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In philosophy, reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined. In a wider definition, reality includes everything that is and has been, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible. A still more broad definition includes everything that has existed, exists, or will exist.

Sometimes in our hopes or dreams, our reality can become so blurred and even forgotten. In the last week I have been contemplating many, many things. With the impending appointment with my surgeon fast approaching, and my desire to "get this done", I am hit with the reality of it all.

For many years of neglecting my health, ignoring the "signs", I got myself to where I was... no doubt about it.  Along this journey I have learned so much and I must stop and realize things cannot be rushed because of "want". Yes, for sure I do NEED my hernia fixed, that is a given. But in all reality, when I really think of my situation, I now know in all honesty that come in 3 weeks I will not be having my hernia repair. I will be having the VSG; a wonderful tool that I know will help me immensely along my journey to get me to my goal and keep me there.

With the extreme of my hernia repair, I know it will be  major surgery; one that cannot be rushed into and I would be a fool to assume or push for it to be. I know tests and scans need to be done, plastic surgeons to confer, as well as my surgeon needs to be well prepped going in to know the best course of action not to mention my weight to be down  to the point there will be absolute no doubt of breaking out the repair. Having total faith in my surgeon and he doing what's best for me, I truly feel without even hearing it from him, that his plan on wed will be VSG in Dec and hernia repair by the end of Jan/Feb which I will totally agree with.

Living with this hernia, I want to do what is best and safe for me... not rush it.... and do this proper. I know I will feel more secure in a repair at a lower weight  than what I am now. Having a repair and living with the fear of my size pushing it out is something I don't need and would rather have confidence going in for full recovery without any complications. This is my reality today, and I am happy with it.

Another reality check was in the last week showing some of my family and friends my hernia. A big step for me. I guess in showing it, made it more real, "a coming out of the closet" so to speak. Having been super morbidly obese, having my guts hang fully outside my abdominal wall is a sight... but it is my reality and something I live with daily. ( Click HERE to see a picture of my present reality; be forewarned, it is not pretty and may be offensive to some) A reminder how I once neglected my health and allowed it to happen over a fear of doctors and lack of esteem that "I didn't matter".

Never has it become more evident to me in the past 2 years that one's health is so important, and we must do whatever it takes to gain every ounce we can. If I can in my life inspire others to get healthy I will. I feel all that I have gone through and am going through is for a purpose. There is always a reason for the things that happen in our lives. If we open our hearts to learn, we become richer for it... n hey...I am the richest woman alive and will gladly share.... "HEALTH IS WEALTH"!!!

It is nearly 8 months ago when Dr Ellsmere asked those words “Are you committed to this”. I was taken aback when asked that, for I had already lost 120 pounds, surely that must show commitment? I hesitated in answering him and gave a very weak “yes”. But after going home, reading and seeing that there was a lot more I could do… the word commitment took on a whole new different meaning.

“Commitment is what transforms the promise into reality.
It is the words that speak, boldly of your intentions.
And the actions which speak, louder than the words.
It is making the time, when there is none.
Coming through, time after time after time, year after year after year.
Commitment is the stuff character is made of;
The power to change the face of things.
It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.”

It is said, “There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

I needed to be committed to me. I dug in, did what needed to be done, stuck with it even when things were real hard... and today as a result in learning what I did, I continue on this journey stronger. Losing weight is hard work, and many do not see that part, or hear the conflict within…. they see the weight loss, not the doubt, sweat, tears, uncertainty and aloneness one can feel on this journey at times.

8 months later and with 155 more pounds gone, I can say with no hesitation or doubt, yes I am committed. Of all the times I have dieted, lost then gained again and then some…. those days are gone. I realized I never changed my lifestyle or my behaviors; I just followed a diet only to return to the way I once was. I was not committed. I can say, without a doubt the pounds gone are gone forever…. I did not lose them, I will not be trying to find them EVER AGAIN.

For those of you struggling with a lifestyle change, I ask you “Are you committed to this?” I hope for your own health you will examine yourself honestly and make those changes.

Today seems like one of those days that my mind is thinking back on many, many things. Not that reflection doesn’t happen any other day but today is a bit different. Today I am finally out of the 300's. I was 299.0lbs this morning. I don't think it really has sunk in yet, probably will take a bit to sink in. 50 more pounds and I will be able to get this hernia fixed... man things are happening!! 

This weekend will also mark two years since I started to get healthy. Two years, WOW, so much has transpired; when I think of everything it is hard to believe.I guess first starting off on my journey, I really wasn't focused on me. Sure I needed a health change as much as my husband and knew it, but in helping him... he helped me.... and I helped myself. I miss having that companionship but I truely feel love is eternal...and it's that love that keeps me going and pressing me forward. One thing Curtis taught me is health is so important and life is precious...we need to fight for every single breath.... this is my fight against obesity.... towards being healthy.

Life has changed so much for me, sometimes it's hard to grasp. Still there are days when a “down feeling” comes over me and doubts slip in, discouragement seeps through, and for short times I do struggle. I think I always will have those moments; I just don’t talk of them much or don’t share when I have them. I have found ways to muddle through them n keep going… you have to when alone.

Changes, lol wow....just the other day while walking in the mall, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored glass; I had to take a double look… I guess it rather shocked me. WOW, is that me? I had to take another look lol. Sometimes I have to pinch myself at the physical changes going on. It is in these time your "fat" brain has to assimulate to it all lol. Perhaps I finally need a full length mirror at home eh lol. A few people have used the term "skinny" when describing me.. I really have to chuckle because that is just not a term associated with me LOL. but I guess compared to how I use to be, I guess one might use that term to describe as in comparison to what I was.

Walking daily on the 289 for the last 6 months I have had many vehicles “beep” their horn or “wave”… not having a clue as to the “who”  of many of them, I give a “nod” or “wave” going by.  I have had two occasions where two vehicles have slowed down to quickly give me praise on my progress then quickly speed off… still not knowing who exactly they are. It makes me smile that just a stranger in passing who happens to see a difference in me over the months as they travel by, would stop and acknowledge it. How one life can touch another without even speaking... guess I am having wow moments along this journey.  

There are sections of the road where Curtis & I first started walking together; they hold special memories. I often talk to him on my walks, feel like he is there with me listening to my ramblings. From laughter to tears while walking, if one looked close enough they surely would think a mad woman’s loose from Dartmouth lol.   When I think how walking from the car to the grocery store or from the door of the hospital to the elevator was a big task for me, and now here I can walk almost 4mph and not tire, and walk to Eric Sandeson’s  or Bea Kennedy’s!! LOL Colin always teased me asking if I made it to Brookield yet LOL I figure I could in a little over 2 hours praps if I wanted lol.  

I looked at my BMI this morning, 42.93. WOW 6 months ago in Dr Ellsmere’s office I was 61.6 and am down 131.1 lbs since. I wonder if that’s commitment for him lol.  

I walk into stores now looking at the clothes...actually seeing clothes that fit me!! Being able to fit into xl & 2x clothes from once wearing 8x and upwards. Had to make my clothes for nothing in the stores fit me. Seems different to go into a store n be able to pick over clothes that fit. Even to try on other people clothes is cool;  had tried on my sisters gee (sp?) the other day, not to mention I now can wear Curtis’ jean shirt and fall jacket.  Everything is just sooo different.

Another thing in my life which amazes me..I am now on one injection of 3u of insulin a day!! WOOO HOOOO!!! I was on 2 injections of 90u & 80u 2 years ago…. And  I DID IT!!  When I think  of it all it really blows my mind... I am nearly off insulin and I got myself off my blood pressure meds too...definitely everything is changing for the good and I feel great!!! and I know I am healthier that I have ever been in years. 

Well I have 251 pounds gone.. WOW!! I now stop myself from using the term “lost” because usually when losing something, you try and find it LOL well, I definitely do not want to ever find 251lbs ever again!!

Well here's to the next 110lbs to go.... watch out!! here I come!!

I must say, to those who are struggling on your weightloss journeys... hang on, keep at it... YOU CAN MAKE IT!! Look at me.. if I can do it...anyone can... YOU & YOUR HEALTH are SO WORTH IT!!

Well i'm down 3.6 pounds this week... now at 305.2 Last few days have been waverin.... so hopefully it's settled n things will keep dropping. I had said before, just watch when i get close to 300 it will hang there to drive me crazy LoL Well it can take all the time it needs to say it's goodbyes LoL ...for once i leave the 300's I won't be returning...

Nothing like a lull in the scales dropping that puts you into that funk, on questioning this or that. Even those feelings of doubt if you will ever be "small"... and it only takes a negative comment from someone to continue that thought. I guess a long journey such as mind one is bound to have those moments. With the way the world is with quick this n quick that, we all wish things could be so simple in weight loss... but hell I was years being obese, it is bound to be a while coming off... and when I think that it will only be 2 years the end of this month that I wass 550 pounds... hey, that's not too shabby.

Losing weight can sometimes be so obsessive, it can takeover your life and become everything you live and breathe. It takes time learning to live a new lifestyle.... learning to live... hmmm.... I guess with me it's two fold... learning to live again after losing weight and being alone....  everything is so new in so many ways,.... takes time to assimulate.

The other night I went out to have a campfire, the first since Curtis died. Campfires was his thing, sure I loved them too but I guess it was something I avoided this last year for being in a spot he loved n spent much time holds alot of memories. Well in moving around, collecting up wood, breaking up the old fallen limbs to burn, dragging out  my chair..... I amazed myself at my energy level to do what I was doing alone. I guess what some might call a NSV moment. In breaking up fallen limbs to burn, using leverage of my foot, I came across a limb far to big for me to do... not to say I didn't try LOL away I went flyin head first, and my face brushed the grass!! I laid there laughing at myself... got up, brushed off my knees and picked it up again n tried LOL then caught myself staggering towards the fire LOL It was a strange feeling, hard to describe... it use to be that I was always the sedentary one sitting at a camfire, and here I was doing, learning... living.

Assimulation can be hard after so many years of being use to another way, but I can hear the old TV program saying..."resistance is futile.....assimulate...".  Now, I am no Borge lol but we all in life at some point are faced with change, whether we like it or not, resistance will only prevent us from living..... I mean really living.

Everything seems to hit me with those NSV moments. The day before yesterday I dropped my evening dose of insulin. I am no longer on no insulin in the evening!!!... yeahhhh!!! only in the moring!!!..... and that is only 6 units... far cry from the 90u & 80u I use to be on 2 years ago. It just seems so unreal...  I sit here wondering how long before my morning dose will be eliminated..... guess only time will tell.... another assimulation to look forward to.....

There was a time I had thought they were both in the same, but apparently not. A stall is a month or more of no weight loss and a plateau is a few days/weeks. Call it what you wish, to those who are losing weight, it is the biggest non-motivator. It causes panic and discouragement; even failure to give up. Seeing the scale to stop or even to go up a few ounces sends terror through the dieter, questioning everything that they are doing. Been there, done that, but as I look back I am thankful that I questioned, that I stood my ground and watched things closely. You can learn a lot that will help you in your weight loss journey. Guaranteed, there will be more plateaus and stalls to work through, so why not learn about yourself and your body.


While searching on the internet for any info, I came across something very interesting. It has helped me put things into perspective on how a body works….

"Our bodies use glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, but it is stored in our muscles for quick energy -- one pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs of water to keep it soluble, and the average, glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs. So, when you are not getting in enough food, your body turns first to stored glycogen, which is easy to break down for energy. And when you use up 2 lbs of glycogen, you also lose 8 lbs of water that was used to store it -- voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs that most people lose in the first week of a diet.

As you stay in caloric deficit, however, your body starts to realize that this is not a short term problem. You start mobilizing fat from your adipose tissue and burning fat for energy. But your body also realizes that fat can't be used for short bursts of energy -- like, to outrun a sabertooth tiger. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, and rebuilding the glycogen stores. And as it puts back the 2 lbs of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though you might still be LOSING energy content to your body, your weight will not go down or you might even GAIN for a while as you retain water to dissolve the glycogen that is being reformed and stored."


This made a lot of sense to me, and it helped me immensely. I kept repeating to myself during my first stall (which was 4 weeks)…”this is normal, my body is adapting, my body is adapting…its doing its thing…” I knew I was following my diet plan, drinking my water, exercising…. everything I should be doing to lose weight, I was doing. Has to be something else, right? There is always that seed of doubt. So, I did a bit more searching.


Everyone seems to have ideas of how to get through the dreaded stall or plateaus. Some I agree with, others I question. What everyone has to do is put everything you are doing under a fine microscope, watch it, compare weights, and watch how your body reacts. In doing this, you will have a better understanding how your own body works. Remember, what works for another may be entirely different for you… we are all unique.


Keep in mind this is my weight loss plan….

1. Make sure you drink your MINIMUM 8 cups of water daily. I now drink 9 cups a day, when I add the liquid from my food I can add 2 1/2 more cups. A total of 11 ½ cups daily.
2. My caloric intake is NO MORE than 1200 a day. I choose WISELY with those 1200 calories. I have 3 meals a day as well as 3 healthy snacks a day to keep my blood sugars level as well as to feed my metabolism. You can see my food logs on myfitnesspal.com.
3. I plan my meals AHEAD. “fail to plan…plan to fail” It’s best to plan so you can choose wisely and not be grabbing in a last moment … which sometimes can lead to poor choices.
4. My sugar content I keep LOW. I try to keep 8grams of sugar per 100 calories. Some fruits are higher in sugar and that is OK. I keep sugar content in mind and choose wisely. I usually have two fruits a day which helps keep my bowl movement regular. If for any reason I do not have a bowl movement, and the fruit or veggies I eat does not work, I get out the benefiber.
5. I eat a lot of salads and vegetables
6. My sodium I keep an eye on. I use no salt. Sometime the choices I have may have higher sodium content but I moderate them. Salt retains fluid, affects blood pressure and too much can create weight gain, not a friend if trying to lose weight. One day I decided to treat myself to a 4oz strip loin with steak spice… my treats are far and few between, but I enjoyed it immensely… so did my scales the next morning with a 1 ½ pound gain LOL not to worry, it came off in a day, but sure was interesting to see salt at work.
7. My protein must be 60-80 grams a day. I actually strive for 80 grams a day. Protein keeps the lean muscle mass not to mention it is a healer.
8. I make sure to take a muli-vitamin daily. Whatever I do not get from my food, I feel I will get from my vitamin. My doctor checks my blood every 3 months so I do not become deficient on anything.
9. I do not eat after 7pm.
10. I have divorced potato chips, bars, candy, sweets etc. Potato chips were always a downfall and one is never enough for me, so for me it is best I stay away.
11. I absolutely have NO pop NO caffeine NO alcohol NO gum.
12. I make sure to eat slow, savor and enjoy what I eat, on smaller plates/dishes.. Making new “comfort” foods is my plan.
13. I limit my carbs. Although my carb intake is not as low as some call “low”, for me to limit is best. I still have an occasional small baked potato, or ½ cup of rice, once in a blue moon pasta. Bread I have stayed away from by choice. I use a snackbread with my tuna salad etc. that I find very satisfying.
14. I keep my fats low. I use skim milk, low fat cottage cheese, low fat cheese, extra lean hamburg, becel, calorie wise dressings. Olive oil IF I happen to use any oil in cooking.
15. I still have occasional slice of bacon or one slice of pizza but I fit it into my diet plan or not have it. Even for my birthday I had baked a sugar free banana cake. Who said you can’t have your cake and eat it too LOL. One small calculated piece though fit into my diet plan and it was very satisfying.
16. I walk DAILY. For 45 minutes I walk briskly with 2 ½ lb weights on each wrist, lifting my arms up every 100 steps for 60 then repeat. It is my cardio time you could say…a time where a light sweat is made. I then go for another walk but times vary. Dependant on my pedometer is how long of a walk I take. My goal is to always get at least 10000 steps in a day. Lately I have been getting 11000 to 18000, which I log. I walk RAIN or SHINE no excuses.
17. I lift weights daily. To help tone my arms.
18. I weigh regularly. Usually every morning as soon as I get up but after I have used the washroom. Some may go crazy doing this, but for me I can stay on top of my progress and react.
19. Work on my behavioral changes. I examine myself regularly and pin point those behaviors, which are not doing so good and figure what plan I have to re-adjust to help change them
20.  I make sure I get my sleep. At least 7 hours for me.Our bodies while sleeping restores and in fact burns calories while it rests. Therefore, sleep is very important in weight loss. 

*So when I hit a stall or plateau I first check my food logs. Was there anything to attribute to it (example the steak spice on my steak which made me gain) If so I adjust accordingly. And watch.


*If there isn’t anything out of the norm, I check the totals on calories. If I have been on a close to 1200 range, I cut back to approx 1000 or vise versa. I have found it good to switch things up every few days so that your body doesn’t get use to the numbers. I also do this with my food etc. Variety and change keeps things guessing.


*I check to see if my steps have fallen short etc. Have I added something different? Is my body adjusting to it? If I feel this is so, I continue with what I have been doing. Exercise is a MUST. Some say exercising more can break a stall. I haven’t tried this, maybe someday I will LOL


*I make sure every now and then to increase my protein amounts. (more than 80)


*Waiting can be the hardest. Find a support system whether a friend or on-line. YOU WILL get through it. Remember why you are on this healthy path, how far you have come, look through pictures, old clothes, whatever it takes to remind you that what you are doing the right thing. Keep with your program, You WILL get through it.

So many people have asked what is my "secret" was or "how are you doing it" and I sit here trying to put into words what I am doing and I guess what it boils down to is the fact I had to come to a point in my life where I knew I had to change my lifestyle for good.

Both my husband and I realized this in sept of 2009, it saddens me so that he is not able to continue on with me...I think having seen him fight for health and life and lost... is enough that I know I will never go back to my old lifestyle and ways of eating...life is too precious to not be healthy. His story can be read here under Curtis' wish.

There is alot of change one must do... behavioural, mentally, diet wise, exercise.. the whole nine yards and one I still sometimes struggle with. Until a person come to terms with this fact, there probably very little anyone can say until it happens. Many times I had tried dieting, lost then gained back. It is a cycle one gets caught in.

So many people in the world today are looking for the “secret” to losing weight. A quick fix to lose some pounds fast, hence why there are so many diet plans and fad diets and reality shows on the go. Surely when someone has a substantial weight loss there must be a secret to it eh? It is like an unattainable goal so many searches for and rarely find.

If you are overweight, guaranteed you have tried a diet or two in your lifetime and have gained back, if not more than you lost. So, is it the diets that do not work, or what is it that keeps us yo yoing in diet land. I believe it is the fact of change for good. So many when going on diets, return back to their old ways of eating. It’s not that the diets did not work for them, it’s the fact of a lifestyle change for good to maintain that weight loss.

The end of Sept 2009 I went on a 1500 cal diabetic diet. That is a lot of food…still had restriction and knowing the diet and able to fit things into the plan helped a lot. Many who enter the diabetic clinic receive the training, but like us all until we are faced that we have to adhere to it, it’s just another diet. The end of February 2011 I had my consult with Dr Ellsmere. I weighed 430.1, I had lost 120lbs up to then. Dr Ellsmere had asked me that day "How committed are you to this?" It kind of threw me, I had lost already 120 pounds, I felt I was committed, but after going home, reading and assessing things, I realized there was more I could do.

I then went on 1200 calories (diabetic diet) and started walking. Ahhhh walking… yes I believe there in lies the key to weight loss and maintenance. I had to make a commitment to exercise daily FOR LIFE.

I started walking only a little at a time and gradually added a few minutes here and there. I also walked 5/7 days a week. Into the second week since I only had to walk 5 days out of 7 I had got myself into a habit of saying…ahh not today, tomorrow… I immediately said NO!!! FRIGG THIS!! Knowing myself, the procrastinator I was, I started walking everyday, rain or shine and have done so since. I now HAVE TO get out for my walk, it is a habit now.

Knowing the Surgeon I seen wanted WLS to get down to 250 to have my hernia repair I read up on their Weight Loss Program and the VSG. With reading their info and seeing what I was eating I fine-tuned what my intake was. Everything I have eaten since April can be seen on myfitnesspal. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/diary/nsblue

*I am on 1200 calories and I mark EVERYTHING and log it daily that passes my lips.

 *I take a multi vitamin daily.

*I drink NO pop NO alcohol NO caffeine (coffee) Chew NO gum NO chips, bars candy donuts cake etc etc 

*I drink a minimum of 8 cups of water daily.

*I get at least 60-80 grams of protein in daily. 

*I keep sugar content to a low of no more than 8grams per 100 cal… now mind you some fruits do have high sugar content so one has to choose wisely.

*I limit my carbs; potato, rice, pasta, breads etc. I have chose to eat snack bread instead of sliced bread; just a personal choice made. The more carbs you have the more “hunger “ you will get believe it or not. With what I eat now.. I am satisfied and am NOT hungry… and most times have to remind myself to eat.

*I eat a lot of salads and veggies, few fruits, lots of protein.

*Salt/sodium is something you have to restrict; it is something that is not your friend when dieting.

*I make sure to get my sleep. Our bodies while sleeping restores and in fact burns calories while it rests. Therefore, sleep is very important in weight loss. If you wake up with that “tinny” taste in your mouth…that is your body in ketosis… burning that fat ;)

*I walk DAILY. And have a pedometer to make sure I get at the least 10000 steps in. I am now getting 10000 to 18000 in.

*I find support wherever I can and keep accountable with pictures, story, weight loss etc with friends on-line and off.

*I use weights. Lifting weights helps tone and burn calories too.

*Work on behavioral changes. In changing your lifestyle, one has to examine themselves and pin point those behaviors, which are not so good and figure what plan you have to come up with to help change them.

*read anything I can find that might help me on my journey.

*have done a liquid diet (stage3) trial 2 times, Once for 3 weeks and again for 2. Have done one week of the WLP Limited choice 1200 cal diet.

*have fought through and experienced the famous "stalls" and now know I can weather through whatever comes.
 

It is a lot of work but I feel so worth it. I am now no longer on blood pressure medication. My blood sugars range in the 4’s and 5’s and my insulin WAS 90u in the AM & 80u in the PM and NOW is 11u in the AM to 3u in the PM. My cholesterol is excellent. Changing ones lifestyle improves health and the outcome of feeling so much energy is SO worth it.

If you need a lifestyle change, I hope it doesn't take losing a loved one and watching them try to hold onto the very health that is so precious. Do it now..and enjoy what time you have healthy and happy together while you have a chance.

IF I CAN DO IT… ANYONE CAN DO IT… IT STARTS WITH YOU!!

It is 3 months away til I have my "one on one" with the Weight Loss Team. Not sure what I will weigh then, perhaps will even be down to my goal for my hernia repair... who knows.... but I will keep doing what I have been doing and whatever weight comes off, will... I am on a "life" plan and if NS WLP finds time to fit in for WLS then it will happen.

Well I received my letter today for my "one on one" with the weight loss team, along with the lab work papers. Tuesday, November 8th, 12 noon at the Bariatric Surgery Clinic.

"001" was written on my envelope.. whether if that means it was their first appointment with that group, I'm not sure. I guess hoping that it would be in Sept/Oct as Diana had said, was too good to be true. Oh well, at least I have a date for the next step.

Hmmm that's 3 months and a bit away, will be interesting how much more weight I will have off by then. I am 335.0lbs now. I was 369.2 when I seen them June 15th at the WLP registration. I was 430.1lbs when I seen doc Ellsmere on Feb 24th. Sept 25,2009 I was 550lbs.

Will be interesting to see how close I will be to 250lbs... what Dr Ellsmere had wanted me to get down to after weight loss surgery to be able to get my hernia fixed. I think ise a little ahead of his plan LMAO.
 
I will keep on doing what I have been doing... living...eating healthy and walking.... Here's to the next step....

One year ago today I buried my best friend; in one instance it seems like so very long ago, yet sometimes like yesterday. Not a moment goes by that I don't remember Curtis, being with someone for 25 years it's kind of hard not to. Being a part of someone for so long is such a big adjustment when they're gone... you have to get to know yourself as "you alone". Not a very familiar place to be, who likes being alone, but in being there you learn lots about yourself and from there I can learn and grow.

I guess you could say that there has been so many changes with "me" sometimes it's hard to grasp it. 211 pounds gone, I am definitely not the person I use to be in many ways. I am sure along this journey to healthiness there will be much more to learn about me, it feels good eating healthy and exercising daily... being where I am at.

When I think back only 5 months ago at 430 lbs where I was.. then when I think 22 months before at 550 WOW     will be interesting in 6 months time where I'll be. Time changes so much... but it's not only that, it's what you do with that time.... that's what changes.

One thing I know what time will never change is that deep love I have/had for my husband; that part of me will never leave me. He gave me the best gift, by showing me that life and being healthy is worth fighting for, and this is what keeps me going....

Well I had an appointment on Thursday with the dietician, and alls a go ahead in transferring to the 1200 healthy choice.She feels I have the knowledge base in knowing what to do and have been doing it so there is nothing stopping me. She was very impressed with the last few months and loos forward to seeing me in September.  She felt I would be a great asset to others struggling losing weight and controlling diabetes. Hey maybe I should write a book LOL 
I'm looking forward to eating the healthy 1200 cal again because It will cut my carbs as well as sugars. Funny how you get use to watching those things and when forced to follow another diet, which has many more than you are use to, it near kills ya just thinking of putting that much in your body.
Well being down to 340 I almost have that full 30lbs off...I am only off by .8 lbs. Once back on my 1200 cal i know it will drop.
I emailed Dr Ellsmere to update him and ask him concerning my progress and how my surgeries will come into play. At the first of the week I will also fax the same message to make sure he receives it. This is my letter....

Dear Dr Ellsmere,

 

I need to update you on a few things that I feel is important. I have made a promise to myself that my health and anything that is associated with it will never let slide with me ever again.

Since seeing you on February 24^th of this year, I would like to let you know that I have dropped 90 pounds to date. (a total of 210 pounds since Sept '09)

I registered with the Weight loss program on June 14^th and have everything done required of them to proceed with my “one on one” which they informed me will not be until early fall (Sept/Oct)… so I wait for my appointment with them to proceed to the next step.

In the coming 3 months, I will continue with what I have been doing… eating a healthy 1200 cal and exercising. More than likely, I will have more weight off by that time. I now have only 90 pounds to lose before reaching the goal of 250 pounds that you required to have off to have my hernia repaired. Realizing that I could possibly be very close to that goal when I meet the Team, Diana suggested that you just may consider doing both surgeries at the same time. Living with this hernia as well as the peritonitis and two subsequent surgeries not to mention a lot of time that has passed, I myself wonder if that would even be a possibility where the “unknown” lies beneath and that one surgery may be a challenge in itself. Not to underestimate your expertise, I have full confidence in you. I am just saying that whatever extent is below the surface is unknown at this time and although Diana suggested it, I would rather hear your feelings on the subject since you are the surgeon.

You had asked me in your office that day “How committed are you to this” To my health I am fully committed to changing my lifestyle permanently. I feel I am on the right path to make it happen. Having the Weight Loss Surgery I feel will be a great tool to use. I guess things are proceeding so nicely that I feel I am a little ahead of things, and wanted to make you aware of the situation so I can get your feedback on the timeline of surgeries, whether they require a specific time between each one or in fact it possible for the both at once.

I thank you for your time and look forward to hearing from you

 

Melanie Bates.

On Monday as I jumped on the scales and it reading 348.2 it really sunk in...OMG I've lost 200 pounds. Can you imagine carrying 4-50lbs of potatoes everywhere...how in hell did I do it? In the last 2 years with everything that has gone on, I have often heard people say, "you are so strong" .... lol  I guess I was carrying around that much lol yes, I know that wasn't the "strong" they meant but I found it kind of funny thinking about it.
So much has gone on with me and my body, I feel I am definitely in a different place. Alot of hard work changing behaviours and it is a continual thing. I had them for so long that I know that I will have to watch myself and continue reinforcing my behavioural plan. My addiction to food is very similar to an addiction to alcohol, only difference is we need food to live, so there is no total abstinance. I know there are some things I have to divorce and have; my relationship with them was too volitile, but I will survive....I do not need them.

So here's to 200 pounds gone!!! not to be seen again... THANK GOD!!!