are on the run.  I have to work harder at taking the time to eat slow, no matter what is going on.

Otherwise... things are not great right now.  I am struggling with being overwhelmed right now.  Between the girls going to school (the little ones started German Kindergarten), me going to school, the house, the yard, the wives group for our unit, watching my friends kids while she goes to school, etc, etc, etc....  I just can't seem to get ahead of everything.  I have my morning to myself now (started today) but everything else is so behind I don't even know where to start...  So I'm online doing stuff that isn't what I need to do.  I need to clean my house, I need to do schoolwork for my classes or I'm going to fall behind, I need to do laundry...  but all I really want to do is go crawl under a rock somewhere and hide.

I guess one blessing is that my car isn't safe to drive at the moment so I can't go anywhere else to avoid doing what I need to.  I need to go pop the hood on Jim's car and see if the oil cap from his engine will fit mine.  If not then I need to call and order a new oil cap for the van.  I just need a break... I wish that I could afford a plane ticket back to the states for a bit, just to get a break....  I just need to make it to the end of October, then I can go home for a week.  It's for a wedding in Texas, but at least I will have a little bit of a break... hopefully.

and on Tuesday I weighed 214!!!  That puts me down 41 pounds since my Surgery Consult June 25th.  and 31 pounds since surgery.  

Jim is gone so I'm a single parent for the next 15-18 months.  The girls are adjusting... slowly but adjusting.  I cut my hair off, because I was worried that as it starts to fall out it would be obvious.  I have really thin hair anyway.  

I have had 3 periods since surgery, which kind of sucks, but I know it is just the hormones.  My moods are okay, considering all that is going on here.

I have noticed that my energy levels are up, which is awesome with 3 kids to look after.  I even applied for a job as a substitute teacher.  We shall see if I get it or not.

There really isn't a whole lot going on... I'm curious to see when I hit 200.  I didn't really think I would make it below 200 till the end of October, but at this rate it may be sooner.

Tessa goes back to school next week, and that will give me three mornings a week that I can go to the gym.  That will be nice.... I have a routine I can do at home, but I always seem to find something else that requires my attention.  With her back in school, I will go straight to the gym from dropping her sisters off at Preschool.

My classes start back up Sep 3.  Three classes this time, Business Management, Philosophy, and Algebra....  I keep reminding myself that eventually I will get my degree.....

Did my preop measurements and pictures tonight.  I needed to measure my head for a wedding thing (girlfriend is making circlets for us to wear in her wedding).  Since the tape is out and I'm less than a week out I figured what the hell.

Neck 16 1/4
R Arm 15
Above the chest 44 1/2
Across the chest 52
under the chest 43
waist 48
hips 55 1/2
R Thigh 27 3/4
R Calf 16 1/2

I will post the pics tomorrow, my digital camera battery died.  Picked up a few more things that I needed for right after the surgery today.  Tomorrow I get to cook 2 weeks worth of dinners and freeze them.  Friday I need to run some errands and get the laundry caught up.  Saturday pack and clean and Sunday we head to Frankfurt.  Time is just flying right on by...

It has been a frustrating few days let me tell you...  I have been trying to get ahold of my tricare rep since Friday.  I knew that usually it just takes a few days for approval or denial.  I finally spoke to an actual person today...  She informed me that she didn't have my paperwork so it must be on her colleagues desk.  That person is on leave until Monday.  She will call you then.... UM NNNNOOOOOO!!!!  My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday,  I have to check into the hospital in Frankfurt (several hours away) by 9 am Monday so that isn't going to work for me.  So she told me she would check into it and get back to me.

Right before they closed for the day she called me back.  My paperwork hadn't even been submitted for approval yet when I called this am.  She sent it off for priority approval and it came back approved.  All I could think was.... what if I had waited to call till Friday???  (they are closed the next two days).    So anyway alls well that ends well I guess.  I went and picked up the paperwork but it was several stressful days.  I'm so glad that I followed through on it because I would have been so upset if my surgery didn't happen because someone went on vacation without clearing their desk first.  
1 week to go.

Well... unless something happens at Tricare I am having my surgery on the 10th!!  I'm so thrilled, and nervous and I even feel a little guilty.  My surgeon bumped one of his German patients in order to do my surgery that day.  He wanted me to have my husband around for as much of the first month of surgery as possible because of the girls.  I'm thrilled but I do feel a little guilty for that person.  
I started my liquid preop diet today.  It isn't required, but he strongly suggests two weeks of liquids.  I figure if it helps me recover better so be it.  I went to the store today and stocked up on liquids, and sf puddings, jellos, and yogurt.  Jim's leave got approved for the extra week out of the block leave window so that worry is gone.  
I just need to finish my history class (final is due by friday) and get my house as clean as I can.  So thrilled that it is so soon!!  And my girlfriend and I are going to have the same surgiversary... she is having lap band done in Michigan that day.  
My only little whine is.... my last meal was a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.  I didn't realize that it was going to be the last meal because I had miscounted my days.  That being said... I thought about pushing back the liquid diet a day or two since he doesn't require it... but I couldn't think of anything that I really wanted to eat as my last meal.  Now had we been in the states I can think of several things I would have wanted to get.... but here my big weakness is the bakerai for breakfast, and I had that Monday morning.  I guess that's it for now...

oh Noelle, call me I lost your number!

I have been thinking about my Mom alot this weekend.  I know that she would be so thrilled I am taking this step.  Her death is what motivated me to take control of my health.  I spent the last two years trying to do this on my own, and that didn't work.  I know that she would be proud of me for deciding to have the surgery.  I just pray that having the surgery helps me not die as young as she did.  I want to be around for my girls for a very long time, not check out when I'm 61.  Ahh... well it's almost 2 am here and if I don't crawl into bed now my girls will be up before I get any sleep.

One week till I get to finally have my consult with Dr Weiner!!!  I can't wait.  I really wanted to spend the night up there because my appointment isn't until 4:30 in the afternoon.  But Jim can only get the day of the consult off, so we will be driving back afterwards.... Mental note, see if the girls can spend the night at Stacey's instead of picking them up.  I'm not really sure how long that appointment will be, but I know based on his website he does xray, ekg, and blood work as well as the consult so I figure at least an hour or two.  I'm hoping to schedule my surgery for sometime between the 12th and the 16th.  Once it's scheduled we can't change the date, Tricare won't allow it.  I'm going to write letters to the people I care about just in case.  I don't expect anything to happen to me... but I will feel better if I know that I left messages behind especially for my girls.

School is out for the summer, and Tessa is not happy about that.  Trying to keep her busy...  

On a totally different note, I had emailed my family and close friends when I made the decision to pursue the surgery.  Alot of them are also overweight.... Well one of the girls who was a bridesmaid in my wedding emailed me.  She decided since I could do this, she could do something about her weight as well.  She is having a lap band on July 10th.  I'm so happy for her!  I know that she will use her tool correctly, and I'm thrilled that my choice is making a difference for others as well.  

Well... I have procrastinated all week to do my History homework.  Two weeks left and this class is done, time to go write a paper on Westward Expansion

Well after two weeks of trying I finally managed to get a printout of the Psychiatrists note.  So now I have all my paperwork together for my appointment with Dr Weiner.  I still need to fill out his forms that I printed, I had waited to be sure what the shrinks papers said.  

I bought a plane ticket for my MIL to come out at the very end of July.  She will be here for the final weekend of Jim's block leave and stay two weeks.  So that means that if my surgery is when I want it, I have help with the girls for a whole month now.  

I have been looking online for supplements and such and plan on ordering some next week.  I'm also going to go look at the bio markt and some other stores here in Germany and try to find a local source.  I also plan on asking Dr Weiner at my consult what he suggests for supplements, and where to buy them here.  The CMR loses packages all the time so I don't want my main source of Protien supps to be mail order if I can help it.  

Hard to believe that my consult is finally getting close.  I hated having to wait so long to get in to see him, but now I'm glad.  It will work out better this way because they won't cancel Jim's leave since it's block leave so I know I have help with the girls.  

I feel a little bad for the girls because the surgery seems to be consuming our summer.  We won't really get to do anything on our vacation time because I will be recovering from surgery.  I think we are going to try to take them to Legoland before surgery that way they did something this summer.

I just keep reminding myself that as much as this summer will kind of suck for them, that when I'm well we will be able to do so much more....